No one mourns the wicked

The fastest way to drive a wedge between Bo and Carly would be if Carly did anything to hurt Bo's family...such as screwing over Bo's brother by keeping Philip's child from him.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I adore a good villain. I don't care if it's a bridge troll or a Sith lord, give me someone with a dark side and I'm into the story. So, DAYS is hella lucky to have some great bad guys. For those of you who share my crazy taste, there was a wide selection of characters to cheer on. Here's the rundown of the best of the baddies and also the important good guys who make the stories interesting.

STEPHANIE and KAYLA The idea of these two teaming up to figure out who the father of Chloe's baby is makes me very excited. Stephanie shines when she's the sidekick to a fast-talking, smart gal (see: Chelsea), so I have no doubt that Kayla will be a superb fit for the role. Furthermore, we didn't get to see it on-screen, but we know that for a good chunk of Stephanie's life, it was just Kayla and Stephanie. So, it makes sense that the two of them should be able to work together and be closer than many other mother/daughter combos in Salem. The writers can dig deep into this bond if they want to. And it could get VERY interesting. Stephanie's desperation to keep Nathan coupled with Kayla's obvious bitterness towards Carly may come to a head if the storyline continues on the obvious path towards Carly being the one who switched the test results. The fastest way to drive a wedge between Bo and Carly would be if Carly did anything to hurt Bo's family. Say...I don't know...like...screwing over Bo's brother by keeping Philip's child from him? Yup, even if it is unintentional, I'd say Bo would be pretty ticked about it! So, what could happen if Stephanie wants to keep quiet and hang onto Dr. Horton, but Kayla wants to scream out a reason to clear the path for Bo and Hope to reunite? Could Kayla choose between Stephanie and Bo? Ahhh...the soapy possibilities! MAGGIE, VICTOR, MELANIE, and PHILIP In an age where some men won't even pick up the tab for dinner, it's nice to know that Victor Kiriakis is still willing to spend a little bit of dough for his lady love. Yes, he's the old-fashion kind of chap that will send flowers, open doors, and be willing to buy every house in the tri-state area to keep Melanie and Philip from moving out of Maggie's house, therefore causing Victor to lose his convenient excuse to spend time with Maggie whenever he pleases. I adored Melanie's plan to move in with Victor. I could have watched her smother him with sweetness all week. Undoubtedly, Molly Burnett's perky sunshine paired with John Aniston's dry wit is a match made in comedy heaven. I'd give up carbs for a whole week if it meant I got to see this pair work together more. Hopefully, I'll get that chance as Philip and Melanie move into the mansion. Of course, to have Melanie around to keep an eye on Brady can't hurt either. NICOLE and BRADY She's onto him. Literally. When Friday's show left off, she and Brady were going at it on top of the sarcophagus. That should make Tony's list of "Most Inappropriate Places to Get It On," right along with the plane crash site of '08. I'm still enjoying the dark side of Brady, but I'm not so sure if I'll like the sainted side of Nicole. Personally, I don't need it. I already think Nicole has a good heart. (It's her scattered and sometimes vodka-soaked brain that gets her into trouble.) So, watching her try to convince Brady that his soul will be damaged by burying Vivian alive is nice, but unnecessary. I get that it's for the sake of giving Bricole another chance. Arianne Zucker and Eric Martsolf have good chemistry together, so I'm not opposed to the pair. But now that Brady's gone a bit mad, I'm holding out hope that Nicole will drop the savior plight and join Brady in causing some trouble. Let's see these two sinners laugh together for just a bit. They can do the right thing later. (Note: just as long as they don't do it on top of a coffin. Thanks.) SAMI, E.J., and RAFE Okay, writers. I'm onto your little game. Someone has been studying the Sami/Austin scripts from the past and recycling them so that everything Sami did to Austin, E.J. is now doing to Sami. First it was the rape and now it's the fake amnesia to keep a marriage together. Sure, Alison Sweeney, James Scott, and company are more than capable of making this work. But, it's going to take some fancy ninja writing to make this actually interesting. Right now, we can all name that tune in less than two notes. Honestly, I think the place to start would be to see less of this storyline. It's not that it's poorly acted. It just involves too few characters at this point to warrant the amount of screen time it gets. How many times can E.J.'s machines beep? How many times can Lexie scold Rafe for going into E.J.'s room? How many times can Sami almost tell Rafe the truth just to back out at the last minute? One. The answer to everything should be one. Otherwise, the resulting monotony does a substantial disservice to the main characters. Sami came across an uncharacteristically cold. Sure, she's a whack-job scammer, but she's always meant well. Shooting E.J. was an impulse decision, but she's had days to think about what it would do to her kids if E.J. died at this point. So, her repeated foot-stomping at the idea of keeping E.J. alive seemed a bit heartless considering the kids AND, oh yeah, it IS Sami's fault that E.J. is in said life-threatening condition in the first place. She loves her children and I highly doubt she wants to explain to them that their father died because mommy couldn't wait a few days to call daddy an a-hole to his jerkface. Speaking of impatient people, Rafe spent entirely too much time at the hospital with Sami, and it resulted in him being schooled by Lexie on the finer points of chivalry and how women are capable of making their own decisions. (You go, Lexie!) On the bright side, I really liked the scene where Rafe showed Sami the apartment that he Extreme Makeover-ed for the Sami Brady bunch. Although, I don't see how that small kitchen is going to be enough for six people. As for E.J., I'm glad that he let Stefano in on the plan. But, I can't help but feel that he's going to trick Sami into thinking that he's still in love with her, until he actually does fall back in love with her -- which of course will be approximately 1.5 episodes before he learns that she is the one who shot him. I hope the writers have a twist coming soon. STEFANO, KATE, and CHAD I love that Stefano let Kate in on the secret that E.J. has his memory back. But, I wish that Kate would hurry up and come clean with the news that Chad is Stefano's son. All these scenes where Chad tells Lexie that he's never had a brother and hearing Stefano shun Chad from family discussions has to mean that Stefano is going to find out the truth soon. However, in the meantime, who else cringed with me when Chad thought that Kate was hitting on him? Lauren Koslow is one sexy lady, but the idea of Kate bedding TWO of her husband's sons is a bit too high on the ick factor, even for DAYS. LOOSE ENDS In weirdo-of-the-week news, Keith (played by 3rd Rock from the Sun alum, French Stewart) showed up as a pet cemetery director who gets worried about people when they seem distressed in a cemetery. I can't imagine why people would ever be sad in a place like that! Pregnancy is definitely giving Chloe some heightened brainpower. First, she correctly pointed out that Brady is too good for Nicole. Then, she impressively talked Carly out of asking questions about Chloe's affair. (Although, if Philip and Chloe keep publicly discussing the fact that they slept together every single time they meet, I don't think it will matter whom Chloe has or hasn't ruled out as a baby-daddy suspect.) All in all, it was a successful week for Chloe Lane Black Roberts soon-to-be Jonas. I LOVE that Melanie told Carly about Nathan's sleep-talking confession. When it comes to following your heart even though it might not be the popular thing to do, Carly's certainly the expert.

HOT Kayla is my eternal hero for setting Stephanie straight. In the nicest mom way possible, Kayla called Steph desperate and insecure. (I'd also add a little bratty since Stephanie actually tried to get sympathy from Kayla, and I'd argue that losing your boyfriend to his ex is small peanuts compared to having your husband brainwashed and kidnapped for 20 years.) It may have taken the full name treatment, but at least someone told Stephanie that if a guy would up and leave her so easily, he might not be the guy for her. A to the men, Kayla! NOT Nathan, sweetie, it is one thing to tell Chloe Lane how to live her life, but it takes chutzpah to tell E.J. DiMera how to live his. I'm not sure if you're ballsy or just dumb. Maybe it's a combo of both. That's not a good look for a successful Horton doctor. LINE OF THE WEEK Victor (to Brady about Nicole): "Let me get this straight. You're having a romantic assignation in a mausoleum with a woman who gets loaded and talks about monkeys." I honestly don't know how Eric Martsolf held it together when Acting God John Aniston delivered that line with such conviction and a straight face. The more of Victor, the better. RANDOM THOUGHTS: Dear Fashion Fairy Godmother, I want Chloe's purple earrings, Carly's awesome red dress, and Stephanie's shiny hair. Thanks, Laurisa

E.J.'s hospital headgear looks like the old fashioned perm machines. I'm all for advertising money keeping my soap on the air, but does anyone believe that a woman who owns an Irish pub would really be serving frozen Chinese food that she bought at the grocery store? I don't know about you guys, but my twist-off beers make a sound when I open them. Is E.J. off the hook for the Sydnapping because he got shot? Nicole's tape still exists, and surely E.J. can't have a literal "get out of jail free" card forever. I thought only Stefano had that one. Salem needs more eligible bachelors. I'm a little tired of watching the same partners swap. So, what do you do when you need a few good men? Send in the Marines! Surely Philip has some old buddies from his time in the Marines who need a job working security for Titan, as special investigators for DiMera Enterprises, or as cyber experts for the Salem PD. With that, our time has come to a close. I'm off to send Maggie a friend request on Facebook. I can't wait for her to send me some recipes from Chez Rouge! In the mean time, are you excited for Philip and Melanie to move into the mansion? Do you think Sami has any remorse for shooting E.J.? And, who else thinks that the "safe house" is really right across the hall from Rafe's new apartment? Tony will be back next week to report it all for you.

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