Seduction and scandal

Strippers, seduction, and sex, oh, my! Nicole and Vargas got unholy on sacred grounds. Brady was distracted by office sex. And to avoid an even bigger scandal, Dr. Dan, Rafe, and Brady bared (nearly) all and shook their money makers onstage to help Cameron. Plus, while Nick talked more trash, Kristen went dumpster diving. Get all hot and bothered in this week's Two Scoops!

I like artsy, independent films. You know, the ones that make you think and feel. Yep, sometimes I can be deep, but don't spread that around.

With that said, I also love to cut loose and watch the "summer blockbuster" type stuff, too. There's no thinking or feeling involved. Heck, most of the time you can just laugh at the crazy plot twists and be wowed by special effects. It's brain candy, and candy is good.

DAYS was like the latter last week. It was a fun, silly ride that was actually a nice little happy place after a dark few weeks in the real world. Plus, several studly Salemites got half naked. Nope. Nothing wrong with that. Let's discuss!

CAMERON, ANNE, and COMPANY Picture it. Salem, 2025. Jennifer and Abigail are sitting in the Horton living room. Abigail says, "Ma, remember that time when our boyfriends stripped onstage beside each other, and you stuffed dollar bills into mine's undies?" I'm getting the warm-fuzzies already.

So, truth be told, the writers actually shocked me with this storyline. No, I'm not talking about the surprise stripping studs onstage. I'm talking about the core of the storyline. That was that everyone helped Cameron because they loved Lexie and Lexie loved him. Good move, writers, good move, because I'm not sure how to say I don't care about Cameron yet in a nice way, but I do know I love Lexie and, because of that, I didn't mind all the cheesetatic action. Was it the bestest storyline ever? Not so much, but it was amusing, and I'll take amusing over Nick or Safe any day.

I'll also take a boatload of Maxine any day. I loved seeing her royal sassiness in the middle of so much hilariously snarky drama. She kept cracking me up. And so much Maxine time made me think the writers are actually listening to fans who want to see her more often. If they are listening, text me, writers. I have a wish list.

Believe it or not, I have some more praise for this storyline, despite the stretchmarks it left on my suspension of disbelief. I have cocoa butter for that, so it's okay. Anyway, I loved that it got a lot of the cast involved. I adored that it gave the actors a chance to cut loose and have fun with the material. And I appreciated that in the middle of all the campiness and pelvic thrusting, we even got some tender moments like the one between Sami and Caroline. Oh yeah, and as if I needed another reason to love Lexie, she was the one who hired Maxine. So, let's give this storyline a congratulatory slap on the rear and send it quickly to the showers.

While this storyline is basking in some Two Scoops praise, two question remains. One, if Celeste owed money to someone, why didn't she just sell her hat collection? At the very least, she could have used her psychic abilities to predict winning lottery numbers. I kid, I kid. We all know she couldn't accurately guess how many eggs were in a carton of one dozen eggs.

The other question is a bit trickier. That is, what is Anne's real problem? I've Scooped about this before, and I need a little more to go on other than she just hates the Hortons. Granted, Anne does have some valid points. I'd be frustrated, too, if someone had quit their job several times and came back, especially if I was promoted and then demoted because of that. But Anne's also an accomplished schemer who helped Chloe, so, nope, I don't feel bad for her.

Still I'm morbidly curious about what kind of trouble Anne will cause next. Despite it all, I like Meredith Scott Lynn's take on the role. She plays a vindictive bitch very well. And yes, that was a compliment.

JOHN, KRISTEN, and BRADY I haven't seen people so embroiled over a jersey since Clairee Belcher's color commentary discussing whether or not the team uniform tops were grape or aubergine. Kristen ended the debate by putting the moves on Brady. Well, what can I say? Thanks, Kristen.

All in all, this gang was aghast because John is playing games with Kristen to ultimately get her away from Brady. I get that John wants to help. Yep, I do. However, if he wants to spare Brady some heartbreak and reconcile with his son, won't seducing his fiance make things a bit pricklier?

What John really needs to do, well, besides send apology notes to Marlena, Maggie, myself, and Roman, is just do the old-school trap and tape. Get Kristen in a room with a recording device of some sort and play it for Brady. Granted, that didn't work for Mar Mar, but John has umpteen years of spy suaveness to fall back on. You know, if he remembers that part of his life. Stefano has scrambled his brains a few times, after all, so I'm not entirely sure what's going on up there. In any event, John needs either a new plan or to tell us what his plan is so we don't keep considering him a grade-A d-bag.

THE ENVELOPE and COMPANY Whereas Brady and Ciara's talk was ber cute, I have a bone to pick with the writers. Brady is not her uncle. He's neither Bo nor Hope's sibling. He's Bo's half-sister's son. He's also sort of related to Bo through the Brady family, since John is technically part Brady thanks to Colleen and her hankering for gaudy mustaches, but since the writers forgot about that, I'll fake amnesia, too. And ultimately, I'll let this one slide. Saying, "Hey Ciara, it's your Paternal Half-Cousin Brady" doesn't have the same ring, I guess. So, I'll move on.

Ciara certainly showed her feisty side by lashing out at Hope over Bo's invisibleness. Yep, Little C, we feel your pain. We miss Bo, too. But to break it down, her tantrum was a tool to bring Brady into her orbit, since she has the envelope. You know which envelope I'm talking about -- it's gotten more airtime than Roman and Abe combined the past few weeks. Since May Sweeps begins next week, I'm not overly annoyed concerned anymore. I suspect the picture will fall into someone else's hands soon.

Of note, if said picture does come out, I'm still not counting Kristen out. She's a DiMera. Yes, the picture looks bad, but couldn't she just tell Brady that Sy was blackmailing her and she had to give him money, or else he would come back to hurt him again? Brady's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He'd bite. And without Sy in town (thank you, Stefano!), I'm sure she could pull that one off. Or she could just distract him with sex again. That's a proven method. And if nothing else works, I'm sure Stefano still has some brain-erase equipment lying around the old basement laboratory.

ERIC, NICOLE, and VARGAS Well, I think the real loser in all this is Vargas. He's been in jail for ten years without any play that I care to know about, got out, found a smoking hot vixen, and got tackled at the ten yard line when his lady called out a priest's name in bed. Sorry, bud.

So, Eric was a little upset that Nicole and Vargas were, um, not praying in his office. He actually blew up and wraith'ed Nicole, just not in the same way Vargas was planning to, uh, wraith her. Anyway, Eric was mad, Nicole was mad, Vargas ended up mad at Nicole, and Father Matt questioned Eric about his madness. It wasn't a happy bunch of ex-cons and padres last week, folks.

In the end, Eric and Nicole decided they're going to be best friends forever. They didn't get matching friendship bracelets yet, but I have a feeling their old feelings will continue to plague them. Whereas I'd like to see Vargas stick around, I'm more interested in him getting back to his tormenting Nick routine and letting the praying go to Nicole and Eric.

NICK, GABI, and COMPANY Lordy, lordy, thank you, lordy -- I only had to deal with Nick and Gabi for one day last week! That made me a happy Scooper. And, unsurprisingly, Nick gave Gabi more trash talk about how no one -- no one -- other than him can be trusted. Hope was last week's target. I'm just curious what Nick thinks about the local dry cleaner. He would probably tell Gabi that he once saw Will's third cousin's podiatrist in there, and so the dry cleaner can't be trusted, either. Shut up, Nick.

WILL and COMPANY Oh, you silly Salemites. Did they really, really think Stefano wouldn't see through their pleasantries and know they wanted something? Bo Jackson may have known football, baseball, and basketball, but Stefano knows scheming.

Of course, I'm totally down for Stefano being involved. Nick might be flippant with Kate and, well, everyone else, but I don't think he'll be so arrogant if he knows Stefano is in it to win it. Something tells me Stefano's kindness to Will won't come without a pricetag, but I'll float Will a few bucks if that means knocking Nick down a few pegs.

Also involved with this storyline now is -- drumroll, please -- Adrienne! Yes, yes, and hell yes! Sonny went to pump her for information about Nick and Gabi's comings and goings, and she basically said she wanted in. She'll help. I repeat, "Hell yes!" More Adrienne in a storyline is never, ever a bad thing.

LOOSE ENDS: I was glad to see Rafe and Kate have a deep, meaningful talk about their feelings. Oh, wait! She handed him money, and they went to bed. Role reversal? I dunno, but they hit the sheets again. New to report: not much. Moving on!

I'm glad that Jen and Big Red made up. Having them fighting was uncomfortable. Although having them talk about Dr. Dan's love life is also a bit unnerving. Regardless, yay for happy reconciliations!

You know, if I knew nothing of Jack or what's been going on the past several months with Jennifer, Dr. Dan, and Chloe, and just saw Dr. Dan and Jennifer's scenes last week, I'd think they are an endearing couple. Shawn Christian and Melissa Reeves do have a special brand of rom-com chemistry. Sadly, I remember, so seeing them cute and cuddly may take a while. Uh, a long while.

Speaking of Jennifer, she mentioned that she was going to set up Parker's train set in J.J.'s room. Two things sprung to my mind. One, doesn't the Horton house have more than three bedrooms? And two, aren't Parker and J.J. around the same age? I'm sure J.J. would love to play with trains, too. Wait! He was born in 2004. That makes him about thirty-something now, right?

HOT Maxine running with dollar bills in hand; Adrienne joining Team Bring Nick Down; a lot of Abe time; more Will, Sonny, and T time; and Kristen in a dumpster all in one week. I'll take it! Even small victories can be pretty hot. Plus, kudos to Shawn Christian, Galen Gering, and Eric Martsolf, whose forty-something abs were just as smoking as Nathan Owen's twenty-something ones!

NOT I get that Rafe and Sami have a long history together. I do. But I could do without anyone -- even my gal, Kristen -- bringing it up for a long, long time. By "long time," I mean never again. And thankyouverymuch, dear writers.

P.S. John -- don't be a jerk to Maggie. We get that she can be annoying at times, but her heart is usually in the right place while your head is in your, well, just be nice. And that's a fact.

LINE OF THE WEEK Maxine (to Jennifer and Abigail after being left out of their plans): "Is this about my bad attitude, because I really do have spirit."

Honorable Mentions Kate (to Nick): "While I am impressed by your work, I also can't stomach the sight of you." Abigail (to Maxine): "I kinda can't believe the hospital is ran by a guy named 'Mr. Burns.' Is he creepy, nuclear, and all-powerful?" Caroline (to Sami, on the DiMera donations helping out patients at the hospital): "And customers for all the people the DiMeras have offed."

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK Kristen: "Yeah, I know. My sister was perfect, and I'm just never going to measure up. Then again, you'd have no idea about that, would you, Sami?" Sami: "Is this your idea of us bonding?"

RANDOM THOUGHTS Oh, oh! I got another get rich scheme in the works. I'm going to sell "Butt Out Big Red" t-shirts. Sorry, Maggie, but you stand to make me a boatload of bucks. John already has one preordered in the extra-douchebag size.

Could Chad and Theo be any more adorable together!? The answer is no. No, they can't.

Holy blast from the past, Batman! Kristen brought up Neil Curtis to Maggie. I can't tell you why just yet, but that's a bit ironic.

Yep. I really think Maxine needs her own talk show.

Abe looked dashing in his spring suit.

I needed Vargas around at my last job. I hated doing mail merges.

Nicole's lingerie was a bit off. With legs like hers, I'm not sure the pants were a right fit. It was like the mullet of lingerie -- part party and part conservative.

Seeing Theo and Ciara last week made me feel old. They're really growing up fast! It seems like only yesterday we were voting on Ciara's name and now she's a little diva.

Aw, Nicole opened up about Fay! Methinks Valerie Wildman needs to make another ghostly appearance, or better yet, come out of the Witness Protection Program where Fay's been hiding. I can dare to dream, right!?

Of course Caroline has a Facebook page! If I were Mark Zuckerberg, I'd be a little worried. Girlfriend has skills and could probably out-program him.

More T, please!

For a second I was jealous when Nick declared he'd be working from home whenever he wanted to. Then I realized it's a sunny day and I was writing this week's column in my backyard. Whoops.

Why I love Kristen Example 5,648: She even makes dumpster diving hysterical.

TWO SCOOPS BLOGS! If you haven't checked out our April blog celebrating National Sibling Day, it's not too late. Simply click here! In the meantime, Laurisa and I are hard at work on our May blog, and we're also working ahead on a series of summer blogs that are sure to stir up some trouble. I can't give the theme away yet, but we promise they'll be scandalous. Hmm!

2013 DAYTIME EMMYS! Don't forget, this year's Daytime Emmy nominees will be revealed this week! Be sure to check out Soap Central for all the latest developments by clicking here. And also be sure to get out your big "I Heart DAYS!" foam fingers because with such a talented cast, I'm sure we'll get some nominations to celebrate! Go Team DAYS!

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of April 29! While I'm busy washing off stripper oil, Laurisa will be back soon to cover the first week of May Sweeps. Will it be as revealing as last week? Stay tuned to find out, and "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

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