This sweet charade

While Abigail believed she could actually be with Austin, Madison pretended to have played Brady in order to save him from Ian's conniving clutches. Plus, Kate's plans to play nice in order to bring down Sami. But there's no pretending here -- it's all in the latest Two Scoops column.

Damn Tuesday's preemption! Because of that, Thursday's episode became Friday's cliffhanger. And now we have to wait until Monday to find out what happened when Carrie walked in on Austin and Crazy Abs. But that's not the only storyline I'm eager to see play out. Let's discuss!

CARRIE, AUSTIN, ABIGAIL, and MELANIE God, I really hate when I'm hanging out in only a towel and my supposed one-night stand shows up, I console her, and my spouse walks in. It happens more than you know. And it happened to Austin last week.

Whereas I do feel for Austin, Abigail is so deliciously delusional, I can't get enough. Kate Mansi is so much fun to watch. She's managed to make Abigail both crazy and vulnerable at the same time. I love my soap psychos to have depth.

Of course Austin isn't having fun with Abigail right now. He's tired and frustrated. And I'm convinced he was a second away from having to explain he's just isn't into her, using puppets to reenact their situation. It cracked up when he said, "You're not really hearing what I'm saying." No, bud. No, she's not.

I do give Austin credit for trying to help her, though. It shows he truly is one of the good (albeit dense) guys. He could easily toss her out, but he has sympathy for her.

Although, that sympathy is most likely going to end his marriage to Carrie. You see, Mrs. Reed-Wannabe-Hernandez walked in on a towel-clad Austin holding Abigail in bed. Whoops! I hate when that happens. Carrie does, too, judging by the look on her face.

Conversely, it was the looks on Melanie's face that also kept me entertained. Molly Burnett is a master of the "Oh, crap! Stuff's going to hit the fan" faces. Plus, the writers brought in Mel's own brush with bad ideas on how to land a man. She tried to share her experience with Crazy Abs, but for some reason, her advice fell on deaf ears. Go figure.

STEFANO, JOHN, and HOPE I seriously exclaimed, "Hello!" when Stefano pulled a gun on John and Hope. He usually hires thugs to do his dirty work. *Sigh* Oh, Marco. What was I saying? Right! Stefano and his gun. That can only validate what John and Hope were talking about -- whatever is going on in Alamainia is important enough to Stefano that he's going to be a hands-on crime lord. It's kind of fun to watch him be as bad as he wants. I'm sure he feels safe and secure in Alamainia, a land where anything goes. I only wish I could say "fun" applies to the rest of this storyline.

BO Bo was beaten badly by some baddies. Well, technically, Roman was, too. For the record, I love Roman's love for his little brother. It's nice to see the softer side of Ro Ro.

Although, I'm confused as to why Roman feels so guilty. Just before they were jumped, Bo was going to go rouge and go after Moroni himself. All that Roman did was invite him along on a legal search. Perhaps his guilt stems from dragging him to the pub in lieu of simply walking back into the square filled with people who could help. I'm not sure.

Ultimately, Bo is in a bad way. Hope is, too, because she can't get to Bo. I can't wait to see what Kristian Alfonso does with the material. She does suffering very well (SEE: Zack's death). However, if Hope's stuck in Alamainia for too much longer, or Billie cozies up to Coma-Bo too much, I will be the one truly suffering.

BILLIE Speaking of Billie, she's baaack! Sadly, it's not my girl Julie Pinson portraying her. Lisa Rinna has returned to the role. My mother always tells me if I don't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say anything. To which, I usually do, and then she gives me a stern "Anthony."

With that in mind, I'll try to look at this glass as half full, which will be easier if I fill it with scotch, empty it a few times, and then refill it. So, I like the idea of Billie teaming up with Kate to take on Madison and Sami. Billie has tapped into her inner-bitch before. Seeing her with an edge and with Kate could be fierce. Kate will certainly teach her the laws of the lipstick jungle. Plus, Lisa played a convincing crazy-pants on Melrose Place. With that in mind, I'm keeping an open mind and a full glass of scotch at hand.

LUCAS I love that Bryan Dattilo is back on DAYS! Seeing him again made me realize just how much I missed him and his devilish charm. He can simply make me snicker up with one of his grins!

With gushing out of the way, I hope the writers do Lucas justice this time around. It seems like he's created a good life for himself in Hong Kong. He's more confident than I've ever seen him, and that's great. But to say I'm a little worried that he will relapse back into a mama's boy is an understatement. My fingers are so tightly crossed that he doesn't, I'm having a hard time typing.

But like with Billie, I'm staying optimistic. Lucas seems stronger now, and he even snagged himself a fiance! According to Lucas, he and Autumn (not October or Winter) had a whirlwind romance. I'm guessing this relationship is going to crash and burn. I'm also guessing that if Autumn does fall into Salem, she'll be related to someone like Madison. After all, Ms. James-McAllister has a brood of brothers and sisters. Hmm!

SAMI and KATE Just like I'm worried that Kate will emasculate Lucas again, I'm also a little concerned about Kate and Sami falling into rinse and repeat mode. Their banter the past few months has been amazing. As business rivals and then reluctant colleagues, it gave them new material to explore. With Lucas back, I'm not sure that will last.

Heck, Kate already made one outburst against Sami and Lucas. Sure, it gave me the giggles, but it also gave me a flashback. To have them revert to fighting over why Sami shouldn't possibly date Kate's grown son would be a big step backwards.

I'd really like Kate and Sami to keep playing nice over business while secretly plotting against each other. If Kate wants to go after Sami, she should because she's been personally betrayed and not to "save" Lucas. He's a strapping lad. He'll be just fine without mean, mad mama Kate. Let's keep this round between the ladies because, after all, it's always been about their feelings for one another anyway.

IAN, MADISON, and BRADY Get on your dancing shoes, Brady and Madison made up! Yes, that was sarcasm. Ian wasn't a fan, either, and threatened to send Brady to the clink for something or another. In some Moulin Rouge! moment, Ian forced Madison to "hurt him to save him." What was I saying? Right. This storyline is boring me to tears. I like all of the actors involved, but Brady and Madison have the same endearing quality as a rash appearing where you really don't want a rash. I'm rooting for Ian.

LOOSE ENDS I'm confused. Kayla said that she was sticking around the pub a little longer because Caroline's doctors said she needed some more rest. I feel like I missed something. What happened to her? Did all that babysitting finally wear her down?

Thank the soap gods that Ari Zucker and James Scott are amazing actors! Otherwise, I would have fast-forwarded through E.J. and Nicole's scenes. Two weeks into E.J. and Nicole's breakup, and I am already tired of hearing his apologizes. What he did was wrong, plain and simple. Calling redundant, party of one.

Nicole sunk her own sympathy ship when she said, "I forgave you when you dumped me for my sister." Oh, boy. I can't wait for nine more months of this.

Marlena and Will make me happy. I love their relationship. I only hope that Will realizes Mar Mar will be at his side no matter what. I can't wait until he gets out of his own way and lets himself be happy. Yet, his pain is part of the journey, and I certainly have my bags packed for any road trip in which Chandler and his amazing talents are driving.

Whereas I like that Billie is peppy, I'm not sure about her judgment. She gushed about Chad and Gabi's chemistry. Since she's never met them before, perhaps she thought "Chad and Gabi" was the name of the sofa Chad and Gabi were actually sitting on, because the Horton Town Square sofa and throw pillows have more chemistry than those two models.

It came as no shock that Jennifer and Dr. Dan are officially over, but, ouch, Dr. Surfer Man basically had to tell her he wasn't in love with her in order to stop her inquisition. I guess we now know where Crazy Abs gets her inability to pick up on hints of un-interest. And God bless Jennifer, who ended their conversation by saying she was glad they talked because it was good. Honey, no it wasn't. You were officially dumped by a hot doctor. That's not good.

HOT: I absolutely adore the best friend chemistry between Alison Sweeney and Bryan Dattilo! I wasn't a "Lumi" fan in the past. I don't suspect I'll become one, either. But I do love it when Sami and Lucas buddy up and team up against the world. Move over, Paris, I'm looking forward to Salem in the springtime this year with these two in town!

NOT: Hospital scenes without Nurse Maxine!? This is starting to hurt, guys. Come on, writers, let's bring my girl back into the fold.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Ian (to Brady, responding to Madison telling Brady that he was a distraction whom she never loved): "If you're having troubles following, she's talking about you."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Ian warned Kate to stay away from Madison. Yeah, right. As if anyone could stop Kate from seeking revenge. Would you like a brownie, Ian?

I love Tom and Alice flashbacks! I really do. However, is celebrating anniversaries when both people have passed a real thing? If so, break out the wooden teeth and party on! George and Martha Washington's 253rd anniversary was in January.

I cracked up that Brady made fun of Ian's walking stick.

Oh, right! Kayla is a doctor. Almost forgot that.

I'm shocked! It's been nearly six or seven months since anyone in Salem has lapsed into a coma. I think that's a new record.

Interesting, when Rafe was with the most adorable kids in daytime and with Nicole, he didn't bother me. Methinks I'm just not a Safe fan.

I'm impressed that there are ISA agents specifically tuned into DiMera chatter.

Aw, Chelsea and Max are happy! I don't know if I believe not-Julie-Pinson Billie. I'd like to see Chelsea and Max for myself to judge that. Hint, hint, dear, writers!

At the end of Wednesday, Sami was at Roman's side. At the beginning of Thursday, the scene picked up right where it left off, but she was gone. Please, oh, please don't tell me Sami is on the Stephanie Johnson disappearing diet.

Was Marlena even around when Will was at the learn-to-spell age?

Just where is Steve "Patch" Johnson anyway?

J.J. lives on his own and gets good grades. He must be one gifted toddler!

I mentioned Moulin Rouge! earlier, but whatever happened to Chez Rouge?

"Either hell or a hell of a challenge." Good way of looking at things, John.

Shouldn't Bo be wearing a neck brace, considering he has a head injury?

Score! Salem has a new frozen yogurt place.

PARTING THOUGHTS: So, friends and DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of March 12! I hope everyone who needed to "spring ahead" did so. If not, surprise, you're late for work. Speaking of, I'm off to the pub to pick up a shift in order to help Caroline out, but Laurisa will back next week to sling some Scoops your way. We'll also discover if my partner in crime gets her wish to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with the Bradys. And, "That's a fact!"

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