People say crazy things

E.J. DiMera is officially the biggest liar in all of DAYS history. Sure, that's an powerful statement and there are an awful lot of liars in Days of our Lives' 46-year history. Find out what earned him the title and who survived the DAYSaster in this week's Two Scoops.

I know that I've been hard on the Bradys in recent columns. Their constant refrain of "all DiMeras do is lie" was growing insanely repetitive. However, after this week's tragedies, I may have to rethink that position. Because when E.J. told Sami that she looked sexy in those pants, he told the biggest lie in the history of Salem. She didn't. Just like I didn't look good when I wore mine (they most likely had stirrups) with my oversized button-up denim shirt and Eastlands to the Peach Pit.

Forget Stefano's murder. Salem needs to regroup after that whopper of a lie! Oh, and there was some pretty groovy aftermath of the DAYSaster. Let's dig through it together.

WILL Will arrived at the warehouse just in time to see Sami dangling from E.J.'s arm. Obviously, the only logical way to help was to rush up and jump on E.J.'s back. I mean, that's what I'd do. This tactic is similar to having someone sit on your feet when you do sit-ups. Otherwise, it would have seemed weird.

Either way, E.J. eventually Incredible Hulked Sami up to the ledge, and Will pulled her legs over. Then, it happened. Sami hugged Will, and I couldn't stop the tears. Gawd, it's about time! I didn't like Sami and Will fighting!

Will continued the win later in the week when he broke the news to Lucas that Sami left with E.J. I loved seeing how much Will cares about Lucas, despite knowing that Lucas is wrong. All of this E.J. love had me worried that Will was going to turn on Lucas. But after this scene (where Bryan Dattilo was kind of a rock star, no?), I'm hopeful that Will and Lucas continue to build a good relationship. I have a soft spot for those two!

E.J. and SAMI Move over, Bonnie and Clyde, E.J. and Sami went on the run together. I loved almost every part about this idea. If you're going up against Lucas, Roman, and Rafe, there's no better ally than Sami. She does know all three well enough to anticipate their moves, freeing E.J. to remember Ian's creepy visit and investigate Captain Walking Stick. There was just one problem. Well, three of them technically.

I didn't like that Sami left her kids behind. I didn't like it when Lucas did it to run to Hong Kong to be away from Chloe. I didn't like it when Hope did it to avoid going through a trial. But I guess that's what parents do in Salem. Good thing I buy that Sami is looking at the big picture here. Having their father falsely convicted of murder charges is much more detrimental to them than having their mother away from them for a few weeks. It sucked, no doubt. But, I got it.

What I didn't get was all the E.J. seduction. (I cannot believe I just wrote that sentence!) The wine, pasta, safe house, and kiss happened way too fast for me. We've seen them kiss before, and it's always steamy because that's how James Scott and Alison Sweeney roll. But this is the first time that there aren't any secrets* between Sami and E.J. That's a big deal! I thought that TPTB needed to play out this partnership/trust thing a little more before going the kissy face route.

Oh, and I would have kept Rafe away longer too. Having him show up at the safe house was like finding a dead bug in the bottom of my delicious margarita. He's grown so much since he's been out of Sami Land. His character will decay exponentially if he's put back.

*Note: Sami doesn't know that E.J. was the one who framed John. But, does anyone see that as a deal breaker for Ejami if Sami were to find out? Does she like John enough for that?

NICOLE As I watched Nicole clutch her belly and try to will herself out of labor, something struck me. I absolutely adore Nicole. But, I don't like pregnant Nicole. I never have. She becomes a desperate, weak, all-around Debbie Downer.

By week's end she was giving herself a pep talk about settling for Daniel, which would be a colossal mistake. Even fans of the couple will tell you that the best thing Daniel/Nicole had going for them was their sexy, snarky banter. I highly doubt that anyone looked at Daniel and thought, "Aww! He's such a good, stable, nice provider for Nicole. That's exactly what will make her happy."

Don't get me wrong, I tend to like mother Nicole. But, Nicole's storyline should have been adoption. Nicole knows that DNA doesn't equal a good family. And, if she had adopted, we could drop this whole B storyline where she's keeping E.J.'s kid away from him because he slept with Sami. We'd also avoid seeing Rafe and Daniel orbit Planet Nicole. We might actually see Nicole stand on her own as a strong woman. Imagine that!

MADISON, IAN, and KATE I think the best thing I can say is that I restrained myself from laughing and passing out noisemakers when Madison died. That has to count for something. While I never want to wish unemployment on anyone, Sarah Brown was so crazy better than this character that I'm relieved Madison is over. Alas, I'm probably going to have to stomach Bradison for a little while longer while Brady grieves for the "love of his life." (I cordially invite Bricole and Broe fans to join me in a giant eye roll.) But after that, it is ovah! Huzzah!

The only thing left to do is get Ian out of town. I mean, his whole motivation was money? Really? At least Victor and Stefano got into it over injuries to their sons. Yet, this fool comes to town and not only outsmarts Victor but "kills" Stefano all in the name of money. Ugh. I get grumpy when plot points go to undeserving noobs.

That brings me to the bright spot. Kate Roberts, you are my hero. Was she a bit over the top in her screaming match with Ian? Nope. Not at all. She summoned up every ounce of frustration that I've had with this storyline over the past few months and slapped Ian across the face with it. To make it better, she spilled his expensive scotch. Atta girl, Katie.

Furthermore, I see the potential for something that only happens once a century in Salem. Kate and Sami could work together! Kate is determined to make Ian pay. Sami is determined to prove that E.J. is innocent. Should these two join forces to prove that Ian is the one framing E.J., they'd be like some sort of catty Avengers who could rule Salem.

MEL, GABI, BRADY, and CHAD The good news is that Molly Burnett finally got to change her wardrobe after being in the same clothes since Stefano's funeral. The better news is that we were treated to some nice scenes between Brady and Melanie, reminding us all why they were great as friends. The best news is that someone fished ol' Andrew out of the rubble so he can tell us all about Gabi's terrible scheme.

I don't want to go so far as to say that she's responsible for the explosion. That was the result of a string of events and circumstances that she couldn't see coming. For example, there's no way Gabi could have known that there was a gas leak in the tunnels below Salem, nor that the wiring was faulty. But, she could have intervened so many times, and she didn't. Her tears and hand-flailing are a little too late.

LUCAS Can I get a slow clap for the return of Lucas? I was all ready to set off a truth bomb about how the fella jumped into a rebound relationship with someone with whom he has a huge record of spectacular relationship failures. Not to mention, he was the first one to call Sami out on her feelings for E.J. so he kinda had to see this coming. But by the end of the week, there was the strong Lucas who returned from Hong Kong a few months ago. Heck, yeah, Lucas!

I adore that he said he's done with dating Sami and wants her to be happy with someone else. Wahoo! I want a season pass Lumi Friendship Tour. They are, by far, my favorite play-nice exes in Salem. And that only happens when Lucas is happy with someone else. So, line up the ladies for Lucas. Let's do this.

JACK, JEN, and ABIGAIL Since we've known since the Reagan administration that Jack was going to be leaving the show, I just couldn't get myself into the elevator scene. It was well acted, no doubt. Matt Ashford and Kate Mansi have amazing father/daughter chemistry. But, I felt myself reaching for the fast-forward button just to get past things that I knew were going to happen.

Plus, it didn't help that everyone said something like, "Jack doesn't die! He never dies!" I can't say that the same thought wasn't going through my head too. There's got to be a bar somewhere where Jack, Stefano, Kenny from South Park, and Sami's wedding planners sit around and joke, "Sure. It's totally for real this time."

As for Jack's other half, Jennifer's been off-screen so much lately that I've basically forgotten about her. I loved seeing the old pictures of Jack and Jennifer (how young do they look?!) but it seems like eons since they've been a happy couple, despite the fact that both of them have been on the show for the past year.

However, I do care a great deal about Abigail. Maybe it's a tribute to the Lady Mansi, but Abigail actually interests me. And, if Jennifer left town, leaving Abigail to lean on Aunt Adrienne and Uncle Justin for advice, well, that wouldn't be so bad.

LOOSE ENDS: WOOT! Theo can be a hero too! He promptly went and found Molly's mom in the parking lot. I'm assuming that she was undoubtedly surrounded by a bunch of the Salem police officers who were oblivious to the body that the nine-year-old found on the ground. Sign this kid up for the force.

Daniel confessed to Maggie that he's the type of guy who pushes women for a commitment before they're ready because he's scared of being alone. Take Aunt Laurisa's advice, kids -- there are very few guys who actually do this. There's Daniel, Ted Mosby, and that's about it.

For the record, I don't think it was Kate's intent to wind Brady up to go after Ian; and I'm none too happy with John for his accusation. I think she was honestly sorry for Brady's loss. The lady does know a thing or two about having a loved one taken from you.

I found it very unsettling that Daniel was glued to Nicole's side the whole time his daughter was missing. He let his booty call take absolute presence over his own family so he could play hero. I could have sworn that's what we have Rafe for.

I know I should be upset that Sami left Johnny and Sydney in Will's care. But out of the three of them -- Will, Sami, and E.J. -- Will probably is the most responsible. I'm thinking Johnny and Sydney might have actually lucked out in this deal.

HOT: (Deep breath) AHHHHH!!!!! Justin and Adrienne on two days in a row! Maxine back at work! Kayla finally returning to her awesome doctor self! Julie reminiscing about her time working with Jack! I. Can't. Stop. Smiling!

NOT: There wasn't much not to like about this week. My only complaint is that I think that Monday's episode should have been the cliff-hanger. The explosion wasn't the key thing. The aftermath was the star. Imagine how amazeballs it would be if the last thing we heard before the break was Sami saying that she wants to run away with E.J. Plus, we'd be stuck wondering if Andrew really got away. And, we'd get Madison's death (pretty much the worst-kept secret) out of the way.

LINE OF THE WEEK: E.J.: "This is one of my father's safe houses." Sami: "Hmm, maybe I should go burn some sage."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Way to bury the lead, DAYS! Stefano wrote a secret code that only trusted DiMera allies can read. Awesome!

Hey, Hope, don't be afraid to put down the cell phone, kick off your heels, and help search for survivors next time.

Kate Mansi's arms are pretty amazing. I want her workout secret.

I'm honestly shocked that Marlena hates E.J. so much. I completely acknowledge that E.J. has done terrible things to Sami. But, as terrible as it sounds, we all know that Marlena loves John more than Sami. And, E.J. was the one who told Marlena that Stefano was keeping "dead" John in the DiMera basement. I'm surprised that doesn't still count for something with Marlena.

Every time Daniel calls her "Nic," I want to jump through my TV and scream, "Her name is Nicole, dude. Stop it!"

Did anyone else feel like Sami was dangling about ten feet above the floor? Scary, sure. But I don't think a ten-foot fall would ensure the certain doom that she was shrieking about.

Since the explosion came from the tunnels, is Salem now full of the fumes that caused Lexie's tumor?

New life goal: have enough money on hand that at any given time I can stuff a child's backpack with it and then lament that I have no idea how much is there.

And now that we've all cleaned the dust off of us, Tony will be back next week to help rebuild Salem. For now, let me know, did you cry when Melanie hugged Daniel? How about when Jennifer told Abigail to stay strong? And, most importantly, shouldn't Celeste have seen the DAYSaster coming? What good is a psychic if she can't tip people off that the whole town is going to blow up?!? Click here to share your thoughts with me. Or, tweet them to me -- @LaurisaDays.

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