Bah-bah black sheep

This past week, Chelsea, the black sheep of the Brady family, stepped up and volunteered to help her brother, who really hates her, escape with Belle and his daughter.

Hey everybody! I hope this column finds everyone well and warm. Right now it is 0 degrees with a minus 19 wind chill here in beautiful Northeastern Ohio, which is the coldest it has been here in the past five years. It is also my 26th birthday, so I am not surprised to see the penguins outside. It never fails to either be so cold you can't think or rain ice on my birthday, so I'm going to look on the bright side and figure that at least I'm not playing car hockey today. But enough about me and my shameless solicitation of birthday wishes -- on to the show!

Okay, so Chelsea didn't suck this week. Sure on the plane she was a little annoying when she kept berating Nick about his virginity or lack thereof, but she didn't get on my nerves this week, not one time. Not only did the "black lamb" of the Brady family step up and volunteer to help her brother, who really hates her, escape with Belle and his daughter, she has made an enemy out of her double-half-uncle Philip (for those who don't know, Chelsea is Bo and Billie's daughter, and Philip is half-brother to both of them, making him Chelsea's uncle on both sides), who is really freaking nuts these days. It really freaked me out when he jumped into the back of Nick's car (lock your doors people!) and was trying to go through her bag, basically letting her and Nick know that he would be tailing them for the evening.

But I loved when Chelsea was distracting Phil at the airport and screamed in his ear really loud. That's what he gets. Have I mentioned yet how absolutely ridiculous I think it is that Philip is going after Claire with such gusto, while his biological kid with Mimi is just out there somewhere, and he and Victor never mention it? Yes, we all understand that he loves Claire, but I am pretty darn sure at this point that this has very little to do with Claire and everything to do with Belle. Now, I'm not sure if he wants Belle back or if he wants her to suffer, but I really think either way, it's about her way more than it is about Claire.

I'm going to jump to another subject for a second, but I fully reserve the right to come back to the kidnapping caper. Please God, in the name of all that is holy, please don't let that little trick Willow actually be pregnant. You know the whole time she was telling Hope, Hope was thinking "I am going to kick Shawn's butt." First of all, why would you tell your supposed baby daddy's mother before you tell him, and in the same breath ask for her to basically support you, when you know she hates your guts? Oh, I hate Willow. She is nothing but a scheming, whoring, opportunistic little skank, and I hope that there is a parapet or a flight of stairs she can fall down and break her neck.

Of course, it could end up being like Jan Spears, and Willow would find a way to blame Belle if something happened to her (if she survived of course). I can't help it. I hate this character so much that I keep dreaming up ways for her future demise. But I digress. Willow seems to be totally on Philip's side now, since she wants to see Shawn suffer. She is even helping him get Claire by lying in court, eavesdropping on private conversations, and now accompanying him to Canada so she "can see the look on Shawn's face when they take Claire." Fantastic. I would love to see the look on Willow's face when Belle finally loses her mind and puts her fist through it. If Hope doesn't get a chance to do it first.

But, back to the kidnapping caper. What in the world was Phil thinking going to Max and offering to buy him off to help him? After he stuffed his girlfriend in a box. After Daddy-Warbucks Kiriakis had Max and said girlfriend kidnapped and put in a church basement with a dead body (okay, Vic probably didn't know about the body). Yeah, let Max jump right on helping you. Then Phil gives that quite emotional sob story about his leg and his face and all the good people that he watched die in the war.

Look, I'm not trying to be insensitive here, and please don't think that I don't appreciate everything that our troops have done and sacrificed, but Phil's missing leg and new face are entirely his doing. Phil had been kidnapped by Tony and subsequently tortured for months. The Saving Private Philip crew found him and rescued him. Happy ending, right? Nope, because even though he had been given a free pass to go home and, I don't know, seek some medical attention considering he had been held captive, tortured, and tied up for months on end, he decided to rejoin his battalion right then and there. That is when there was an explosion, which left him disoriented in the middle of a minefield, which is what caused him to lose his leg.

And what Philip has forgotten over the past couple of months is that his nephew Shawn was the one who insisted that they go get Phil, albeit for selfish reasons, but he still marched himself, Lucas, Brady, and Rex (lord, I miss Rex) into a freaking war zone to get Philip out. Then there is the face thing, which I don't completely understand, because even though Philip reenlisted under a false name (like the U.S. Government isn't going to catch on to that), he still has no leg and a prosthesis. I didn't think that you could enlist in active combat missing a limb, so how exactly was he injured in combat, again?

I could be misinformed, and I apologize if I am, but wouldn't the Marines have noticed that "Andrew Spivey" was missing a leg below the knee? I'm pretty sure that you have to take a physical to enter the military, and that's something a doctor would notice. Or at least I really hope so.

Okay, sorry, that was a bit of a rant, but hey if a little bit of belief suspension is my penance for this show being ten times better than it has been since I started watching, I believe anything they say. For the hour I'm watching the show anyway. Now, I am pretty sure that Belle and Shawn are supposed to be relatively intelligent people, right? Or at least people with common sense. So how far exactly did they think they were going to get without bringing any money with them? As much as I hate that they were so boneheaded about it, it does ring true for them if you think about it. Shawn is so impulsive that he doesn't tend to think things through all the way, and Belle has always grown up with money, so she probably isn't used to thinking about it in a "think ahead" kind of way. She's kinda just used to it appearing when she needs it.

When Steve was starting to freak out behind the wheel, right before he when all wild man, throwing the boxes out and stuff (why did they let the man with one eye drive?), the camera was completely on him. Then the camera cut to Belle and Shawn, both looking at Steve with their eyes all wide like they were thinking, "Oh, crap, what the hell is wrong with him?" I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the couch. Then I rewound it four more times. I love the acting on this show so much more now. More is said with one look these days than with five pages of JER-written talking to themselves.

But enough about the Canada crew, because if I don't stop now, you guys will be reading this for an hour. On to Kate. Please powers that be, give her a man. Not EJ, but any other man, so she has something to do other than trying to humiliate Sami every flipping chance she gets. Now she is trying to convince Sami that some fake TV producer wants to put her story of saving Lucas on their show and they want her to reenact it. While she is gaslighting her with the show, Kate is pretending that all is forgiven (again) and she wants them to try to get along (again). What a joke.

SPOILER ALERT, SPOILER ALERT **My girl Sami isn't going to fall for it this time, and even better she is going to turn the tables on Kate, and Kate will be the one that looks like a fool. Thank God.** SPOILER OVER.

It's not enough for Kate that no matter what, if Sami moved the beam herself or got help, she saved Lucas' life. If she had done nothing, he would have frozen to death or gone into shock from his injuries. But no, Kate just has to piss on the parade. Please give her something else to do other than meddle.

You know, I really want to hate EJ. I really do. But I smile every time he comes on the screen. I can't help it, that James Scott is just so darn hot. I watch a lot of soaps, and he is far and away my favorite villain. He's so charming that it's hard to hate him for long, and James Scott is such a talented actor that he can flip back and forth from nice to evil effortlessly (I'm sure it takes work on his part, but it looks effortless on screen).

I would have never dreamed in a million years this time last year when AMC was blowing him up for Mardi Gras that the guy I thought of as cute furniture, would be not only my favorite DiMera ever, but what I believe is the best villain currently on daytime. I know, I know, I sing his praises every other week, but I really believe that was a brilliant piece of casting, along with Blake Berris as Nick Fallon. I don't know if anyone else could play Nick and not make him an annoying kind of know-it-all.

But back to EJ. Now he wants Lucas to come work with him at Mythic, which Lucas agreed to if EJ would move out of the apartment building. I'm not quite sure what is going to happen with this, but I must say I am intrigued. Will Lucas really end up working for him, and will EJ actually move out? And how long will it be before EJ figures out that Sami is pregnant, or does he already know? This is soap opera suspense of the best kind, playing the beats without beating the horse to death.

A couple of random thoughts:

I like Doodlebug as a nickname. I do. I, too, have had my share of strange nicknames growing up, my personal favorite of which is "Booter." But I had a real name. Hell, I actually had two, because my name was Toni for about five minutes before my grandmother suggested Melissa. So, since the baby is nearly six weeks old now, can we give her a name? We all know which one won the NBC contest, so can we start using it sometime before she goes to kindergarten?

So, Roman is actually going to let Mimi have the bones tested at an independent lab and he's not going to grill her mom and her brother, like now? It must be nice to live in Salem. Let me bring a sack of stolen bones into the local police station and let's see if I can make it out without getting shot. I somehow don't think I'll get the same "Okay, Mimi" that she got. And what is she going to do if those are her dad's bones? Does she really think Bonnie is going to tell her the truth?

I am loving Nick and Chelsea together, they even look cute together. Surely her finding out that he slept with her mom will put a definite damper on their budding relationship. What a shame.

What will happen next, dear readers? Will Chelsea help Belle and Claire out of the safe house before Philip huffs and puffs and blows the door down? Is Will-ho really with child, or is this another scheme? What will happen to Philip and Mimi's baby once it is born? Will Bonnie get it, or does Victor already have something up his sleeve?

Until next time! Melissa