Dance with the devil

May Sweeps makes a mighty return to Salem, and, boy, was it random! There were deals made with devilish intent. A surprise return of a supercouple's son. Several back alley attacks. A shocking realization of love. And a crazy lady dancing like no one was watching. Find out what the heck's going on in this week's special Random Two Scoops!

Well, if I knew there was dancing in the Horton Town Square last week, I would have worn better shoes. That gal was, uh, special, wasn't she? I mean. Wow. But she did get me thinking. What I came up with was this -- DAYS was pretty random last week, yet worth dancing about.

Granted, Random Dancing Chick did push the limits of that old clich about "dancing like no one is watching," because, really, I've taken more graceful tumbles down the stairs in Horton Square, but I digress. She was celebrating her music, and I'm celebrating a rather Sweepstastic week. That's a reason to boogie a bit, right?

So, in honor of Random Dancing Chick, this column isn't going to be normal. It's going to be random. And since there's so much to cover, let's just grab some bubbly and our dancing shoes, and discuss (just no fist pumping, please and thank you)!

RANDOM THOUGHTS Let me begin by saying that I have an alibi for when Rafe was attacked. I did not do it. Conversely, I'd like to know who did. And then send them a thank you card. I kid, I kid.

Aw, the secret room! That brings back all sorts of warm, fuzzy, and totally insane memories. I do miss the secret wine rack entrance, though.

I've got it! I've got it, I've got it, I've got it! Let me introduce the London Effect. There's something magical about the city that will make one grow. E.J. left for the UK as a baby and came back as a late-twentysomething tall drink of water. J.J. left as a baby and is now a teen. So, I've narrowed it down to either London being magical, your name has to be a two-letter abbreviation, or a combo of the two. Yep, I'm definitely onto something here.

After a dagger for Carrie and gun for Sami, I'm rather disappointed in Kate's gift to Baby Arianna. I really thought she'd give her a mini crossbow, or at least a kid-sized Samurai sword. But, nope. It was shoes! What baby needs shoes, Kate?

Breaking news: Marlena is upset about how John is treating her.

In other shocking news, Brady blames John for, well, everything, and vows John will pay.

J.J.'s excuse that the drugs were his roommate's sounded a little like when Bill Clinton said he didn't inhale.

Brady's wedding gift to Kristen was pretty mind-blowing. I thought before he might be playing her and, if he is, he's just found the means to utterly destroy her. If he's not, it seems like he's officially won her heart. This could go either way, and I'm pretty excited to find out who is ultimately playing whom!

E.J.'s concern for Sami is sweet. It really gives validity to their relationship. And he didn't flinch once when she had a gun in her hand. Yep, that's true love, folks.

Hmm, just who did John meet with and what did he get? Perhaps it was a refund from the new personality he's been trying out the past few months. Douchey John is not as much fun as RoboJohn was. End of story.

Considering the parents-to-be are a recovering junkie who locked a woman in a sarcophagus and a not-so-recovering, but gloriously delicious psycho, Brady must have some pretty powerful friends for an adoption to be fast-tracked. Needless to say, when this kid grows up, he or she is going to make Ciara look stable.

Johnny is still one of my favorite Salemites. He needs to open a psychiatric booth like Lucy from the Peanuts cartoons. Although I suggest he charges more than five cents, as most of the people in Salem seem fairly loaded. Then again, with all their problems, he'd probably be a millionaire in no time even at five cents a pop.

And a point for Nick! He is a computer geek. I'll give him that one. Now I just wish someone would give him one. Oh, "one" being a rap to the noggin like Rafe got.

Hope, loved the glasses, but, sorry bud, I have to scold you. I hate blanket statements like, "No one deserves a DiMera." As in, no one deserves to be married to one. Um, yeah, should I tell that to Hope's good friend Abe? I think he may want to know his friend is inadvertently trashing his dead wife, a.k.a. one of Hope's BFFs, Lexie. Not cool, Fancy Face. Not cool.

Way to go for the twofer, Jen! She gave Kristen something borrowed and blue. And since Kristen has slept with both John and Brady, she already has the old and new covered. Good! That one can be crossed off the wedding to-do list.

I feel for Nicole. When Eric does his humble, nice guy smile and twinkling eyes combo, it's hard not to swoon. Girl, meet me at the pub for some martinis and man problems talk. I'll buy.

Victor totally Harry and the Henderson'ed Marlena. He believed that if he was mean, she'd run away from John. Vic, I love you, but she's sort of a glutton. Plus, what else would she have to talk about?

I'm actually very upset by Rafe's attack. Well, I'm very upset that I'm slightly upset by the fact I sort of, kind of felt bad for him. He was actually trying to help, and for the first time in a long time, we were on the same page there for a second. Okay. I'm better now. Who wants some frozen yogurt? Stefano and Kristen's scenes sort of made me sad. Sure, he's encouraging her goals, but he's also talking her out of true love. Considering he made a career out of pursuing his "Queen of the Night," I thought he'd have more of a romantic side.

Parker's nanny, Joanna, totally reminds me of Natalia Cigliuti of All My Children fame.

Poor, Eej! I felt bad that he overheard Johnny's conversation with Sami about Rafe. Don't worry, big guy, Rafe is going to be unavailable for a while. I just hope you don't have anything to do with it!

Yes, yes, and yes! I enjoyed every minute of Kristen and Eric's conversation. Eileen Davidson and Greg Vaughan's performances were terrific. More, please!

I think Anne should worry more about why she had a leaf on her back than what Jennifer and Dr. Dan are up to. If it's not okay to smooch at the nurses' station, it's certainly not okay to roll around in the grass in front of the hospital. Just saying. But it does make me wonder what she's been up to. Hmm!

There was a lot of talk about John and Marlena's affair last week. We all know how Sami dealt, or, um didn't deal with it, but I don't remember Eric's reaction. I'd be up for seeing this explored a bit.

Yes! J.J. calls Abigail "Abs," too. I like him already.

It always makes me chuckle when E.J. and Brady have banter about the DiMera family, since Brady is technically part DiMera. Nevertheless, I always enjoy James Scott and Eric Martsolf going head-to-head. They have some fun sparring chemistry.

I think Eric should have a free pass to go totally ballistic on John. He's a priest. John was a priest. There has to be some secret priest fight club rules. I'm sure of it!

If I were Abe, I would have said to John, "Yes, Theo and I are doing fine considering his mother/my wife died. Thanks for asking!" Yep, Abe is a classier act that I would have been to selfish old John.

Whereas Gabi is still, well, Gabi I liked that she and Caroline had a scene together nonetheless. DAYS is at its best when relationships like these aren't forgotten. Now maybe someone can remind Brady to call Melanie.

Sorry, Annie, but did you really think Chloe wouldn't sell you out? I'm not a huge "Dannifer" fan, but I did like the way he stuck up for his lady. More so, I loved how Jen stated she can handle her own fights. The lady has spunk, and I've always liked that about her.

Kristen reading the Bible while reclining in Eric's chair was all shades of hilarious.

When Hope called Rafe to the station to pick his brain, my first thought was, "That won't take long."

Sure, I'm disappointed in how John treated Abe, but I'm even more disappointed that they won't be hanging out. I'd love to see them reminisce. Something tells me they'd bring up some interesting stories. And, of course, if the ladies can have a book club, the guys should have a beer club or something. Work on that, writers.

I'm confident that Eileen Davidson is going to win an Emmy next year! I suggest she submits, well, any show from last week. Ah-mazing work, especially Kristen's breakdown after Brady presented her with the adoption papers.

I know that Abe talking to Dr. Dan was more of a way for the show to give a little Lexie praise -- which I'm all for -- but I think I'd like to see Abe spending time with this friend. The former Mr. Mayor needs more airtime.

Abigail and J.J. commented that they haven't seen each other since Jack's funeral. Yeah, it would have been nice to see him there, too. Oh, wait! Jack didn't have an on-screen funeral. My bad.

Oh, oh! Could Vargas be Patrick Lockhart with plastic surgery? Probably not, but why not start that conspiracy theory?

When Kristen mentioned her belongings in the secret room had been gathering dust for the past fifteen years, I began to worry about Sami. She may get busted for sleeping with a minor, since E.J. was a baby when John and Kristen were supposed to get married. Oh, wait! The London Effect. All's good, mates.

I like that Dr. Dan is talking to the Chloemeister. It gives me hope that if she returns, she'll be a little more stable. And by "a little," I mean a lot.

I like Cameron more for getting a job as a custodian. I think it's classy that he's willing to do what it takes to pay off Celeste's his debts. I just hope we don't have to watch him wax floors. Something tells me that won't have the same panache as watching "Apollo" get all strippy with it.

Props to Nicole for sticking around John after he broke a glass with his bare hand! She must care.

Yep! Aside from Rafe and his ego, Will and Sonny are the happiest couple on the show right now. They're kind of adorably amazing, and I'm proud of them. I just hope that it isn't a big deal when Will finds out about Gabi's little secret. You know. The faux-stalker turned kidnapper/town nearly blowing up thingy. Otherwise known as the leverage they could use to neutralize Nick. You know. That.

Sorry, Stefano, but your security sincerely stinks. Kristen said they make rounds, but considering Stefano was faux-murdered in the den, Fay was killed in the foyer, and E.J. was shot in his bedroom, amongst other happenings, I'd suggest he give ADT a call. Like, yesterday.

That was big of John to pass Marlena off to Roman. If Ro Ro was smart, he's exclaim, "No takebacks!" and run away to claim his prize. Well, I guess John still cares. That's, uh, good.

The Golden Circle Club might be down a member soon. Abigail wants Cameron to be her first. While there's nothing really wrong with Cam, I'm just not feeling the connection. Okay, come in closer so I can whisper, "He's hot, but boring" without offending the good doc.

Nick manhandling Sami made me uncomfortable. Well, at least he didn't dangle her from a balcony. That's some progress, right?

I totally dug the atmosphere at the bar where E.J. and Justin met. More so, I loved that they're forming an official alliance. This has awesome written all over it. Maybe for added flair, Adrienne can assist. Just saying.

My condolences to "IHateDannifer44." I have a feeling you're soon going to be replaced as the acting president of the Down With Dannifer Fan Club. My Spidey Senses are tingling. They're telling me that J.J. isn't a Dr. Dan fan. If true, maybe Anne will make a new friend.

I loved seeing Hope hang out with Justin and Adrienne. Alas, poor Adrienne upset Ciara. I'd tread lightly with that little one -- and hide the sharp objects. Girl has crazy eyes and isn't afraid to use them.

John and Kristen's scenes in the secret room were pretty intense, but I was hoping for a few more flashbacks.

I miss Chad.

Damn, girl! Sami had an "epic fail" when trying to get the evidence from Joe Bernardi. She needs to resharpen her scheming claws. That guy is a chump. She should have cleaned the floor with him. I'd hang my head in shame if I weren't afraid of missing Sami's antics.

No wonder Anne hates Jen. I hate her, too, now. Actually, I'm just jealous. I kind of really want Jen's job. Come in late. Leave early. Get to make out with a hot doctor in the corridors. Then go to said hot doctor's apartment to, um, play doctor and eat ice cream. I'll be faxing my rsum shortly.

I'll side with Ciara on this one. I'd also be upset if I was promised a day with a baby panda and got dragged into an office. Oh, and I'd be upset about my daddy never, ever coming home, too. I'm just saying that Ciara has issues, and Marlena needs something to do other than whine about John. This could be a good match made in misery.

The Sami and Stefano Play Chess scene was great.

I'm content. I got an E.J./Will scene. Those two are made of win.

Not as amazing, but still enjoyable, was Rafe and Will's chitchat. It's admirable that the big lug still cares for Sami's kids. Oh, and he got Johnny a new jacket. That was nice. Hey, look, Rafe does have redeeming qualities under his mountainous self-esteem.

Kristen and Jen's friendship is so bittersweet to me. I really enjoyed them together the first time around, and I'm greatly enjoying them again. I'm just bummed it will probably come to an end if Kristen's horrendous lies little fibs are exposed.

I'd consider Sami's more epic fail last week was not loading her brand new wedding present. I was all shades of disappointed that Nick came out of that fight with all the cards and no bullet holes. But he still has several people gunning for him, so there's always hope.

Mystery time! The letter Officer Not So Bright gave Ciara to look after was addressed to Hope and stated it was a "Prison Release Notice." Hmm! Who could be getting sprung next? More so, what kind of danger could be lurking for Hope, especially since she'll be blindsided by said sprung convict thanks to Ciara hiding the letter!? Could it be one of the gals that beat Hope while she was in Statesville? Doctor Baker, perhaps? Patrick Lockhart and all his dreaminess? I want to know. I'm in. Let's not disappoint, dear writers.

During that brief scene between John, Marlena, Roman, and Nicole, I wonder if Roman was thinking, "Yep, I've had them both."

Welcome to the crazy DAYS family, Casey Moss! We're glad to have you! Why I love Kristen Example 5,649: She's so divalicious, she can make a priest lose his cool! Yep, that's talent, folks.

HOT I especially enjoyed the random character conversations last week! Folks that don't normally interact did. Here's a few examples: John and Nicole, Eric and Kristen, Marlena and Victor, Sami and Ciara, John and Abe, as well as E.J. and Brady (hey, it's been a while on both accounts), and Roman and, well, anyone. Moments like those definitely keep the show fresh, and I scooped up every moment!

NOT I get that John is being a total pain in the hourglass, and that's causing drama for him and Mar Mar, but I hate that Roman is going to be collateral damage as well. It seems like the poor dude is being brought out of the mothballs just to be set up to fail again. I mean, really, does anyone think he'll end up with Marlena? Methinks no, nope, and not at all. Kristen pegged him as lonely and miserable. She's right. Roman's a vet and deserves more than singing the same old John and Marlena blues tune.

LINE OF THE WEEK Johnny (to Sami and E.J. after interrupting their tiff and being told they weren't fighting): "If it was me and Allie, you'd call it fighting." Yep, I still vote for Johnny being the smartest guy in Salem. In fact, he'd make a good lawyer with arguments like that!

WHAT'S UP, DOC (AND NURSES)!? To celebrate National Nurse's Day on May 6, Laurisa and I teamed up to praise some of Salem's finest healthcare workers. We took to our blog with the praise, so click here to find out who we'd like to treat us for our cuts, bruises, and amnesias.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's your random Two Scoops for the week of May 13! I'm off to London to investigate my new theory, and to see if it has a reverse button. If so, I'll probably come back a bit younger, and with a lot more attitude. In the meantime, Laurisa will be back the next few weeks for all your Sweeps Scooping needs. And "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

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