Mommie dearest

Is Salem trying to get back in shape after the holidays? Will the mayoral race help? Are they trimming the fat by giving us less Rope and Saric? Let's discuss all the fit tips in this week's Two Scoops.

One of the things I like best about Ron is that he knows how to read a calendar. DAYS has a history of missing the mark a bit when it comes to February Sweeps. Maggie's choice of who to give Daniel's heart to, Chad crashing Gabi and Nick's wedding...that all happened in a January, leaving February Sweeps to feel a little dull by comparison.

But not this year! Ronny C has his pacing down, and we're in for some treats this month! Let's break it down.

First up, Lady Di is back in town. She's Leo's mama and has a history with John...or should I say Roman?! Yasssss! The John/Roman swap is a uniquely soapy element. I love when DAYS plays with it! Tony will be back next week to tell you more about Diana "Cooper's" history in Salem. But right now, her present is very interesting.

Diana Cooper is a bad. ass. mother. If you combined Kristen DiMera with Vivian Alamain and then made that person stay up all night with no snacks, you'd get last week's Diana Cooper. She makes Leo cower with a single touch of her pearls. No shock, Judith Chapman and Greg Rikaart are fantastic together as mother and son. (This pair had practice over at The Young and the Restless, playing mother/son there!) And since jerky Leo is afraid of her, we don't have to wonder if she's trustworthy. She's not. Nothing out of her mouth is true. She obviously knows Ted from more than the paper. I bet she never even heard Marlena's radio show. I'm not sure what her ultimate end game is, but I'm willing to wait and see!

Speaking of wait and see, a mystery person is holding Ciara hostage in a cabin! Somewhere, Gabi and Chad are super jealous Ciara got a bed while they got a cold freezer floor. Sorry, I digress. Mystery person! Black gloves! Who could it be?

It's probably Jordan, since she's on her way back to Salem. Though the idea of it being Rafe in an attempt to show Hope it sucks when someone you love is kidnapped was fun to ponder for a minute. Of course, I know Rafe would never do that. But DAYS is going to have to do some pretty good storytelling to explain why Jordan would. Jordan's one of the good guys who took her brother and escaped an abusive father and somehow managed to complete her doctoral degree in physical therapy while on the run. It would take something major to change her into a black-gloved assailant.

Speaking of major changes, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but after a week of Rex/Eric/Sarah ("Sarix"?), I'm actually siding with Rex! I know! I was just as shocked!

Rex finally got his apology right. He told Sarah he doesn't deserve it yet, but he'd like to try to earn forgiveness. That's a lot different than his previous refrain of, "Can we move past this?!" which is a nonstarter.

And sure, Rex is totally clueless, but it's not his fault. He asked the correct, direct question, and Eric and Sarah both lied to him. He has no reason not to believe Eric, and he has no business not believing Sarah. I'm not even mad at him for encouraging Eric to patch things up with Sarah. I felt the request came from a genuine place of wanting your sibling to like the person you love. I get it. Easter is coming up, and who wants that type of negativity with their ham? No one.

Oh, and negativity it was. Shame on you, Eric! Roman came over to your house with delicious snacks for his boys, and you ruined it. Cut it out!

I kid, because things are getting ridiculous in Eric/Sarah land. First, Eric shouldn't feel guilty for being honest with Sarah about not loving her. Second, Marlena gave him terrible advice to discount Rex's feelings and follow his own libido. Finally, DAYS keeps trying to compare Eric's feelings for Nicole to Eric's feelings for Sarah, which is downright laughable. He broke up with God for one of them. Sheesh!

Look, no one does brooding angst better that Greg Vaughan. But having him do that magic in the Sarah storyline is kind of like putting expensive truffle oil on a frozen pizza and expecting a gourmet meal.

One storyline that is firing on all cylinders is Jack's. I am here all day, every day for Casey Moss and Matt Ashford. These guys are spectacular together. Young J.J. got shipped off to school in London pretty fast. So, this relationship is all what Casey and Matt make of it. And they're making magic.

Xander told Eve she's got to pay or he'll get revenge. Please, Xanimal, please be my guest. I am ready for Eve to stop pawing at Jack like a cat with a ball of yarn. I also love that Xander has Rolf's diary because it takes power away from Eve. Do you think Eve actually loves Jack? If she did, her involvement in this storyline might be a little more palatable. But I don't think she does. I think she really hates Jennifer that much.

Side note: are you telling me that no one took a photo or made a copy of Rolf's formula? Not even Paul: Wonder P.I./Cyber Warrior? I don't buy that.

Side, side note: Sure, the formula is a big deal, but people are underselling what could be on the other pages of that diary! 1. How to transfer a fetus from one woman to another 2. How to perform plastic surgery to an exact detail 3. How to implant mind control devices in teeth 4. How to store a complete set of memories on a CD 5. Directions to the Virtual Garden of Eden

LOOSE ENDS: According to Haley, Melinda had a huge fight with her parents, moved across the world, and then rejected her orphaned baby sister when she reached out to her for help. Weird. Melinda is so warm. That doesn't sound like her at all.

And now, poor Melinda has to deal with her deadbeat sister's suicide attempt? Ugh, Haley! Always looking for attention! It's pretty rude, too, considering Melinda went out of her way to spoil Haley with luxuries like food and clothing. I bet Melinda spared no expense and let this little brat indulge in heat during the winter, too. See, Mel is the best!

Don't tell me, next, Haley is going to expect immigrant Melinda, D.A., to look into legal ways to keep Haley's ungrateful butt in the country, just because Haley's spent her whole adult life here and became a productive member of society. I mean, will this torture ever stop? Saint Melinda Trask needs a break. It's too much for one person to handle. Poor thing.

All joking aside, I get a brother/sister vibe from J.J. and Haley. It's very sweet, but not ideal if DAYS is considering pairing these two romantically.

I loved Adrienne clipping coupons! Not only does it show a self-awareness, but a girl after a bargain is a girl after my own heart.

It was so ridiculous, I could only laugh at Ben "I kidnapped Gabi" Weston and Tripp "I planted evidence" Dalton blaming the collapse of their respective relationships with Ciara on Claire "I arranged it so Ben and Ciara could have lunch together" Brady. The whole scene felt really patronizing and suuuuper sexist. Why take responsibility for your own actions, fellas, when there's a little woman around to blame, amiright?

Oh, Hope. I have to admire her dedication. She still believes Ben held Ciara hostage, and she's sticking with that narrative. And since she's already diverted department resources to pin a crime (any crime will do!) on Ben, she might as well ask Marlena to break doctor-patient confidentiality, too. You do you, Hope. I've grown to expect nothing less.

I'm always in favor of seeing Marlena doing her doctor thing. Her advice to Ben, about not letting Ciara define him, is right on and should go for all people regardless of mental illness. Robert Scott Wilson and Deidre Hall were superb in this scene. My heart broke a little when Marlena asked Ben if he had a support system. It was one of those questions where saying the answer out loud is pretty painful. He has no one. I feel for the real-life people in his situation. It's not uncommon for people to rally around friends or family with a physical illness, but mental illnesses don't seem to garner the same level of cards, casseroles, and visits.

Why in the world would Will divulge blackmail information to a complete and obviously shady stranger? Somewhere, Sami and Lucas are hiding their heads in shame. Will should be a better schemer than this!

HOT: Chloe spoke to my soul this week when she said work is her oasis of peace and order when a child and a toddler make your house a complete wreck. Girrrrl, I feel you. I'm not even mad at you for wearing open-toed heels in January during the coldest week of the year and day drinking with Stefan. If that's what gets you through the day, mama, you do it. Adulting is hard.

NOT: Leo's a fictional character, so I can roll with his bawdy comments and sexual innuendos. I had no problem with his indecent proposal to Xander. However, forcing a kiss on Brady and trying to blackmail Sonny into sleeping with him was gross. It's not entertaining to watch. This kind of trash hinders Greg Rikaart's deliciously snarky performances elsewhere in Leo's storyline.

Additionally, writing John and Brady to just brush it off was hogwash. Turning Leo's sexual assault into a punchline ("You're the one who needs the luck! Heh! Heh!") is exactly the kind of blockheaded nonsense that allows this sleazebaggery to seem normal. It's not. Ever. Try again.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Diane (about Ben) "He killed four people, didn't he?" Will: "Three, actually." Chandler Massey did a great job of conveying the unspoken, "It's a long story." Ha!

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I like that Xander uses the word "shag" almost as much as I like that Leo uses the word "hooch."

I feel like nurses wouldn't hang out in their scrubs when they get home. I can't wait to get into non-work clothes the second I walk through the door, and my work clothes aren't exposed to germs and other people's bodily fluids all day.

Judi Evans looks fabulous with short hair!

Eric never struck me as a tuck-the-napkin-into-your-shirt type of guy.

It's nice that DAYS keeps Sami calling home every once in a while to keep her in the mix.

Xander did not kill Nicole. Xander did, however, try to kill Eric and ended up shooting Marlena, sending her into a coma and Sami into legal hell for a crime she didn't commit. Why doesn't Eric hold the latter grudge instead? It's actually true!

We all know trips to the ER take hours. Now we know that's because the ER doc either got stopped in the hall by her mother to talk about her personal life, or popped upstairs to ask a colleague about her personal life. Good lord. It may not hurt for DAYS to build a breakroom set at the hospital for these scenes, especially now that so many people (Kayla, Haley, Sarah, Marlena, J.J., and possibly Rex) work in or around Salem U Hospital.

Why was Hope dressed as a cruise ship cowboy? That shirt had to be a gift from Julie.

Adrienne's great and all, but Jen's talking to the wrong Johnson about having her amnesiac husband back. Jen needs to go have a conversation with her nephew Sonny. Also acceptable answers: Kayla (remember when Steve dated Billie?!) or Marlena (RoboJohn and Ava, anyone?)

Slight rewrite that needs to stop: Ben wasn't on his way to quit. He did quit. He gave his resignation. He just happened to give it to the wrong DiMera brother.

Hang on, did Eli just straight up leave all that crap at Doug's Place for Chloe to clean up?! That guy is kind of the worst. Not cool, man.

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