Holiday Inns...and outs

E.J. is reaching all new lows of jerky when he tells Johnny that Sami doesn't care about him. Lying to Sami is one thing, but lying to Johnny is terrible.

I have nine Christmas trees. Yes, that's right. Nine. It's safe to say that I get a little fanatical this time of year. So, I was thrilled to notice all the holiday touches around Salem: Safe's Christmas tree, Maggie's herb tree with a fleur-de-lis topper, E.J. going Christmas shopping at stores that gift wrap your purchase, garland around the fireplace at the Jonas and Kiriakis houses, and wreaths on the door at the pub. I loved all of it! Here's what else was nice (and naughty) this week on DAYS:

NICOLE and BRADY I'm not sure what to think about these two. They're both completely bonkers. Her with her irrational connection to a baby that isn't hers. Him with his random facial scruff. But there's something about them that I like.

They're surprisingly honest with each other. Nicole came clean with Brady and told him that E.J.'s making her pick between a man and a baby. I have no idea what E.J.'s deal is with Brady, and I think E.J. is making the request just to be a twit. But I loved that Brady didn't miss a beat and immediately jumped into planning a scheme to best E.J. I agree with Brady too. If Nicole can fake a pregnancy for months while living in the house with E.J., she can pull off a little fake breakup. I just hope his attempt at "breakup sex" is enough to make her reconsider her decision.

E.J., SAMI, and RAFE Oh, sweet spirit of Christmas! Please help me through this storyline. If so, I won't ask Santa for anything else this year.

I'm not crazy about E.J. using the rest of the Bradys to punish Sami, but then I remember that the rest of them know that Sami shot E.J. and think he deserved it, so I feel less bad for them. Oh yes, and then I remembered that Caroline decided who should be Parker's father, and I feel nothing for her.

I also feel nothing for Sami. To quote her when she was leaving E.J., "I'm taking my kids and I'm getting out of here. And you will never, ever see your children again." She can pout on as many park benches as she wants, and it still won't change the fact that she would (and did!! See: Grace) do the same thing to E.J. that he's doing to her.

No shockers here, but I could go without Rafe scolding Sami for sneaking onto DiMera property -- especially since he caught her when HE snuck onto the DiMera property. The guy should just get a shirt that says, "Do as I say and not as I do," and it would save me a lot of confusion.

Next, while I love seeing Lauren Koslow deliver dark ominous prediction in that whisper that she does so well, E.J. and Sami's situation is hardly the same as Curtis and Kate. For starters, Kate didn't lose her children because she shot Curtis in the head.

Furthermore, E.J. is reaching all new lows of jerky when he tells Johnny that Sami doesn't care about them. Lying to Sami is one thing, but lying to Johnny is terrible. It would help if only we knew more about how Stefano actually got E.J. away from Susan and Edmond...but I digress.

The only ones I feel bad for are the kids. No matter how many awesome pow-pow power wheels he gets, Johnny still misses Sami. And, Ali actually thinks that living with her father would be a punishment. I want this storyline to move in another direction. FAST! It's too sad for everyone involved right now -- especially the fans.

HOPE Ohhhhhhhhh...I hate Jane. She's so smug. She thinks she has Hope beat, which means that I'm going to enjoy watching her knocked on her jerky butt as soon as Bo figures out what the hidden message in that letter is. I'm hoping that the message is "Ciara" spelled "SEAra". Get it? "Sea" as in the place that Bope used to live on the Fancy Face? Could Bope be getting ready to set sail again? I sure hope they plan something soon because I doubt that Charlene is the only prisoner in Statesville who would like a piece of Detective Brady. I've seen enough cop dramas to know that prison is not a detective-friendly area.

CARLY In one of the great cinematic epics of our time, Sweet Home Alabama, Reese Witherspoon's character dumps her fianc to go back to her hometown sweetheart. It was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but I actually found the movie quite sad. My whole problem was that her fianc wasn't a jerk and didn't deserve to get dumped at the altar, despite how awesome lightning on the beach is. Thus, I had a hard time embracing the movie for the chick-flick love fest that it was supposed to be. (And trust me, I love those type of movies. Meg Ryan has her own shelf on my DVD rack.) No, instead I felt bad for the guy. And, I have a suspicion that I'll soon be feeling the same way for Carly. Don't get me wrong, I want Bo and Hope together. But I've grown fond of Carly, and I'd like to see her paired with someone else, not just left as collateral damage on the side of the road.

BEN Dang. Here I was thinking that Ben was a nice guy and the show was doing something good without shoving it in our faces. Boo. I was wrong. Ben is in on the organ trafficking. Or is he... There has to be money changing hands somehow and I don't know yet know where it's coming from. Jane said that she was just in it for the money but Ben was in it to be a hero. I'll admit to burying my head in the sand on this one, so if the writers want to whip up any kind of out to save the dreamy doctor from being a slimeball, I'd be so happy.

MAGGIE I know Big Red is still seeing green over the whole sarcophagus scandal, but she's breaking my heart each time she slams the door on Victor. He loves you, Maggie!! If five (okay, three) reasonable people thought the world would be better without Vivian in it, why can't Maggie see that this particular situation has extenuating circumstances to consider? It's not as easy as "do the right thing." And while I don't condone burying people alive, I do appreciate it when a bad guy finally gets her comeuppance. Let's face it. Vivian was due! Not only did she try to kill Maggie, but Vivian tried to kill Melanie too! I'm just shocked that Maggie is so easy to attack the people who went after Viv.

VICTOR, KATE, and STEFANO I don't believe it's Kate's fault that Sami shot E.J. But, I get where Stefano is coming from and I begrudgingly understand why he's not quick to forgive Kate. She did unleash a crazy on his son. But, I loved that Kate saw that Stefano was trying to humiliate her and promptly told him where to shove his betrayal. Sure, she played the game for one round -- apologizing to Chloe and Daniel for basically all of '09. But when Stefano wanted Kate to play nice with Vivian, Kate packed up her silk scarves (she really is the female equivalent of Steven Tyler, no?) and left the mansion. Atta girl, Katie! However, I am holding out hope that these two lovebirds manage to work it out. Kate's seen the man through illness, political scandal, and family drama in the short year they've been married. Plus, they both admitted that they fell in love with each other! HELLO! This is one match made in hell that I'd like to see revisited sooner rather than later.

LOOSE ENDS: Vivian told Gus that she had a plan to deal with the sarcophagus bunch, but we just don't know what it is yet. Honestly, I'm still having a hard time believing that Vivian will do anything to immediately hurt Philip, so I'm anxious to see what the writers have planned to convince me otherwise. Stephanie seems to think that once she and Nathan are married, he won't leave her when he finds out that she kept Parker's paternity a secret. She knows that she lives on a soap, right? Hair coloring lasts longer than most marriages. I loved how the writers incorporated Chloe's past as an orphan into her motivation to give Parker a happy home. I wish they had played that card months ago! So, Will and Gabi are a couple now. Call me crazy, but there's been no buildup to this pair, and if they were going to get together, they'd have done it a long time ago. Maybe it's nuGabi. Maybe it's the fact that Will and Chad have more history together. Maybe it's the fact that Gabi is Will's step-aunt. But I just don't get this pairing. Daniel witnessed Melanie's husband kiss another woman. Melanie knows that Daniel's wife slept with another man. If Daniel doesn't go straight to Melanie and tell her what he saw, can he really be mad at her for keeping Chloe's secret from him? Until proven otherwise, I'm taking this as the glorious immunity I've been hoping the writers would bestow upon the Melanie/Daniel relationship.

HOT: Have I mentioned how awesome Jennifer is? Well, she is. Exhibit 1: The awesome coat she wore when bringing Maggie home. Exhibit 2: Her support of Bo and his quest to save Hope. Exhibit 3: Jennifer remains friends with Carly because Jennifer knows that Bo and Hope were separated before Carly came to town. ALL HAIL JENNIFER!!!!

NOT: Really, Caroline? You're going to tell off Jesus? He hasn't even dealt with you yet, but you decide to show up at church and mouth off about how you did the right thing by keeping Philip from his son so that your granddaughter could get some Horton booty. I'd stay away from bodies of water, insects, and bushes if you want to keep up this delusion of justice. That's all I'm saying.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Carly (about Jack): "How you do you think he got that koala bear to sit in his lap?" Jennifer: "He probably told it he'd spend the rest of his life trying to make it happy, just like he did me."

RANDOM THOUGHTS: What does Stefano actually give as a baby present?

As Kate walked into Daniel and Chloe's apartment and Chloe just rolled her eyes, I realized how brave the people of Salem are. They just are mildly annoyed by people who tried to kill them.

If Stefano doesn't tell E.J. and Lexie about Chad soon, Christmas dinner is going to be a bit awkward. "Chad, can you pass the potatoes and your birth certificate to Lexie?" "E.J. can you help me alter my will to include your new brother after we open presents?"

Do you think Chloe gave Gabi the name of her hairdresser?

Would you like to see Nicole face off with Sabrina if the little minx tries to move in on Brady?

Stefano really needs to change his locks, not to mention check on those security cameras he supposedly had installed on the mansion grounds.

That's all for this edition of Two Scoops. Tony will be back to continue the holiday celebration in Salem. (His shopping is already done!) In a few weeks, we'll be handing out the annual Golden Donuts and Alex North Memorial Awards. To see who we picked last year (and marvel at how off our picks can be!) click here for the best and worst in DAYS from last year!

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