Doctor who?

Chyka threw out more aliases than Sydney Bristow while Dr. Dan acted more like James Bond than an M.D. E.J. and Abigail nearly got caught playing doctor, and Nick is still a certified crazy pants. Plus, J.J. found the right prescription to cure him of Theresaitis! Get all the diagnoses in this week's Two Scoops.

I love Sweeps! Storylines heat up, wind down, and begin. Last week was a good old-fashioned Sweeps showing complete with a Friday cliffhanger. I was a fan.

For starters, J.J. and Theresa finally had a knock-down, drag-out fight. The playing fields are even, thanks to him and his little stoned sidekicks. I loved every minute of his victory. It's been a long time coming. That doesn't mean I suspect Jeannie-T has given up, but it will make her next move all the more interesting. Then again, her next move seems to be onto Brady, or, well, walking beside him off the wagon.

Now, I don't hate the idea of Brady and Theresa, but I don't love it either. That's mostly because I'm still bitter about the casual "Hey, you're not a Brady/DiMera anymore" throwaway explanation we got. But I digress. I'm also a little annoyed with Theresa. Here's why.

I don't mind that she hates Jen. Take a glance at last year's Alex North Memorial Awards and you can see that Jen annoyed us, too, Jeannie-T. Still, two things confuse me about Theresa, and they both revolve around this "poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks" attitude. To begin with, thank you, Abraham Carver, for pointing out that J.J. gets cut as much slack because he's a Horton as she does because she's a Brady. Yes, sir. You are correct! She's Salem royalty, too.

Secondly, and correct me if I'm wrong, but Jeannie's first home was a little shack called Donovan Manor. Manor as in mansion. Big House. Huge estate, etc. Sure, sure. She was young when she lived there. And sure, she moved to L.A. with Kimberly and her mom's fianc, Philip, but the guy was a big shot film producer, so I'm fairly sure they didn't live in squalor. So I suspect Theresa was either a bad girl and had her allowance revoked, or Kimberly made her live in a broken-down van somewhere on skid row. I'm guessing the former is true.

Speaking of guessing about things, Nick is keeping everyone that way. I'm with Sami and Sonny. I'm not buying tickets to the "Nick Has Changed World Tour 2014," either. That's for the better, though. Nick is far more entertaining when crazier than a turkey vulture or his friend Mr. Greetings. Yes, E.J., it is annoying, but so is the character, so roll with us on this one, Eeej.

For argument's sake, Gabi might be crazier than Nick and Mr. Greetings combined right now. I can't believe she let Nick hold Baby Ari. When that happened, I smacked my own forehead and yelled, "Are you kidding me!?" Then I quickly remembered Gabi's knack at making good decisions and shrugged it off. Of course, Gabi wasn't alone last week in making bad decisions...

Turn the dial from hot to cold and step out of the shower, E.J. and Abigail. I get why they're attracted to each other on a purely superficial level. I do. I have working eyes. But I'm not entirely convinced that this affair is what E.J. "I'll Give Up My Kingdom For Sami" DiMera and Abigail "I Just Left the Golden Circle Club" Deveraux would do. It's out of character on many levels.

For Abigail, I understand it more. Let's put it this way, the new sneakers are out of the box, and she wants to go run around the court. Okay, forgive me for that. I couldn't think of a less sleazy way to put that. Anyway, she's hot to trot now and wants to go down to Pound Town. It's like finding a delicious new ice cream flavor you just can't get enough of. But E.J. needs to put up a "sold out" sign and send her on her way. For one, she saw herself in that outfit, and that should be a wakeup call for any self-respecting gal. And two, I can't handle anymore lame Sami and the security guard can't use keys moments. As Balki Bartokomous may say to the writers, "Don't be ridiculous." The week ended with a bang. No, not E.J. and Abigail, but Dr. Dan and company...and a gun! Part of me wishes that Dr. Dan and Nicole had called Hope, Roman -- you know, Eric's dad, or even Marlena -- you know, Eric's mom, who's not averse to drugging people, as Stefano can attest, but, nope, they rode the rescue wagon themselves. I'm still all about them defending Eric's honor, but introducing a few others might help smooth out some kinks.

Anyway, Stefano sent a henchman. That henchman attacked Dr. Dan and Nicole. All the while, Dr. Chyka, whom we learned a lot about, sat tied up and drugged. It escalated into a fight over a gun and bang! It went off and roll credits. D'oh! Nice cliffhanger because I want to know who, if anyone, was shot.

My guess is that it's Dr. Chyka. Nicole was in the hospital a few weeks ago. She fulfilled her monthly obligation to hospital gowns. Dr. Dan is probably impervious to bullets like Superman. And Stefano's henchman's spent too much time working on his flowing locks to let himself get killed. He has a will to live in that mane. So that leaves Chyka, I presume. As they say, dead men tell no tales, but Laurisa will tell all in next week's Two Scoops!

LOOSE ENDS: OMG, Ciara is a little hot mess. No surprise there, though. Still, I did crack up when she said, "See why I hate him?" I guess this Chase kid is a mess, too, but he lacks the crazy eyes Ciara has. Then again, his dad, Aiden, kind of has them, so there's that. He's still not willing to accept any olive branch handed to him by Hope. I give her points for being classy, but she shouldn't rule out just telling him to shut it.

Ugh. Brother Lucky Charms better stop slamming Nicole. I thought all those guys were riding the forgiveness bus. And I don't like his idea that Eric should stay cooped up in a priest prison. Nope. Our boy needs to come home and figure out how to tell God that Nicole is his boo.

Ha-cha-cha! Rafe and Jordan are being acknowledged as boyfriend and girlfriend. I like this! It's nice to see Jordan inching her way out of her shell. She has a cute personality when not all guarded. Of course, her contentment comes at a horrible time because Kate is digging around in Jordan's lockbox. As much as I'm eager to solve the Jordan mystery, I kind of want Kate out of it. With the boatload of Nick drama going on, Kate just seems to be wasting her time in the kiddy pool with this crew.

Props to Lucas and Sheryl! First, I like that a gal has googly eyes for Lucas -- and that he's her first choice. That calls for one round of happy dancing. Second, they brought up the entire "we work together thingy/let's tell H.R." Another good move, and merry shake to the right. And finally, Sheryl didn't go running as Lucas introduced her to his family. As they reek of crazy worse than a frat boy's Axe body spray, I'd say that's a good sign for Lucas's love life. Let's dance!

HOT Score one for J.J.! I adore him and his band of misfit toys. They're like the little stoner underdogs that could. J.J.'s excitement was contagious. I'm sure his rush of victory won't last long, given the way Theresa glared at him, but I'm going to join the 420 gang for one of their awkward, yet complex, rounds of high-fives. Good work, team! Now lay off the pot.

NOT I'm sick of Adrienne the busybody. They need to give her Brady's job at Titan. That would let her flex her awesomeness against foes in the boardroom rather than gossiping and ringing her hands in the town square. She could even battle it out with Kate, you know, who also needs to stop being a busybody.

LINE OF THE WEEK Victor (to Nick): "I thought you were New York's problem."

RANDOM THOUGHTS I'm fairly convinced Brady and Theresa are set to become Salem's very own Sid and Nancy. That could be fun.

Dr. Dan's apartment has more parties than Club TBD, and better lighting and less kids sipping cocoa, too.

I'm with you Baby Ari. I liked Nick's scarf, too.

Sheryl is a little dopey, but I like her so far.

Something dawned on me the other day. We all give Dr. Dan smack for being a manwhore, yet Stefano has six kids to six different women (not to mention his countless affairs and adopted/foster children). On the vein of my "T for President" t-shirt, I think we need to market another one with an image of Stefano smoking a cigar that reads, "The Original Manwhore." Just saying.

Rory's brother, Kurt, kind of reminded me of Casey Deidrick.

I liked Dr. Chyka's house. It's very homey, you know, for a bad guy's lair.

Wow! Mary Beth Evans looked even more amazing than ever last week.

Ha! I could watch the E.J. and T show all day. Funny stuff.

E.J. drinks Scotch. I knew I loved him for a reason.

Damn. They have big showers in Salem.

Nicole telling Dr. Chyka, "Yes, you do, fat face," was hysterical.

The priest who talked to Hope and Aiden kind of reminded me of an SNL/Phil Hartman sketch.

Why I love Kristen Example 6,001: Baby's heading back to Salem! Yes. Yes, please. And hell yes! Read all about it by clicking here!

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of February 10. With that, Laurisa will be back Monday because I'm off to prepare for Kristen's arrival this summer. Since I haven't seen her since I helped her escape she left town, I have a long to-do list that she may or may not have sent me. I already have an extra key for the secret room made, and her wardrobe has been sent to the cleaners. That leaves me with finding another shady doctor now that Chyka is tied up, another set of false buckteeth, and a new flash drive. Wish me luck! And "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

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