Gunpowder and lead

Someone finally took a shot at Stefano. Will it stick? And was it John, E.J., Marlena, Hope, Bo, Will, Abe, Kate, or someone else? Take your guess in this week's Two Scoops.

There it is! Sweeps has officially left the building. What did you miss? Who would you have shot? Good thing you've got Two Scoops to give you a chance to relive it all. With me, of course! Grab a plate of snacks and let's get started! LEXIE and Lexie Carver: The Farewell Tour continues to break my heart, yet be my highlight of DAYS. The way that Lexie kept going on with her normal life -- grocery shopping, taking Theo to day care, making lists about Christmas decorations, etc., was downright inspiring. I'm still holding tight to the delusion that Lexie isn't actually going to die die, but that doesn't stop me from tearing up like a Steel Magnolias marathon each time she shared a scene with a loved one.

...BO and HOPE They showed up for a meal and last wish assignments. Bo's job is to make sure that Abe doesn't seclude himself in his own grief once Lexie is gone. Hope's task was to encourage Abe to love again. (Cue tears!) Bo and Hope were also completely uninterested in hearing any of Lexie's apologies on her father's behalf. I wish they would have listened a bit more, but we'll get into that later.

...E.J. Death bed, schmeath bed. Lexie wasn't going to let anything get in the way of looking out for her family. She quite seamlessly connected the hardships of raising an autistic child with her request to get Abe back into the mayor's office. Everyone, including E.J., knows that he no business being the mayor, so I totally support Lexie's emotional blackmail. But, I was pleasantly surprised that her scheming led to the great revelation. E.J. told Lexie about the paternity secret!

Much like Lexie's "death," I'm hoping that this storyline twist will soon be undone. But, in the meantime, I like that last-wish Lexie isn't holding anything back. She rightfully suggested that E.J. get a paternity test. Not that I don't trust Alice, but sometimes these things have a way of changing.

... ABE The majority of the emotion of this storyline is going to fall on James Reynolds. He's going to have to embody the audience's anger, grief, and finally acceptance. From the looks of last week, he's more than up to the task.

I love how Abe went about his regular behavior, like asking his wife where they kept the cake server -- a question that she'd undoubtedly answered a hundred times before. It's in those moments that we forget that Lexie is dying.

Yet, when Abe is around his friends, the gravity of the situation hits us all. When he talked about watching her sleep, wondering if each breath would be her last, I completely lost it. I understand why he couldn't bring himself to say the words that Lexie's is dying. Heck, I've been writing this column for months since Renee Jones's announcement, and I'm still in denial.

The only part about Lexie's death that I am looking forward to is the return of the crazy eye. You know what I'm talking about. We haven't seen it since Abe caught Lexie in bed with Tek. But, I'm happy to report that crazy eye is alive and well, and all too eager to educate Stefano on the finer points of soap justice.

... STEFANO That justice, my friends, was Lexie discovering that the toxins in those tunnels could have caused her brain tumor. She, like everyone else not named Stefano, knows that Stefano shoulders some of the blame for Lexie's imprisonment in those tunnels. I believe that Lexie loves Stefano. But, I don't know how much good she still sees in him.

CARRIE and RAFE Most soap couples get pulled apart by something that isn't their fault. So, it was very weird to see a couple actually opt out of being together of their own free will. Yet, their breakup scene played out like Rafe was going off to war or something.

And that wasn't the only eye roll. For instance, yes, Carrie, you are totally selfish. I don't care what Rafe says. You're stringing a good guy along because you think that second place in the Carrie Olympics is such a prize. It never occurs to you that you should actually put all of your effort into your marriage.

And Rafe, sweetie, no one believes your drivel about not wanting to break up a family. You've kept E.J. from two children and Johnny and Sydney from their sibling. Your entire motivation on the show is to keep E.J. from having a family.

Still, against my better judgment (and I swear, I do have it!), these two have worked their way into my heart. Their lack of self-awareness is so perfectly matched that I can't help but enjoy them. It's sort of like watching Karen and Jack back from the Will and Grace days, minus the awesome dancing.

CAMERON and ABIGAIL Cameron is really growing on me. I like that he's taken on some of Lexie's patients, charming them with promises of slow dances. And I adore the way he seems to be into Abigail. After watching her spit crazy for a while, it's nice to see a good dude paying attention to her.

And I dig that Abigail asked Cameron out instead! I only wish it wasn't to her parents' private anniversary party. That seems, well, private. I guess no one was having a financial planning meeting or an ultrasound that they could crash.

RAFE and SAMI Rafe showed up at Sami's door, unannounced, to ask to see the kids that aren't his. Then he told Sami that he doesn't hate her even though he had just used her to symbolize all that was wrong with the world in a conversation with Carrie. Finally, he brought up how Sami hurts everyone that she "supposedly" (his words, not mine) loves. The entire visit proved that it takes all of about eighty seconds for Rafe to fall face first into doucebagdom. Impressive!

Good for Sami for kicking him out. She doesn't need to deal with his particular type of "friendship." I'm not saying that he's not entitled to be angry. Heck, he can throw darts at her picture for the rest of his life. But he has no business showing up at Sami's door with a stank attitude and picking a fight. Maybe down the road, these two can be friends. But, they need a real break. Okay, I need a break. From them. For a long time.

SAMI and WILL Will and Sami are exactly alike. They can both twist any conversation to better themselves. For real, Sami can't even use first person pronouns around Will without him wailing about her selfishness. But when Sami finally spit out the words that she had unconditional love for Will, I cried for the third time that episode. (Tuesday was rough with all of the E.J./Lexie stuff!)

They're also alike in their love/hate for one E.J. DiMera. Will's desperate plea for forgiveness when E.J. fired him was trademark Sami Gene. Now that she's back in Will's good graces, I have a feeling that Sami will go to bat for Will. She does have a way of getting E.J. to do what she wants because she has the one thing that E.J. can't refuse. (I'm talking about his children. Get your heads out of the gutter!)

On a side note, the writers need to be careful with all of the declarations of "the worst way possible" when referring to how Sami handled Will's coming out. Make no mistake; no one thinks that Sami reacted well. And, I understand that they are speaking for dramatic emphasis, but in truth, there could have been a lot worse things that Sami could have done.

There's such a vicious collection of slurs and bigotry that are an inappropriately common part of society today. Declarations of "Get out of my house and go call the doctor/minister/etc." would have been a million times worse than Sami excusing herself from the room. By playing into the drama of Sami being the designated bad guy, the writers are actually selling short a very important point that needs to be made.

NICOLE, E.J., RAFE, and DANIEL What they hell were Nicole and Daniel doing kissing? Sure, Nicole may have just been trying to distract him long enough to forget that she switched the DNA samples. But, I have no idea why Daniel would want to get involved with Nicole. Stunning good looks aside, she's not brining a lot to the table.

You all know that I love Nicole, but I've never been behind this ridiculous idea that women on DAYS get to play God with a child's paternity. (See: Nicole, Sami, and Caroline) And, Nicole has zero basis for thinking that E.J. would keep her kid from her, since his current kids all live with their mother (who hid paternity and shot their father in the head, I might add!)

Plus, Nicole almost made me spit out my Merlot when she said, "If the DiMeras want something they think is theirs, they can be totally ruthless, you know that, right?" Gee, Nicole, like when you felt that you were Sydney's rightful mother so you kidnapped her? I love you, Nicole, but listen to yourself!

STEFANO and the SHOOTERS I sort of felt like I was watching a stage production of A Christmas Carol where one ghost after another confronted Scrooge about his lifetime spent being a big ol' jerk. John, Bo, E.J., Hope, Kate, and Marlena all showed up at the mansion to threaten Stefano and, of course, leave their prints on the gun that Abe left. Will was there too, but I didn't see him touch the gun.

Two things: One, the DiMera mansion has crazy bad security. Two, Stefano looked a little annoyed with the number of shooters who kept him from slipping into some nice silk jammies and watching a few Sopranos reruns.

But alas, someone did pull the trigger. Let's take a look at the suspects and rank them using my awesomely improvised chess rankings! From least to most likely shooter: pawn, knight, bishop, rook, and queen.

...E.J. Motive: E.J. may be able to handle being kicked out of the family, but the news that Stefano caused Lexie's tumor, coupled with the revelation that Stefano conspired to break up Nicole and E.J., was too much.

Rank: Pawn -- E.J. was the only one that we know fired some shots, yet none of those went into Stefano. John Black and Officer Eve (R.I.P.) can attest to the fact that E.J. is not that bad of a shot. And, E.J. clearly loves the guy and is holding on to the idea of remaining a DiMera.

...KATE Motive: As a condition of their divorce, Kate must agree to a non-compete clause that would forbid her from working for any other cosmetics company.

Rank: Pawn -- Seriously, what? We all know that Kate still loves Stefano, so she needed a much better motive than a non-compete clause. She married the guy, knowing that he ordered a hit on her own son. I highly doubt that she'd shoot him now that he wants her to look into other employment opportunities. Moving on...

...ABE Motive: Able blames Stefano for causing Lexie's death. Abe's not wrong.

Rank: Pawn -- I never thought Abe would do it, as he wouldn't want Lexie to spend her last days without her father, nor would he want Theo to lose his grandfather. Abe admitted just as much.

...WILL Motive: Thanks to Stefano, E.J. took back Will's half of their "Best Friend Forever" necklace. For real, if Stefano made me give up my time with James Scott, I'd probably find a gun too.

Rank: Pawn -- Despite the fact that Will actually has shot a DiMera before, Will didn't have a gun on him this time. Besides, the secret of how E.J. got his hands on Abe's jobs plan is still up Will's sleeve. There's no need for violence at this point.

...HOPE Motive: She thinks that Stefano ordered the safe house bomb. Said bomb would have resulted in Ciara losing both parents, thus never developing the ability to draw stick figures that don't creep me out.

Rank: Knight -- Hope does know how to use a gun. But, Stefano rightfully pointed out Hope can't be a great mother from jail. And since Hope sucks at putting up any kind of defense when she commits a crime, she knows she'd be headed for the big house. Also, I'm giving Hope the benefit of the doubt that she's the one of the safe house gang who will actually respect Lexie's wishes.

...BO Motive: While he thinks that Stefano ordered the safe house bomb, he knows for sure that Stefano put Bo in a coma. And, Roman just told Bo to chillax with the temper. Bo does not take too kindly to directions.

Rank: Bishop -- If Bo did pull the trigger, he'll have a bang-up legal team (Justin!) in line to protect him. Oh yeah, and he had Victor in his corner. Knowing that he has a safety net might make Bo more likely to jump.

...MARLENA Motive: The whole explosion thing turned CIA immunity bummed her out. But, she was really motivated by the one thing more than powerful than her hate for Stefano -- her need to protect John. Learning that Stefano blackmailed Will probably didn't help her mood either.

Rank: Rook -- The only reason she's not the Queen (of the Night) is because the assailant used a gun. Poison is much more Marlena's style.

...JOHN Motive: There's the whole bomb thing. Plus, he had to watch one of Stefano's henchmen stalk Marlena. And, he's been telling anyone who will listen that Stefano needs to die.

Rank: Queen -- John absolutely has it in him to kill someone, especially if that person is putting his fair Marlena in danger. Add in the fact that the guy is a trained assassin and recently subjected himself to some brain scrambling, and I'd say that not only could he commit the crime, but he'd have a plausible defense. I'll go one step further and say that if the writers want to use this as a way to point out that John is Stefano's half-brother and now the sole heir to Santo's fortune...well, I wouldn't argue with them one bit.

...WILD CARDS Roman -- He might as well have been in the explosion. He knows that at least four other people are gunning for Stefano. And, Roman vs. Stefano is one of the show's oldest feuds.

Caroline -- The gun was missing from the Brady Pub safe. Caroline isn't above committing a crime to protect her family. Plus, she has no alibi, since no one has seen her in ages.

Lexie -- She's heartbroken over learning where her tumor came from and quite possibly worried sick about what Abe will do. Plus, she has a stash of pain pills and wouldn't be the first lady who became violent while on meds.

No One -- Stefano had a drink for every shooter that came by. He even ran out of brandy and switched to limoncello. It's completely possible that he'd be sloshed by the time he got to Kate. He could have passed out and what we saw was just part of Stefano's nightmare.

LOOSE ENDS: Gabi hired a hottie named either Angelo or Andrew (sorry, I refuse to subject myself to a repeat of her scenes just to get hottie's name) to stage an attack for Chad's benefit. It worked. Chad is now more convinced than ever that Gabi is being stalked. Shoot. I had high hopes for him and his new hair.

Lucas and Sami Keystone Kopped their way through Salem, only to find that the gun Will had went missing. But, the bigger mystery was, why does Lucas have the combination to the safe behind the bar at the Brady Pub?

Jack (and hopefully Jen too!) started chasing down a story based on the tip that E.J. was running for governor. I like the idea of Jack and Jen teaming up again, but I just don't think that E.J. would actually get elected. If he did, TPTB would actually have to name the state where Salem is located.

I appreciate that Rafe acknowledged that Austin was a good guy. But, those words were a little weak, since he was just making out with said good guy's wife.

Ugh! E.J. needs to back up off my boy, Will. E.J. was the one who slept with Sami and lied about it, adding fire to an already volatile situation. Just because Will was the vessel for the information doesn't make him responsible for the deed. That is all E.J.

HOT: Massive amounts of credit needs to go to the production crew for Friday's show! That sweeping shot where Sami ran clear across the Town Square to catch up with Marlena and the haunting shot where the shooter walked through the DiMera mansion were rare treats on soaps. Additionally, the awesome work that the sound, effects, hair, makeup, and wardrobe teams did to simulate a good chunk of our fair Salemites running around in the pouring down rain was spectacular.

NOT: Hold up! This happening offscreen stuff has to stop. First, Sami mentioned that she talked to Adrienne about having a gay son, yet we never saw that great scene! Just because Will is out doesn't mean that this storyline needs to drop off the face of my TV!

Next, it's bad enough that Jack is being ripped from us just as he's starting to get interesting again, but we don't even get to see how Jack re-proposed to Jennifer? You know that guy does production better than anyone. I'm sure it would have rivaled this one.

LINE OF THE WEEK: EJ: "I didn't want you to know that you weren't my sister." Lexie: "The hell I'm not. You are my brother and nothing can change that. Nothing." I kid you not; I raised my fist in celebration when Lexie grunted out those words. Go on, Lexie!

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I wonder if Mel and Chad ever talk about Mia. Chad's baby mama was Mel's roommate for a while.

E.J. gave Theo yoga DVDs for Christmas! Awesome!

When Nicole was switching the labels in such a hurry, I laughed about the possibility of her switching the wrong ones and getting a lab result showing that E.J. was the father of Rafe's baby.

Marlena's necklace was awesome.

I absolutely love that the candelabra in the DiMera study had black candles in it.

It's no shock that Ian is on his way out of town. But it certainly makes me question whether or not TPTB were really behind this whole "reboot" thing, since John and Marlena are the only ones left.

I love that Marlena gave Will two napkins to dry himself off. That was such a grandma thing to do.

Aww! I forgot that Austin and Nicole used to be friends! It was nice to see them catch up, even if it was only for a second.

And with that, we wrap up Sweeps. Tony will be back next week to clean up the remaining loose ends. Until then, I have a few questions to consider. Were you shocked that Sami actually suggested going to the cops? If Daniel no longer does surgery, why is he in scrubs? Would you like Nicole to help your husband pick out your gifts? (I would!) Isn't it past time for E.J. to pick up the phone and call Susan? Click here to share your thoughts with me.

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