The kid is not my son

The secret is out: E.J. isn't Stefano's little bundle of terror. But, did that stop Sami from smooching the crime baby? And does it really matter if E.J. is a DiMera by blood? Get ready to check out the family tree in this week's Two Scoops.

Well, it's out there. That vicious rumor about E.J. not being a DiMera is now out in the Salem open. Chances are it's going to spread like the flu during finals week. I hope you all got your shots.

Call me stubborn, but I'm still not convinced that we're through with all of the twists in this saga. If I have my way -- and it's bound to happen at least once -- E.J. will be calling Stefano, "fatha" again soon! I took to my blog to explain my theory. Until those points are disproven, I will continue to hold strong to my belief that E.J. is a DiMera. (In my best Miss Piggy voice) There! That'll show 'em!

For now, let's look at the week that was in our fair Salem. We've got one more before the Olympic break and still tons left to do!

STEFANO'S MURDER INVESTIGATION We all know that E.J. is not the killer. Not only did we see flashbacks of Ian planting evidence, but Celeste already told us that E.J. didn't do it. And if we've learned nothing from our years in Salem, we've do know that Celeste is always right. Why she's not a police consultant, I don't know. Anyway, knowing that E.J. is innocent made this storyline fun to watch because I know that there's still more information to come out!

Refreshingly, the Salem Police Department looked very professional through this whole thing. I attribute most of that to Spencer. But, I give Rafe credit for noticing that something is off with the evidence against E.J. And, good on Roman for going by the book the whole time, even arresting his grandson when the evidence told him to. These three make a pretty stellar team.

Sure, some things are a little goofy. For example, Lucas and Sami probably shouldn't have been privy to the evidence in an ongoing investigation. And, I'm not quite sure how exactly the police think that E.J. committed this "premeditated" crime. They found his prints on the murder weapon and then his gloves tested positive for gunshot residue. So, are they suggesting that E.J. wore gloves to shoot Stefano and then, for giggles, took off the gloves and picked up the murder weapon again?

Ultimately it won't matter because Ian is behind the whole thing. (He's most likely the one who shot Stefano, right?) I'm pumped. The guy who started out as a fun foil to Madison has quickly become the delusional creeper who thinks that he can out-scheme Kate Roberts. Excuse me while I laugh. How delicious it will be to see Kate put him in his place! Finally, her powers will be used for good!

The only good thing Ian did this week was point out that Stefano and Kate were not legally divorced at the time of Stefano's death, so she might have a claim to some of the DiMera treasure. Squeal! Tell me I'm not the only one who would do backflips to see Kate and Kristen run DiMera Enterprises together.

LUCAS If anyone would know the importance of respecting your kid's boundaries, I would have thought it would have been Lucas. I mean, the guy changed his last name to distance himself from his nosey mother. So, I was somewhat shocked when Lucas pulled a Kate and searched Will's backpack. Considering the state of their relationship and the recent personal struggles in Will's life, I tend to think it would have been better for Lucas to respect Will's privacy. But, I think Lucas knows that he did wrong by Will and almost apologized for that. Besides, let's get real. This has very little to do with concern for Will and everything to do with concern for Sami -- specifically, Sami's bed.

Yes, E.J. is dangerous. But he has been for a long time. He was still a crime ninja back when Sami was pregnant with Sydney and then when Will was working for DiMera Enterprises. But Lucas wasn't going through Will's things either of those times. (For the record, Lucas was with Chloe and Autumn, respectively, at those times.) But as soon as he saw Sami and E.J. hugging, Lucas kicked up the drive to "protect Will." And to be fair, Lucas is not wrong about Sami.

You see, Carrie and Sami have a lot in common. They're both trying to convince themselves that they love one of Kate's kids when, in reality, they're both seriously hot for other guys. Much like with Carrie, I want Sami to realize that she doesn't love Lucas and move on, regardless of where or whom she moves on to. Not only would it be fairer to Lucas, but it would fairer to me as I'll never have to hear Lucas bark, "You belong to me" ever again. So not cool, dude. So. Not. Cool.

EJ and SAMI I was a little shocked that E.J. came clean with Sami about the gloves. I didn't think he trusted Sami that much. I liked seeing her jump into action to prove his innocence by looking at those surveillance tapes. I hate to admit it, but perhaps being with Rafe did her some good! She seems to think more like a cop and less like a criminal now.

The one thing that hasn't changed is the heat between E.J. and Sami. There's something very Rhett/Scarlet about them. Everyone, including them, knows how toxic they can be together. But neither of these two are exactly delicate flowers. And it certainly does make for great soap fare.

Truth be told, I'm apprehensive to think that their almost kiss will actually mean anything, since none has for the past eight months or so. But, it will be interesting to see how Sami's opinion of E.J. changes now that she's heard that he's not Stefano's biological son. While she's forgiven him for his past misdeeds against her, she's always stopped short of trusting him completely because he's a DiMera. That roadblock is seemingly gone now. Will that matter?

MELANIE'S KIDNAPPING For a hot second, I thought that Gabi permanently locked herself in that soundproof room in Andrew's basement. Oh sweet, sweet justice! But alas, dum ol' Bo had to go battering ram the door down. Darn him and his saving damsels in distress behavior! Where would he ever learn such a thing?

Still, I never get tired of seeing Bo and Hope work a case together. Both come off as smart, resourceful, and driven. They figured out Andrew's real name and history in record time. I'm looking forward to them connecting Gabi to this whole mess very soon. She desperately needs to get caught because this whole thing has gotten out of hand.

I really thought that Gabi was a good person, but any sympathy I had for her went out the window when she looked at that picture of Andrew, heard that he was an escaped mental patient, and still said nothing. The "I didn't mean for this to happen" got less and less valid the longer Gabi held onto the truth. Now that she's outright lied to the police, everything that happens from here on out is on Gabi's head too.

Oh, and that includes making me watch a repeat storyline, Gabbers. Yup, Melanie put up a valiant effort trying to convince Nick, err, I mean Andrew that she wants to be with him and not Philip, err, I mean Chad. This is just the way that I'd like to see the talented Molly Burnett spend her last few weeks on the show. *crosses arms and pouts*

NICOLE At the end of the day, I can't help but feel that Nicole has to stretch herself too far to be with either Daniel or Rafe. I don't like that for my Nicole.

With Rafe, she has to play the victim about big, bad E.J. taking her baby from her. You know, like she wasn't the one who kidnapped Sydney from E.J. and Sami. I'm tired of seeing Nicole whip up some tears and assume a very weepy, un-Nicole stance until Rafe hugs her. The only reason that this pair remotely works is because we all know how much Rafe hates E.J. It's the whole "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" scenario, which consequently, has nada to do with any feelings between Rafe and Nicole themselves.

With Daniel, Nicole is reduced to a "sure thing." This week proved that as soon as their relationship had to come out in daylight, Nicole treated Daniel more like a hurt little brother than a boyfriend. She brought him coffee, set up interviews for him, searched online -- all the while thinking about Rafe. Nicole and Daniel came to that point in their relationship where the spark is supposed to be there outside of the bedroom, and it clearly wasn't. She even made a point to call Daniel her "friend." Ouch.

AUSTIN, CARRIE, and RAFE This just in: Austin thinks Carrie is wonderful, honest, beautiful, and can end world hunger with a single lock of her magical golden hair. Have I mentioned that I feel terrible for simple-minded Austin? I hope he has fun in Switzerland. However, I have to advise him to stay clear of mountain edges. Those can be very tricky!

I would have respected Carrie so much more if she just came out and told Roman and Rafe the truth. Instead she fed them this dual citizenship malarkey and tried to disguise it as something Roman should be happy about, when what she's really doing is taking Roman's grandbaby halfway around the world because she's worried that she's too weak to stay faithful to the baby's father.

Rafe rarely shows any moment of weakness. So, I felt bad for him when he teared up over Carrie leaving. It really was heartless of her to approach him with "great news" and then expect him to be happy for her. She should have just left completely alone since these two have said goodbye approximately 36 times over the last few weeks. Oh, my gosh, I may be rooting for Rafe to get a nice girl! Wonders never cease!

LOOSE ENDS: Abe was busy planning a fundraiser for autism research in memory of Lexie. Yeah! I love it when Salem throws a party.

I saw Maggie! She's still running the spa. Daniel called her "mom." That was pretty much it.

John was unsuccessful on his quest to win over the board of DiMera Enterprises. So, he switched his attention to investigating Ian. First step was to play a very violent game of Words with Friends on his iPad.

In out-of-left-field news, we learned that Brady checked himself into rehab, and Madison now believes that Ian was the one drugging Brady. Um, did I miss something? Like the scene where Madison realized that she's been a total toolbox?

Since Lexie's not around to do it at the moment, I feel the need to step in on her behalf and clear up some things for some Salemites. First, Marlena can spin it anyway she wants to, but when Lexie asked Abe to keep Theo in touch with the DiMera family, she was talking about E.J. and Chad. Lexie was not referring to John. Second, out of respect for Lexie's dying wish, I would have liked to see Abe a little more conflicted over John's decision to take on E.J. I don't think that Abe needs to throw a parade in E.J.'s honor, but to show some apprehension rather than remark, "What took you so long?" would have sat better with me.

HOT: Everybody duck to avoid the flying pigs. I enjoyed Marlena three times last week!

First, Marlena gave Carrie a much-needed reality check by pointing out that there's no way that Carrie will get out of this situation without hurting anyone. Thus, Carrie needs to let go of that delusion and make a decision about what's best for the future, not what's the "most fair" right now. Now, Carrie didn't listen to that advice at all, but that's not Marlena's fault. I say, preach, Marlena!

Second, she was the sole voice of reason when Lucas wanted to cowboy up and drop the paternity bomb without thinking through the consequences. I applauded when she pointed out how important it was to think about Will. Seriously, Lucas knew exactly what E.J. had on Will. I'm shocked that Lucas never thought that, perhaps, Will having a secret to hold over E.J. might keep Will from facing criminal charges. I really wish Marlena knew the secret too!

Finally, I loved it when Marlena pointed out that Ian a misogynistic bully. Marlena has looked Stefano right in the face and injected him with drugs. On his best day, Ian can only hope to be Stefano with less panache and more hair gel. Marlena isn't scared of Ian. I'm glad she told him!

NOT: I seem to remember a certain young lad framing Sami for murder, trying to murder her himself, kidnapping Will, etc. Yet, through it all, Sami and Lucas managed to arrive at a place where they can peacefully co-parent their children. Sami owes it to her children to at least try to do the same with E.J., whether Lucas likes it or not. Lucas needs to respect the fact that E.J. is part of Sami's life, just as every other man will have to accept the fact that Lucas is part of Sami's life as well.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Austin (about his baby): "Or, it could be that little girl that I'm going to take to Wrigley Field." I grew up going to baseball games with my grandpa and dad, so I adored this line. (Even if they are rooting for the wrong team. Go Cards!)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Kudos to Daniel for asking if Gabi was okay. The guy was freaking out that his daughter was missing, yet still found time to show compassion for the least helpful "friend" ever.

Rafe sure has a way with pregnant women. I've heard of craving pickles, but it seems like every pregnant woman in Salem for the last four years (not named Chloe) has craved Rafe.

I dug Carrie's light gray nail polish.

I know that Will is busy right now, but has anyone told him that Melanie is missing? Will knows that Gabi was planning something. He could shed some light on this whole situation.

I don't know anyone other than Lauren Koslow who could pull off brown dress, lime green tights, and nude heels. Okay, maybe Carrie Bradshaw, but just those two!

I loved that Nicole mentioned being married to Trent let her know how hard Mel's life was. It made me wish that Mel and Nicole shared more scenes.

I didn't really like that Rafe called the lab and gave them specific orders to do the DNA test on E.J.'s gloves before anything else. The note that they found in Andrew's basement was at the lab at the time. Finding Melanie should have been more important than sticking it to E.J.

Did someone rearrange Carrie and Austin's hotel room? I could have sworn the bed was on the other wall before.

I think it's funny that Will wears a suit and carries a backpack. Is that a thing now? Are messenger bags done?

I doubt anyone whose child is missing would thank someone else for telling them that they don't know if it will be okay. But I guess Nicole is an expert on kidnapping.

That's it for now, DAYS fans! Tony's off next week so he can personally deliver Justin and Adrienne's invitation to Abe's party, so I'll be back to take us into the Olympic break. In the meantime, help a Scooper out with a few questions: Is it normal to keep bullets in the silverware drawer? Is there any chance that Gabi has a passport? Shouldn't the mayor of Salem know where the surveillance cameras around town are? And, shouldn't some of those cameras be on Horton Square, where Melanie was taken? Click here to send your answers or general feedback about DAYS to me.

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