Dog days are over

Nicole secretly packed E.J. and Taylor's bags and took them on one hell of a guilt trip. Nicole's not an angel, but it was fantastic to see her swat at Taylor's tarnished halo like a kitten playing with a toy.

With this supposed new age of "viewers looking for different types of programming" upon us, I'd like to reiterate reason number 347 as to why soaps are still a valuable, relevant part of television culture. That reason is pure escapism. Forgetting about the troubles of the real world for an hour a day? Yes, please!

In the interest of full disclosure, I had one of "those days" all of last week. Nothing horrifically bad happened, but it was a week filled with one little annoyance after another. By Friday night at nine when I shuffled out of my office like a zombie after a brutal, battle-filled eleven-hour workday, I felt utterly exhausted.

The cure for my exhaustion was simple, and something I started to look forward to beginning Monday morning when I accidentally broke an entire bottle of cologne while getting ready for work. Sure, my room smelled like L'Homme, but I wasn't thrilled about replacing a bottle I had just bought. Right, now I'm just bitching.

So, let me share the cure to my petty frustrations -- I wanted to slip into something comfy, grab a pint of ice cream, and partake in a DAYS-o-thon, compliments of my DVR. Now, why would any exec want to take that kind of rejuvenation away from a soap fan? Beats me. And if it stumps you, too, be sure to Support Our Soaps by clicking here.

The happy ending to my saga is that DAYS didn't disappoint last week. Things weren't all roses, but the show's picking up steam. Nicole's antics alone made my escape from the real world a perfect soap getaway. Let's grab a martini in Ms. DiMera's Walker's honor and discuss!

NICOLE Bravo, bravo! Nicole is back in the driver's seat, and I love it! Sure, she initially set herself up for failure by picking Sydney over Brady, but she didn't ask for her squeaky-clean sis to break her heart. Therefore, I'm hoisting up the "Team Nicole" flag, going to sip my martini, and sit back to watch her rake E.J. and Taylor over the coals.

And how deliciously did she already rake them over! Nicole secretly packed E.J. and Taylor's bags and took them both on one hell of a guilt trip, especially Taylor. Seeing Little Walker squirm was worth the price of admission. Nicole's not an angel, but it was fantastic to see her swat at Taylor's tarnished halo like a kitten playing with a toy.

The best part is that Nicole hasn't even laid down her full hand yet. She still has the trump card that is E.J. and Taylor's romance to play. She was smart to hold onto that. That's the devious Nicole I love to watch! Yep, I think the tide has finally turned, and Nicole's following E.J. around like a dog days are over.

My only small gripe is that Nicole didn't go to Sami with the information. I get why she wouldn't, given that: one, Sami isn't her favorite person, and, two, the last time she tried to strike a deal with Sami, she was sold out. But Nicole and Sami, now more than ever, have a common enemy, and I only dare to dream these two will somehow end up taking on the House of DiMera together. I'll probably spot Big Foot riding a unicorn before I get that wish, but I'm going for glass half-full on this one.

E.J. Elvis J is a smart man, but, as Stefano pointed out, he's being as dumb as they come by pursing Taylor. Nauseating "I've never been in love like this before" swoons aside, there's no question that the honorable Taylor will drop him like a beat at jam session when she finds out he's not so honorable. Wow, you'd think all of the stories Nicole has shared about his sordid past would be enough for her to gasp that concept, but I guess not.

As for E.J. suddenly realizing he did, in fact, create his own mess by marrying Nicole, well, that kind of falls in the "too little, too late" category. His escape clause isn't any better. That is, Nicole can still have Sydney-time, but will be free to pursue Brady if they divorce. Um, right. Here's a story for you, E.J.:

I once found this amazing blue suede jacket with red stitching at a vintage shop on Queen Street in Toronto. I talked myself out of buying it and, after realizing I made a mistake, I went back for it the next day. The jacket was gone. The jacket didn't wait for me. Like jackets, men don't wait either, especially when they're scorned and runner-up to an ex from hell.

So, methinks E.J. should come up with some better material if he wants Nicole off his back. However, something tells me she's going to enjoy making him squirm. And I can't blame her or wait to watch that happen. My remaining question is this: will baby boy E.J. tell his daddy he messed up...again?

TAYLOR What a conundrum! I'm having a Shakespearian "my only love sprung from my only hate" moment here. I love me some Tamara Braun, but Taylor Walker makes me want to run to the Cheatin' Heart to drown my sorrows with Chloe. And, really, when choosing to sit beside Chloe is the better option, I know I'm in trouble.

Sure, I'm probably completely biased because of my love for Tamara, but I do like her Taylor better so far. She's bringing more chutzpa to the role. I also like that this Taylor seems a bit tougher and more perceptive. However, she's still pretty much a selfish fool who should never say Nicole's happiness is important to her or that she's thinking of E.J.'s messed up kids. My only hope is this "new direction" Taylor is headed in will make her as cool as her new portrayer.

FAFE Let me begin by saying, I felt bad for Sami last week. Fafe completely pulled the rug out from under her with the entire one-night stand thingy. Ouch. Just ouch.

With that said, Galen's performance was hysterical. I'm not mocking Sami's pain, but the dude made me giggle by how much he just really doesn't care about anyone in Salem. His biggest concern is finding his debit card. Then again, with 2.6 million in his account, I can't blame a guy for that.

SAMI Well, it kind of sucks to be Sami. She had a worse time than I did last week. I'm just mad she had to bring me down with her by strolling down memory lane in the safe house. Those flashbacks make the scarf seem palatable, but I digress.

Sami found out "Rafe" cheated and kicked him out. Oh, man! If only it was that easy to get rid of the real Rafe. But, again, I digress.

In a perfect world, Sami would listen to Caroline's sound advice. That is to say, she would take some time to find out who the real Sami Brady is. I've been saying that for a while now. I'll even write Eminem and beg him to change his lyrics to, "Will the real Sami Brady please stand up?" Everything's better with music, right?

RAFE Ok, so how many freaking convents are in Salem? The town's got more nuns than Sister Act and The Sound of Music combined. I'm surprised not every extra at the Java Caf is dressed in a habit. Fans have been wondering for years where Salem is supposed to be located, and my newest guess is it's a suburb of Vatican City. It's no wonder Roman has a hard time finding a date. Anyway!

Saint Rafe made it to a convent, and then went to another convent, and then ended up at the safe house where *drum roll* Sami coincidentally showed up to lament. My Spidey Senses are tingling. Something tells me a flashback-laden, gooey, "OMG, I remember!" reunion is about to happen. Yep, I'm definitely going to need another martini to get me through this one.

As much as I knew this reunion was bound to happen, I'm a little disappointed it's happening so quickly, especially after meeting Sister Rose. She was a pretty* young thing. I wouldn't have minded seeing her nurse Rafe back to health then getting all Thorn Birds-esque with him. Giving Galen the chance to test the waters with another actress would be a good thing, could be entertaining if the chemistry was there, and it would avoid the looming "Safe are amazing!" overload which is bound to happen soon.

* Bonus points if you know why I called her "pretty."

DARIO Dario has his shortcomings, but caring too much isn't one of them. For what the dude lacks in brains, I'm starting to think he makes up for in heart. And I'm okay with that. I'm even more okay with that since he's a hard worker. Perhaps he'll inspire others *cough Sami and Chloe* to get jobs, too.

Granted, I might just be slightly buzzed from my martinis, but I think Dario's feelings for Mel are kind of cute. I think many of us have been there. That exhilarating, yet nauseating, twitterpated feeling you get when someone you like is around. One's quick to smile, yet just as fast to feel devastated when you suspect the feelings aren't mutual. I get that. I just think this one needs to be a slow burn and have less awkward run-ins.

MELANIE and BRADY So, I guess Melanie and Brady are dating now? I either read too much into their scenes or I missed a beat. Either way -- and I might have mentioned this before -- I think the writers should keep them as friends. Is that too much to ask?

DR. DAN and JENNIFER The much anticipated first date isn't going well with Jennifer choking and all, but the pre-date festivities were all shades of cute. I enjoyed their nervous anticipation and date-prep with their daughters. These two are fun to watch, well, minus the choking part.

CHLOE Not as much fun was Chloe calling Jennifer a bitch. Oh, no, no, no, no, Chlomeister, you just don't do that on my watch. Be thankful I'm letting you off with a warning and you're not getting a "Not" for that one.

However, I'm glad to see Chloe's trying to make the best of Maggie's kind offer to let her stay at her house while she puts her life back on track. Whoops! My bad. She's still a train wreck. The Chloe Express only seems to have one destination -- the Cheatin' Heart. I don't really care if she drinks herself silly, but I just don't want to see Magic become derailed while she chugs further down the track to Crazy Town.

VICTOR and MAGGIE Speaking of Magic, Maggie gave Victor another ultimatum. That annoys me. I see both their points, and damn Maggie for bringing up Alice's kindness, but I think Big Red is ultimately making a big mistake.

One of the things Maggie supposedly loves about Victor is his big heart. However, that big heart is the reason he can't drop his hatred of Chloe. She's hurt way too many of his loved ones, unintentionally or not. I'm glad he pointed out how many people in Maggie's family Chloe's hurt. At this point, I'm just not sure I can side with Aunt Mags on this one. She accuses Victor of being stubborn, but that might be a tad hypocritical.

LOOSE ENDS So, Quinn is in the house. Make that, Quinn is in the Cheatin' Heart. He's the dude who asked to join Chloe for a drink. A mysterious stud sounds like exactly what Chloe needs right now. I just hope he's not related to Victor.

Ah, I love good, quality family time at local dive bars. Something about seeing Stefano at the Cheatin' Heart was off, but it was nice that he went there to support Chad. You know, before he left and came back again. The DiMeras are odd, but I love their family chemistry.

Lexie as Taylor's cheerleader isn't doing much for me. As you all know, I love me some Doc Carver, but she's not thinking things through. If she really believes E.J. and Taylor have a shot then I'll take two of whatever she's having.

I think T and Kinsey are underused. Brendan Coughlin is hysterical as T and Shelby Young makes Kinsey someone you love to hate. I'm not suggesting a "Teen Scene" overload, but some more screen time might be fun. If you'd like, you are welcome to read that as "they're more interesting than Will and Gabi."

EXTRA SCOOPS

HOT: Wow. Sami uttered John's name! And she did so to explain why she can't deal with cheating. I'm happily surprised the writers penned that parallel. Now is it too much to hope that Sami actually speaks to Marlena? I didn't think so, but I'll take what I can get, and what we got was a great use of Sami's history. Now if we can just get more of the old Sami back...

NOT: For women who normally give great advice, both Maggie and Lexie need a "time out" from being Salem's Dear Abbys. They both gave some crappy advice last week. I say five minutes of watching E.J. and Taylor will do as punishment.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Caroline (to Fafe, after slapping him for cheating on Sami): "Just be glad I didn't have a shillelagh!" Or her baseball bat, just ask Shawn-D and Philip!

EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK: Sami to Fafe after learning of his one night stand: Sami: "You had sex with a stranger!? Great! I hope you used protection." Fafe [nonchalantly]: "Yeah, of course I did."

RANDOMNESS... I'm beginning to think Kinsey is the lovechild of Jan Spears and Mimi Lockhart. She has Jan's snark and Mimi's tragic losing-her-house backstory. Let's just hope she's immune to comas.

The Cheatin' Heart is certainly not void of eye-candy bartenders.

Whoops! Did you see the "grass" fold and move like a blanket as Rafe crawled around on it? Prop peeps, first fix that and then work on the thumping hollow coffee cups. Much thanks!

Oh, yeah! Where's Stephanie been hiding?

Freshly baked oatmeal cookies and tea? Count me in, Caroline!

Speaking of food, does Sydney eat anything other than ice cream? Not that it's a bad thing, of course.

And speaking of Sydney -- can the tyke be any cuter!?

Okay, friends, don't tell Maggie about my victory martinis this week! She might think I'm a lush and send me to rehab.

So, perhaps I'm totally behind the times, but if you haven't discovered the online game Vivian's Escape on NBC.com, click here now! It's Vivian Alamain meets Pitfall Harry, and there's absolutely nothing not fabulous about that.

PARTING THOUGHTS... So, friends and DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of May 9th. Laurisa will be back next week with more Sweeps coverage. However, you don't have to wait to hear from my better Scooping half until then -- Laurisa appeared on Soap Central Live's Mother's Day Special last Friday! Check out the fun-filled interview by clicking here! Unfortunately, I couldn't join in the fun, but I'd like to take this time to give a shout-out to my very special mother. She's not only the reason yours truly is addicted to DAYS, but she's also one heck of a fantastic woman. And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness