Got you where I want you

If you had blackmail info on a DiMera, what would you ask for? Would you go 'all in' or would you be afraid that somehow the tables would be turned on you? One unlucky Salem resident has to make that decision, and our columnist offers some advice -- this week in Two Scoops.

After a nice vacation, I'm glad to be back among soap fans! Let's see, what's been going on since we last chatted? Well, I got a new vacuum. It's one of those cool Shark ones. It's so neat that my husband has used it three times -- quite possibly his most attractive look ever.

What else? Ah, yes. We said goodbye to the beautiful Lexie Brooks Carver. I'm still holding out hope that she'll be back. Like Theo said, Stefano "got things ready for her." But, in the meantime, her memorial episode was tremendous. I loved every bit of the dancing and the flashbacks. (Does Renee Jones ever age?!?!) I'd also like to send my thanks to Renee Jones for her wonderful work over the years. Thank you for being an important part of DAYS and giving us all an escape from our daily chores, work, and hectic life. Cheers!

And, in honor of Lexie, I'm going to keep an eye on all of her friends in Salem. Let's talk about what they were up to last week!

MARLENA, CARRIE, and SAMI I really do like the relationship between Carrie and Marlena. Some of my favorite bonds in real life are the ones you form with people that you treat as family, despite not sharing a single strand of DNA.

I just wish that this relationship didn't make Marlena so dense.

Carrie has confessed her feelings for Rafe to someone who looked an awful lot like Marlena on many occasions. Yet when Sami (rightfully) accused Carrie of pursuing Rafe while Sami was married to him, Marlena told Sami to apologize. I'm not laboring under the misconception that Sami has the right to stand on any moral ground. But, I'm getting very tired of people acting like Carrie does.

Sami's question about Carrie's baby daddy was completely relevant. Rude, sure. But hardly out of the realm of plausibility. Marlena knew it. Carrie knew it. Sami was just crass enough to say it.

Furthermore, how many times can Carrie tell Marlena that Carrie is with her second choice before Marlena actually tells Carrie to woman up and follow her heart? Whether Rafe is an option or not, Carrie clearly isn't in love with Austin anymore.

CAMERON and ABIGAIL Granted, these two were forced together so hard at the beginning that I was fairly sure a diamond was going to pop out. But, they've grown on me. Their baseball date with Ciara and Theo was adorable and earned Cameron some major swoon points for cheering up Theo.

And, Abigail showed that she's got a good grip on her self-awareness when she reflected on her past mistakes with Austin and Chad. Finally, that look when Abigail heard that Cameron was staying in Salem officially stamped my ticket on the fan bus. I'm such a sucker for the storyline where a summer fling turns into something more. I've seen Grease at least 117 times.

BRADY and MADISON In order to get Madison and Ian out the door ASAP, Madison became a spastic woman wronged, who apparently completely forgot all the warnings she gave Brady about Ian. As a result, she was furious with Brady for "lying" to her and yelled at him. A lot. I realize that this turn of events made no sense, since Brady proved himself to Madison repeatedly. However, I totally dug it. Since the storyline isn't going to matter in a few months anyway, I'm more than happy to pull up a seat and enjoy the performances.

For starters, Eric Martsolf did a super job with drugged Brady. Whether it was the push-up machine or the sweat-drenched junkie, Eric played Brady like we'd rarely seen Brady before. Good stuff.

And, break out the champagne because that was how I like my Sarah Brown! Homegirl has the ability to hiss fire with the best of them. I almost don't care that Brady doesn't deserve it. Watching Ms. Brown play a woman desperately clawing to stay in control was so refreshing. I love her in these roles.

NICOLE and DANIEL I'm slightly concerned that with just a few shades of Days scenes, Nicole and Daniel were reduced to their easiest insult. That's fine if it's a tongue-in-cheek nod to the message board fans. But all the Dr. Man-Whore and the Gold-Digger (Coming to a theater near you!) references should end. Both of these characters have grown, and there's no need to go backwards.

Instead, I really need to know why Daniel -- who has been on every single side of a paternity lie imaginable -- still agrees to hang out with Nicole. I don't get it. It will be interesting to see if Daniel's opinion of her changes once he learns Victor's involvement in Maggie's egg switch. Victor was no more playing God then than Nicole is now.

However, just to prove that I'm not a total hater, I smiled at the idea of their 36-hour date. Those dates where you find excuses to keep it going are the best!

WILL and SONNY You're all familiar with the well-upholstered spot in my heart for William. And, Sonny hardly offends me either. But, I just don't want Will and Sonny as a romantic pairing. Sorry. It doesn't make sense to me right now. I said "right now." Don't hate me! Let me explain...

See, I thought Sonny was about 24 and Will was about 19. That's a big five year age difference at that point in life, and these two characters embody it. Will would clearly screw this thing up right now, right?

Plus, Will just came out. He hasn't had any real experience dating that we know of. A coupling with daddy-approved Sonny has bad timing written all over it. Will needs to screw up with someone else first. (And I officially nominate Brian Hottie McBlueeyes, by the way.)

Finally, Will is putting all of his effort into E.J. right now. Like it or not, that doesn't leave much room to tend to a new relationship with the One. Unless Sonny finds another relationship to occupy his time, he's going to start resenting all the time that Will spends with E.J. -- not because Sonny's worried about them hooking up, but because that's time that Will isn't spending with Sonny.

E.J. and WILL Will found Alice's note and wasted no time in re-blackmailing E.J. I have to question Will's choice to put the letter in a safe for which everyone in town has the combination. But the young schemer got his car and apartment back and strong-armed E.J. into taking a lie detector test, so he might be onto something.

Some people are against Will wanting to train under E.J. in order to become powerful. I am so not one of those people. I completely get it. Power is intriguing for the average person. But, to a teenager who was just publicly outed, power would be downright intoxicating.

Think about it. Will had no control over the most personal part of his life. Obviously he would be desperate to get himself in a place where things like that can't happen again. And E.J., if anything, is a master of control. I can't wait to see where this storyline goes.

CARRIE and RAFE I agree with my partner, Tony. Their reason to stay apart is hella lame. But, it is classic Carrie. This is the same gal who opted to marry Lucas when she heard that she and Austin might produce deformed children. Because, you know, the only reason to ever get married is to have perfect biological children.

Still, I wish that Christie Clark was staying so that this storyline could fix itself. Rafe is more vulnerable and likeable in this storyline than I've ever seen him before. I don't know if it's because this is the first time he's not getting what he wants, or it it's just the ease between Galen Gering and Christie Clark.

Plus, I adored the short scene where Carrie and Rafe had to put on their professional hats and be on different sides of the case. The idea of a crack defense attorney and an egotistical cop who are crazy for each other is a cool dynamic.

GABI and ANDREW My mom called me this week to ask if she'd seen this storyline before. I laughed as I realized that it is eerily close to the whole Jan Spears cage storyline.

Gabi learned about Mel's new living quarters, but she couldn't really be bothered by such things now because still has to make Chad fall in love with her and then dodge those inconvenient accessory to a crime charges she'd have coming her way. Shoot! It's too bad that Gabi doesn't have a brother with experience covering up a crime.

Although, I do have to say that Andrew is the most hospitable captor ever. He brought Mel some delicious herbal tea and the paper to read. Seriously, Andrew, switch out the tea and newspaper for wine and cookies, and I'll sign up!

LOOSE ENDS: Kayla and Abe had a sweet conversation about being single parents after a spouse dies. I keep forgetting how much these two have in common.

After hearing Sami's lunatic ranting about bed partners concerns about Will, Rafe offered to talk to Will. I truly believe that Rafe loves Sami's kids. But, I'd like it if they'd limit their conversations to just the kids. Anything else makes me want to pull out my eyelashes with giant pliers.

In a moment of unexpected tenderness, Kate reached out to Madison about dealing with addicts. For playing such a campy character, it's amazing how it only takes Lauren Koslow a split second to turn Kate into a believable, rational character.

Cameron and Abe had a sweet conversation about Abigail. Cameron could do a heck of a lot worse than Abe Carver for a father figure. Well, I assume so, since I don't actually know who Cameron's father is.

Poor Austin. I haven't wanted to go through the TV and shake a character so bad since Chloe decided that her only choice was to become a hooker. If roles were reversed, would anyone be rooting for a woman to stay with a man who admits that he has feelings for another woman? I mean, really! When's the last time you advised your girlfriend to just "hang in there" because his feelings for someone else are going to go away soon?

Kate still believes that Ian may be the one drugging Brady. I would really like her to pick up the phone and tell her ex-fianc what's going on with his son. Preferably before those pictures Ian has of Brady buying drugs appear in the local paper.

Note: it takes both Roman and Spencer to mellow Rafe. But, since this visit to the DiMera mansion was without Roman, Rafe was as annoying as ever. After throwing around some accusations, Rafe decided to school E.J. on appropriate behavior, while drinking on the job. Clearly, there's no love lost between these two.

HOT: I forgot how much I adore Kayla in full-on aunt mode. Her talk with Abigail was sweet, supportive, and everything you could want from a cool aunt. Specifically, I loved the bittersweet way she spoke about love. She pointed out that even if it doesn't last, it's worth a try. Here's to more Aunt Kayla in the future!

NOT: No Fourth of July Brady Family picnic?! Boo. What a great way to keep Lexie's tribute going! What a cool reason to get Victor on screen. What an excellent excuse for Adrienne and Justin to show up with some potato salad and share some lines. What a wonderful time for Doug and Julie to come back and tell us all what they found out in Africa. But, whatever. No biggie. I'm not mad. Nope. Not at all.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Cameron (to Abe, while listing Abigail attributes): "She adores Theo. So we know that she has good taste in men."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Just how the heck long does it take to get a divorce in Salem? Rafe/Sami and E.J./Nicole have been filing for divorce since February. Ian/Madison weren't that far behind.

Sonny used a very unfortunate metaphor about the audacity of people not wanting to know what family they're from. I can't help but think about John, who has yet to acknowledge that he is part of the Brady and DiMera families since his return to Salem.

Shouldn't Daniel notice that Melanie is missing? Like, when she didn't show up for Lexie's service, or work, or home?

My style loves consisted of Christie Clark's shorter hair, Nicole's chic gray and yellow robe, and Abigial's super cute red dress/brown belt combo.

If Will does take over Countess Wilhemina, then technically, wouldn't he be Lucas' boss too?

Watching Lauren Koslow and Sarah Brown together made me wish that Sarah Brown came to DAYS as a slightly SORASed Cassie Brady.

I'm so over Nicole's "Oh, shucks. No man has ever been nice to me routine." Brady, Lucas, Eric, and even E.J. at times kinda worshiped her.

I really like agent Spencer, and I think Kate would too. Billie would, as well, but for me to suggest that would mean that I want Billie to stay around. And I do not.

Madison wore pants!

The weird thing about a Daniel/Nicole/Rafe triangle is that all three are Salem outsiders. That really limits the dating pool for the other fish, if you know what I mean.

Party Alert! I'm going to let my partner have first crack at rolling out the red carpet for the divine Ms. Davidson. He loves her like I love a good stiletto. But, I will say that it's damn nice to read some good news about casting at DAYS.

In semi-related news, the soon-to-be-returning Blake Berris is kinda working it now, no? Always be nice to the geeks, my friends.

And with that, we're ready for another week in Salem. Tony will be back to make sure that we all remember not to forget Lexie. Not that any of us think she's really dead. *wink*

Until then, do you agree that two non-DiMeras running the DiMera empire would make Stefano roll over in his "grave"? Do you think that if Carrie's getting all the grief for breaking up Sami's marriage, she might as well get the guy to go along with it? Was it strange that Nicole brought coffee into the Brady Pub, you know, where they sell coffee? And, just who is running the drug ring in Salem these days?Click here to share your thoughts with me.

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