Three weddings and a funeral

Will Gabi succeed in breaking up Eli and Lani? Will Justin and Adrienne make it down the aisle? Will Jack stay alive long enough to marry Jen? Let's work on wedding seating charts and playlists in this week's Two Scoops.

Pop the Champagne and cue the Electric Slide! It's wedding season in Salem! What a week for some DAYS supercouples!

First, Justin and Adrienne returned home. These two always make me smile. The chemistry between Wally Kurth and Judi Evans is one of ease, love, and utter enjoyment. I could have sworn Justin and Adrienne were already married, but that's okay. We're going to fix that now with a grand Greek wedding again! And nope, there's nothing bad that's going to happen here. I don't care that a couple showed up out of nowhere and fell face-first into happiness. It certainly doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen to these two. Not at all! This kind of thing happens on soaps all the time! We're good here!

Also good are Jack and Jennifer! For some reason, Jack had to get an actual divorce from Eve. I would have thought "amnesiac recently under the care of a mad scientist" would have been grounds for annulment, but apparently, the Salem court system has some high standards. Nevertheless, Jack is a free man, and he took himself right to Jennifer's bed. Well, actually, he took her to his, but whatever. You get the metaphor.

He proposed the next morning by placing a diamond ring inside a scone. That sort of seemed like a choking hazard, but I'll forgive him because he brought snacks. I loved how Jennifer ate the scone throughout the whole proposal. I loved the charming comedic element between these two. I even loved that the hotel apparently has pink fuzzy slippers in Jen's exact size. These are two characters who are much better together than either is alone. Let's keep Jack alive this time, okay?

We're going to need that happiness because the outlook for my Ericole is not so good. Eric called Nicole out on possibly being blackmailed by Xander. She is. And I don't like it. Nicole does the blackmailing. Not the other way around, thankyouverymuch. I hope there's some character development or conflict here because this job on Nicole is pretty savage. I'm not sure how she'll come back from this one.

Elsewhere in this storyline, Maggie and Xander were doing their best to encourage Sarah to stay in town. She could just go hang out with Roman. People hardly pay attention to him, and he's been in town for years. Anyway, Xander charmed/blackmailed his way into being her date for the wedding, marking the first time I've ever looked forward to anything involving Elani.

That sounds harsh. It's not that I'm hugely against either one. They fall somewhere on the spectrum between annoying and indifferent. I just don't think this particular pairing does either character any favors. The most interesting things about Eli and Lani are Julie (in the absence of Sheila and Val, of course) and Abe, respectively. Unfortunately, pairing Eli and Lani together meant that these two had less scenes with the characters that actually provide them context and more scenes with each other.

There's an argument to be made that Gabi could be a good thing for this pair. They're getting screen time because of her, and I don't just mean with Gabi. The scene where they were tasting cake was the first time I'd seen anything resembling personality between them. It was great! I loved Lani as the stickler for her to-do list and Eli as the goofball! I wish we had gotten a little more of this dynamic (and a lot less dead babies) for us to hang our fandom hats on.

I have to admit, I did chuckle a bit when Gabi told Lani to leave Eli at the altar, since Gabi has Julie's heart on an app. Much like Lani kneeling, the act itself is much less interesting than the fallout from it. Will Julie turn her wrath on Lani for breaking Eli's heart? Is that a little nod to the fact that Gabi's absolutely due some revenge on Eli, as well? (It took two to tango, so the blame for their initial affair isn't just on Lani.) Or did Gabi decide to up the ante when she saw those two show up at Stefan's funeral?

For real, Eli and Lani going to that funeral was misguided and inappropriate. Watching them justify it to themselves was not fun, either, mainly because they completely forgot Will is a Horton, and he would be representing the family. I get that the show has to keep furthering this Lani vs. Gabi feud, but this was a misstep. They didn't care about Stefan. They don't care about Gabi. This was a bad look for them.

At least it's well acted, though. My heart broke a bit for Gabi when she looked around at the handful of people and said, "I feel like you guys are the only ones that are going to show up today." Ouch. The through line for this whole storyline -- starting with the Stefan/Gabi fire poker scene -- is how utterly alone Gabi is. Part of that is her own doing, no doubt. But Camila Banus puts just enough vulnerability into Gabi that it keeps her afloat.

And, really, Kate should have been there. Tony and Anna should have been there. Kristen and Brady should be there on. freaking. time. Mama Hernandez should...wait...sorry, I know better there. I'm glad Wilson and Rafe showed up for Gabi. Those two family units are important to DAYS.

LOOSE ENDS: Brady stomped his feet about having his CEO doll taken away again, so Victor gave it back to him and sent him to his room. Kate was understandably not thrilled. I tried to warn her last week. She really should read Two Scoops.

I think I heard Julie finally admit she'd been unfair to Gabi. Quick! Everyone duck to avoid the flying pigs!! Sure, Gabi's bought a one-way ticket to Destruction Town, but that doesn't mean Julie wasn't completely biased when it came to Nick before.

Hope's new storyline is a big enough deal that they built a new set for it. Princess Gina's lair is very industrial with a touch of storage-room chic. It features large windows, an open floor plan, and a shared wall with Lani's never-before-seen loft. There's no sign of Hope's awesome green vase from the Brady house, but I'm still crossing my fingers. She's just now getting to accessorizing.

She started with Stefano's portrait, which makes sense. Pick the focal point and then work your way around the room. I watched Trading Spaces. I know of these things. Anyway, Princess Gina has a strange attachment to Stefano. She looks at his photo with...love...admiration...lust? I honestly don't know. Kristian Alfonso is still working this role. Though I'm ready to see a bit more movement. She's had enough run-ins with other Salemites looking spectacularly dumb for brushing off her odd behavior.

Gotta let Brady in on something -- right now, his relationship with Kristen is one where they don't sleep together, but he'll wait on her hand and foot, snuggle her while they watch movies, and hug her when she's sad. I know many women who would consider this a dream relationship.

I know it's to drive up the drama, but it's very silly for Julie to insist on apologizing in person. But, considering the circumstances (specifically, Julie being relegated to a hospital bed), Julie needs to pick up the phone.

Also, Gabi is one of those characters about whom Julie, Lani, Eli, etc., will need to hold two truths in their heads at the same time. One, she's a vicious revenge seeker who goes too far. Two, she's the majority of the reason Julie is alive right now.

Jordan threw a first birthday party for baby David. She went to great lengths to poison Ciara, only to have her master plan thwarted by a kindergartener. That checks out. What I can't figure out is why Jordan didn't just poison Ben if she thinks he's such a threat. This roundabout scheme to frame him for a crime seems like an awful lot of extra work.

HOT: As it should, Jack getting his memory back has been very much about Jennifer. But two reunions this week really got to me. Jack apologizing to J.J. for betraying his son's trust was tremendous. The Jack/J.J. relationship is so beautifully complicated, and DAYS is lucky enough to have two tremendous actors who can convey so much in such a short scene. The chemistry between Casey Moss and Matt Ashford is understated and, quite frankly, lovely. I hope every day that DAYS will dive deeper here and explore the nuances of this relationship.

The opposite of understated, Adrienne and Jack are back together again! Judi Evans has to mix it up with a lot of the boys on the show, but none more carefully than with Matt Ashford. They play siblings who have been through the wringer, love each other fiercely, yet don't pull any punches. I can't wait for the third sibling to be back soon!

NOT: I used to be a Kristen fan. But this storyline is horrifying on so many levels, it makes me wish for a Marlena and an open window. Sweet clueless ghost of Alice Horton, DAYS actually had Kristen say, "When we made love, I know you thought it was Nicole." Are. You. Kidding. Me?! This wasn't a case of innocent mistaken identity! Flip the genders. Would it fly if Brady put on an Eric mask to get Nicole to sleep with him? Of course, it wouldn't. We'd all cringe. Because that's rape. Kristen raped Brady. I need Olivia Benson in Salem, and I need her there now.

Second, watching Kristen shame her rape victim into taking care of her is a little gross. Does she legitimately love Brady in her own way? Sure, she does. But people commit crimes against people they love all the time. (See: All the Dateline episodes.) I'm tired of watching Brady -- who absolutely was the victim here -- fall for it again and again. You know it's bad when Sonny "Care Bear" Kiriakis is the one telling you that someone is bad news! Sigh. These characters are fine. This storyline is not.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Victor (to Kristen upon looking at the sonogram photo): "What's this? Is this a pictorial representation of your soul? A black and dark abyss? A morass of sin and darkness?" To be fair, those first trimester sonograms look like nothing resembling a human.

LINE OF THE WEAK: Kate (to Jennifer): "Your husband came back from the dead. Not everyone is that lucky." Errr...except for when Tony came back to Anna; Nicole came back to Eric; Will came back to Sonny; or Xander came back to DAYS fans. But other than that, yup, right there with you, Katerino!

RANDOM THOUGHTS: You know you look good when Kate stops to compliment your look. And I agree! Jennifer looked great in pink!

I flinched when Rolf walked up and said, "Greetings!" (*Shudders*) That bird man still haunts my soap dreams.

The shot of Hope's shadow over Stefano's picture was way cool.

In light of the fact that Kristen is walking around free, it seems strange that Nicole and Eve would ever be worried about legitimately going to jail.

I really, really want Eve's white jacket and Hope's entire red ensemble.

I read somewhere that the cast hangs the same prop ornament on the Horton Christmas tree every year, thus this prop has become an antique in itself. As Hope carried the portrait around Salem, I wondered if this particular prop carries a similar status. Do they have a backup print?

Also, whatever happened to the Kate/Sami portrait? I hope they gave that sucker to Alison Sweeney or Lauren Koslow.

The finest champagne at the Brady Pub definitely comes in a box.

There are two stages in adult life -- the time when eight o'clock dinner sounds elegant and the time when it sounds way past sweatpants-and-couch time. Guess which stage I'm in?

Gabi's funeral look was all sorts of Glee's Rachel Berry.

Jordan took over Chloe's "mom look" -- high heels and tight dresses while taking care of toddlers.

Galen Gering got to put his mad dad skills to work, corralling a baby in what could have been a tricky scene. Nice work, sir!

There's a new place called "the Bistro," or as I shall call it, "Not Chez Rouge," that actually looks quite nice and charming despite, you know, not being Chez Rouge.

You guys, Cin is the real thing. There is no greater challenge for a relationship than to assemble a piece of furniture together.

That's it for this week! Tony will be back for the next two weeks to get us through Halloween and into Sweeps. In the meantime, I'm off to look up some wedding registries!

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