I've seen my hopes and dreams a-lying on the ground

Now that the dust has settled from the DAYSaster, the writing is on the wall for the future of DAYS. Oddly enough, I think we've seen some of these storylines before. Is it DAYS-ja vu, or a new beginning?

Two weeks ago, I was drunk on DAYS as it was full of explosions and flashy storylines, but last week was like a sobering slap to the face. My cheek is still stinging from the blandness of it all. So, folks, buckle your seatbelts because this column is sure to be a bumpy ride. I'm not a happy Scooper.

In fact, I'm worried about what this new-old writing team is doing to DAYS. After a nice high, we now seem to be back in some nerve-racking places. True, seeing Justin and Maxine was amazing. I'm glad, but not shocked, that the Phoenix has re-re-re-re-risen from the ashes. And, true, I'm thrilled E.J. has been re-DiMera-ed, but that's about it.

So, in honor of all the mediocrity, this week's Two Scoop is brought to you by the letters S, H, I, and T, and the number zero. Was that too subtle? I'm not sure. Nevertheless, let's gather some drinks to drown our sorrows and discuss!

"S" is for Silly (E.J., Stefano, and Ian) On a positive note, Stefano is alive and E.J. is a biological DiMera again. There's that. The journey to get there, however, was rather silly. And I'm not even talking about Stefano's Hannibal Lecter mask.

It seems the story is that Ian's mother, the mysterious coin lady, Yvette, was another of Santo's lovers. Santo and his mustache wanted Yvette to inherit half of the DiMera Empire. In turn she would give it to Ian, who may or may not be a DiMera bastard. Stefano claims he's not. Ian just insanely cackled and called E.J. "E-Jaayyy," so I'm not sure what his end position was on the matter.

Ian, of course, was doing everything he could to get the fortune for his beloved Madison. But then she croaked. No, I'm not giggling because of her demise. Well, maybe a little. I digress. After she kicked it, he just went further insane. That was a shame she died because his plan had total win written all over it. You know, a creepy man handing over an empire is sure to make a girl swoon much more than hottie Brady and his fortune. Yep, keep telling yourself that, Ian.

In the end, Ian was knocked out and arrested. I like that he was sent to jail in lieu of dying. It's not that I'm eager to see him again, but I like the idea of a short story arc where he could come back for another stab at Stefano or E.J. It may take some heat off the DiMeras in the future.

Ultimately, Ian was written all over the place. It was hard to follow. Well, truth be told, I didn't care to follow that intently. I've been kind of over him for months now.

In the meantime, Stefano went to the hospital, wrote Chad a letter, and then disappeared again. I guess we'll have to wait until he comes home to have some questions answered. Questions like, what is the real secret Alice had on him, and did he hear Nicole's baby-daddy confession (or was that the double)?

Oh, oh! I just hope Stefano returns with Kristen! That would be rad. And we need rad right now. Pronto!

"H" is for Horrendous (Will and Gabi) Will and Gabi both ended up in bad places last week because of their respective messed-up lives. And then they ended up in a really, really bad place together. That would be Gabi's bed where they *dry heave* made love. Ugh. Simply, ugh.

I can't even grasp what the writers were thinking with this one. And I want a full glass of whatever they were drinking when they thought this would be a good idea. A swig or two of that messed-up nectar might help me understand. I am going to let myself be nave and hope that this is just a one-off mistake that won't be revisited soon or often.

I also hope - really, deeply hope -- that Gabi isn't pregnant. I can understand all the drama that would create, but I don't think I could handle Scooping that mess for nine months, nor do I have any interest in seeing Gabi that deeply ingratiated in another storyline right now. Her character needs a major time out as it is. And in the interest of full disclosure, after the Madison mess and what Gabi has already done, my Scooping nerves are shot. I need a break. Can't Gabi go visit Dario, or, better yet, Arianna?

"I" is for Idiotic (Sonny, Will, and T) T is back and is a bigger bigot than ever. I'm not entirely sure why he's returned. And I'm not entirely sure why he's so invested in Will and Sonny, nor why he's hanging around the coffee shop. It seems that if he is that wary of catching the gay cootie bug, like Will obviously did from Sonny, then he would steer clear of them there homosexuals. You know, because they're contagious. I'm bringing back an old friend for this one in the form of a big, fat rolling rrriiiggghhhttt.

I thought we'd bypassed a gay bashing storyline when T left town, but I guess we're headed for one now. Ugh. The only positive thing I can say about this is it will be interesting to see Sonny get some character development. Will he handle things with his normal steady hand, or will he get all Great Uncle Victor on his enemy? I hope for the latter, as it might be fun. Oh, and I can't wait until Victor does find out. Sorry, T, you'll be in for a world of hurting then.

In other news, Sonny kissed Will! Unfortunately, this turned out rather messy like the rest of the weak, I mean, week. Will freaked out, and Sonny blamed him for not being out enough. I'm still scratching my head about that one.

On one hand, Sonny didn't know Will had just been tormented by T. I believe Will's reactions stemmed from a combo of his lingering feelings from that fight as well as the shock of a good friend/his gay mentor of sorts spontaneously smooching him. I don't think Will meant to hurt Sonny, but Sonny's response was a bit confusing. Will is out. There's no going back. Sonny's comments just seemed like a bit of cheap pot shot after being rejected.

On the other hand, Will needs to get his responses in check as well. He later freaked out again when he saw Sonny and Brian van Dreamy giggling over Sonny's cappuccino foam mustache. Brian's handsome and obviously into Sonny. Wake up, Sonny! Following your heart is overrated. Go with Brian. He's dreamy! I kid, I kid.

I just think Will's reaction was kind of extreme and idiotic, especially knowing his next step was a one-night stand in Crabby Gabi Land. Well, I guess we can officially add irrational reactions and sleeping with inappropriate people to the Sami/Will comparison list. Hmm, I wonder if Will will ever dress up like a female named Stanisha and end up in a war zone?

"T" is for Terrible Idea (Nicole) I love Nicole. I do. She's one of my gals. She comes to my imaginary happy hours. But I hate what this pregnancy is doing to her character. She's weak and whiney these days. It's just all shaded of terrible.

Sure, I get that Nicole thinks she needs a hero, but is Dr. Dan really the right man for her? She seems to be in love with the idea of being in love with him. All that I'm saying is that I hear Brady's available now thanks to Mr. Explosion. How about that, Nik?

I also cringe at seeing a Nicole vs. Jennifer tug-of-war. There's no doubt that Vintage Nicole could wipe the floor with Jennifer. Then again, Jennifer might have a fighting chance with this version of Nicole. Who knows? And who cares at this point?

Ultimately, we need to grab Ava Vitali and Chloe to stage an intervention. We need Nicole Walker back. That is the feisty, dynamo diva version who didn't settle for second best.

"Zero" is for Zero Interest (E.J., Sami, and Rafe) Well, our fun trip through EJami Land seems to be in trouble. The writers took us on a wrong turn, and we ended up in the ghetto. And by "ghetto," I mean Safe. Please give me a second while I splash some cold water on my face to wake myself up long enough to talk about the coma-inducing Safe time.

Okay, I can't even tell you how mind-numbing and frustrating it was to watch Rafe and Sami in a room for an entire week. I was antsier than Sami was to escape. I didn't get Safe the first time around, and I am absolutely dreading the idea of having to watch another round. In one foul swoop, the writers are going to destroy all the character development that's happened since they broke up.

On the whole, Rafe and Sami bring out the worst in each other. Like, within ten minutes, his cocky, pompous, jerkiness skyrocketed into such annoying levels that I may have hit fast-forward a few times. And I don't want to feel the need to fast-forward DAYS. Damn you, Rafe!

I ultimately hope that Sami stays away from Rafe. For many, many reasons I want that, and not just as an EJami fan. I feel the character of Sami deserves better than asking self-righteous Rafe for permission to speak. Call me old-fashioned like that.

Here's to Hoping! A few weeks ago, Laurisa and I teamed up for a column during the Olympic hiatus. We basically shared our hopes and dreams for the future of DAYS. You can read the column by clicking here (later, of course).

During the first week back from the break, I thought we were onto something good, but after last week, I'm a little pessimistic about what's ahead. Honestly, if we have more weeks like last, this column will officially become a depressing little cyber pamphlet that states, "Safe sucks. Gabi must go. The end." But to not be a total Debbie Downer, I have a little hope that the return of Nick Fallon will be interesting.

Truth be told, I wasn't the biggest Nick fan, but his parole is already creating a nice buzz. Heck, Julie is out of the woodwork and playing a hand in this storyline. That's worth a nod of pre-approval. Granted, I'm not sure why Julie thinks Melanie is caught up on opening her mail, given that she's been held captive since before Independence Day, but I digress. I hope this storyline pulls together a large part of the cast. We need to see more faces that aren't Rafe and Gabi. And we need more Hortons!

LOOSE ENDS I agree with Brady's decision not to announce Madison's death in the paper. No one cares. It's better to let her rest in peace. I'd like to think so anyway.

Meanwhile, Brady is trying to cope with Madison's death. I hope he copes quickly, but I like the idea that he has Victor, Maggie, Melanie, Nicole, and Dr. Dan is his corner. Above all, he can learn the most from the good doctor as he's been through this before. I hope they keep this relationship going. It keeps Dr. Dan away from Nicole and helps his character develop into something more than a patient-loving horn-dog.

Um, props to Gabi for telling Chad the truth. I'll give her that, but her claims of feeling bad could easily be filed under "Too Little, Too Late." I'm also not thrilled with Chad for letting her off the hook so easily. He needs to tell Roman the truth and send that little mess up the river.

Wow! I wonder if Caroline saw her shadow when she came out of her burrow for her yearly visit. I kid, I kid. It was amazing to see Peggy McCay, and I hope she's on more often!

I loved seeing Bo and Hope working a case! See, another positive aspect of last week. That makes, what, three things? Yeah! Oh, four! I like the idea of Roman and Kate spending time together. They need to start returning each other's calls. Make it happen, writers. Make. It. Happen.

HOT: Girl, I have missed you! Maxine might have told Melanie that, but I feel the same way about Maxine! It's good to have her back on the screen. Seeing Maxine almost balances out watching Rafe all week. Well, almost. I just wish Maxine and Rafe would trade places. That is, Maxine gets to be on all week, and Rafe gets to disappear for a year. Is that too much to ask for? In any case, yay, Maxine!

NOT: So, everyone gathered at Alice's house to console Jennifer and Abigail and remember Jack. Well, almost everyone. Adrienne wasn't there, and that kind of sucked. Oh, and Kayla was missing in action, too. But aside from that, we didn't get one vintage flashback of Jack and Jen, yet we had to sit through the Sami and Rafe crap for the millionth time. They had flashbacks of their lame time in the safe house, but, nope, not one of Jack. Great start, new-old writers. Great start!

NOT, PART 2: The Revenge: Will + Gabi = wrong. Very, very wrong. Stop, writers; just stop now. Give that crazy pants a morning after pill and let's forget this happened. Deal?

LINE OF THE WEEK: Chad (to Gabi): "You are the most selfish, deluded, dangerous person I have ever met, and I'm a DiMera!"

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Casey Deidrick shoots amazing die-bitch-die looks!

There is a DiMera phone tree? Cool!

Amazing! Sami and Will got along for an entire episode. This needs to happen more often!

Truth be told, I like the safe house way better than Sami's real apartment. She should upgrade.

No disrespect to Julie, but were Nick and Abigail really that close?

Isn't there one more gas-filled tunnel Rafe could investigate with a lit match in hand?

I loved that Victor was willing to arrange an accident for Ian in prison. The old man still has it!

Rest in peace, Andrew van Hottie! I still like you more than Gabi. I hope your not-so-crazy twin brother comes to Salem soon. The countdown's still on for Eileen Davidson's return as Kristen! Happy dance time!

PARTING THOUGHTS: So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of August 27! I'm off to meet Maxine for an espresso and talk about Kate wearing jeans, so Laurisa will be back next week to meet all your DAYS Scooping needs. In the meantime, don't forget you can follow both of us on Twitter now @LaurisaDays and @Tony_S_DAYS. And, "That's a fact!"

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