In search of lost time

Sorry, Paris, but nothing is quite like Salem in the springtime! Dr. Dan and Jennifer swarmed like the birds and the bees, which stung Chloe. A fight with John blossomed into a proposal for Brady. And Sonny 'sprung' into action when Nick spewed more of his hate. Alas, Sonny is the least of Nick's problems this season as an old foe is back in Salem and is looking for a little comeuppance!

Laurisa and I recently teamed up to do a "Soap Clich" blog about some general storylines that need to be straightened up. As I watched DAYS last week, I couldn't help but think there are some specific ones that could also use some spring cleaning as well. So, grab your Pledge and dust rag, and let's discuss what was shinny and spotless last week, and what needs to be spruced up.

BRADY, KRISTEN, JOHN, and MARELNA Grab your champagne and hold onto your false teeth because Kristen is officially rearing up for another wedding. That's right. She and Brady are officially engaged. She won this round. Or did she?

I'm convinced now more than ever that Brady and/or Brady and John are setting up Kristen. I know John is working on a little something-something. He wouldn't tell me what, though. And he wouldn't tell Marlena, either, which made them fight yet again. Ugh.

I love that John loved Brady so much, but he needs to let go of his Marlena madness. After all, they literally fought the devil and won. Is her keeping the truth from him because he was too stubborn to listen such a big deal after that? Methinks no.

The truth is, despite my love for Kristen, I'd be on her side, anyway, as John and Brady are both being little bitches right now. It's almost Easter, so John really needs to get off the cross and make room for the big J.C. And I can't even keep up with all of Brady's temper tantrums. Those Black boys really need to see a shrink. Too bad neither of them is talking to Marlena.

SAMI and COMPANY I laughed when Sami basically told Will that his actions will come back to haunt him, just as hers have with him. It's true. Little Ari is going to be a hot mess someday. Sadly, she'll probably be able to push Will around, as the dude never seems to learn how to stick up for himself. But I digress.

Sami wants to enlist Stefano's help in bringing Nick down. Sure! Why not? Stefano might not be the best influence, but he's sure to be an entertaining one. I just hope their plan succeeds because I can't imagine a world where the combined forces of Sami, E.J., Stefano, and even Lucas couldn't bring down a crazy ex-con with a penchant for popping pills, murder, and kidnapping. That's like amateur hour for that combined lot.

SONNY, NICK, GABI, and WILL For starters, Uncle Father Eric needs to have a talk with Will. The good padre seems to know the Bible well and needs to teach his nephew "God helps those who help themselves." Will's whiny streak is on my last nerve.

With that said, I'm still for Sonny working with E.J. Will was a much more interesting character when he orbited Planet Elvis. I have no doubt it would spruce up Sonny's character as well. So, yes, please!

Next, I'm just going to come out and say it -- I'm glad Sonny decked Nick. I don't condone violence. I usually think everything can be talked out. But -- big but -- if someone is going to get smacked around a bit, it might as well be the town's biggest bigot. Just saying.

More so, I like this new feistier side of Sonny's personality. I'm just a little disappointed that Will's feisty side still seems to be missing in action. When Will was a teen, he was rather whiny, and I thought he'd outgrown that. Nope. Not so much. It becomes even more disappointing when you realize Will is Sami's son and Kate's grandson. Perhaps if he doesn't have a pair of his own, he can borrow some family jewels from one of them.

As for Gabi, well, she gives me motion sickness. When she kept questioning Nick's motives, I actually cheered her on. I even thought for a moment she was wising up. As it turns out, her moment of coolness lasted about as long as her honeymoon, and the rest of her actions just made me want to throw up.

I don't have the time (and by "time" I mean energy) to list why Gabi is a moron, but I'll leave you with one special gem. Gabs stated that aside from Sami, Will's entire family has been good to her. Yah, that Sami was a real bitch to her, especially when planning her wedding and supporting her when Sami found out Gabi was pregnant. Oh, wait! Methinks Gabi's just a little jittery around people who are willing to call her out on her crap. I bet she'd soil herself if she saw Sami and Chad walk into a room together. You know, if Nick allows her out of his sight.

ERIC, NICOLE, and VARGAS Mystery solved! If I ever get stumped when figuring out what to buy someone for a special occasion, I'm going to call Eric. I mean, really, anyone who gives a pregnant underage girl a bottle of wine for a wedding gift is certainly tuned in. Oh, right. It has a special spiritual meaning behind it. My bad. But I do suggest that next time he buys her a pack of condoms and some self-help books. Anyway...

Mr. Vargas is in the house. He even had his shirt off because, you know, it was hot in the rectory. That wasn't a complaint. And Nicole certainly wasn't complaining either. I actually don't mind that he's being put into the Nicole/Eric mix, especially if that means Nicole will end up mixing things up with Nick. Sorry, I'm a sucker for anyone who's out to get that bigoted psycho.

Just how psycho Vargas will turn out to be has yet to be determined. He has his sights set on Nick, that's for sure. Again, I can't really say I mind. In fact, I have a dork-sized duffel bag and a roomy trunk if Vargas wants to borrow my car. I kid. I kid.

In any event, Vargas would be an interesting character to see stick around for a while, so I hope he doesn't do anything that makes him too unredeemable. Then again, nearly half of Salem has done some pretty awful things and are still around to scheme another day -- yes, I'm looking at you, Ms. Nicole. So, Vargas might be fine after all.

CHLOE, DR. DAN, and JENNIFER In case you didn't know, Dr. Dan and Jennifer are in love, y'all. They know it. Maggie does, too. Nancy knows. So does Nicole. Kristen is onboard. Abigail understands and has the t-shirt. Sadly, the Chlomiester didn't get the memo, and if she did, she certainly can't read it. And that's a bit frustrating.

The upsetting part is Chloe was once a bright girl. She even sobbed to Nancy about her past. Sure, I understand that going from Ghoul Girl to a glammed-out hooker must have her pretty mixed up inside, but the writers are destroying Chloe's likeability. No sad story in the world can make me feel that bad for a person who's been directly told the guy'ss just not into her.

I say, let Chloe go completely bat shit crazy. A little psychotic breakdown never hurt anyone. It would save Chloe from simply looking like a pathetically delusional dumbbell, and give Nadia something new to work with. Have Chloe toss a rabbit in a stew pot, or bake some of Kate's brownies for Jennifer. It might be a way to ultimately redeem Chloe. Maybe.

As for Jennifer and Dr. Dan, they did the deed after a series of misfortunate conversations where they pretty much said the same thing repeatedly. This type of storyline might have worked on the first season of 90210 while the gang were still in high school, but I have a hard time believing a surgeon and a celebrated former reporter have such a hard time communicating like adults. I'll cut Chloe some slack, as I'm pretty sure her tight dresses cut off oxygen to her brain.

Sadly, the most enjoyable part of this storyline last week was Nancy and Nicole's catty comments to each other. I'll take two of my favorite schemers smacking each other with snark over watching Dr. Dan figure out another way to tell Chloe he's not interested any day. Sure, sure. It was a little mean of Nicole to ask Nancy, "How is that out-of-your-league husband doing anyway?" but it was funny enough that I forgive her. Actually, I forgive her especially since she used the term "tramptastic pursuit" to explain Chloe's attempts to land Dr. Dan. Sad but true, Ms. Walker.

ABIGAIL and CAMERON Is it sad I'd rather watch Abigail in a Dominos tournament than Chloe/Dr. Dan/Jen scenes these days? Heck, I'd even settle for another book club meeting at this point. But I digress, and I'll hold onto the hope that Abigail will be getting a more involved storyline soon. You see, Cam's got a secret.

Actually, it looks like Cam has a big secret. And that secret involves a wad of cash and a mysterious man sent to snatch it up. I can't say that I'm overly vested, mostly because NuCam and I haven't really found our footing yet (him being shirtless is certainly helping, though), but I'll bite.

However, my willingness comes with a warning, dear writers. We've seen doctors drown in gambling debt several times in the past. SEE: Neil Curtis and Dr. Baker. Give Cam something new to stew over. Perhaps he's paying off a shady detective who helped him track down Celeste after he escaped the clutches of his mystery father. Maybe he owes someone child support. Or, could it be he's being blackmailed by someone? I don't know! But I'll be a little bummed if this turns out to be another Golden Circle disaster.

ANNE I've worked with people like Anne before -- the type that are bitter hags just because they're generally miserable people. They're annoying, but generally harmless. The entire "bark is worse than their bite" thingy.

So, I don't mind Anne as much as most, but I wish they'd do a little digging into her past to explain where her crankiness is coming from. Was her family impoverished because a Horton got a promotion one of her parents didn't? Did a Brady arrest one of her loved ones? Did a Horton kill her puppy when she was a kid? I see a lot of her and need a little more to work with at this point, dear writers.

Oh, oh! And now Anne's expanded her hate to the Brady family. Yep, this chick definitely has some issues. Maybe she could see a psychiatrist. I hear Dr. Laura Horton is available. Oh, snap!

LOOSE ENDS: I really thought that Chad -- oh, wait! -- Chad wasn't on last week. What's up with that, writers? I mean, I know it would be hard to work a DiMera, whose best friend is Will Horton, into any of the major storylines right now, but they may want to try.

I usually like Eric and Brady scenes, but the ones last week were a little off. On one hand, I'm glad Brady can open up to Eric. Brady certainly needs all the guidance he can get. On the other hand, Eric's words are a bit suspect, since he pretty much hates everything Brady is doing right now. Well, at least he's honest about it, but I couldn't help feeling a little let down by their conversation.

On the other hand, I'm a sucker for Jennifer and Kristen scenes. Out of all her relationships, I sincerely believe that Kristen values her friendship with Jennifer. I think Jen reminds her of the woman she once was. It's also pretty amusing to watch Kristen dial down her scheming instincts and try to go light on coaching Jen on playing hardball with Chloe. More, please!

I love me some Big Red, but Maggie needs to stay out of her son and niece's love life. She's made her point. They get it. We all get it. I know she's trying to help, but it's coming across a little Mrs. Bates. Norman, er, Dr. Dan will be just fine without her constant meddling. In the meantime, she should stick to mentoring Brady, or, hey, doesn't see have several businesses to run? Maybe she could adopt a new pet cause and hire Vargas at Chez Rouge or the day spa. As long as no one makes a sudden move around him with a sharp object, that should work out splendidly.

HOT I love that months later, EJami is still going strong! I also love that Sami is back in the scheming game, but this time there's a new twist to an old standard -- she's still scheming for a man, but this time, that man's her son. Plus, there's the added bonus that she has E.J.'s support, which is a first for Sami to have a guy who loves her at her side during her crusade to bring someone down. Welcome back, Schami Gene!

NOT So, John should technically get this "Not" because of saying things such as "I don't owe you anything" to Marlena. That was a douchey thing to say. But, John's been kind of a douche lately, so that's to be expected. With that, this ominous honor goes to Marlena herself for telling Roman to take a hike. At least she was polite and buttered him up first, but do we really need another reason for Roman to be absent? Not cool, Mar Mar. Not cool.

LINE OF THE WEEK Will (to Sami, regarding moving into the DiMera Mansion after shooting E.J. there): "Are you at least gonna swap bedrooms?"

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK Chloe and Maggie chat about Dr. Dan and Jennifer Chloe: "There's always one thing or another with them." Maggie: "Yes. There is. It's you. Or, um, you!"

RANDOM THOUGHTS Dr. Dad and Parker scenes are always totally cute!

Stefano is in Chicago? Seriously!? I hope this trip doesn't last as long as his European tour.

I loved Marlena's casual wear! That blue leather jacket and jeans were a nice look, especially since she wasn't wearing those black gloves.

Having worked on the seventh floor of an office building for over two years, I'm impressed by the speed of Salem's elevators. There never seems to be a wait.

Something tells me that watching the Shopping Channel with Nancy would be a ton of fun.

Vintage Kristen and John flashbacks? Yes, please!

Hey, Jen! When you begin spring cleaning the cabin, start by removing the fall wreath from the door. Thanks!

Chloe might have an easier time pushing around that stroller if she wasn't wearing six-inch hooker heels. Just saying.

I just realized Salem is a pretty green city. Everyone seems to walk or take public transportation. Hmm, maybe there's something to NBC's "The More You Know" campaign after all.

I'd like to go to Smith Island someday.

Why I love Kristen Example 5,645: Unlike Carrie and Belle, Kristen seemed genuinely excited to be able to call Sami her sister. Well, in her own crazy, eccentric Kristen kind of way. In any event, Kristen and Sami in the same house might turn out to be all shades of hysterical!

10 SOAP CLICHS WE'D LOVE TO SEE RETIRED! As mentioned in my intro, Laurisa and I teamed up to blog about some soap clichs we'd like to see spring cleaned. Click here to read Part One and then head over to Part Two. As always, be sure to add your two cents in the comment section, or Tweet us with your thoughts!

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of March 25! Laurisa will be spending some time with Bo in the other room next week, so I'll be back to serve up all your Scooping needs. And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving and all out randomness

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