Till death do us part

Belle has no right laying a guilt trip on Philip for ruining a marriage that she never wanted in the first place. Despite great performances, the storyline doesn't make any sense.

Welcome to the special tag-team edition of Two-Scoops. Since I have a work convention over the weekend, I am going to summarize the week's early happenings and then Tony (who is completely saving my life) is going to step in and fill in the blanks for the latter half of the week. Think of it as a big-group hug for our favorite soap opera.

Since Tony and I are working together on this week's column, it seems all too ironic that this week's episodes centered on dysfunctional partnerships. No successful couple made any progress this week (save, of course, for your ever faithful Two-Scoopers!).

Exhibit #1: Belle and Shawn

Here's a question for you: How much sense does it make to wear your seatbelt in an exploding car? Answer: About as much sense as Belle giving Philip the guilt trip about divorcing her when she "needed him the most". I'm sorry, was that before or after she yelled out Shawn's name during childbirth? Oh wait...maybe it was right after she tried to stop Shawn from marrying Mimi? No, no....I believe it was before Belle kissed Shawn in the hospital after she found out they baby they shared was ok. Does it really matter that Philip got the heck out of Dogde? NO! Belle checked out on the marriage before it even started because she never stopped loving Shawn. Belle has no right laying a guilt trip on Philip for ruining a marriage that she never wanted in the first place. Martha Madson and Kenneth Jay Johnson gave great performances during these scenes, but that doesn't negate the fact that the storyline makes no sense.

As if one relationship foul wasn't good enough for Ms. Black, she decided to go ahead and write the anonymous letter to hurt Shawn's chances of getting into the police academy. I'm now fully convinced that EJ kidnapped Belle from that alley and replaced her with a heartless fembot. (Minus machine gun the jumblies)

Telephone, Telegraph, TelHope blurted out the news of Belle and Philip's romp in the hay to two people in less than 24 hours- first Kayla, then Bo. I'm not trying to blame Hope, but she has to realize that the more people she tells, the higher the chances are that Shawn is going to find out. Son finding out that you told everyone else = no good, very mad son. Here's the thing. Not only did Belle choose Philip, but her betrayal is public. Shawn will have to deal with his feelings for Belle's infidelity plus, he'll have to deal with the fact that Hope decided to publish it in the "Brady Family Newsletter" before coming to him. Unfortunately, Shawn and Belle are dashing to the alter before any pre-marital counseling will take place.

Shawn gets the news that he can't get into the academy- yet. He needs to wait until January to reapply. Shawn proceeded to throw a stop his feet and exclaim, "I can't wait that long!!" I absolutely despise it when Shawn acts this way. Even when Jason Cook was playing Shawn, I couldn't stand the idea of Bo and Hope's kid being such a brat. That feeling has not yet left the building. Bo can get away with a short fuse because his love for Hope balances him out. Shawn just sounds senseless when he flies off the handle. This kid needs some manners or some balance- either one. I'm so glad that he straightened out and at least agreed to work in the station. I hope that he displays more of this good "team player" attitude and ditches the "me against the world" mantra.

Exhibit #2: Max and _____

The sorority girls have moved past battered women and onto their new charity de jour, the earth. And, what better way to save the planet than welcoming the debut of creepy Ford. Seriously? "Serve me like the servant that you are" was a little too much for me. I don't like the hard left turn that the Ford storyline took. I thought that Ford could be a cool character, but it looks like he's just going to be a vessel in the "Steph and Max" ocean. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm seasick. For the umpteenth time, Max and Stephanie do not belong together. I think it's terrible that Steph keeps remembering a rape. But, there is no need for Steph and Max to bond over her feelings of fear and confusion. PS- Max and Morgan are really great together. Please, oh pretty please writers, keep them together!!

Exhibit #3: Sami and E.J.

"'Til death do us part" is more like "death from the start" for exhibit couple number three, Sami and E.J. Ok, sorry, that line was lame and if I could have followed it up with a dorky snort I would have. Anyway, we know Elvis J isn't going anywhere anytime soon, but this storyline is getting better, much better. Why? Because we're finally making progress! Granted, it's not the progress most of us want, but at least it's bringing almost everyone onto the canvas - finally. I was very excited to see Caroline, Will, Philip (not chasing after Dumb-Belle for once), and, best of all, Billie outside of "Sorority World." Yay! To that alone!

However, first things first. Lucas and Sami's farewells were understated, but very effective. You could totally sense the heartbreak in the air. I liked that there was little crying and pleading involved because, really, those sentiments have been exasperated for the longest time already. Both of their hearts were heavy, but Sami quietly walked out and left Lucas standing there utterly devastated. Bryan Dattilo again knocked it out of the park and his character handled things so maturely. Really, I wasn't being sarcastic. At first he pulled out the gun and I was like "here we go!" But then put it away. Good! Later, he almost took a drink, but didn't. Again, good! And, despite his grief, he even gave a big 'ole tip to the babysitter! Now, Sami, why would you want to leave a man like that? Oh yah, E.J. does have that accent ...

Now with that said, I do have to point out the silliest part of the week before I dive into the wedding. I found it hysterical that Alison Sweeney actually did scenes with herself! Many people have criticized that Days has become the "Lucas, Sami, and E.J. Variety Hour" and I use to be able to argue, but not after that! Regardless of the content of these scenes, I couldn't get past the laugh factor. I can only imagine what the writers were thinking - "how can we avoid using the other actors our fans love and see more of Ali? Yes! We bring back Colleen and have her do scenes with herself. Brilliant!" The only saving grace is that I do really love Ms Sweeney and try to remember the most important thing of all - we're not watching twitchy old Alex North anymore!

BUT, the big news is that when Sami and E.J. finally made it down the isle, after months and months ... and months of hearing about it, the ceremony ended with a bang! Three of them actually. Yet I have a feeling this isn't only about the "whodunit" factor, but will be the catalyst to get Sami to admit she does have real feelings for E.J. other then disgust. Maybe Colleen's spooky spirit was right after all.

Now, back to these three bullets. That means three gunmen, gunpersons I should say, and at least two people we love, or love to hate, are capable of murder! Now, the reason I said "at least two" is because I think it's fairly obvious that this enigmatic "Woman in Black" has to be one of the culprits. Of course she (maybe he) makes everything that much more mysterious.

The first reaction I had was its Colleen back from the dead! And, even though she was seen as a ghost this week, that hasn't stopped Days from yanking people from the grave in the past. Yet, I'm not sold on this theory. Mostly because she would be, like, eighty-something years old and I doubt she would kill the reincarnation of her beloved Santos. Then again, he did royally "please insert your curse word of choice" her over and seldom does revenge have an expiration date.

My next though was, maybe it's the long lost love child of Colleen and Santo. Yet, what would she have to gain by offing her half-nephew? Again, payback is the best answer, but for what? If she was gunning for anyone you'd think it would be her half-brother Stefano - the man who actually started the vendetta with his lies and robbed her of a loving family. And lets face it, Days loves to relentlessly use the "but my mommy and daddy should be/should have been together" excuse even with characters who are way too old and should be over it.

Of course, maybe it was Marlena! Granted, no one thinks she knew Sami was going through with the wedding, yet the Salem grapevine is somewhat small and often convenient in a storyline pinch. Or, perhaps, Doc got dressed up in the latest widow fashion from Salem Place and headed to St. Luke's to light a candle for John where she saw what was happening, officially snapped, and decided to act on her anger. This would be interesting and, somewhat, justified. Also, let's face it, Marlena is barely on anymore so if she ended up in jail with occasional visits from her family we'd probably see just as much of her and at least this way John's death would be avenged. Then again she could either plead temporary insanity or demonic possession.

Finally, maybe it was Andre! Ok, I know he's "dead," but, really, how many times has he been killed off before? Right! And, besides, he does love drag.

Now, aside from the mystery woman, here is another thing to question - was E.J. the only target? The shooter, -ers, definitely had time to do it before Sami walked down the isle, so why wait? I could see the same people wanting both Elvis J and Stefano dead, but shots weren't fired when they were alone! And, you'd think that if it were one of Sami's loved ones they would have done it earlier to ensure she was out of harms way, but that didn't happen. This could mean at least one of the assailants wanted Sami dead as well, but E.J. was in the way or they're just a really bad aim. I also suspect that maybe one or two of the gunpersons were hesitating, but panicked when the other person fire. Typically, your first reaction to surprise is to tense up and if your finger is on a trigger it brings "bad timing" to an entirely new level. That excuse would at least get some of the fan favorites off the hook.

So, who did it? Did Kate finally snap after all these years and realize simply killing Sami would be a heck of a lot easier then all of her dimwitted plans? Did Patch lose his remaining marble and take a shot? Were Ro and Mar being way overly protective parents? Can the unnamed baby girl Roberts/Horton secretly hold a gun? Was it a long lost love child or someone not so dead? Whoever it was may have unintentionally pushed the king and queen of dysfunctional couples together - whoops! Talk about backfiring.

Extra Scoops

Hot and Not

Hot: Since I was so harsh on the crew for the Mr. Potato Head/Baby Johnny two weeks ago, I thought I'd give the behind-the-scenes crew some respect this week. Kudos goes to the costume designer for putting Sami in a horrid looking black dress for her wedding to EJ. Making Alison Sweeney look anything but stunning is not an easy task. I laughed out loud when I saw her in that old maid outfit.

Not: Is the Tyler storyline really over?!?!?! Just like that? Maybe I missed something, but it just seems strange that neither Philip, Kayla, nor Steve are even fighting for the child anymore.

Parting thoughts:

I saw Philip at work this week!

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