Honestly dishonest

One would think hitting rock bottom would mean you learn a lesson or two. Normally, one would be right. Unless your name is Nicole Walker, that is.

Truth be told, I think Abe said it best. "Life is weird." And it was particularly weird in Salem last week. No, it was more than weird. It was like weird, odd, strange, and bizarre combined to form a Voltron-like robot that tried to take over the soap universe and rid it of truth and logic.

In fact, it looks like the robot is winning its crusade. Stephanie used illogical intuition to find out the truth about Philip and Chloe's lies. Sami was truthful about her conflicted love life, yet set aside logical thinking for a quick response to E.J.'s proposal. Hope searched for a logical explanation as to why she lied, mugged, and tried to murder. Nicole was dishonestly honest and fed Brady a logical -- albeit fictional -- excuse. And Stefano tried to come up with a logical excuse as to why he's afraid to talk to a teenager! Without any further ado, let's have a truthful discussion about all these lies!

STEPHANIE, NATHAN, PHILIP, CHLOE, DR. DAN, and CARLY I'd like to begin with a quote from Mr. Supposed Prosthetic Leg himself, Philip Kiriakis. It is perhaps the best "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" shout out to flabbergasted fans regarding this entire "Who's The Daddy?" storyline. Dimples said of Carly's feeble excuse at St. Mary's, "What? They bought that!?" Thank you -- I thought the same thing, Philly.

In general, this storyline has been like the Flimsy Excuses Olympics. Yet I agree with Laurisa -- even though we know better, I don't have a problem with Dr. Dan and Melanie not knowing. To them, life is perfect. Dr. Love-struck thinks Chloe's a loveable yet ditzy oddball, and Melanie is blindly devoted to the man of her dreams. I give them a pass to be clueless -- for now, anyway.

Not so clueless was Stephanie "Mountain Out of a Molehill" Johnson. At first, I really, really, wanted to push her off the pier. That entire picture of Nathan and Melanie nonsense wasn't cute two weeks ago and, last week, it was downright ugly. As Nurse Maxine might say, "Girl, get over it!"

And Steph did get over it...for a split second. But once that second was over, it was back to being ballistic. After all, she saw her man hug his ex! How dare he!? And then she did the only logical thing -- broke into someone's apartment. Right.

Yet whereas Steph might be a whiney future member of the Fatal Attraction club, she did have a legit thought. She finally realized that she was barking up the wrong molehill. Instead of worrying about a picture, she refocused on Philip's bizarre behavior. And then she found out the big baby secret!

If for no other reason, I'm glad Stephanie knows because something needed to happen in order to keep this storyline from dragging even more than it already has. Interestingly enough, that something has finally -- and I do mean finally -- given Steph a somewhat valid reason to act paranoid about Nathan and Melanie. She's right. He will go back to Melanie. She knows that. Philip knows that. And I suspect Maggie knows that too.

The big question is, what will she do with this newfound information? Logically speaking, she shouldn't do anything. It's pretty much a lose-lose situation for Steph at this point. Delivering the news to Philip and Chloe is a moot point -- they know the truth coming out would destroy all of their lives. If she tells Dr. Dan or Melanie, her chance with Nathan is blown out of the water. Aunt Adrienne or Caroline will probably force her tell the truth. And that leads her back to the beginning -- what can she do?

Whereas my hunch is that she doesn't have a leg to stand on (insert Philip joke of your choice), I have a bad feeling the writers will pull a "Belle Affair" on us. That is to say, everyone will know about this terrible secret except those who should, thus causing a horribly uncomfortable atmosphere for months to come. Gee, can't wait!

E.J., SAMI, and RAFE And speaking of "can't wait," Sami "I Need Time to Sort Out My Feelings" Brady spontaneously said yes to E.J.'s proposal. Um, I thought she was soul-searching, but I guess not. I can't say that I'm shocked, however. Sami used to be the queen of rash decisions. Welcome back, Oh, Spontaneous One!

When you take a step back and look at things, this love triangle is all shades of odd. The former bad girl/newly christened mostly good girl is torn between two men. Of those men, one is the "bad guy" who's acting all shades of nice and kind. He adores her and wants to be with the real her -- bad habits and all. And then there's the "good guy." He's acting all shades of aloof, aggressive, and all-out aggravating. He adores her, yet hurts her by proverbially pulling hair like a six-year-old with a crush on a classmate. Yep, I definitely understand her choice now. I'd pick the shady guy who treats me nicely over the guy who's simply acting shady, too.

Overall, my take hasn't changed that much over the past few weeks, but my annoyance of Rafe has. He makes a valid point or two. I'll give him that. I also don't doubt his love for Sami (or the Sami he imagines her to be). But -- big but -- he needs to man up and tell her things. He never told her the truth about Emily's death. He never explains his "hunches." I get that he can't talk about his FBI cases, but a "head-up, you might be marrying your baby's kidnapper" might be nice. After all, if he thinks Sami is so strong, he should know she could handle the truth.

HOPE, BO, and COMPANY At the core of things, this sleep-walking, pill-popping Hope saga is absurd. Yet I have to hand it to the writers because they dropped that absurd bomb on all of Salem last week. Everyone found out about Hope, and they were left with the same head-scratching feelings viewers have had for several months now. I like that everyone's on the same page -- even if that page reads "dazed and confused."

More so, I'm pleased that the writers are letting the chips fall where they may and everyone is scrambling to make sense of things. And while they do that, nearly every character has one common concern -- Ciara. She is the biggest factor here. It was her kidnapping that started this bizarre chain of events. As long as that concern doesn't fall to the wayside and things aren't sugarcoated, we should be good to go.

I'm also pleased that the writers aren't rushing things with an "Aw, shucks! It's okay. It was the pills," excuse. Bo wants to believe that, but Hope isn't letting him, even though the poor guy's heart is broken. And sure, others closest to Hope are supporting her, too, as they should, but there are others who are royally ticked off -- as they should be.

But if E.J. was irate, Arianna was super-irate! I can't blame Arianna at all. The gal has done nothing but suffer the past few months because of Hope's actions. Be it pill-induced or not, Hope made her life a living hell. Heck, Ari had to wear prison garb, and that alone is a crime against humanity. Should she listen to Gabi and forgive and forget? Probably, but it was nice to see the writers aren't letting Hope off so easy.

If nothing else, Arianna is the voice of the audience right now, and she gets to scream, "You were acting like an ass!" Yep, she was. And now that the wheels are turning towards Hope redeeming herself, my only wish is that it takes longer than two months and a hasty pardon to get her back. Anything less than more of those fantastic scenes with Brady, tough love from Abe, and support from her loved ones will feel like a cop-out on the writers' part. After all, she deserves a hard time for her actions as retribution to Arianna as well as the viewers who love the real Hope Brady.

ARIANNA, BRADY, and NICOLE One would think hitting rock bottom would mean you learn a lesson or two. Normally, one would be right. Unless your name is Nicole Walker, that is. I'm bringing back an old favorite -- extend arm palm up and slap forehead!

I mean, really, will the gal ever learn? Probably not and, okay, that's part of her charm, but her lies only make Brady look dumber and dumber. And that comes on the heels of him finally acting pretty dang awesome, as Laurisa perfectly pointed out last week. Therefore I was a bit disappointed that he was so quick to buy her latest lie.

But whereas Nicole hit rock bottom, something hit me while I watched Arianna and Brady interact. I finally came to the conclusion that I never bought them as a couple. At all. Sure, they flirted, dated, and had sex in between rounds of breaking up, but they never really had a connection.

In fact, I finally figured out why I never fully connected with Arianna in general. Now, this has nothing to do with Lindsay Hartley or even Felicia Terrell -- and maybe I'm behind the learning curve -- but Arianna is sort of annoying when it comes to her romantic life. She doomed her relationship with Brady by focusing on his ex, Nicole. Methinks Stephanie could learn a few things if she paid a little more attention to the world around her.

Nevertheless, Ari was never fully developed. Sure, I feel bad that Hope screwed her over, but that's about it. After a year, I should be sad she's leaving. Instead, I'm sort of relieved.

CHAD, WILL, STEFANO, and KATE On the flipside, poor Chad didn't get any relief last week. Yet I don't think saying "Poor Chad" accurately sums up how heartbreaking things are for the lad right now. His ex-hooker-turned-judge mother died after they fought. His father is an arrogant, self-centered jackass who doesn't even care enough about his son to take him to see Aunt Brenda on his way to college. And now Chad can't even get an honest answer from Kate or Stefano. Yep, it sucks to be Chad.

The only bright spot for Chad seems to be Will. I like their friendship. It makes sense. Mia was the common denominator that caused the tension between them, and now she's gone. Plus, Will -- not unlike his mother -- reacts with his emotions. He feels sorry for Chad. He wants to help. And I for one am anxious to see just what happens when these two start working for Stefano!

On the other hand, I doubt Kate will be too pleased about Chad's potential position. She made that off-handed comment about Chad already being family. Say it ain't so! Writers -- make him Tony, Andre, or even E.J.'s son. Making him Stefano's offspring is just a slow death march. Three out of six of the Phoenix's kids are dead, that's not good odds for an already war-torn Chad!

LOOSE ENDS What's not to love about Victor and Maggie!? They just work -- plain and simple. The only complicated matter is Vivian. And now that she's enlisted Gus into active duty, I'm concerned for Big Red. It's a basic fact that a henchman equals bad things are coming. Then again, Vivian's last few attempts at revenge have failed miserably, so there might just be a little reprieve for Victor and Maggie after all.

Hmm, Adrienne reached out to Justin! I think I like where this is heading. Heck, even if seeing those two reunite means seeing them as meagerly as we see Abe and Lexie, I'd take that trade.

Like Laurisa, I'll also take another huge helping of the Layton/Manning/Jonas family! That ragtag familia are great to watch. I especially loved Melanie's support of Carly. Like her or not, Carly is the Queen of Guilt, as Dr. Dad pointed out. I'm glad she has Junior in her corner -- for now, at least.

EXTRA SCOOPS

HOT: I loved Dr. Baker's reaction to E.J. and Sami reuniting -- hysterical! There's Team EJami and Team Safe, but Dick was pretty much the voice of reason who put it out there in black and white. It was one of those, "Well if you put it that way" moments that was definitely well played.

NOT: Aside from Hope Brady being the aforementioned sleep-walking, pill-popping mugger and would-be killer, there is one other thing about this storyline that makes absolutely no sense to me. It's just a tiny tidbit that is being overlooked and is making me see red. You see, I keep wondering -- when is someone going to contact Shawn Douglas!? Everyone keeps focusing on Bo and Hope's kids, specifically Ciara, but there's a grown-up little sailor man out there that would probably like to know his mom tried to serve his dad up extra crispy.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Will (explaining his new project/part-time job at DiMera Enterprises to Chad): "Apparently they need a 17-year-old with a C-minus in math to make it fly." I wonder -- was he giving us insight to the writers' room? I kid, I kid.

Honorable Mention: Melanie (to herself after Chloe left): "You better start telling people you're pregnant or they're just going to think you're a bitch. "

RANDOMNESS... Roman said he has seen someone fake their death before. You don't say. Isn't that a prerequisite talent to live in Salem?

I wonder what Gus does when he's not plotting with Vivian. I doubt it's anything as exciting as Dr. Rolf's pottery classes or tango lessons.

I'm just putting this out there, but I think Melissa/Lisa Trusel should visit Salem again since her BFF Hope is in a pickle.

Dear Writers, I'd like my order of Crazy Hope with an extra side of more Doug and Julie, please. Thanks!

Oh, Dr. Dan! He's officially a father now as he pulled off that corny Jonas Brothers dad-joke with the greatest of ease. Thank goodness he's a stud or else all hope would be lost.

Chloe said to Philip, "This could still blow up in our faces." My only thought was, "Well, Philip does have experience with blown-up faces."

PARTING THOUGHTS... So, friends and DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of August 16th. Laurisa will be back on Monday to fill you in on who's been honest and who needs a good Two-Scoop sized kick in the pants for lying. And, "That's a fact."

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

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