The neverending story

Salem sets a record for the longest night in history. Chloe and Nancy replayed the same scene over and over again. Kristen and Brady got in and out of bed. And Super Dan entered into and then awoke from a drug-induced haze, alert enough to take a stroll through Horton Town Square. Find out more in this week's Two Scoops.

I have amazing news, DAYS fans. This is big. If last week's shows were any indication -- and we have no reason to doubt them -- then it is safe to announce that the citizens of Salem have succeeded in uncovering a way to freeze time. I swear, I thought only Zach Morris and Evie Garland could do that. But no, last week's episodes featured a night so never-ending that I'm convinced it happened in a strange time vortex where minutes are actually 120 seconds long. Here's what happened with all the extra time.

KRISTEN, BRADY, JOHN, and MARLENA Thanks to that strategic gift, Brady was at least willing to listen to have a meal with John. And it was at the Brady brunch that Kristen dropped a bomb on John -- she'll give up Brady if John fills the vacant place in her bed. Okay, well that's something.

The truth is, Kristen's hate for John and Marlena is getting a little stale at this point. They need to have some additional form of conflict. Kristen legitimately falling for Brady is a good start. So, let's get that boy behind a piano again and move this along.

Also, Marlena needs to be written smarter. She's a doctor with years of professional experience with sociopaths. She should be more than prepared for Kristen's mind games. Instead, Marlena reacts like a church lady who saw a copy of Cosmo each time she sees Kristen's face. Both ladies are capable of something better.

Bottom line, even Kristen's awesome antics can't carry this storyline forever. Some other people need to step up now.

CHLOE, DANIEL, JENNIFER, and NANCY Since guilt and nostalgia had been no help to Chloe, she decided to up her game and go ahead and try flat-out throwing herself at Daniel and then drugging him. Sadly, Chloe isn't bright enough to realize that even those she did in the wrong order. And she calls herself Nicole's friend. Sigh.

If this storyline was in the high school or 20-something group, it might work. But these are grown people with children. It just looks silly to see Jennifer running away from Daniel's house in tears because she thinks that he likes Chloe now. And imagine my shock to realize that Chloe actually does have a threshold for embarrassment.

Alas, Jennifer is losing Daniel the same way that Chloe lost him, by being tricked into thinking that he's cheating with his baby mama. I don't know how exactly the show managed it, but Daniel is the most likable one in this story right now, based mainly on the relatability factor. In fact, he probably found the entire DAYS audience at the bottom of his bottle of booze. Welcome, Dr. Dan. We've been here for a while.

Sadly, even Nancy's return hasn't made a splash. Rather than helping Chloe scheme to get Daniel, I would have preferred to see Nancy help scheme to pay Kate back for all of the things that Kate's done to Chloe over the past year. Nancy vs. Kate could have been much more interesting, especially if, say, Chloe were to take an interest in Rafe around the same time that Kate did.

SONNY and WILL I dig that Sonny is one of the good guys. I really do. But I'm going to go ahead and give him my full permission to go a little, well, Kiriakis right about now. It's bad enough that he has to deal with homophobic Nick. But now that he has to deal with William the Wimp, I wouldn't blame Sonny if he just made one call to Uncle Vic and put a stop to this whole mess right now.

Okay, so maybe Victor is too big of a gun. But I can't stand that Will still thinks Gabi is his friend. Why hasn't Sonny told Will about the horrible thing that Gabi hissed to him about "never having the connection" that she has with Will? That little gem isn't protected under Nick's ridonkulous agreement, is it? Spoiler: It's not!

Also, I appreciated Sonny telling Will that Will needs a better story to tell his family and daughter, but that's a little far down the line. I'm not ready to concede that Will isn't going to be a part of this child's life yet.

GABI and NICK The whole town was abuzz with the news that Spencer and Heidi Nick and Gabi were finally getting married after enduring an extended engagement, painfully suspended for a period of time normally reserved for milk expiration dates. We're talking weeks, people!

Alas, at one point, I could see something genuinely sweet between Nick and Gabi. But that time has passed, and I find my anger at Gabi growing by the millisecond for her complete refusal to see the hatemonger on the pillow next to her.

Granted, she's not actively trying to ice Will out of his daughter's life, but that's kind of the problem. She isn't actively doing anything right now except letting Rafe and Nick handle things. I mean, Gabi didn't even flinch when Nick announced that the child's last name shall be "Fallon." It obviously never occurred to her that she should talk to Will about what to name their child, as Gabi has already determined the first and middle names, and now Nick gets to weigh in on the last. This does nothing to make me believe Gabi when she says that she wants Will to be a part of the baby's life.

RAFE Even I can't bring myself to knock Rafe this week. It would just be too easy. The way he sat there with that smirk on his face and pompously declared that the reason Sami and Lucas were in the evidence room must have been to get info on Nick? And then the way he seemed amused at the idea of Stefano being mad at Rafe for sleeping with Kate? Okay, shoot. I guess I am going to knock him. My bad. Don't feel bad for him though. He's got such a high opinion of himself that my little annoyance won't even register with him.

Dang it! I promise, I'm really going to be nice now.

All things considered, I still like Rafe and Gabi scenes. I know, I know. I beat both characters with my snark stick on a regular basis. But their relationship with each other is nice. And on shows where romance is the main driver of storylines, scenes between family members can act as a nice palate cleanser. Such is the case with Rafe and Gabi. So, well done, you two!

SAMI and E.J. The fact that Stefano is back in town has me worried for Ejami. Unless they're on the same side of a scheme, E.J. turns into kind of a dunce around Stefano. (See: E.J./Nicole part 1) I don't know that TPTB have figured out how to have both of these baddies coexist successfully, and that could be detrimental to the charm of Ejami. I don't want either Sami or E.J. to be a whitewashed version of themselves. I like the original recipes just fine.

Still, I appreciated that Sami let E.J. in on all of her ideas, even the bad ones. Ironic as it sounds, it takes a lot of courage to admit how desperate you are. I like that she does that with E.J. Now I just want him to start saying yes to one of her ideas. For selfish purposes, I'd like that one to be to move into the DiMera mansion. But that's mainly because I want some more Chad/Johnny scenes. I'm a sucker for those.

LOOSE ENDS: While I normally love Will/Marlena scenes as a nice complement to Will/Sami ones, I'm not certain that Marlena would be the best influence on Will right now. Marlena has never been good at recognizing weaklings and snapping them out of it. (See: Carrie) I think there should be more scenes with Great Grandma Caroline and less with Grandma Marlena for now.

Chad stopped by to welcome Stefano back and to ponder moving back into the DiMera mansion. Hmm...continue golden circling around with Abigail and Cameron, or apprentice under Stefano and Kristen? Yeah, I'm personally offering to help him load the moving van. Chop, chop, young Chadsworth!

Something tells me that Nicole won't be so upset when she sees Vargas. However, we have yet to learn how Eric will respond to Nicole's excitement. Stay tuned.

John got a major whack attitude with Marlena for hugging Roman, even though she has hugged Roman tons of time in front of John before. I still think that he has a just reason to be angry with her. But that's not the same as having a just reason for checking out on their marriage. John needs to get over himself a bit.

HOT: Sami and Lucas teaming up to break into the Salem Police Station was one of the most enjoyable things I'd seen in a while. From their banter, (See: "I hate jail. Jail sucks!") to their genuine love for Will, I'd watch a whole episode of just them. The subtle touches -- like Sami reading off some of Salem's crimes -- were sublime.

I'm sure it's only going to be a matter of time until Lucas is back on his game. The story about a quiet, dark place to think? Come on, Horton. I'm sure you really meant to tell Rafe that no one needs to know that a civilian got into the Salem PD's evidence room, especially, say, a gaggle of defense attorneys for those clients? But, I'm cutting Lucas a break because he was the most lovable that I'd seen him in years last week.

NOT: The wedding stuff for Nick and Gabi made my stomach turn a little. First Hope asked Gabi to get married at the Horton house because it would mean so much to everyone to bless Nick with more unearned praise. Then Gabi got married carrying Caroline's Bible and wearing Alice's bracelet. Knowing how both of them are treating Will and Sami right now, it was all very hard to take.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Lucas (while holding Sami): "When did you gain weight?" Sami: "About the same time you stopped working out!"

Honorable mention: John: "I don't know what to expect these days." Roman: "Well, stick around and you will!" And DAYS fans everywhere paused to clap forever.

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Something tells me that if Maxine was on the Salem PD, they'd solve a lot more crimes.

I did like that Chloe called Anne "Annie."

The Papal election interrupted DAYS twice this week, both times during the Chloe/Jen/Daniel storyline. I'm not saying that it was divine intervention. But I'm not saying it wasn't, either.

Does Will still have that pen? Can Nick still listen to Will's conversations?

Chloe's took Nancy's sleeping pills and then told Nancy not to wait up, making me wonder if Chloe actually knows what sleeping pills are for. I mean, I know it's right there in their name, but this is Chloe that we're talking about here.

Of course Harold and Mary are good at patching up bullet holes at the DiMera mansion.

The actor who plays Vargas is named Sean Douglas. How can he not be on DAYS? It's destiny!

Has Stefano ever had this many kids in Salem at one point?

According to Brady, the DiMera mansion is considerably larger than the Kiriakis Mansion. And I doubt that Brady has even seen the 6,000 square foot basement rec room/brain washing chamber yet!

Don't forget to vote in this year's Soap Central "Dankies" Awards if you haven't done so!

Finally, be sure to tune in to Soap Central Live on Friday, March 22, at 6pm Eastern/3pm Pacific. It's a very special hour celebrating Soap Central's 18th anniversary, with special appearances from soap stars, Soap Central columnists, and more surprises!

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness.

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