I want you to notice when I'm not around

They may have acted otherwise, but deep down, everyone was glad to see Kristen returned to Salem. I know I was. See what craziness she has in store for Marlena and crew in this week's Two Scoops.

I don't know what kind of magic unicorn dust deal DAYS needs to work out to keep Eileen Davidson recurring on the show, but it needs to happen. I'll concede that Kristen is probably too smart and lethal of a villain to rule the whole time. But, man. She makes the show so much better when she's around.

From the second she strolled into that police station, she made everyone around her better. Heck, even Nicole and Sami took a break from throwing wild, inaccurate accusations at each other long enough to volunteer to be in charge of guarding Kristen -- a situation I support with every ounce of my soap fandom.

I loved that Nicole and Marlena were both vying to question Kristen, more so the fact that they both totally thought Hope would let them. (She didn't. Party pooper.)

I had to laugh when Kristen asked, "Does Brady know that I'm here?" with that shoulder tilt and sheepish grin. She's crazy in love. Emphasis on the crazy. And I'm not the least bit mad at her for calling Stefano. If I was in a jam and needed some major strings pulled, I'd call Stefano too. That is, if Victor wasn't available, of course.

The only part that didn't thrill me was Jennifer being misused during Kristen's return. Jennifer was besties with Kristen not that long ago and should have confronted her former friend. But alas, Jennifer was just there to clutch her pearls over Daniel possibly being hurt. I'm going to go ahead and say that these two met their quota of "you almost died!" right around the time when he literally put her heart back into her chest. A little scratch from Kristen? Meh. You guys can do better.

Also, I don't mind Daniel. But even I had a hard time not giving the writers some serious side-eye about having Daniel be the one to bring in Kristen while giving a speech about turning the tables on her to refrains of "oh Daniel, you're such a good man!" from Nicole and Jennifer.

Thank goodness we soon got the E.J./Kristen scenes. Ohh....they did not disappoint! Of course, Kristen dangled Sami in front of E.J. (Metaphorically, with Kristen involved, I feel I need to explain that.) But Elvis Jr. has learned his lesson about siding with Sister Crazy Pants. He's 100% right that his troubles started when he agreed to keep Kristen's crimes a secret. He's not mixing up that drink again.

The other thing that's different now is that Kristen really doesn't have anything with which to threaten E.J. He's lost Sami and his company and is facing jail time. Kristen made a point to say that she never goes after children -- one of the rare points that we can actually trust Kristen on, since it was a miscarriage that preceded her descent into madness. So, I don't think that Sydney or Johnny is in any danger.

But apparently, this DiMera on DiMera betrayal is a big deal now, which makes exactly no sense considering the years that Stefano tortured John under the assumption that John was a DiMera. And, oh yeah, there was that little time when Stefano put Tony in a 20-year time-out on an island and gave Tony's life to Andre. But sure, DiMeras turning on DiMeras is bad news. Let's see where you go with this one, Krissy. (Can I call her Krissy? Probably not.)

E.J. didn't care, as he ran home to tell Sami that he told Kristen to go kick rocks. Sami wasn't ready to forgive that fast. But Sami's having to work hard at sustaining her level of anger at E.J. That's especially difficult with him apologizing and groveling at every turn. Good thing the rest of Salem is there to make sure that Sami stays good and mad!

I was a little disappointed that Hope didn't hesitate in siding with Abigail. Once upon a time, Hope decided she couldn't trust Bo, so she packed up Ciara and moved out of his house. While she was gone, Bo had an affair with Carly. Hope was so hurt when that happened that she needed medication, which caused her to develop a split personality and go around town attacking men. I'm not saying that she should start mixing tar and feathers...

But Hope's not really the issue here. That would be William the no-so Great.

Poor Sonny. He tried to tell Will not to be such a prick. But Will was all, "Nope, I've gotten my one-sided information, and I am running with it, yo!" Okay, sure.

I could pick a slew of things from Will's recent display of asshatery to call out, but two things stand out to me. First, I did the cartoon double take when he said that Sami wasn't the victim in the E.J./Abigail affair. Oh, Will. Remember how mad you were at her for cheating on Rafe? She's the Rafe here. Even fans who think that Sami's gone too far concede that Sami does have the right to be upset.

Second, and most confusing to me, is that Sami's done much worse things in recent history (say, like, I don't know, attempt to dispose of a body only to find that the body wasn't all that dead.) But, nope, now is the time that Will really needs to teach her a lesson. I'm sure it's just a mere coincidence that this is her first scheme in a while that didn't benefit Will.

Side note -- considering Will's new self-appointment to the morality police, I'm seriously worried for Sonny when Will finds out that Sonny got Will the job.

However, for the sake of the storyline, I do appreciate that someone did something to alter Sami's plans. Steamrolling over E.J. and Abigail was coming a bit too easy for her. This is a soap. We need another level to play with. And using Sami's son to do it was interesting. Sami couldn't, and to her credit didn't, respond to Will's scheme with screaming and ranting. She actually seemed genuinely hurt. It was a very well written scene.

Whoever leaked the name to Zoe, I'm glad they did. There's no way that Will's account could be considered fair or balanced (his words -- and an ironic choice at that) without the inclusion of Abigail's name and the fact that she befriended Sami and her children. But something tells me neither of those details was in Will's article. Otherwise, Sami would not have been so hurt.

And I find that move very intriguing. I have a hard time buying Will's justification that he did this all to stop Sami's need for revenge because Will only chastised Sami when she went after Abigail. Sami was far harder on E.J., yet I didn't see Will worry about poor E.J. losing his job at all. It could get very, very interesting if they're grooming Will to be the next "Sami" after Sami leaves.

LOOSED ENDS Raferino could use some advice on how to win women back. Luckily, I'm here to help him. Step 1: Don't repeatedly have drinks with the gal who you got drunk and slept with before.

Not gonna lie, I don't like that Maxine has been reduced to Danifer's #1 cheerleader. I'd rather see her trademark sass thrown into the Anne/Theresa mix. Or maybe it's time for Paige to get a job as a candy striper. Paige can use some toughening up, and Eve/Maxine match might be interesting.

There's an old saying in the theater about not putting a gun on the table in the first act if it's not going to go off in the second. That's kind of where I am with Jordan and Clyde. Neither of them has delivered on whatever secret past they had.

I didn't include Ben in that because, in his short time on-screen, we've gotten to know him a little better. He's clearly protective of his sister and struggling with the fear that he's developing his father's temper. He's also crazy about Abigail, which I could not love more if I tried. There's something about them that I really enjoy.

I got a kick out of Anne's recollection of the "flirting" that transpired between her and Daniel. The idea of Anne with a love life is delightful. But I'd rather it be someone other than Daniel. Roman? Abe? Lucas?

Much as I do love Ericole, this Vatican business should have been wrapped up more than a day before Kristen got back to town. I'm far less interested in seeing Eric individually explain to family members that he opted not to be a priest anymore than I am with seeing him confront Kristen. Also, I kinda don't buy this nonsense about him blaming Nicole. Sorry, padre. Those feelings you had for her were a-brewin' long before she shredded those documents. Remember when you flipped your collar over her relationship with Vargas? Mmmhmm...

HOT Yay for Kayla and Hope scenes! And I'm not saying that just because it was again a small step on the road to Haiden. I genuinely like it when characters maintain friendships they've had for years.

NOT I've gone through the stages of grief over losing E.J. and Sami. But saying goodbye Johnny is going to be a whole other terrible ball of pain. Gawd, I love that kid. I love how he crawls over the back of the furniture in the living room. I love that he manages to say the thing in the room that needs to be said. I love that he adores both his parents and doesn't favor one over the other. I will miss him something fierce when he leaves. #notready

LINE OF THE WEEK Marlena (about Brady): "Please excuse this fool!" Sassy Marlena makes me giggle. But, Mr. T Marlena makes me downright yowl with joy.

SUMMER LOVIN' Before the next installment of the Summer Lovin' series hits the web this week, be sure to check out the second one, Love is lovelier the second (or third, or fourth) time around.

RANDOM THOUGHTS Did Maggie ever find out what Gabi did to Melanie?

I really liked that sculpted topknot thing that Jennifer had going on.

Take note, writers: since casting news comes out about six months before we see any repercussions on-screen, "I think I'm leaving Salem" has less than no effect on us.

Can someone make me one of those GIF thingies of Daniel collapsing in the back of that truck?

I get that Hope is family. But Jennifer might want to check with Abigail first before Jen goes spreading Abigail's private business around.

I have it all worked out in my head. Will's editor, Zoe, and Nicole are old friends from the news world, and Nicole is going to introduce Zoe to Brady any minute now.

Adrienne is too rich of a character to be reduced to the town buttinski. But, alas, every time she shows her face, I miss Bonnie Lockhart a little more. Yup, I've fallen that far.

I'm having @Tony_S_Days add another thing to his list of reasons to love Kristen -- she can go through 36 hours of struggle and not run her hose.

I really want to know how Abigail got her hair to do that cool weave thing in the back.

Loved the high five as Sami and Kate switched places in the living room.

Fun Fact from Alison Sweeney's autobiography -- the first character she played on DAYS was a young Adrienne Johnson, via a flashback. Mind. Blown.

Much as I want to believe Kate when she says, "I've always been an independent woman. I didn't need a man to feel relevant," it's in direct contradiction to her sobbing over Rafe's body, telling him that he saved her soul. Unless of course Kate doesn't see a soul as a necessity to relevance, which could very much be the case.

Think the new Chad will razzle-dazzle us? Sorry. #TheaterDork

I do not think Jennifer knows what the term "beard" actually means.

This is how crazy DAYS taping schedule is: Alison Sweeney has taped her last scene, enjoyed some time off, landed a deal with GH to direct an episode, and directed the episode; that episode aired, and we still have months left of seeing her on-screen as Sami.

And that's it for now! Tony is enjoying some much-deserved time off, so I'll be back next week to see if Eve succeeds in breaking up J.J. and Paige, Jen actually makes it to that show with Aiden, or John moves an eyebrow to let us all know that he's okay. Have a great week!

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