Mama said there'll be DAYS like this

In a week so full of secrets, lies, confessions, and tantrums, what's a scooper to do? Why, ask mom for advice, of course! Read on to see why Abigail is going to be okay, Kate needs to turn it down, and Rafe is becoming my new favorite person.

Without a doubt, the best part about watching DAYS is the chats I have with my awesome mom about what's going on in Salem. We don't do it every week. But, every once in a while, when especially juicy weeks like this last one happen, I'll get an email from my mom that leads to a phone call that's at least a glass-of-wine long. Here's what we gabbed out this time.

SAMI and KATE Sami arrived home from her trip to Not Salem to find that Billie was taking over some responsibilities at Countess W so that Sami can concentrate on finding that pesky mole. Well, that and to continue traveling to The Land of Far Far Away.

I'm giving Sami one more week, and then I'm going to have to yell at her for not realizing that Kate knows what's up. Kate's being syrupy sweet with her words ("You're the only one that I trust") but then being terribly harsh with her actions. And, when it comes to Sami, you can't get much meaner than to keep her away from her kids. Wake up, Sami!

WILL and E.J. As always, I adored James Scott and Chandler Massey together, but I'm not quite sure how to interpret their scene.

On one hand, Will might actually be happy to work for E.J. because the position gives Will power. He's got power over his parents, as he can snicker at Lucas' "that's like sleeping with the enemy" line because Sami (who Lucas spent a good chunk of the week defending, to Will's disgust) literally did sleep with the enemy. And, should anyone judge or mess with Will when he does come out, E.J. certainly makes a valuable ally, as does the DiMera money that Will could throw at any problem.

On the other hand, it certainly crossed my mind that this was all a setup for E.J.'s behalf. This wouldn't be the first time that Lucas and Will teamed up to take down E.J. It seemed out of left field for Will to defy his father, in front of E.J. no less. Plus, there's no way that Will really couldn't think of a better role model than E.J. Will has spent the last three months championing Rafe, so it made zero sense for Will to suddenly draw a blank when asked to list some good dudes not named E.J.

JOHN and HOPE This storyline is getting humorous. For example, Hope flailed around their hotel room for days, lamenting about the lack of cell phone service, while John sat at his computer with Internet access. Hey, Hope, ever heard of email, Skype, Facebook, or any of the other zillion ways to get in touch with someone online? Also, his last name is Black. Her last name is either Brady, Williams, or Black. So, why were they breaking into the K-M file drawer?

Personally, I would have replaced all of that foolishness with footage of them putting together their awesome MacGyver Cat Burglar Kit with ordinary items that can be found around any hotel room! I know the kit contained shaving cream and gum, but I bet there were more items in that bag, and I really need to know what they are. One can't be too prepared!

In all seriousness, if neither the FBI nor SEC uncovered it when they investigated John a few months ago, John and Hope don't need this divorce. So, rather than make demands that Stefano hand over their passports like a good little gangster (because he follows orders so well), they should be working together to get leverage over Stefano.

Now, if only Hope knew that there was a secret out there that would make Stefano vulnerable. And, if only the person who uncovered this secret shared so much in common with Hope that they could look at each other and know what the other was thinking. Oh well, I've got nothing. Back to more scenes about cell service. LUCAS and WILL After giving each other the speed-read version of what's been going on in their respective lives, they got to the heart of the matter. Will thinks Sami is an inconsequential, wretched creature who deserves blame for, well, everything. Sami is genuinely concerned for Will, but I digress. Will's blind hatred for his mother perfectly parallels her blind hatred for Marlena, so I can see why it's applicable in this situation.

But, that doesn't make it right. And, as much as I adore young William, he needs to check himself (as the kids say). Lucas rightfully pointed out that the website and the Gabi breakup had nothing to do with Sami. Lucas wasn't going to take any of Will's attitude just because Lucas happens to side with Sami on a few things. Yet, Lucas expressed all of his objections with great care for Will. I really like where this is going.

BILLIE I'm positive that there's a reason for Billie being back in Salem. But, I sure can't think of one. Not only is Lisa Rinna physically unbelievable as Lauren Koslow's daughter*, but when Kayla and Adrienne are sitting around with no storyline, why bring in another woman from their same demographic?

And, please don't get me started on the possibility of Billie and Daniel. I completely chuckled when she introduced herself to Daniel as "Chelsea's mom." But since there's already been a scene where Billie made it clear to Kate that there's no possibility of a Bo/Billie reunion, I have a strange feeling that we haven't seen the last of a Daniel/Billie experiment, which means that I'm going to have to double my wine order for this week.

*Lauren Koslow has to take some of the blame for this. Damn her and her trendy dressing and youthful beauty! Doesn't she know that she needs to adhere to a certain stereotype to make me happy? Seriously, the nerve of that woman!

ABIGAIL and the mess that she made... Someone slammed down on the accelerator with this storyline! In a mere five days, Carrie learned about the "affair." Carrie confesses to being in love with Rafe, to Rafe and Austin. And Melanie learned that Abigail made the whole thing up. Let's break it down into small bites.

ABIGAIL I could defend Abigail lying to Austin about what happened; but, bursting into the hotel room and letting Carrie in on the "secret" was a strange move because now there's nowhere fun for the story to go. It could have been interesting to see Abigail hold on a little longer, slip further into madness, and continue to torture Austin and Carrie. But since the "secret" is out, Abigail is going to have to continue to lie, and then lie to cover up her lies. I'm not so sure that's the most entertaining route to go.

Still, there's part of me that feels bad for her. Abigail isn't a random character brought on for the specific purpose of stirring up some trouble. And, I don't think that this storyline is going to end with her being shipped off to prison or the loony bin. So I'm actually invested in how this plays out. How far Abigail falls is directly related to how far she's got to climb back up. Maybe I'm giving the writers too much credit, but I have faith that we're going to see Abigail come out of this situation okay.

MELANIE Melanie really is a good friend. Not only did she give up all of her bathroom breaks, but she was brutally honest with Abigail. Oh behalf of all the viewers out here in the real world, thank you, Ms. Jonas.

Mel repeatedly threw reality right back at her logic-challenged bestie. As Mel so brilliantly pointed out, it really didn't matter how skanky Carrie behaved or how desperate Abigail got. Austin's feelings for Abigail are not changing. He does not want her. Melanie even pointed out that Austin didn't turn to Abigail, but that Abigail just happened to be there when his drunken self turned up. Truth!

And it's a good thing that our favorite self-admitted screw-up didn't let Abigail off the hook because Abigail's ranting led to the revelation that we'd all been waiting for. Melanie learned that Abigail lied about sleeping with Austin! Bam!

Melanie better do the right thing. And by the "right thing" I mean she better hightail it over to Maggie and start spilling. Maggie and Melanie have a comfortable relationship; they've talked about Abigail before, and could team up to be a great support system for Abigail.

CARRIE It's not that I felt bad for Carrie. She checked out on her marriage months ago, so she has no right to play the "you ruined our marriage" card on Austin. But, I can see how she would be appalled that he "slept" with a student. That does seem a little immoral and unethical, and I'm totally with Carrie when she pointed that out.

Additionally, I think that Carrie had a hard time believing Austin when he claimed to feel nothing for Abigail because the idea that someone would cheat for any other reason than love is completely foreign to Carrie. Each time (yes, plural) Carrie strayed, she was genuinely in love with the fella.

CARRIE and RAFE I had this whole tell-off paragraph written about Carrie's hypocrisy reaching stratospheric levels. But, when she flat-out admitted to Rafe (and, more importantly, herself) that she's been falling in love with him for a while, I deleted it all. There she was, Princess Carrie of Holytown, admitting to being a sinner just like the rest of us. Carrie, I've never liked you more.

The love fest continued over to Rafe. Rafe admitted that Carrie wasn't alone in her feelings. He even went so far as to say their claims of an "innocent kiss" were out of pure obligation to try to save their respective marriages and laughed (out loud!) at the notion that they could claim the moral high ground with Sami and Austin. It was as if it was Galen Gering's first day on the show and I hadn't seen him since the Sheridan and Luis days. By the way, have any of you noticed how handsome this guy is?

AUSTIN Austin's life is going to get crazy worse real fast if he doesn't do something. Forget about Carrie for now. Homeboy needs to worry about losing his job, as well as a good number of his teeth, when Jack and Jennifer find out that Austin "bedded" Abigail.

If I were him, I'd call up ex-business partner Nicole Walker right away. Not only does she have history of covering up misdeeds, but she can sniff out a scheming she-devil like nobody's business. Abigail is playing Austin like an all-star right now, and he needs some serious help if he's going to make it out of this with his reputation and face intact.

MADISON and IAN If someone asked me to explain what Madison is all about, I don't think I could do it. She came to Salem as this shrewd businesswoman, so smart and savvy that Brady Black -- a character that isn't one to flippantly move from one woman to the next -- fell immediately in love with her. Yet, in the blink of an eye, she's cowering in the corner under Ian's thumb, for reasons that are utterly unclear to me.

I keep looking for something to eliminate my confusion, but I always come up empty. There should be more to the story; like, Ian and Madison are con artists, and the con went wrong once she fell for Brady. But, that's not the case. I'm supposed to believe that there's some sort of twisted love between the two of them that is so powerful that neither can leave the relationship; yet I see zero evidence that these two ever did or do love each other on any level. I don't get it.

And in the interest of full disclosure, I've seen and loved Sarah Brown in roles where she plays a powerful woman with true grit to get what she wants. So, it's crazy weird for me to see her playing a character that cries and clutches a teddy bear. As far as we've seen, Madison has zero power of her own, and I don't like that. LOOSE ENDS: Does anyone have a phone that will actually let you delete missed calls? I don't mean messages. I mean literally alter the screen that shows what calls came into your phone. Anyway, Gabi did just that, and it resulted in Melanie completely not caring at all and Chad running off with Mel. But, at least Gabi got two pieces of lettuce out of the deal. Score!

Woot! Lexie is still a doctor, after all. She brought Bo back to life and told Billie to chillax. And, she didn't sound like a hypocrite once this week! Go on, Lexie!

The devilicious Mr. MacCallister has taken Victor's company, Brady's girl, and now Sonny's coffeehouse. Okay, that third one hasn't happened yet, but you know it will. As soon as Sonny proclaimed that he did a background check on his anonymous investor, I knew that Sonny had been had. Since it seems that the Kiriakis men are completely inept at combating Ian, might I suggest that Adrienne take a swing here?

As nice as it was to see Brady share a few lines with Marlena and Kayla, both of them needed to put a sock in their advice. Turning up the pursuit of a married woman who's already been terribly dishonest with you is not advice that you give to a loved one. Thank goodness Daniel finally gave Brady some realistic advice -- more beer, less Madison. My sentiments exactly.

HOT: Can Kate Mansi get any better? I'll save you the time. The answer is no. This scene-stealing dynamo is managing to make everyone fall in love with her, despite the fact that Abigail is a certified whack-a-doodle. Even people who despise this storyline have told me that they adore Kate's work. I know that when Abigail's lies hit the fan, she'll have a long road back. I am so ready to watch the Lady Mansi take us on that journey. NOT: What in the world was up with Billie sneaking into Carrie and Austin's bed? Gross. Then, she heard him confess to cheating on Carrie and wanted to know the details. Double Gross! Then, Billie totally had common knowledge of the first place that her brother and sister-in-law had sex? Triple Gross! Granted, this was the rotten cherry on top of the crap sundae that was Billie's return, so it might have just pushed me over the edge. But, this scene was entirely too uncomfortable for me.

Oh, and Billie better reserve all judgment when it comes to sleeping with someone so much younger than you. Are you with me, Nick Fallon?

LINE OF THE WEEK: Stefano (to John): "I think I liked you better without a brain." So...many...jokes...can't...pick...just...one...

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Check out Nadia Bjorlin's guest spot on CSI!

I don't mean to be insensitive, but why did Hope call a comatose Bo's hospital room? I mean, did she expect him to pick up the phone?

What do they use for fake foam on top of beers in Hollywood?

Common Grounds looks interesting, and by "interesting," I mean it reminds me of one of those photo hunt games where the screen is filled with obnoxious colors and random decorations. I think there was a playing card and a trombone on the wall.

Did Carrie and Austin drive separate cars to the resort? How else could they arrive back in Salem at different times?

I would suggest that mayor-elect DiMera not serve underage boys brandy in his home. But, considering what the DiMeras regularly do in their living room, that move could actually be considered a good deed.

This dialogue played out in my head: Rafe: "Abigail?! She's like twelve!" Carrie: "Well, technically, so is E.J."

I love that Billie's list of Bo's kids included Chelsea and Shawn-D!

I noticed Will's not-so-nice look when E.J. made a joke about "gentlemen callers." Nice touch, Mr. Massey!

Really, Lucas? Working for Tony was the biggest mistake of your life? Not pursuing your brother's wife, sending the mother of your son to death row, or turning your life to alcohol? Come on, man.

My spell check suggested that I meant to type "Evils" instead of "Elvis." Coincidence? Discuss.

Christie Clark has the sad, puppy dog look down pat. I'm betting that she got to stay home from school whenever she wanted as a kid.

As I mentioned in my intro, my mom had many things to say about this week. Since you were all so kind to her during her last trip to Two Scoops Land, I decided share her thoughts with you on my blog. Now you can see where I get it from!

Finally, since last week's episodes were pre-empted a day, Monday, March 19th's show should actually have aired on Friday, March 16th. Thus, DAYS has one more shot to get it together and throw me a Brady-sized St. Patrick's Day party. Otherwise, I'm counting on Tony to bring the pain on my behalf next week. Until then, I'll leave you with a few last questions.

Does Roman know that Billie is back in town? (Hint, hint!) How cute are Maggie and Victor? Anyone else hoping that Sami retains Justin's legal services? And, wouldn't it be nice for Abigail to have a chat with Uncle Lucas about lying to land a mate? Click here to share your thoughts with me!

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