Walk in the room they throwing shade left to right

Catty, catty, bang, bang! Ciara and Claire's cattiness led to a big bang for Rafe and Hope on their big day. Things got nasty between Victor and Vivian, and between Vivian and Kate, too! Valerie and Lani had a smackdown. And Kayla isn't so sweet to John these days! The claws are out, and the cat's out of the bag in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

Ah, Salem ceremonies! So much time and money are spent on clothes, catering, decorations, and only adding the right amount of Jordan almonds to an organza bag when really all one should do is hire a referee and a scorekeeper. Yep. They never seem to turn out as wedding-planned. The latest casualties are Hope and Rafe. Sort of. But let's head back to Monday and let that Friday cliffhanger linger a little longer...

That is, Hope and Rafe got married! It's legal. They're man and wife. Uh, congratulations? While I've never been eager to toss rice as these two, I will confess I kind of loved Hope and Rafe's Smith Island wedding! It was intimate and meaningful to them as a couple. The vows were genuine. Well, Hope's were. And as a casual clothes kind of guy, I get Rafe's excitement to be married in a T-shirt and jeans. That would be spectacular. Please take note of that, my future ex, and thank you.

The fact that they are married makes me wonder what's next!? There has to be a reason to hitch them, or else there's going to be a lot of unnecessary paperwork for the duo. Neither Rafe nor Hope seems like the vengeful type, so a prolonged and bitter War of the Roses-type divorce would seem out of character. Though, if I were Hope, I'd totally stall to get Rafe's bathroom -- it's huge, and he has an amazing tub. Anyway. There's that thought.

My second hunch as for the hitch is Sami! I shudder thinking of this, but it wouldn't shock me if Rafe and Hope patched things up just in time for Sami to return to Salem. Maybe with a little Rafe or Rafette. Eek. Again, not surprising, but a solid soapy twist.

Still, maybe they will work things out and live happily ever after. I'm kidding. It's DAYS. Part of me suspects that their legal marriage is just a way to let the "Rope" saga dangle a little longer while deciding what's next for the characters. My hope is that they each get a partner that brings out the pizzazz in the character. Rafe and Hope are not offensive, but they're not edge-of-the-seat entertainment.

As for that Friday cliffhanger, Claire did a bang-up job of blowing apart the ceremony. To be fair, Rafe did that himself. Claire was just the delivery gal. But here's where I go back and forth.

Marlena's tone when she said, "Oh, Claire," last Monday kind of summed it up beautifully. There was a mix of concern and disappointment in her voice. I'll give Mar Mar some credit. She did try to help. She asked Claire to question her motives, wondered why she even recorded the conversation, and even pointed out that there was a lot of guessing going on. Oh, Claire. If only you'd explored all of that first.

Or, perhaps, Gammie Mar could have gone with Claire to talk to Rafe or something. Maybe text Sami a "WTF!?" message. I dunno. I remember Marlena and Hope being friends and family, so, Marlena could have explored some options, as well. I guess she was too busy wiping John's tear stains from her blazer to help a bestie.

As for Claire, she is capable of compassion, but I think she lets her compulsion to squabble with Ciara get in the way, making what she did come off as catty and selfish to some. I suspect Claire's motives were mixed. I do think some of it was to spite Ciara. That's a no-brainer as they've been mixed up in this bitter bantering since Ciara's return, but, looking back, it's hard to believe all of Claire's reasons for telling Hope revolved around Ciara or the spotlight...

Claire did seem torn and asked for help. She didn't listen, of course, but going back even further, Claire is the one who spearheaded Chase's kidnapping so Ciara could get revenge on him. Claire also spent the night in jail for her part in spray-painting the car of Theo's bully (whoops, it was the bully's dad's car, but the sentiment was there). Claire raged against Wyatt when he crushed Ciara. She combated Jade's shadiness toward Joey and when she made a sex tape of Claire and Theo. And she kept Joey's Ava-killing secret, so she's not above being reasoned with for the greater good. So, as bratty as she's been lately and as wrong as she was recording the conversation and for blurting out the truth publicly before getting all the facts, to think Claire only told Hope to spite Ciara or bask in the spotlight is unfair given how many times Claire has gone to bat for her loved ones. Does that make her a saint? Nope. But she's hardly the "bad guy" here.

That "bad guy" title belongs to Rafe. Though, that could be a little unfair, too. He's not bad -- just cowardly and impulsive. It was Rafe's place to tell Hope. He didn't. That's on him. Ciara or Carrie could have delivered the news earlier and privately. That's on them. So, while Claire grandstanded while upset, she did what others didn't for someone she loved. Still...

Claire should have put aside her own ego and listened to the facts Ciara (and Tripp) were trying to get through to her. As such, exclaiming, "Rafe cheated!" is an alternative fact that's causing a lot of chaos. He did sleep with a woman who wasn't Hope, but he wasn't dating, engaged to, or married to Hope at the time. Was it hella tacky? Sure. Was it kinda gross? Yeppers. Was it a lack of good judgement? You betcha. But, technically, Rafe didn't cheat. Of course, that technicality doesn't take away the sting for Hope, who's heartbroken and humiliated. Though she shouldn't be humiliated. Rafe should be. Hope did nothing wrong.

Ultimately, I'm Team Hope. She deserved to know the truth. It would have been much better had she found out in a less public way, but it's not like it's the worst secret to be exposed at a wedding. AmIright, Eric!? Needless to say, Hope will bounce back! Or she'll slather on some dark lipstick and start beating up men again. Sometimes she doesn't deal well with trauma.

LOOSE ENDS: Hmm. Eve has shown her compassionate side time and again, and I believe it's true, especially with Claire and Tate, but I think her supporting Brady is a ruse. I think she knows he's playing dirty. I suspect she wants to be wrong, as she has feelings for him, too, but something about their scenes last week made me pause and think she's a step ahead. I repeat, "Hmm!"

Ah, Stefan! What a nice guy. He's reading up on Abigail's condition in order to maybe help her (which will help him). Okay, I eternally adored that he was reading Kimberly Brady's book. I'm officially nominating Kimberly's book as Prop of the Year! That was an amazing nod to DAYS gone by. Well played, writers. Nevertheless...

Stefan and Gabigail are "helping" each other. I say "helping," meaning he's helping himself to things he wants while taking advantage of someone's disease. Anyway. They're bonding over blackmail and mutually assured destruction. Stefan won't turn Gabigail in, and she won't tell anyone that Stefan and Vivian were there the night Andre was murdered. Like, there-there. In his office. Plotting over his dead body. Those flashbacks were hilarious. When Vivian pulled out the gun to prove she didn't bludgeon Andre, I cracked up. I also laughed when Stefan said he wasn't a murderer, and her reply was, "Neither am I! Well, not at the moment, anyway."

As it turns out, Stefan was going to have Andre taken away by two thugs, and that's why he cut the security cameras. I actually believe him. I still don't like him much, but I believe him. What I don't believe is his bond with Abigail/Gabigail. Part of me hopes he's legit trying to help her recover, and part of me believes he's using her as a scapegoat and to get closer to her. You know, because nothing screams romance like taking advantage of someone who's mentally ill.

And speaking of Abigail's illness, she seems to have another personality! I turn on my closed captions sometimes to make sure my notes are right, and, boom! The captions had Abigail as "Dr. Laura." Oh, boy. I'm nervous. Grandma Laura and I don't have the best relationship in Salem, so I'm not sure how well "Dr. Laura" and I will fare. Eh. Still. I'd rather seek treatment from Abigail's alter than the real Laura Horton, as that woman should have lost her license a long time ago. I'm still bitter that Laura helped keep Abigail from a grieving, recovering Jennifer and the rest of her family. Yep, that Laura does some good doctoring. Ugh.

I'm disappointed that Victor turned down Vivian's offer to work together, as there's nothing not entertaining about scenes between John Aniston and Louise Sorel, even when their characters' actions are a bit over the top. Like, I'm not sure why Vivian felt the need to attempt to seduce Victor, as that seemed like a stretch even for her crazy self, but it further scorned Vivian, who warned, "We're coming after you and showing no mercy." Um, that! Bring. It. On.

Damn! Valerie doesn't pull punches with Lani, and I kind of love that. Though Valerie is wrong. Lani is not manipulating Eli. He's a grown man. He's making cowardly, bad decisions all on his own. His suit was nice, though.

HOT Congrats to the entire cast and crew of DAYS! Not only was it a memorable, well-delivered February Sweeps, but there is proof in the pudding. The "pudding" being climbing ratings. I, for one, am ecstatic about this all, as better ratings mean better chances of renewals, which means the sands will keep sifting through the hourglass all the days of our lives. Um, yes, please!

NOT Sorry, Steve and John. I know you have a bro-code and ISA alliance, but I'm with her. "Her" being Kayla. I don't blame Sweetness for being anything but sweet to John. She even said, "I don't care about him or his feelings." Yep, me, either, Sweetness. She has every right to be furious. That entire situation could have been handled in about a million better ways, but it wasn't. And now Steve could go blind. Boo. Just boo. And shame on you, John Black.

LINE OF THE WEEK Vivian (to Stefan) "Why are you reading about the town nutcase? One of them, anyways."

OH-SNAP! COMEBACK OF THE WEEK Kayla (to John): "Did you pray much when you were poisoning my husband?"

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK Victor: "Maggie?" Vivian: "No, darling, it's someone who actually gets you." Victor: "Oh, for God's sake." Vivian: "Oh, Victor. You're better off without her. She's an encumbrance, sort of a proverbial ball and chain." Victor: "And you're a proverbial pain in my ass, so just get out!"

RANDOM THOUGHTS I could seriously watch Lauren Koslow and Louise Sorel all day. And all night. They're legendary together. More, please.

I'm also a sucker for Claire and Eve scenes! I love their bond. It comes off as very genuine. We got their scenes and Sonny and Gabi goodness as well as a very tender scene between Kate and Gabi all in a week. I'm stoked.

I'm shocked Julie didn't make posters of the headlines regarding Gabi to hang up around Doug's Place.

Theo update: he's "making progress." Still, I'm sending him subscriptions to all the various Salem tabloids so he can keep up with his family while in recovery. Eh, he might be fully recovered by the time he reads all of it.

Jittery Julie was endearing. More so, when Doug and Julie are together, they're fabulous! She totally won the husband lotto.

I'm sure Hope was very upset Mama Hernandez's flight got canceled. Adrianna was so sweet to Hope in the past. Or not.

Also, where were Shawn-Douglas and Belle!? I miss them, especially at big events like his mother's wedding. Also absent, Carrie, Roman, John, and Marlena. What's up with that!?

The wedding fashions were rather flawless! I loved Hope's suit -- it was classy and classic. Lani, Gabi, and Val especially shined. Julie looked gorgeous in green. And, hey, Ciara didn't wear her dad's jacket. There's that, too.

Eli may be a coward, but I loved every second of him going head to head with Melinda Trask. That was rather enjoyable. At least if he helps free Gabi, that might take the sting off his deceptions. Maybe.

Re: fashion! Was Valerie's black and white feathery coat the same one Nicole used to wear? Or at least very similar.

That Horton cabin is surely stocked with everything. I mean, everything. I know where I want to be in an emergency, well, an emergency where I'd need champagne and lightning options, which happens more than you'd think.

Victor calling Stefan Vivian's "genetically challenged son" was hilarious! Though I could think of worse parents to have. I, uh, just can't think of any right now.

Well, Maggie was going to stay at the Salem Inn, but, I think, opted to stay at the Horton home. That made me wonder, though -- who owns the Salem Inn!? They have to be raking in the money with all those long-term boarders and the cleaning charges after the boarders move out.

Jordan nuts reminded me of Jordan Ridgeway. I'd like an update on her. And an update on Arthur the cat.

Speaking of food, I want Lani's French fries. They did look delicious. And I deserve them more, as I'm not lying to J.J. Plus, she shouldn't get her grease near Alice's heirloom ring. Tick, tock, Lani.

If anyone sees a pair of brown eyes laying around, they might be mine. They literally rolled out of my head when Julie declared to Claire, "I don't judge." Wwwhhhaaa-what!? Okay, Julie. Sure. Sure, you don't. Jennifer can even back you up. What did she say a few weeks ago about Henry Shah? Oh, right. "I wasn't too overwhelmed with your doctor friend." Or last week when she said she had reservations about Rafe because he was a Hernandez. Nope. Not judgy at all, Jules. Carry on.

To be fair, Julie might have had a point about Rafe. Sorry, Jules.

I love that Ari Grace's stuffed peep is named "Peep." My friend Sumer had a cat named "Cat" as a child. I was never allowed to name pets, but probably would have gone with "Kristen" or "Vivian."

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of March 5! As Laurisa is still, well, not locked in a secret room anywhere, and you're probably sick of me by now, we've whipped up a special guest Two Scooper for next week's column! And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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