Freak out

Isn't it about time for Victor and Maggie to get trapped in a room together, forced into a green card marriage, and/or plane wrecked on a tropical island?

Remember when Wimbledon meant that DAYS aired at some obscure time like 1:37 a.m.? I don't know about you, but back in the days before DVRs, there was about a ten percent chance that I'd actually succeed in correctly setting the VCR timer to record the show. Additionally, some programming always ran late and made the start time something stupid like 1:52 a.m. Thus, I almost never saw DAYS that week. So, I'm actually a little pumped that I got to see all three episodes this week! (There were three, right? Good.) Here's what happened in our fair Salem.

WILL I would love to see Will and T move in together! Not only do I really like T and think he brings some good comic relief with Kinsey, but I dig the fact that Will has friends. He's going to need them, too, because he's getting a major case of the real-world heebie-jeebies.

Not that it's totally unexpected. Will has long been the most mature one in his immediate family. (Though, Johnny runs a close second.) Life was bound to catch up with him. Since he's been back, he's helped Mia get over giving up her child, his mom through Grace's death, and Gabi grieve over Arianna's death, and covered up E.J.'s shooting. I'd say he's due for some self-reflection time. If that involves a little beer pong at Will and T's party pad, I'm okay with that.

SONNY Let's talk a little propping, shall we? Perhaps it's my fault that I suggested Sonny come in with all the swagger of a James Bond marathon. But, things are getting a wee bit out of hand. He's the youngest man to ever climb K2, and on his way down, he bartered with a Sherpa. Wikipedia tells me that one out of every four climbers die in their attempt to make it to the top of K2, which is probably inaccurate because I bet Sonny saved them by crying on them with his magical healing tears.

He's nowhere near the Rafe or Melanie level of propping, but the character and the actor need to be given a little more opportunity to actually do things, rather than just have other characters list off his attributes. I enjoyed watching him interact with Chloe and Parker, since the little guy is his cousin. I just hope to see more scenes like this in the future and a few less Sherpa references. That's all I'm saying.

BO and HOPE They're pinning E.J.'s beating on Fafe. It's a cool idea, and I love that so many characters are in on the plan. I liked Bo a lot more this week because he put down his badge and started scheming with Victor and Brady. The more Kirakis men, the better!

However, I'm still wondering why they don't just march the two Rafes down to a judge and say, "See what the DiMeras did!" Since Rafe has all of his memory back, he certainly remembers the weeks that Stefano and E.J. spent taunting him. I know that Stefano said he destroyed all of the evidence in the basement, but as long as there are two Rafes, all of the evidence isn't destroyed!

SAMI Okay, we're making progress here. Sami is starting to remember that she's no stranger to trouble and finally stepping out of Rafe's shadow. I like that, I really do. I cheered when she went over to the DiMera mansion to distract the boys enough to plant a bug in the DiMera living room. But, I do have a few suggestions for what Ms. Sami Gene can do to continue this positive direction and avoid the pitfalls that have claimed many an anti-heroine before her. 1. Give Salemites a little bit of credit. I didn't understand her need to, "...make sure every person in town knows what [E.J.] is capable of." Really? Are there people in town who don't know how dangerous the DiMeras are? Even Care Bear Taylor admits that she knows what E.J. can do. Sure, she thinks he's changed, but she at least knows that he makes a habit out of running with scissors. 2. Learn something about biology. It's been my experience that fresh flowers eventually die and need to be thrown out. Best-case scenario, the bug gets thrown out with the flowers. Most likely, Mary will find the bug at the bottom of the vase when she goes to dump the water, which was made even easier when the bug fell into the water. #2A -- Learn something about water and electricity. 3. Pull waaaayyyy back on the "our kids" when speaking to Rafe. I have no problem with Rafe being an important part of Will's life. But forgive me if I'm a little skeptical when it comes to Sami. She insisted that Austin was Will's father in order to stay connected to Austin. Then, she handed Grace over on a silver platter to Rafe to avoid telling E.J. the truth. Homegirl treats her kids like they are cars on Oprah. "You get a kid! You get kid! You get a kid!" So, it's best to just keep quiet on the subject.

CARLY Wow. She's on edge. Don't get me wrong, it's super fun to watch Crystal Chappell play the crazy in Carly, but I'm half expecting Carly to start going off on inanimate objects next. I imagine she'll pick up a pen and say, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Are you suggesting that I record things on paper?!? Is that your little passive aggressive way of questioning my comprehension abilities? Let me tell you, electronic health records are going to make your ass obsolete in a mere number of years, and I will still be here working hard to save lives! That's why I went to medical school and you didn't!"

She'll then apologize and meekly blame it on the lack of coffee. To which, the coffee will pray, "Please don't make her notice me! I don't want to be a part of this."

MELANIE and DARIO Melanie and Dario's makeout was fine, but Brady ruined the whole scene. Part of it was because I loathe a Brady and Melanie pairing, and his jealously was redonk. But the majority of it was because Dario's rant was right on. Dario would have been the first one on Brady's side in the fight against E.J. Dario and Brady have too much in common and potential for storyline between them. I get a little cranky to see it wasted on a bogus triangle with Melanie.

BRADY My husband walked by the TV on Wednesday and asked, "Hasn't that guy found a shirt yet?" Ha! Poor Eric Martsolf had to be topless the whole week. Yes, it was a tragedy. So simply stupid that I can't believe that made it through editing. Yup...just plain...

Whoops! Storyline, right. Sorry, I got distracted. Anyway, everyone and their commissioner uncle tried to convince Brady to keep his mouth shut and head down. I couldn't help but wonder if they realize who they are talking about. Brady is the one who successfully helped Nicole cover up her pregnancy, and then successfully stuffed Vivian in a coffin. I'll concede that he's a bit of a hothead, but if I were planning a scheme, I'd definitely want Brady on my team. There's too much John Black in him for me to believe Brady is the out-of-control madman that everyone else must protect. It's not like he's going to crack and confess to the crime. QUINN I can't quite figure Quinn out. I suppose that's a credit at this point. He got mouthy with Kate when she pressed him for proof that Chloe was hooking. Yet, he got his feathers ruffled when he learned that "Lola" didn't perform like a good little showgirl. He was adamant that he hates Vivian, yet he has no problem dining with her and talking about Chloe and Justin. Mystery definitely looks good on a villain, and I find myself wanting to see more of Quinn. And, no, it's not just because of the dimples. Though, they don't hurt.

E.J. and TAYLOR I felt bad for Taylor. (Yes, it shocked me too.) She heard Fafe confess to killing her mother. Taylor doesn't know that Fafe isn't Rafe. All she knows is that the dude should be in jail, or at least being held for questioning. But instead, Bo and Hope just shush her every time she tries to report the crime. I don't know why she hasn't picked up the phone and called Abe by now. Not even E.J.'s proposal could cheer her up. It's a shame, too, because she should be celebrating the fact that she and E.J. now hold the record for fastest proposal -- lapping Lucas and Chloe by at least two months. Way to go, kids! Bottomless chowder cups at the Brady pub!

MAGGIE and VICTOR She came over. She told him to get his act together and find out if they can really work as a pair. She kissed him. Then she left. Isn't it about time for these two to get trapped in a room together, forced into a green card marriage, and/or plane wrecked on a tropical island? I'm going to go ahead and cross "miracle pregnancy" off the list, but there's got to be some soap clich that they can whip up to move this relationship along. LOOSE ENDS: Kate set Abigail up so that Abigail would catch Chad with a very nefarious-looking Marco doing what appeared to be some serious lawbreaking stuff. I'm just not buying the angst in the Chabigal relationship. There's not a big enough bond between the two of them for me to care that Kate is messing with the pair. Plus, picking between Kate's scheming and Abigail's whining is like choosing between cookie dough ice cream and a punch in the throat. Whoa! Stefano got to Nicole's lawyer and replaced the DNA evidence with a fake will -- leaving everything to Taylor! That was a very DiMera move, and I loved it.

Chloe got to see Parker again. This time the supervised visit with the baby happened in the bar of the fanciest restaurant in Salem. Only on soaps!

HOT: There was something refreshing about Daniel not pressuring Jennifer to tell him where the powder came from. Were this any other pair, Daniel would have waited until Jennifer left and then said to himself, "You're up to something, Jen. And I'm going to find out what it is." But, instead, he just got the results to her quickly and then backed off. It's like this storyline is actually progressing forward or something.

NOT: Hope mentioned that she talked to Victor about going along with the plan, but I sure didn't see it. Drat! I love it when Kristian Alfonso and John Aniston share scenes, and I would have loved to watch how Hope convinced Victor to go along with a plan that he didn't come up with.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Stefano (to E.J.'s suggestion that they tell Taylor the truth): "What kind of medicine are they giving you here? Angel dust?" E.J.: "You don't understand the kind of love Taylor and I have." Stefano: "Of course not; mere mortals like us cannot understand the complexity of it."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Ahh!! Sonny mentions Jo and Vern! He seemed to hint that they're still in town. Maybe that's where Stephanie's been staying too. The note that "Rafael" left for Stefano was preposterously awesome. It's totally something that Fafe would do. Riddle me this: Why hasn't Chloe gone to Nicole and/or Brady for help with Quinn? She has experience dealing with powerful, dangerous men. He's gone up against an Alamain and won. It seems like a no-brainer to me. And, those are Chloe's specialties! Finally, Tamara Braun got a decent outfit! She looked perfect in that gray dress.

I'm totally going to start using the valediction, "Your loving creation." For those of you who haven't gotten the chance to check out our Emmy section, you can do so by clicking here for the cheers and here for the jeers. Dan has tons of great interviews with the stars here. And just in case you forgot, I love reading your thoughts on my column and on the show. So please click here to email your thoughts to me! In the meantime, I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!

Your loving creation,