Will Horton and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Nick's dastardly plan makes Will look like real a fool. Sami and E.J. make their case for supercouple status. Nancy returns to Salem, hating Hortons just as much as ever. And Kristen and Brady christen the DiMera mansion. Find out more in this week's Two Scoops.

It's a full week into March and feels like February Sweeps is still going. We picked up right where we left off with that wonderful group scene (I'm a sucker for those!) with Nick showing his butt to everyone and a whole mess of Salemites trying to keep Will from signing away his parental rights. The week got even better from there! Let's check it out.

NICK and THE DOCUMENT Make no mistake, while I'm about to embark on paragraphs of frustration, I am locked in to this storyline. I opted to watch DAYS over the primetime recordings on my DVR last week. The Wabi baby was a big reason. I can't think of the last time that the younger set's story sparked this much passion!

For example, I'm passionate about wanting to punch Nick right in the nose. I give Sami credit for doing the unselfish thing and offering to sign a document forbidding her to come near the baby. But it didn't work. Unfortunately, there isn't a document that she could sign that would make Will not gay. And that's Nick's problem.

I'll give Nick this -- he's done a lot with virtually nothing. He doesn't have the deep pockets of a DiMera, nor Nicole's scared girl schtick, yet he still managed to get solid proof and capitalize on it. That's got to be some kind of soap record.

Still, the dude makes my skin crawl. Good on Blake Berris for completely devoting to the role. But frankly, I'm just beyond impatient with bigots. So, allow me to channel my anger to a target that's worth my time.

WILL Stop the fan bus. I want off. Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to feel sorry for Will, and part of me did. But if a character can't stand up for himself, then I have a hard time standing up for him.

I couldn't believe that Will just hung his head and mumbled, "Well, my family is a mess." Um, you know what Will? You live in Salem, buddy. Wake up and look around! Your parents are actually a lot more together than others. Go talk to Uncle Philip about his mom, dad, and embryo mom if you don't believe me. Enough with the Eeyore impression!

I apologize if I sound like I'm attacking the victim here. But Will was such a strong character last year, and I want that Will back. Martyr Emo Will does not work for me on any level. Get it together, man! I know you can do it!

GABI Another reason that I'm only about 97% on my Nick hate is my extreme annoyance that Nick was strategically brought on to make Gabi look better by comparison. I just can't with this girl anymore.

The too-stupid-to-blame thing may fly with some, but Nick's shown his true colors to Gabi too many times now for her to brush these things off at this point. What part of Nick's ultimatum to Rafe could possible make Gabi think, "Back off, ladies! That's the one that I want!"

And she needs to check that instant diva 'tude she pulled with Kate as well as when Rafe mentioned reading Nick's file. Gawd, Gabi! I'm siding with Rafe here! See what you've made me do?!

Granted, no one's told her about Will yet. How she reacts to it will determine if she can add another thread to the one she's hanging on by now.

SONNY Poor Sonny basically had to put together a PowerPoint presentation to make Will see the light. I want Sonny to keep after it. Even if I believed that the agreement Chad and Nick signed is legal, there's nothing in it that says Sonny can't call up his old buddy Melanie or at least encourage Will to have a conversation with her.

Or, better yet, Sonny can let Kate find out about Gabi! Kate and Sonny are becoming one of my favorite on-screen pairings, mainly because it's a nice treat for Kate to like one of her offspring's significant others. Please, please, tell Kate everything! Oh, and I'll take more Sonny and Kate scenes too!

LUCAS Had he not been upstaged by a certain ex (we'll get to Sami later), Lucas would have been a lock for my "Hot" this week. I used an ungodly amount of exclamation points and typed all of my notes about him LIKE THIS BECAUSE I WAS SO PROUD OF HIM. His highlights included: 1. Pointing out that Will signing those papers is not good for Will's daughter. 2. Consoling Sami when she was trying to assume all of the blame for Nick blackmailing Will. 3. Best of all, playing the Tom Horton card right on Nick's sorry head. Indeed, Dr. Horton would be ashamed of Nick. Preach, Brother Lucas!

JENNIFER, DANIEL, and CHLOE During a recent phone chat with my mom, she told me that best part about this storyline is seeing what hairstyles they give to Abigail and Jennifer. Chloe always has the same hairstyle, so that is of little interest. Ha! As much as I'd like to leave it at that, I guess I'll expand a little more.

I've backed off my anger at Jennifer for wanting Daniel to cut Chloe out of his life. It's still an impossible task, but now that Chloe attacked Abigail, I get Jennifer's outrage.

Likewise, my first note about Daniel last week was, "Daniel obviously needs to look up Nancy's HR records at the hospital because homeboy is completely snowed." Again, Jennifer's anger was justified. She just needs to stop reacting like Laura Ingalls after a run-in with Nellie Oleson.

And then there's Chloe. I just don't why she would even want Daniel after he told her she's not to walk on the same side of the street at Jennifer? And the "you're still here" line has never been known to make girls swoon. I'm actually not mad at Daniel. Good for him for being clear with Chloe. But can't Chloe find someone else who actually wants to be with her?

Finally, Anne's whole purpose on the show last week was to let Chloe know that Daniel and Jennifer weren't sitting by each other at study hall, but then made up at lunch. As long as Daniel and Jen don't make it Facebook official, Anne totes thinks Chloe has a chance.

NANCY Nancy arrived, and I instantly liked her more than anyone else in this storyline. I loved that she warned Chloe about losing weight. Such a mom thing to do! And, I was pleasantly surprised to hear her tell Chloe that there's no guarantee that Daniel will love Chloe just because he doesn't love Jennifer. I just hope Nancy's plan to make Daniel think that she's on his side doesn't pit Maggie against Nancy. Red on red crime is never good.

ABIGAIL, CAMERON, and CHAD I loved that Cameron said that he hoped Chloe was missing teeth for what she did to Abigail.

Was it just me, or did Cameron's phone call sound like it came from someone other than either Abigail or the hospital?

Why isn't Chad over in the Gabi storyline where he belongs?

That is all.

ERIC I'm going to chalk up last week as an off week for the padre. How else can we understand him firing up the Rafe Zeplin band for an encore performance despite the fact that a few days ago, sloppy-drunk Rafe showed up at the church, looking to dirty up Nicole's martini? And how is Eric going start a ministry for criminals if he doesn't believe that all people can change?

But the biggest irritant here is that for the first time ever, Sami's got a successful career, a healthy relationship with one baby daddy, and a happy romance with the other. She's even getting along with Marlena! It seems like Father Eric should pick up on some of that and start giving thanks for the blessings in Sami's life right now. He's into that sort of thing, right?

KRISTEN and BRADY I didn't realize how much I missed the DiMera Mansion until Kristen arrived last week. (And, hey there, Harold! What's the story, morning glory?) Upon arrival, she promptly took part in one of the grandest DAYS tradition -- talking to yourself in the middle of the living room. Yes, friend, secrets will come out now that this place is open for business again. Someone get Nick over to Lakeview Drive.

Speaking of schemers, Kristen gave herself a halftime speech and was back on top (ahem) of her plan for Brady just in time for John to come to the door, forcing Kristen and Brady to answer it in various stages of undress. Kristen milked that moment for all it was worth.

But John's gift of a plaque from the gondola Isabella rode just days before she died (wow!) handed Kristen her first real loss. It turned out that Kristen wasn't the only one who could appeal to Brady's emotions with the truth. Well played, John.

Also, I couldn't help but notice that Brady told Victor that he wouldn't be working at all from the mansion. I guess he's got enough sense to know not to trust a Wi-Fi network named, "l33tBrainwashers430." How far does that good sense extend?

LOOSE ENDS: Adorable as she is, the Ciara scene was all shades of irritating. First, the "it's not God or Jesus, it's you!" was terribly heavy-handed. Then, Ciara asking to marry her cousin? Ugh. Stay away from Stephanie, Ciara! The only good thing about this scene was the almost-tears face that Arianne Zucker does so well.

E.J. started to tell Kristen about his current problem, and I hoped to sweet baby Jesus that Kristen would join Team Crush Nick and Gabi. E.J. is ticked at the former, and Chad hates the latter. That should be enough for big sis to take action.

I don't know about Kate and Rafe. Kate doesn't seem like the type of gal who would keep sleeping with a guy just because he said that she was beautiful. She's always had more substance than that.

Fancy Face was off last week. I thought it odd that she had no residual suspicion of Gabi, since Hope seemed to be well aware that Gabi lied when questioned about Andrew's basement. Hope even suggested that Gabi undergo hypnosis. And, it sure didn't seem like Hope had any idea that Vargas was Nick's cellmate. Surely she would have read Nick's file just like Rafe did.

I didn't buy Chloe's declaration that she and Nicole were alike. With all due respect, Nicole's boots are way too big for Chloe. I much prefer the old Ghoul Girl Chloe who was the only gal in a love triangle, rather than this version who takes on "villains" like Jennifer and Abigail.

Roman hugged Marlena as John looked on. I'm warning you now, writers, if you even tease a Roman/Marlena reunion just to leave Roman out in the cold again, you're going to explain it to my mother -- a devout Roman fan and established John hater. I'm not defending you to her.

The best part of Maxine's Nurse of the Year party was watching Daniel try to lie his way out of attending it. Maxine poured him a tall glass of "shut the hell up," and we proceeded on with the party. Well done, Maxine. I never doubted you for a second.

HOT: Last week's Ejami scenes followed in the grand tradition of Shakespeare, Greek mythology, and any novel set in medieval times when the few powerful would pick out which member of a rival kingdom was challenging their family and then order them gone. The storytelling heavens rejoice for couples that can get away with this kind of thing, and Ejami did them proud. Their scenes were part sexy, part sinister, and part passionate -- the three things I love best about these two characters.

Once down off their power high (and really, who can blame them for being turned on by power?), they hatched a plan to destroy all of the evidence against Will and then set Nick up to violate his parole*. Best of all, they're doing it together. Thank you, E.J., for realizing that nobody puts Brady in a corner. (Hehe! Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

*It would be easy to just turn Nick in to his parole officer for the blackmail. But, they'd have to disclose Will's crime and cover-up to do so.

NOT: Oh, gee, which scene on Monday's show did I hate more -- Sami groveling to Nick or Kate groveling to Gabi? Yup, I'm calling this one a tie. Watching two of my favorite scheming divas cower to two pompous jerks is not how I or my blood pressure wanted to spend our time.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Victor (to Brady about Kristen): "How touching! I'm sure if she needed to be on Pluto, you'd move there, too, even though there's no water or oxygen and you'd drop dead immediately."

Honorable mention for @Tony_S-Days: Nicole (to Chloe): "You're more transparent than your wardrobe."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Text from my mom: "Where is Father Mulcahy? Did they send him back to Korea?"

I was hoping for a Shawn and Belle mention during Chloe and Eric's scene.

Oh, oh! Sami still has Nick's phone, right? Let's hack into it! Someone call Caroline.

Note to self: Dark bras under white shirts are in.

Wait a minute, Chloemeister. You're telling me that if you pray hard enough, God will change a paternity test for you? Well, shoot! You know how many people could have used that bit of information?

Is it "Gone-DOLE-a" or "GONE-dull-ah"?

Hmmm, Kristen doesn't need anything from Chad at this point, so was she just genuinely nice to him? Could her heart be growing? And, can all of the DiMera genealogy fit into one envelope?

I'm pretty sure that Sami could have told Eric what happened with the blackmail because their conversation would be protected by the Twin Oath, or at least that privileged clergy communication thing.

Did Kate give Gabi a gift certificate for the very spa where Gabi works? Seems like Gabi could get a discount there on her own. Pretty sure Maggie is generous to the employees.

Sami was dating E.J. for a while before now. Why is everyone acting like he just showed up out of the clear blue sky and landed in Sami's bed?

Why do I feel like Nancy's sleeping pills will come into play somehow?

I adored that Kayla brought her own magazine to read while she waited for Jennifer to get ready. More Sweetness, please!

Am I supposed to hate Vargas? Just checking because I'm not so sure that someone who stabs Nick in the back is a terrible guy.

Did you rock your Dankies vote?

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness.

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