These are the things I could do without

Was everyone in Salem experiencing full moon on a Friday the 13th madness last week? It seemed like it! The town was a hotbed of bad choices, breakups, and shakeups. And ba da ba ba ba I wasn't lovin' it. Find out what all the shouting is about in this week's Two Scoops!

I know it's an off week in Salem when one of the only characters I didn't want to push in the river is Gabi. The argument can probably be made that she wouldn't have made that cut had she not been sent to prison, but I digress. Gabi was on fire the past couple of weeks thanks to Camila Banus' powerhouse performances. In fact, Gabi could really teach some of Salem's elders a lesson, which goes to prove, yes, you can learn a lot from a (not as dumb as I initially believed) dummy.

For starters, take responsibility for your actions. Yes, I'm looking at you, Nicole. If Gabi can come clean, you can, too. I mean, of course, not that Nicole did anything wrong. Nothing, I tell you! It was all God's fault. Or was it Jennifer's fault? No, it may have been Dr. Dan's. In any event, it totally wasn't Nicole. Spoiler alert! Next week Nicole blames the coffee cups at Club TBD, Will's cardigans, El Nio, and Pharrell's big hat for her poor choices. Set your DVRs now.

Second, apologize for your actions. Gabi did this in spades. She legitimately felt bad for what she did. Nicole? Not so much. And neither did Sami or Kate. I believe they sincerely believed they were doing the right wrong thing, but showing a little remorse may help them sleep better at night. Heck. I'd fake the remorse simply to get Marlena off my back, but that's just because I have a low tolerance for smug.

On the contrary, Rafe needs to stop apologizing. Here's something you don't hear me say every day: I feel bad for Rafe. I do. I really do. My heart broke for him last week as he faced saying goodbye to Gabi and dealt with his own guilty conscious. But he shouldn't feel that way. He helped Gabi get a second chance, and he wasn't responsible what she did with it. The Hortons should forgive themselves, too. This "I should have done more for Nick" shtick is tired. Like Gabi, Nick had a second (and third through fifteenth) chance to make things right. He didn't. It's no one's fault but his own that he didn't do more with it, you know, prior to being gunned down.

Third, learn from your mistakes. Gabi made a very mature (and somewhat surprising) choice to spend her time in prison, reflecting on her decisions. She plans to learn how to cope with them and repent. Yep, Nicole could also learn a little something from that Gabi Life Lesson. I'd say there's a message for Brady in there, too, but he hasn't met a mistake, or line of coke, he doesn't like to try again and again.

Fourth, show a little gratitude. Not only was Gabi grateful for the help she received, Rafe was, too. He actually thanked E.J. -- and meant it. I thought that was classy.

Fifth, tie up loose ends. Gabi ensured that Will and Sonny knew her motherly tips on how to care for Ariana Grace, complete with strict instructions not to let Will sing (a hysterically cute moment in the middle of such heart-wrenching scenes). Gabi also made sure that Jordan would be there to take care of Rafe in her absence. Gabs cleared her conscious by admitting all of her misdeeds. And she throw a little love T's way, too.

Sidetrack: That last one totally made the week for me! I adore T. It was nice that Gabi admitted she did ,as well, however too little, too late it was. T appreciated it, but I'm bummed to think of how things might have turned out had they been given a legit go at things. Oh, well. There has to be another gal out there for T. Hopefully one with less homicidal tendencies.

Finally, always have nice hair. That doesn't seem like a life lesson, but it is. I'll let you reflect on that one.

LOOSE ENDS: Holy hang your head in shame, Batman. Cole is a horrible liar. Then again, Bev's plot to frame Paige was a little horrible, too. I mean, I'm sure J.J. would totally break up with Paige for having joints in her purse and totally run back to Bev, who probably smoked two joints at breakfast. Like, totally. Perhaps the writers were doing a little, uh, research on the effects of marijuana and wrote this pot plot while still high.

I kind of like Ben and Abigail together. More so, Ben is growing on me. I like his chivalrous nature, and the way he wasn't afraid to put Julie in her place. Okay, really, that last part scored the most points with me.

I was thinking. It would be best if Mama Hernandez never came to Salem at this point. If a dead daughter; all of Rafe's plights, including his way long hospitalization; and all of Gabi's drama didn't send her running to town to be with her children, I don't think the writers will come up with an event worthy of her dragging her decrepit self to Salem. That's probably for the best, though. I kind of want to tell her off for hanging up on Rafe last week after giving him a guilt trip about Gabi.

In other Rafe has been beaten down by the sorrows of life news, he's gone and told Dr. Dan what happened between Gabi, Melanie, and Andrew. Their bromance is over, and I'm all shades of sad. If you need company to commiserate, I'll join you for a beer, Rafester. Just don't get used to it. I doubt our truce will last that long.

Speaking of drinks, I needed about ten to deal with most of our fair Salemites last week. Okay, here's the thing. One of the things. I know that investigating Nick's murder has been hard on Hope (and Kristian Alfonso has shined during the storyline), but Hope wanted to take the case. So, she needs to suck it up and really lay things on the line when it comes to Julie. I suspect Hope was going easy on her big-mouthed big sister, but last week wasn't a time for treading lightly.

Of course, nothing justifies murdering someone in cold blood. I get that. I also get that Julie is grieving for her fallen cousin, which I suspect is mostly guilt laden, but I digress. Julie needs to learn everything that Nick has done, not just hear that Nick generally did some bad stuff again. It may make Julie think twice before attacking fellow family members and rattling on with the same charm as a blender full of rocks.

I'm beginning to think I need to add a section to the column each week called "Justice Via Julie!" It will be her totally non-hypocritical view on crimes committed in Salem. For example, Trent Robbins deserved to die because he was a bad man, and St. Nick was doing the world a favor, while Nick, who was definitely not a proven murderer, attempted rapist, blackmailing bigot didn't deserve the same fate. Gotcha, Jules.

Marlena also needs to send Julie a thank you card. Had Julie not stepped up to be the hypocritical big mouth she is, Mar Mar would have gotten my lashing this week. Okay. I'm not without compassion. Marlena only wants her daughter to live a very happy, healthy life full of good choices and conservative dress suits like her, but, hot damn! Even when Mar is doing the right thing, she's more irritating than finding sand in your britches after a day at the beach. I think the better approach would be for Marlena to remind Sami about the time she spent in prison after she injected Stefano with a drug cocktail that left him in a catatonic state. Oh, wait...

That doesn't negate that Sami and Kate did something bad. They did. Whoops. Still, I really thought their time in the hot seat together bonded them, but now they're fighting again. I guess old habits die hard. Or do they? Are they up to something together? I'd love this to be true because those two teaming up has been all shades of devilish deliciousness.

Wait! Sami overacts and lashes out? I never caught that. Still, I'm proud of her for not bringing up John and Marlena's affair. There's that.

To end on a high note, I just love me some Wilson. After finding out that Sonny knew about Gabi's misdeeds with Andrew, Will stayed calm, heard out his husband, and they talked it out, only to end with snuggling on the sofa. Yep, I'd say they got this mature relationship in check. Good work, fellows.

HOT Gabi's farewell scenes were incredibly more touching than I ever thought they'd be. You may, or may not, have picked up that Gabi hasn't been one of my favorite characters over the years. I really thought I'd be holding the door open for her and send her out with a quick, "Peace!" Instead, I was a big baby crying along with her loved ones as she was escorted out of the courthouse. The show did a great job of reflecting on her past, especially her long history with Will and Sonny. Ultimately, Camila Banus simply shined and managed to send Gabi out on a high note. Well, you know, as high as that note can be when one's character is being shipped to the slammer. Bravo, Camila!

NOT Do Brady and Theresa actually have a storyline, or are they just hanging out riding the white horse? #overit

LINE OF THE WEEK Victor (to Theresa): "I'm not much for small talk, and I doubt that you have the capacity for it."

Honorable Mentions Gabi (to T, easing his worries that it's okay to hug goodbye in front of the guard): "Well, I can't get into more trouble than I already am." Marlena (to Sami and Kate): "I cannot believe what I'm hearing from you clowns." E.J. (to Rafe): "You look terrible." Rafe (response): "Yeah, well, which is strange because I feel great." LINES OF THE WEAK Last week wasn't a pretty one for several Salemites. Poor word choices had me flabbergasted. In fact, some of our favorites spewed some lines that had me screaming out loud, "Seriously!?" This won't be a regular section, but I had to contain my frustration somewhere. Here we go:

E.J.: "No child should be deprived of the chance to be with her parent." I love you Eej, but, seriously, do you remember 2010? Just asking. Well, I guess he's grown and learned. That's good, right? Kate (to E.J. regarding her and Stefano): "Your father and I are not the kind of people who hold grudges." Brownies, anyone? Should we just ask Jordan her opinion on Kate's inability to let go? Or we could simply ask Stefano about the DiMera/Brady feud over the fact that when he was a child his papa played doctor with postulate Colleen. But, nope. Neither Kate nor Stefano hold grudges. Got it!

Dr. Dan (to Jennifer): "I thought you knew me so well, and now I'm not so sure you know me at all. And, I mean, I guess that means I really don't know you either." Oh, dear lord. Writers: Shut. This. Down. For the love of all things holy in Soap World, shut this down.

Julie (regarding E.J.): "I can't do this if he's in the room!" I'm so glad that Julie took a second out of her attempts to canonize Nick to throw shade at E.J. That was nice. And by "nice" I mean, way to keep it classy, Jules.

RANDOM THOUGHTS Congratulations to Bryan Dattilo and his growing family! Read all about his new addition by clicking here!

Whatever Lauren Koslow's doing, she needs to bottle it up and start selling samples. The lady looked even more amazing than normal last week.

Oh, juicy! Victor keeps tabs on Stefano. Hmm...!

Did I hear the names Philip and Melanie mentioned in the same week!? More so, Dr. Dad said she wants to visit. Yes, please!

That was one big bowl of cereal, Jeannie-T. He's coked out, not stoned.

I wish I could include a side-by-side picture of Marlena and Julie with the caption, "Who Wore Smug Better?" and let you guys decide.

I love that Victor loves Will and Sonny so much. I also love that the writers trot him out every few weeks and let him loose like a verbal firestorm to burn his enemies.

I kind of like surly Rafe sometimes.

Mama Hernandez would make some research scientist a zillion dollars. She seems to have every ailment known to man. Here's my diagnosis: hypochondriac.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of June 16. Are you ready to cheer on Team Days during the Emmys on Sunday? @LaurisaDays and I will be gearing up to live Tweet during the awards, and then she'll be back on Monday with an all new Two Scoops, while I totally will not be nursing a hangover from the Emmy celebration. And, "That's a fact!"

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.