It ain't so funny when the joke's on you

John and Marlena got the last laugh over Diana as her poisonous plot was exposed! Will and Sonny celebrated his annulment, but Leo laughed all the way out of Salem after cursing Will. Plus, it's no laughing matter -- Brady is a blackmailer again, Eve and Claire conspired, and Rope's rocky romance got rockier! Let's grab our bestie for a cake luncheon, put on a mati for protection, and discuss all things DAYS in this week's Two Scoops!

DAYS bounced from place to place like Tigger on a sugar rush last week, but life in Salem is no laughing matter. Stakes are high, and some are getting higher, from poisonous plots to fiery bombshells and a lot of whack-a-do moments, which we'll try not to laugh at. Let's grab caffeine and something sugary (just don't touch Hope's cake), and let's get bouncing!

John was not joking when he lit up Diana for poisoning Marlena. He (with some sneaky help from Eli) got the goods on Diana's evil deeds. He pretty much summed it up perfectly by stating, "This is really messed up, you know that." He's not wrong.

"Things got out of hand," quipped Diana back. Yep. Just a bit, lady. Just a bit. Diana was quick to add that shooting John broke her. She spiraled down a dark rabbit hole. Again, yep. Just a bit, lady.

Of course, Diana couldn't resist doing some more damage to Leo. She broke him, too, by confessing, "He's not your father, you idiot. I made the whole thing up." I adored that John still tried to be there for Leo, even after he went sailing across the table to choke Diana. It was all very grand drama, but Judith Chapman, Drake Hogestyn, and Greg Rikaart shined. I'll miss their dynamics.

And, as such, Lady Di has left the building! Well. Technically, she probably hasn't. She's, perhaps, still lingering in a jail cell, waiting to be transferred to Statesville or Bayview. Either way, she's officially entered the ranks of Salem's great rogues' gallery. Maybe she can share a cell or padded room with Dr. Charlotte Taylor and Jordan. They could compare notes and such. A psycho slumber party, if you will.

Speaking of Jordan, she's back! Hello again, Chrishell Hartley! Always a pleasure. *cyber hat tip*

This time, Li'l Tammy Sue von Crazy Pants had a few things to say to Rafe-A-Roni and Cheese. First, she didn't start the fire. The first cabin fire. Well, officially, the second cabin fire, as Ben did start the first one with Chad and Abby inside. Anyway. The second fire. She didn't do that. That was Claire, yet nobody in Salem knows that -- yet! More on that later.

Meanwhile, Rafe believes Jordan didn't flick her Bic. I get why, too. She's cray, but she's basically admitted to everything else. There's no reason for her to keep that a secret. That also made Ben believe he'll be back in the spotlight for the crime, but wildcard J.J. has another hunch. He's taken an interest in Claire's lighter. It seems familiar. Dig, J.J., dig! Just tread carefully. Claire's on a pyro kick and isn't afraid to burn people.

Also, and more so, Jordan dropped another shocker on Rafe -- she has a child! What!? Like Rex and Sarah's pre-Salem existence, this timeline seems a little off, too. I guess Jordan was pregnant while stalking Ben before? And she got pregnant after the car accident she was in? I'm not entirely sure how that all worked out, but I'm certainly curious about this child.

Plus, we get to guess who the daddy of Jordan's bambino is! My first thought -- Xander! He was in New York City a time or two. I could totally see that. Chloe's dad (and certified hunk) Dr. Craig Wesley also lives there and, assumingly, works at a hospital. Maybe he met Jordan there, and so on and so affair. But probably not.

I always thought if Jordan returned with a child, it would be Rafe's. She did say "baby" making me believe it was a, you know, baby, but maybe she said "baby" in the general parent sense. As in, "You'll always be my baby, no matter how old you are." Again, probably not.

The baby daddy really could be anyone. A lot has been happening off-screen these days. And Jordan has been sneaking around the Salem city limits for a while now. The only townie I'll rule out at the moment is Rex, as he didn't seem to know Jordan when they met outside the pub. Though Rex not remembering someone he slept with wouldn't be a shocker. So, I guess at this point, it's anyone's guess! What's yours!?

LOOSE ENDS: Yes, please! As brief as they were, it was great to see a Marlena and Kate chitchat and a Jennifer and Hope best buddies/cousins/soul sisters catch-up. In the dark world of Salem, it's important to have friends!

Leo admitted he and Marlena got off on the wrong foot. You think? Doc replied, "Maybe blackmailing my grandson -- I don't know -- didn't endear you to me." Ha! I love funny Mar. More so, those scenes were touching! Greg and Deidre Hall worked it. I'm a little disappointed we won't see more of those dynamics. After all, John spent years being Sami's stepfather, so it would have been interesting to watch Marlena navigate those turbulent waters with one of John's kids, who isn't as, let's say, perfect as Paul was.

It's official! Sonny is a free man. Leo agreed to an annulment. And then Leo gave Will "mati." That's Greek for the "evil eye." I'll wait until you either stop rolling your eyes or your laughter dwindles to a chuckle. Yeah. That happened. Props for the writers trying to tap into the other absurdities such as the amulet, but this storyline has tragic written all over it.

I want to know more about Ted's dead-ish wife! Diana said she spotted her six months ago, but Ted claims to have buried her two years prior. I'm not a mathlete, but that doesn't add up to her being six feet under. Unless she has a doppelgnger. I mean. That wouldn't be shocking.

Okay. Here's a running smooch flow chart for those having trouble keeping track. Stefan likes kissing Chloe. He doesn't like Chloe kissing Brady. Brady likes kissing Chloe. Chloe likes fruit salad and singing. She's undecided on who she wants to smooch some more. But Brady doesn't like Chloe kissing Stefan. And Stefan doesn't like Gabi kissing him. At all...

Or so Stefan claims. He was pretty upset by that pucker, but I think he and Gabi were both a bit surprised by it. I'm not surprised it happened, I'm just a bit shocked Stefan had such a strong reaction. He threw Yo Gabba Gabi out of the mansion. What's wrong, Mr. Stefan "Let It Hang Out -- It's Different in Europe" DiMera? It kind of sucks when people make unwanted advances toward another, doesn't it? Cue "The More You Know!" shooting star.

Tripp said of Claire's feelings toward his fake engagement, "She doesn't love it, of course." Oh, man. His level of unawareness is staggering. Did he drink a cup of stupid instead of coffee recently?

At least Tripp won't do anything further to make Claire feel terrible. Something, like, ask her to borrow one of her rings to use as Haley's engagement ring, or blow off a night with her to handhold Haley. Nope. He wouldn't do that. Right. Oh, Tripp. While he's attempting to do an admirable thing, he's certainly snagging a Worst Boyfriend Ever Award at, well, every award ceremony from here on out, even if they don't have that category. They'll create one for that level of asshattery.

Conversely, I can't see Tripp asking the same of Ciara if he were still with her. Trust me, Claire's gone off the deep end. Um. The fiery end, but her current crazy doesn't negate that Tripp is treating her disrespectfully. I don't think it's intentional, but he's sort of taking advantage of Claire's intensity to be with him. He can do whatever he wants as long as he slaps a well-meaning label on it. Claire will be waiting. No, Tripp. No. Anyone's partner would most likely be upset at the lengths to which Tripp is going to help a virtual stranger, especially when J.J. is right there and doing the little kid "I gotta go to the bathroom" dance because he's so eager to be Haley's knight in shining armor.

Though Ciara kind of dodged a bullet, as it were. I mean, a former serial killer looks like a boyfriend upgrade from Tripp these days. Plus, CIN knows how to rock a sponge bath. That was steamy. If they were smart, they'd stay out of the loft. Just saying.

It may turn out to be a race to the altar, as Tripp and Haley aren't the only ones who got engaged last week. Sarah re-accepted Rex's proposal. Someone grab some rice or birdseed to toss. I'll grab the Champagne. Um, just don't wait for me. It might take me awhile. By "awhile," I mean I don't want any part of this mess, but I do want some Champagne. I'll check the DiMera tunnels. Maybe Mar, Kate, and Vivian left a bottle or two.

So, Sarah told Rex, "We're going to have a good life together." Way to aim high there, Sarah. Not "great" or "wonderful." Just good. I'm betting on their life together being somewhere between "I'm bitter because I settled for second best" and "shrouded with doubts."

More so, if my fiance just told me they had feelings for my brother and then said the "good life" comment, I'd be, like, check it. Nobody has time for that noise. "Good life" kind of translates to "You'll do, I guess" in this scenario. I'd say Rex deserves better (and he does, ultimately), but he also irked me with his pressure to put a ring on it. He literally said, "I've been begging you to marry me!" Methinks someone just isn't that into someone else, if you know what I mean.

When it all breaks down, Rex and Sarah are just the worst together. That's a shame, as separately, they're both all right most of the time. All-right-ish.

Like, I loved the way Sarah ripped into Brady. He was being a bully. She wasn't having it. The spirted way Sarah stands by her convictions is one of the reasons I adore her. I also dug that she owned up to her mistakes and shared the truth with Rex. She's getting a thank you card just for sparing us another week of awkwardness amongst the four and brooding Brady scowls.

If you need a quick end to any kind of joy, skip ahead to "Rope" scenes. They fought again. "I'm shocked!" said nobody. I'm not sure if I'm just a hundred percent over them, but right now, I find Hope and Ted's something-something at least seventy-four percent more interesting.

As it is, Rafe and Hope are getting nastier and nastier with one another. Both are also mostly missing the mark on their arguments. Combine those aspects with the out-of-character behavior, and, well, it's exhausting, really. Quick! Someone hand me some cake, please. I need to stress snack.

HOT Applause, applause for Judith Chapman and Greg Rikaart! They came. They were fabulous! And I wouldn't turn down another visit from either of these powerhouse performers. More, please!

NOT Did anyone else let out an agitated version of Roman's catchphrase, "What da' hell!?" when Brady started making noise about Holly belonging with Eric. To be clear, Brady now agrees that Nicole's last request to have Eric parent Holly should be invoked. He believes the DiMera mansion is too dangerous for Holly and such. And it's not at all because he wants to put distance between Chloe and Stefan. Nope. Not at all. It's about Chloe and the kids' safety. Sure, Brady Black. Sure. Keep telling yourself that. I'm sure the fact that you had to blackmail Eric proves how right you are.

LINE OF THE WEEK Kate (to Marlena): "How many secret sons can one man have?"

RANDOM THOUGHTS Damn! Hope left cake behind. She IS upset. Though I still loved everything about her and Jennifer's dessert-laden luncheon.

Olivia Rose Keegan does deceptive deliciously well.

The writers missed a ground ball. Stefan would marry Haley in a heartbeat. She has dark hair. That pretty much starts and ends with his type. And he's based more on less. By "less," I mean a wig.

It was just a tad peculiar that, while J.J. was ripping into Ciara for "hanging" with Ben, he didn't mention Paige. Maybe that would have been overkill, as everyone is aware of what Ben did, but still. Kind of odd.

Eve's dress screamed "Easter!" I love spring fashion and chocolate, so, sure.

On the topic of fashion, Kate's outfit was fierce, and Fancy Face finally found her wardrobe footing again. Kayla looked cute, too. As did Jen. Plus, Ciara's coat and hat!? Yes, please. It was like Annie Hall met Carmen Sandiego. Work it, ladies. Work. It.

Sonny should call Celeste! She would totally be able to de-curse Will. Then again, Susan was Celeste-Lite last time she was in Salem. Maybe she could help, too.

Is a fancy lighter an exceedingly strange thing to keep in a jewelry box? I mean, I kind of liken a woman's jewelry box to her purse. One, people shouldn't be poking around in them unless they're invited. And, two, there are always random things inside she'll need in a pinch. Plus, a lighter in a jewelry box makes sense, as most are kept in the bedroom, and it would make it easy to grab if one were to light candles to romance up the room. I think the stranger thing is Claire keeping it in the living room for several weeks, considering its contents and the fact that she's already had to make up one lame cover story. Don't be a lazy schemer, Claire. Put the box under your bed.

Damn it! I don't want to appear soft on the guy, but Stefan was maybe a smidge charming when he told Chloe, "The fruit salad's all Harold, but the rose -- that was me."

When Diana bellowed, "You are not a saint, and you cannot judge me!" I really expected lightning and thunder to be seen and heard outside. Judith can deliver a line like no other.

Have Stephanie and Tripp met? I'm beginning to think Steve carries the "Sunroof" gene, which makes his offspring do stupid things. Who would have ever thought Joey was the bright one.

Rex in a lab coat makes me chuckle.

I got so excited during Jennifer and Hope's scenes on Thursday because I thought when the show returned from a commercial break, Shawn-Douglas was sitting at the bar. It turned out to be just an extra who resembled Brandon Beemer. Boo for us. Congrats to that extra, though.

I kind of hope we're done with Marlena's knocking on death's door storylines for a while. Um. A friend asked me to share that. That's it!

Ha! Leo got his George Jefferson-esque strut back as he walked away from all things "Wilson." I will miss that schemer, but I'm glad he can return at any time.

It's kind of rich that Stefan said of Gabi, "She's a pain in the ass who doesn't understand the word 'boundaries.'" Says the man who assumes she's jealous of his relationships with other women and brings it up to her at business meetings. Business meetings. She's just there for pricy throw pillows, Stefan. Sort of.

Hope has police following around Ciara. Since Ciara spends most of her free time with Ben, Hope should just ask Jordan to do it, as Tammy Sue used to do that for free. Think about the force's budget, commish. And you're welcome!

If Diana's cheeky fantasies gave me life a few weeks ago, Claire's coded talk is doing the same for me now. There needs to be a translation at the bottom of the screen. Like, when Claire says, "I'm so happy to hear that," it really means, "Burn, bitch." Or when she faux-sweetly asks, "What do you say, Hales?" it translates as, "Do you want to burn, bitch?" Maybe a translation isn't needed. Just assume Claire will burn a bitch. Again.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans -- no foolin' -- that's it for the week of April 1! I'm off to buy some chewing gum cigars to celebrate Jordan's baby bombshell, so Laurisa is back next week to cover all things DAYS. And, "That's a fact!"

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans -- no foolin' -- that's it for the week of April 1! I'm off to buy some chewing gum cigars to celebrate Jordan's baby bombshell, so Laurisa back next week to cover every and all things DAYS. And, "That's a fact!"

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