Love taker, don't you mess around with me

Ian's arrival looks like trouble for Madison, but it may not be Madison who needs to worry. Will it be Victor or Stefano who suffers the most? Find out more in this week's Two Scoops.

Mystery solved! Salem holds elections on Valentine's Day. Well, at least it's a Tuesday. And, what a super Tuesday it was. Not only did Ian McAllister slither into town, but Sami literally put the smackdown on Carrie. Here's a briefing on the good, bad, and the parts that totally rocked.

IAN, MADISON, and BRADY I really love that Ian. I'll even look past the fact that this storyline is Nicole/Trent Light because Ian is like a cuddly warlock sent to turn this stinker of a storyline into something that I can actually enjoy. When he offered Brady a drink (no small gesture, since drinks from a hotel mini-bar are mucho expensive) my very soul wanted to bark with joy. I'm so glad his first scene was with the two dolts currently atop my "Get a Clue" list.

For what it's worth, Eric Martsolf totally nailed the "WTF?" face. But, I had a hard time feeling that bad for Brady. I'm no expert, but if Brady dug into Madison's past enough to find a picture of her and her mom that was assumed missing from the face of the earth, I would have thought that a marriage license might surface too.

And, I feel no pity for Madison at all. There was no reason that she couldn't have told Brady the truth. Whatever Ian is holding over Madion's head better be amazing because I have a hard time of coming up with something that I wouldn't tell the powerful Kiriakis prince who just proposed to me. Those Kiriakis fellas have some pull in the world.

But now, Brady needs to focus. I don't care how many wrestling singlets she passes off as "dresses," Madison is the one who wronged him here. Additionally, now that Ian is the CEO of Titan, Brady better call upon some of Justin's lawyer magic and work on Ian's contract.

KATE Oh, I'm nervous for my Katie! Ian seems to hold a power over her that makes her hope for a day when she can muster up the strength to resist him. I know the feeling. Currently, there is a Dairy Queen ice cream cake sitting in our freezer...torturing me with the promise of sweet chocolate ecstasy.

All joking aside, I do not want to see the end of Stefano and Kate. Sure, the addition of Ian makes a slightly intriguing love triangle. But, Stefano needs someone to stand by his side during showdowns with Bope/Jarlena and I desperately want that person to be Kate. I hope Monday opens with a shot of Kate pulling away from Ian's kiss and hissing, "You had your chance. I've moved on to bigger and better things."

MELANIE Mel was an excellent choice to find out about Abigail and Austin. Mel could certainly speak to the fact that kissing someone else doesn't necessarily mean that you want to leave your spouse. Plus, even the most devout Mel haters have to give her credit for announcing, "I'm pulling out the big guns now" and entering the room with a full-size container of ice cream.

Maybe that's why Abigail gave Chad and Melanie her blessing to start dating. I pray that the writers make this one stick. I realize that Melanie is one of the ladies who isn't related to half of Salem, and therefore, is going to be romantically linked to more guys than someone like Abigail. But, I'd like to see the writers pick a suitor for Mel and stick with it for a while. And, who's better than the dude who planned dinner and a midnight showing of The Princess Bride as their first date? (No joke, Chad could have snuck in an, "As you wish," and I wouldn't have been mad at all.)

AUSTIN and ABIGAILKudos to Kate Mansi, Patrick Muldoon, and Christie Clark for nailing their roles in that awkward confessional scene. I was a little shocked that Carrie didn't have more to add to the topic of kissing someone else and the implications that it has on one's relationship, but I thought that she played the perfect "big sister" role to Abigail. And, I loved watching Austin squirm while trying to stick up for the guy in Abigail's situation. I have no idea what Abigail will do with her lie, but I'm interested to see what happens next.

Yes, I realize that Abigail is super wrong for lying to Austin. And, yes I realize that it's bananas for Abigail to construe Austin's drunken rant as an invitation for romance. And, yes, I'm a million percent convinced that Austin would not be so ready to forgive Carrie if he knew the truth about what really happened with Abigail. But, I don't care. I'm completely entertained, and I find it all very soapy!

Abigail didn't set out to be a home-wrecking harlot. If she did, she would have kissed Austin well before she thought his marriage was over. So, I'm not ready to write off Abigail just yet. Make no mistake, she's displaying completely wrong and inappropriate behavior, but such is the case with many a college co-ed who is embarrassed and hurt after an intimate night gone wrong. If she locks Austin in a cage or starts wearing a fake belly, then we'll talk.

ABE and LEXIE I love that someone decided to take Abe out of mothballs and give him a storyline. I'm thrilled beyond all expectation that the new writers decided to tackle a business storyline with no romantic triangle added. Finally, I applaud the fact that we actually got to see people doing their jobs, and not just talking about them.

However...This storyline has a bad case of misplaced "oompf!" Abe's error did not warrant the fit (there was actual foot-stomping) that Lexie threw. I had to rewind my DVR to confirm that, yes, she actually accused him of being just like E.J. and Stefano. Girl must be taking her crazy pills again.

For starters, Abe didn't have that much of an advantage. E.J. and Abe picked the topics for the debate, thus giving both of them three specific areas for which to prepare some talking points ahead of time, regardless of the questions.

Second, Abe has proved time and again that he's the least shady man in Salem. If he wanted to win the election, he would have disassociated himself from John "Bernie Madoff" Black during John's trial and asked Lexie for some DiMera skeletons. But he did neither.

Bottom line, I don't care if Pollcounter McCheater says that he fixed the election for Abe. Lexie looks like an absolute dimwit for not even considering that E.J. and Nicole might have out-schemed Abe and Jennifer. Dr. Lexie Carver should be a tad smarter than that.

BO, HOPE, JOHN, and MARLENA Is it bad when the highlight of this storyline is watching Kristian Alfonso deliver the line, "I've been growing these worms for a month with Ciara, but I'm not going to be there because I'll be in Alamainia!" with utter sincerity and conviction? I thought so. This storyline has Melaswen written all over it. You can keep throwing as many vets at it as you want, but the weak premise isn't going to get stronger. No one believes that John and Hope would forgo their respective marriages to investigate "feelings" for each other.

To make it worse, Marlena started to think that there could be some truth to Stefano's claim that John and Hope got married out of love. To be fair, then, I better see her worry about Ava Vitali too. You know, that's the affair that happened just a few years ago while John was brainwashed.

SAMI Alison Sweeney's nearly two decades in soap land has perfected her art of the "slap and yell" scene. The Sami and Carrie confrontation did not disappoint. And, for the most part, I was Team Sami.

There was only one time when the sassy-banged one and I disagreed. Carrie didn't throw herself at Rafe to piss off Sami. She kissed Rafe because Carrie has feelings for Rafe in spite of the fact that he's Sami's husband. The whole rivalry between Sami and Carrie is rooted solely in Sami's own insecurities. Carrie was right about that.

However, Carrie was not above using Sami's insecurities to further her own agenda. When Carrie decided to list all of Sami's past indiscretions in rebuttal, I really wanted to step into the scene and say, "Ladies, ladies! There's enough room for both of you to be bitches here. Isn't America great?"

RAFE Rafe put on his best leather jacket and tried to puppy-dog eye his way back into Sami's heart. It didn't work, nor should it have. I don't buy the argument that Sami should forgive Rafe just because she cheated. When the truth comes out about Sami and E.J., should Rafe be obligated to forgive Sami because he cheated with Carrie? Of course not. So, I'm not going to hold Sami to a double standard here.

If Sami's going to forgive Rafe, it should be because she believes that his feelings for Carrie are gone. However, since both Carrie and Rafe dodged that question like it was the stinky kid in class, I have a feeling we're not done with them just yet.

Let's not forget that this isn't the first time Sami's caught Rafe kissing another woman. She got over seeing him make out with Nicole. But, that time, it wasn't Carrie, and there weren't feelings behind it. This situation is much more than "just a little kiss," and Rafe needs to treat it as such. LOOSE ENDS Stefano opened his envelope from Alice. We don't know what it said, but it made Stefano cry. I'm thinking that it either has to do with one of his children, or it's news that Limoncello is very high in sodium.

Jack was in full-on Super Dad mode again this week and I loved every second of it. Something tells me that Jack actually would try to fix the world for Abigail if he could. In other news, I'm fairly sure that DADDE (Dads Against Daughters Dating, Ever) was the organization behind this oldie, but goodie.

Stefano took the news that E.J. lost the election rather hard. Yup, that was it. Stefano's not still brooding over the fact that E.J. botched up the frame job on John. Nope. Stefano has totally moved past that point and trusts E.J. to lead the family into the future 100%. Totally.

Will had some secret meeting with a leather-clad hooligan outside of the town square. Will even proclaimed that he speaks for E.J. This could get interesting.

Victor seemed to suggest that Maggie's presence may have been responsible for his inability to see that a man with a walking stick shouldn't be trusted. I'm going to go ahead and recant that statement for him.

HOT: RO-MAN! RO-MAN! (Everybody join in!) RO-MAN! The guy was on fire last week. First, he told Will, in no uncertain terms, that Roman is ready to kick some bigot butt if anyone gives Sonny any problems for opening a coffee shop in Salem. It's a reminder that hate crimes are, in fact, illegal. That alone would win him the award. But then he went on to use his entirely appropriate trademark, "What da hell?" in response to the news that Rafe kissed Carrie. Finally, someone who didn't fall down at the altar of St. Rafe! (Dear Kayla, That is how you act upon learning the news that your niece's husband kissed your other niece!) I loved that he threatened to rearrange Rafe's face for messing with both of Roman's girls. He can stick up for his family anytime! NOT You all know that I can see the potential in a Carrie and Rafe pairing, however the writers need to cool it with a couple of excuses that are becoming a bit too common: 1. Neither party gets credit for "coming clean" when they got caught in the act of cheating. Otherwise the guy who gets arrested in the middle of a crime could claim that he should get a lighter sentence because he did the right thing. 2. It's so not Sami's job to make up stories about Rafe's absence to her children. I don't see anyone stopping him from telling the kids that he made a mistake. 3. Really, Rafe, in what alternate universe is it a good idea to defend your mistress to your wife? This isn't The Sopranos, where girlfriend night is accepted. Stop defending Carrie to Sami.

LINE OF THE WEEK Ian: "You're throwing yourself into your work to stop thinking about me" Kate: "Oh, I think you do enough thinking about yourself for the both of us."

Ha! Tell 'em, Katie!

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I get that Will is steaming mad at Sami and dealing with a crap ton of his own problems now, but when things are hunky-dory again, I need to have a chat with my newest favorite character about the definition of the word "faithful."

How about Alison Sweeney in that leather jacket and Joan Jett 'do? Looking hot, lady!

Kate's polka dot tights were great!

Lexie mentioned that Salem was one of the few cities that didn't lay off cops, but I'm pretty sure that Roman mentioned budget cuts at the station a while ago, especially when Rafe was trying to get his job back at the Salem Police Department.

That loud noise that you heard when Sami name-dropped Mike Horton was my partner, Tony, jumping for joy. Oh, wait, maybe it was him hitting the floor to avoid being smacked by the pigs flying around when Kate and Nicole complimented each other. Hard to tell.

Applause to Molly Burnett for perfectly delivering the look that said, "There are so many things wrong with what you just told me that I don't even know where to start."

Vivian, Carly, and Nicholas were all mentioned as ways to get past the red tape in Alamainia! Would a call to Quinn have helped? He is an Alamain, and he does owe the PD for letting him off the hook for the whole pimp thing. "Tell me to my face" and "Look me in the eye" must have some magical power that I do not understand.

Quote from my husband, "I'm amazed at the number of blue chip corporations in Salem when there's, like, 20 people who live there. Are all the workers contracted? Is it like the Death Star?"

Yeah for Valentine's Day flowers, candy, jewelry, and cards! Fingers crossed for that St. Pat's Day party at the Brady Pub!

And with that, our Valentine's week has come to a close. Tony is getting jacked up on conversation hearts to cover Ian's first day as Titan CEO. Until then, here are a few questions that popped into my head this week: Is Charles Woods (a.k.a. Mr. Chad's old Dad) still the D.A. in Salem? Don't Abigail and Carrie look similar from the back? Did anyone else believe for a second that E.J. forgot about Valentine's Day? And, who else feels that Sarah Brown is too good to play a wimpy, weepy woman?

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