Sweeps, snores and dirty scalpels!

This is supposed to be Sweeps Month, but the only exciting thing that has happened in the last two weeks is that Roman, Marlena, Jack, and Cassie finally made it home.

Hold on to your hats Scoopers - I need to vent a little. I don't know if y'all have noticed but...lately, I've been going to great pains to NOT whine and moan about Reilly too much. It does me no good - as The Powers That Be don't seem to care - and I just end up getting more frustrated. I've also been trying my hardest not to pick apart every little thing on the show as I find that I enjoy it more when I'm not concentrating on what ticks me off. But, this week...it's impossible for me not to complain! This is supposed to be Sweeps Month but the only exciting thing that happened in the last two weeks is that Roman/Marlena/Jack/Cassie finally made it home. Come to think of it - we haven't even seen Cassie since she's been home. Which is not too surprising considering that only a day has passed since their miraculous return from the dead. A day Salem time, two weeks our time. You see what I'm saying? How can ANYONE be expected to sit through watching the same "day" when it's been dragged out over two actual weeks? This week was soooo boring. Here's a recap of the worst of the worst:

The four musketeers got captured by the "real" marines...were rescued by Lucas and promptly recaptured by Tony. Talk about fake drama! Seriously - although I enjoyed this story initially, DOOL has ruined it for me by dragging it on for no reason. This whole week was an utter waste of time for the boys. Although...we did get to hear the marines refer to the guys as "wannabe Rambos." That was pretty funny.

Bo was mad at Billie for - oh, let's call it 2 Seconds - before comforting her. I was dumbfounded at Bo's total acceptance of Billie's justification. She told him that she thought they were about to die - so what the hey. Well of course she held more of a pity party than that - I've just saved you the trouble of having to attend it. I really felt for Hope when she walked in on Bo hugging Billie. UGH. What a horrendous storyline my once favourite couple have been shoved into. Even the actors themselves don't look happy to be delivering the lines that come out of their mouths.

Mimi and Belle had the same EXACT conversation about the whole Rex/abortion/Jan thing again. BORING - move it along all ready. Send Mimi to jail! Whatever! As long as I don't have to hear her say the same dialogue anymore, I'll be happy!

Abe told Lexie that he wants a divorce. I'm going to use a phrase from my elementary school days: I'm SO sure! I can't believe that any person - who had been held prisoner and kept from their loved ones for over a year - would just up and decide that he wants a divorce because he is impotent. I don't think so. I'm sure that a person in his situation would simply be happy to be alive and with their family again - not moaning about being half a man or whatever Abe was going on about.

Jack and Jennifer brought Abby home from the hospital. That is totally amazing the accident only happened the previous evening. I highly doubt that Abby would have been released so quickly after surgery. Can't Reilly find something better to do with Jack? I'll take him in whatever scene I can get him in but jeez - he's been off the canvas for two years! Give him something juicy! What about his reunion with Jo and Verne? It can't be that hard to come up with something interesting!

Roman and Bo finally reconnected. The reunion between Roman and Bo was boring to say the least. Bo didn't even look surprised. Riddle me this batman: The police chief is missing and presumed dead for more than a year - does he get reinstated the day after he gets home? Highly doubtful. And what about enjoying being home with the loved ones that you've been kept from for so long? Like your new wife? Shouldn't a honeymoon be in order? Not so for our dedicated Roman Brady - it's right back to work for him!

So other than the above - here's what else bothered me. We finally found out Chelsea's family situation. It would seem that, not only were her parents orphans (neither had any living relatives) so now is poor little Chelsea. Oh if you thought that was convenient - it gets better! Apparently her parents lost their jobs a year ago, have used up all savings, defaulted on their mortgage and spoke to Mickey about filing chapter 11 (bankruptcy). WOW! Talk about bad luck! When Reilly writes a hard-luck story; he pulls out all the stops. His motto must be "Go big or stay home!." I'm sure we all see where this is headed. Not only did kind, considerate and thoughtful Billie (gag me) take it upon herself to break the news to Chelsea; I'm sure we can put two and two together and see that Billie will end up becoming Chelsea's legal guardian or something along those lines. BTW - when did they change the actress who plays Chelsea? Did I miss something during my Fast Forwarding?? Email me if you know...

I want to take a moment and acknowledge the vast amount of emails that I have received about the storyline involving the Four Musketeers, their attempted rescue of Philip and the U.S. Military. Many, many, many of you have written in expressing anger and frustration about the direction of this story. I agree with you guys. DOOL is supposed to be light-hearted and fluffy, definitely not chockfull of war. And IF a soap opera decides to venture down that road, they should keep things as accurate as possible and not make the Military look incompetent. I think Reilly was trying to appease viewers by having the boys captured by the marines. There were a few good zingers aimed at ridiculing the "wannabe Rambos" attempted rescue of Philip. However, it sorta backfired when two of Tony's goons were easily able to "infiltrate" the Marines and get Stan/Sami out of there. Not to mention Lucas's easy rescue of the three dim-bulbs. Lucky for the guys that "protective custody" means sitting in a tent with only one guard standing duty at the flap.

I knew it was only a matter of time before Reilly picked up the character of Celeste and her supposed supernatural abilities again. I say supposed because she was completely wrong about her predictions during the whole Salem Stalker storyline. Presumably a psychic, clairvoyant, or medium with true abilities would know the difference between a faked death and the real thing. BUT we're supposed to forget all about that and trust that this time; her "visions" will be correct. Personally, I think this characters' time has come. Her involvement in the story is a waste of time and a feeble attempt to inject some kind of suspense or something. I am a big believer in extra-sensory perceptions but in Celeste's case, it's hogwash. Nothing ever happens the way Celeste predicts; so why should we care what her visions are?

I really, really dislike the Nicole/Chloe storyline at the moment. It's gruesome and incredibly far-fetched. Hospitals/Clinics have more than one set of surgical instruments! There is no way that the instruments used in one surgery would have to be immediately cleaned for use in the very next surgery. What a ridiculous excuse for a plot point! If Reilly really wanted to go down this road he could have made it a bit more realistic. For example, he could have had Nicole bribe a real nurse to inject a drug in to Chloe's I.V. That, at least, would have been a little more believable since real nurses would probably have access to drugs that are hard to trace. Anything better than this present story would have been fine. I liked the idea of Nicole doing a parody of "Elle Driver" (see Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2) in theory, but in actuality - it didn't work. It was just stupid. Can't Reilly come up with anything more original? He takes a good idea from a successful movie and injects it badly in to his story. For example; Nicole's conversations with herself. I can't think of one other soap opera (and Passions does not count) that treats their characters so badly. What kind of lunatic would not only see a fully realized alter ego in a computer screen; but speak to it in public too? Can you imagine? Someone like that would most likely get a label attached to them and be put in a facility where they could get help. Also, have you ever been to a nurse's station? I've rarely seen one deserted and certainly not long enough to have a lengthy conversation with your computer screen without anyone noticing. This storyline has got to be the worst. The week ended with Nicole running for her life as she tried to get out of the hospital before anyone caught her. Right after she took the time to go down to the locker room and change her clothes that is. [Sigh]... anyway...it seems that Nicole might have succeeded in her mission. The doctor informed Craig and Nancy that Chloe might have been infected with the dreaded flesh-eating bacteria. YAWN! Oh, I'm sorry - my bad? What I meant to say is: How awful. Uh-huh...

Spoiler Alert: It seems that Dan Wells is going to be sticking around good ole Salem! From what the "sources" are saying; Tony will end up hiring some nameless, faceless dude who undergoes plastic surgery to look like...drum roll please....Stan! Normally I'd be ticked off with this plan but since I really like the actor, I'm actually a tiny bit excited. Apparently he'll be working with Sami to help her get revenge against Kate. It sounds good in theory; let's hope TPTB can pull it off. How will this impact her relationship with Lucas? We all know JER won't be getting those two back together any time soon. In his book, true love means pain, anger, misunderstandings and bad luck. I guess in the meantime, well have the Stan/Sami duo to keep us happy.

Random:

• Too bad Sami doesn't know that if she went home, she could see her parents alive and well without having to help Tony.
• Turns out, Lucas is a really bad shot; he only grazed Sami's elbow. Guess that military school training wasn't so great after all.
• Brilliant idea Mimi. Plead guilty to a crime you didn't commit just to avoid telling your boyfriend about your abortion. Why would you bother telling the truth? What kind of crazy idea is that? It's much better to go to jail for the rest of your life. Right....
• If I have to hear Brady talk about how much Nicole has "changed" one more time, I might throw up.
• Ummmmm....why hasn't Tek told either Abe or Roman that the "suspect" is none other than Mimi Lockhart? And why hasn't either of them asked him who the suspect is?
• I love Bart! Every time he's onscreen, he makes me laugh! When he said "Sami wouldn't hold up under Captain Crunch's interrogation" I laughed so hard, I missed Tony's reply. It didn't bother me though - Bart is the only reason that I don't FF Tony.

Reader Feedback: Thanks to everyone who wrote in! I love reading your comments and feedback about the show and this column; so keep them coming!

From Philip:" I love reading your commentary. Sometimes you say the things that I wished I could express, but just don't know how to put it into words. Keep up the good work and love your witty comments about things(ex. Bo hitting his head..lol.)" Thanks Philip, I'm glad someone out there finds me funny! :) Cheers! ~P

Message Boards: I didn't get much feedback this week, so I've taken the liberty of copying a few postings from the message boards. I've included the thread that the comment is associated with, in case anyone wants to read it or post a response. Here is the link to the Days message board: https://boards.soapcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=6. Enjoy! :

From BillieReedfan. Thread: Another casting rumor?:"Ken Corday has asked Judge Judy to play Kate's sarcastic no-nonsense mother Esther!! We'll finally learn why Kate is the way she is when she reveals her mother verbally abused her for years as a child! Esther runs into Kate by chance at Salem Place and she's very angry with Kate for abandoning her all these years and and gives her daughter a long overdo piece of her mind!"

From Daysfan35. Thread: Are Celeste's vision of the skull...:"Is Celeste's vision of the skull related to the coin that Patrick had to open the force field on the island. Didn't it have a skull on it? I think it did. Which could mean that Patrick is somehow connected. From Vash. Thread: I'm done:"Okay that is it. I have only been watching sporadically lately but now I am officially done. Never ending back from the dead crap, Mimi is dumber than a post and deserves to go to prison for the rest of her life for the crime of stupidity, the whole Iraq, only we can save Philip, cause we are so good garbage is insulting and disrespectful and I'm not even American and don't have anyone there to actually worry about. Too many people are too related to each other to even keep track of. Bo is an ass. Billie is a desperate loser. I would have liked Hope to walk in on the two of them at the station and insist on an immediate trip to the hospital for an AIDS test cause hey, its Billie and who knows? Jack is the only reason to watch and he is only on sporadically and with no story anyway. Don't get me started on Nicole faking her way as a nurse and people buying it. I used to like Tony in the Anna and Eugene days but now he is a cartoon. There is nothing good here.

From Canswp. Thread:Where are the four musketeers?:"Does anyone know where the "heroes" are supposed to be. I am assuming it must be somewhere near the castle that Roman and Marlena et al were being held in because Tony and Bart were flitting back and forth between there and wherever Philip is being help. I know the castle is in Europe somewhere (heard that mentioned) so i'm wondering where the "war zone" in Europe is? And how did our "heroes" get their weapons back today after Lucas rescued them?

From Hypocrisyrules. Thread: Days characters that should be best friends: "There seem to be certain characters that have so much in common, they should really be best buds: Kate and Tony: Both rich and powerful. What do they spend most of their time doing? Trying to break-up relationships. Jan and Billie: Not only are they obsessed with Brady men, who happen to be father and son, they are also both supposed to be independently wealthy. Jan is and heiress and Billie is Countess Wilhemena. They could even trade notes on how to rape the man of your dreams and make him your own. An added benefit for Billie is Jan could show her some of her tricks that put ISA Billie to shame and could make a real ISA agent out of her yet. Belle and Nicole: They have only one thing on their minds: Shawn and Brady. While Nicole goes to outrageous extremes to have Brady, Belle must drive her friends nuts constantly whining about Shawn. Imagine the fun these two could have together chewing each other's ear off about their Brady men."

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.