Party like it's 1999

They're back! John can walk, dance, and apparently commit international crimes! In other news, the time in Switzerland not only did wonders for John's spine, it also made Marlena even more beautiful.

This whole DAYS 2.0 title really is a misnomer. The term "2.0" suggests new features that you've never had before. But that's not what we got. We didn't get a new DAYS. Nope last week was Retro DAYS complete with John, Marlena, Carrie, and the guy who broke up Kelly and Zach on Saved by the Bell (Note -- turns out he's not a total jerk!) And you know what? That may not be a bad thing.

It was a celebration of what we adore about soaps. It was a sweeping, all-cast scene complete with family reunions, high fashion, and the coolest light-up serving trays I've ever seen. So, before we get to the happenings of the week, let's honor our extended family by seeing what Tony and my all-star soap experts think about the future of DAYS. Laurisa and Tony: Jack is back! So are John, Marlena, Carrie, and Austin. Whose return are you most excited about and why?

Laurisa's Mom #2: John and Marlena were my first choice! Anyone else is a bonus!

Mark: I have been longing for John and Marlena to come back. But I am more excited about Austin and Carrie, or should I say the "original" Austin and Carrie. I'm so glad to see Patrick Muldoon back. I truly remember way back when I was in high school, and Austin and Carrie were the teen scene back then.

Laurisa's Mom: Marlena, but I wish she had returned without John.

Laurisa's Sister: I'm happier that John and Marlena are back compared to the others because I would have liked Daniel and Jennifer to stay together, and I don't see Carrie and Austin impacting as many characters, or having as big of a storyline, as John and Marlena.

Dan's Mom: Marlena. She's an icon on the show. It will be good support, too, for Sami. I think everybody needs their mommy at some point no matter how old you are. Bringing Marlena back into it may rebuild her and Sami's relationship because that's always been a little wonky. Sami was always the rebellious person, but she's kind of calmed down since she met Rafe.

Dan's Nana: John! John and Marlena. I'm glad they're coming back. I like them as a couple. They prove that things will work out in life if you just have the power to do it.

Tony's Mom: John and Marlena, of course. I like their maturity. They have an interesting chemistry, and he's not bad to look at.

Sumer: Jack, I think he always brings humor to DAYS, and Jen and Jack equals the best couple ever.

Laurisa and Tony: Who do you think will return to Salem next? More so, who do you want to return to Salem?

Laurisa's Mom #2: John and Marlena have always been my first choice, so anyone after them would be a bonus!

Mark: I am really hoping for a return of Billie and Lucas, which seem more logical. But I am still getting my hopes up for a HUGE return of Eileen Davidson as Kristen. I would also like to see Bill and Laura again, even if they just pop in from time to time like Doug and Julie do.

Laurisa's Mom: Belle and Shawn; I also miss Lexie's mom, Celeste!

Laurisa's Sister: Still waiting for Shawn and Belle!!!

Tony's Mom: I really don't know who will return next, and I don't really have a preference. I just want the writers to keep it exciting and not boring.

Sumer: Susan Banks only so I can hear her say "Kris-tan!" again.

Laurisa and Tony: Do you have an all-time favorite character?

Laurisa's Mom #2: Marlena, Maggie, Hope

Mark: My all time favorite character, without a doubt, is Sami.

Laurisa's Mom: Julie

Laurisa's Sister: Belle, Sami, Maggie, and Melanie as a newer character

Dan's Mom: Maggie. She seems to have grown so much on the show. They started her out as being nave, and her character has blossomed. She's bolder and more brazen now. She speaks her mind and sticks to her values. I also loved Alice Horton. Well, I pretty much like them all! I can't really say I have any one that I would like to see bite the dust or anything.

Dan's Nana: I like the doctor. You know that handsome doctor. I like Daniel. Tony's Mom: All-time favorite would have to be Victor! He matured quite nicely, and is always true to his character.

Sumer: There's no question about it -- Sami Brady! OMG, let's see, she started on the show as a bulimic, stole her baby sister, drugged her other sister's boyfriend, slept with Lucas and passed his kid off as Austin's, was almost executed, and, well, she's Sami Brady!

Laurisa and Tony: How about an all-time least favorite character?

Laurisa's Mom #2: Jack or Stefano

Mark: I know a lot of fans may disagree with me on this, but my least favorite character is Jack. He is annoying and I am really starting to like Daniel and Jennifer as a couple.

Laurisa's Mom: John

Laurisa's Sister: Stephanie -- when she was the redhead race car driver who liked Max, I hated her. When she was with Philip, I had no opinion. When she wanted Nathan, I hated her.

Dan's Mom: The one that I kind of didn't like would have to be Vivian. She was just so darn nasty!

Dan's Nana: I don't like Vivian. She's a real bitch. She tried to kill Melanie. She buried Maggie alive. She tried to drive Carly nuts. She was always meddling in other people's business. She's just a conniving bitch.

Tony's Mom: Least favorite? That's easy. Chloe.

Sumer: Dario. He really didn't have much going for him.

Laurisa and Tony: Now that DAYS has been "rebooted," what kind of storyline would you like to see for the show?

Laurisa's Mom #2: I hope for things that aren't so "off the wall." Mark: I would like to see a "family reunion" storyline, somewhat like they did when Alice died. We need something huge to happen again to bring the family all back together again, even if just a short visit.

Laurisa's Mom: More hospital/medical storylines

Laurisa's Sister: I don't think there is a strong group of high school / college kids besides Chad and Abby, so perhaps a storyline that makes them more important to Salem and the other characters would improve that group's image on the show.

Dan's Mom: Right now, it seems like everybody has all this free time, and they don't have problems money-wise. Maybe talk about things like companies going down or having troubles. Everyday things that people are dealing with -- illnesses, losing their jobs -- and maybe the way they portray it will help people out with their situations.

Dan's Nana: Real, everyday happenings. Happy things. Well, nothing is ever really, really happy-happy. There are going to be sad things, but more everyday happenings.

Tony's Mom: I would like to see it continue in the direction it is going and talk about issues that are in the real world...health issues that we all face...sexuality...economics. More than just people all dressed up living in mansions and having fancy lunches. I would like to see them messed up in the mornings and having to pick up kids and balance a budget. Real-life stuff.

Sumer: Something from the old days. Something exciting. Like where they were are all on an island or boat or something was blown up.

Laurisa and Tony: BONUS: Who's been your biggest DAYS crush?

Mark: My biggest Days crush is Peter Blake!

Laurisa's Mom: Roman (The Wayne Northrop version)

Laurisa's Sister: E.J., Shawn (Both Shawns were acceptably adorable), and Philip (in high school and then after the face transplant)!

Dan's Mom: Oh, boy! Can you have two!? Well, I think Daniel and, even though E.J. can be a stinker, I think he's cute.

Dan's Nana: Daniel, I think he's a nice young fellow. If I were a lot younger, he'd be my pick.

Tony's Mom: My all time crush was Dr. Dan until Rafe came into the picture. Rafe is sure easy to look at, but because of my age, Victor has always been, from day one, a gentleman, and I think he is my favorite. Sumer: Who's been your biggest DAYS crush? Rafe (sooo hottt)

CHLOE When Kate threatened to tell the courts that Chloe worked as a prostitute, Chloe rebutted that she'd talked to Quinn (cool!) and he's all ready to testify that Kate was the one pulling the puppet strings. That would give Countess Wilhelmina some little-needed bad press. You go, Ghoul Girl!

It was nice to see that Chloe got to go out with a piece of dignity, since the previous writers ripped it from her. She got tender goodbyes in with Brady, Nicole, and Daniel. Then, she landed the job in Chicago and moved to start a new life with her son. Rumor has it that Philip is open to joint custody. And, Chloe's even got Single White Female new bestie, Kinsey, going with her -- you know, in case Kinsey needs to watch Parker or turn another trick for Chloe. Either or. JOHN and MARLENA They're back! John can walk, dance, and apparently commit international crimes! Our beloved Father John is back at Basic Black (I wondered what happened to that thing!), using his skills as a businessman to embezzle money to benefit the Salem P.D. pension plan. At least, that's what I took from it.

In other news, the time in Switzerland not only did wonders for John's spine, but has some beauty secret for Marlena. Wowza! She looked posh and stuh-ning in that black dress.

MAGGIE and VICTOR Stop it with all of the heaving and humping. (Looking at you, Sami and Rafe!) If the writers want to deliver on their promise of romance, follow Maggie and Victor's lead. Both characters remained true to who they are and managed to give us genuine moments.

Victor's proposal complete with confession/challenge, "Some would say you should stop looking for love at my age" was simply beautiful. And, he gets 1000 awesome points for going to Jennifer and Hope to ask their permission. We'll have to wait to hear her answer, since dumb ol' Rafe decided to run in and arrest John before Maggie could answer. But, I'm hoping that she says yes. I'm looking to a bachelorette party with Jennifer, Hope, Adrienne, Melanie, and Abigail. JACK, JENNIFER, and DANIEL I think Matt Ashford is a brilliant actor. He's like Jim Carey meets Jimmy Stewart with a dash of Lucille Ball thrown in. So, I'm trying very hard to be patient with Jack, especially since Adrienne says that he has a good excuse for being a bum of a man. (I make it a habit of trusting anything Adrienne says.) But the writers are making it tough. I didn't understand, nor do I find entertaining, anything Jack did last week. If this was "classic Jack," count me out.

Apparently he's so unrecognizable in that incognito beard that no one, not even his nephew Will, can recognize him during a head-on collision. Additionally, if he honestly didn't know that they were divorced, why didn't he walk right up to Jennifer and tell her to remove her lips from Daniel's face? For that matter, why bother checking into a hotel room and waiting nearly 24 hours before contacting her? Here's hoping that the writers have something better planned for the character.

I felt so bad for Jennifer. I think we've all been in the places when the future is so confusing that the only thing you can know for sure is the present. After such an emotional night, she wanted to be with Daniel. I think it's less because she loves him and more because he doesn't lie to and hurt her. Granted, that's not enough to sustain a relationship, but at least it let Jennifer keep some dignity. Jennifer should not just accept Jack back with open arms. Jack needs to earn Jennifer's trust back. Even Adrienne said so!

LOOSE ENDS I'm going to start a petition called, "Stop Having Crap Happen to Brady Off-Screen." It's going to urge the writers to stop having...well, you get the idea. Apparently John and Brady had a falling-out. Considering that no one's said boo about John for years, the better tactic would have been for John to come home and then learn about what a booze-guzzling sarcophagus-stuffer Brady's turned out to be and then make the sad faces at Brady.

I have zero problem with Rafe, Bo, and Roman hovering over Sami and giving E.J. the stank eye when E.J. asked to see the kids. Husbands, uncles, and fathers have every right in the world to look after their family. The problem that I do have is with Detective Hernandez, Commissioner Brady, and Detective Brady throwing their public servant power around because they have a personal agenda. Inept cops with egos are rarely entertaining.

I loved hearing Stefano refer to Marlena as his "Queen of the Night." But, I'm surprised that Stefano didn't call John "brother." Or, are we supposed to forget that John and Stefano are half-brothers now?

Bo and Hope found a stack of bank statements at Alice's house that suggests that Gran had been blackmailed. Hmm... Jennifer has been living there for almost a year, and she never noticed. Could Jennifer be involved?

Thanks to Abigail's mercy dance request, Melanie and Chad got a chance to interact. (Abigail, sweetie, never ask your fella to dance with a beautiful millionairess. Trust me.) On paper, Chad and Melanie make a lot of sense. They can bond over the loss of a child, having a villain for a father, and being lied to by your mother for years about your paternity.

The mayoral race is somewhat intriguing, but I can't help but thing that it would be infinitely more interesting if it were Lexie vs. E.J. Their dynamic is fun to watch. Since this storyline is going to destroy their relationship, anyway, why not let Lexie get a little more of the glory?

HOT If Nicole can pull off this independent woman thing, she will be my hero. She was saying all the right things like, "I would rather die alone than end up in some man's arms that I can't stand." Preach. It. I've always thought Nicole was a strong gal, and it's about time that she realized it too. I so hope she keeps it up!

NOT First, Sami and Rafe couldn't be bothered to show up on time for Alice and Tom Horton's dedication because they needed to get it on. Twice. That's so classy, I can hardly stand it. Then, Rafe went all jerkface on Sami when he found out that she interviewed for a job without his clearance. I think that the writers are trying to do a Lucy/Desi thing with Sami and Rafe (he was thisclose to shaking his finger at Sami and claiming that she had some "splainin" to do), but it's not working at all. Lucy was a lovable goofball. Sami is a strong-willed mastermind of deception. Those are not the same thing. LINE OF THE WEEK John: That's a fact. Yes, it's horribly cheesy, but there was something so great about it.

Honorable Mention: Jennifer: Just because my ex-husband falls through a cake, I'm not going to let him ruin this night. And isn't that a life lesson we should all learn? RANDOM THOUGHTS: Dude, Roman, if a professional matchmaker asks you if you're looking for love, you say yes! Do you not know what your love life looks like?

Nicole's neck sure healed fast from that knife wound she suffered yesterday.

Where did I miss the auditions for dancing extras at the party? Tony and I so would have been there!

It took John and Marlena 15 whole minutes, including commercial breaks, to start making out.

Kate's deliciously funny assistant, Chris, was at the party. That guy makes me laugh. (See: Not getting murdered by Stefano DiMera is at the top of my "to do" list.)

I dig that Adrienne was filming Lexie's speech on a Flip camera.

Justin's eye-roll during E.J.'s "let us praise and honor the Lord" was awesome. I followed suit when E.J. said that the drug dealers are what made the city bad.

Are we calling it Countess W now? I sure hope not.

As far as I know, Carrie and Sami are on good terms and have been for a while now. Yet, Marlena was lecturing Sami about playing nice. What happened?

I love that Doug and Julie always color-coordinate with each other.

I liked the Patti Stanger Millionaire Matchmaker stunt. It meant that NBC is behind the soap enough to do some cross-promoting, and DAYS desperately needs that! I wouldn't mind seeing more. Tell me it wouldn't have been amazing if Leslie Knope was Roman's date or if Al Roker showed up to interview Bo and Hope.

And now we're full into the next chapter of DAYS. Any thoughts so far? If you were Nicole, who would you vote for? Isn't it about time for Doug's place to reopen so we can hear Bill and Susan Hayes sing more often? Who did you think was best dressed at the dedication? My vote goes to Victor. While all the other guys were in mere suits, Victor busted out the tux. Well done, sir.

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