My mom is Sami Brady

How many times has Kate pretended to try to work things out with Sami, just so she can get the goods on her and kick her when she's down?

I couldn't resist. I loved Will's t-shirt so much that I couldn't think of anything better to title my column this week. And with it being such a depressing week for soap fans, I had to get a little cheer wherever I could.

First of all, what is Abby's major malfunction lately? I understand tough love, as I am a true believer in the ugly truth instead of a pretty lie, but why is she being such a little biz-nitch to Nick about this Lonely Splicer scenario? I get why she so snappy to Chelsea, because Chelsea really deserves it, but why does she feel the need to berate Nick with that little smirk on her face all the time? Aren't they cousins? Doesn't she like him? Then why the attitude? Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest, because Little Miss Deveraux is beginning to embody all the things that I don't like about her parents. And even they aren't as mean to people as she is to her cousin.

Speaking of the Lonely Splicer thing, can't we stick a fork in it already?? Tell her or kill "Shane Patton" because this is really beginning to drive me nuts. I like Nick, I really do, and I understand why he's so shy, but poo or get off the pot. Salem apparently isn't that big a town and eventually Chelsea will run into "Dr. Patton." Can you see them dragging Chelsea off to jail after she leaps into "Dr. Shane's" arms and attaches herself to him like a fungus? This time it wouldn't even be her fault.

So, we got to see new/old Philip again (for those of you guys that are newer viewers Jay Kenneth Johnson also played Philip from 1999 to the end of 2002) and he's more evil than ever. I guess those Victor/Kate genes are starting to really come out. I have an honest question though: If he had a face transplant, wouldn't Shawn punching the holy crap out of him on Friday's show have SEVERELY damaged the doctor's work, especially if he had stitches? I know, I must remember it's a soap. Victor apparently has paid every person involved with this paternity case off, so Shawn and Belle don't seem to have a chance unless they stay on the run with Claire. I could not understand why they would give custody of a baby to someone who isn't even her dad unless Victor had liberally lubricated the wheels of Salem justice with good old fashioned cash. And it turns out I was right. With Shawn's family full of Bradys and Hortons and Belle's family being wealthy and well-respected it had to be to the good old standby. Governmental Greed.

I sincerely wish Kate would just move to another planet. She is so bitter and evil. First things first, she just cannot STAND the fact that Sami is being applauded and given all these accolades for saving Lucas. She told Sami and that she wants to bury the hatchet. Again. Isn't this getting a little bit like Charlie Brown and the football at this point? How many times has Kate pretended to try to work things out with Sami, just so she can get the goods on her and kick her when she's down? And the worst part is Kate never pays for anything she does! Ever! The only time I can remember Kate paying is when Victor kicked her out of Titan and she ended up having to become a waitress. That was great. But this woman should have been in jail at least ten times that I can think of, all the way back to the way she obstructed justice when they were going to execute Sami for killing Franco when she knew Lucas was the one who did it all along (Franco was trying to kill her and Lucas killed him defending his mom). Why, oh why does this evil shrew get away with everything? I'm so glad Chelsea let her have it on Friday. She was absolutely right, she did owe Chelsea an apology. Chelsea might not be the nicest person, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve a family that cares about her. Come to think of it, where the hell is Kate's family? Doesn't she have an elderly mom or dad whose life she can interfere with so she can leave her poor kids alone? Or give her a boyfriend, but make her stop meddling. Wow, Steve is getting a little scary lately (damn is that Stephen Nichols a good actor). These episodes of his are obviously tied to that Devil card that Benjy gave him, but why are they having Steve freak out is my question? Did Stefano implant him with some computer chip, ala John, to use him for future purposes, or are they just trying to drive him crazy? I did love the fact, however, is that no matter how crazy Steve is getting, he still remembered to steal E.J.'s cell phone and wallet.

Sami is being toasted as the hero of the town, which probably means that she is in for a downfall. I really hate the fact that whenever things get slow in Salem, Sami becomes the scapegoat. Why is she keeping secrets again? I know there are some soap characters that can't help themselves but, please, for my sake, tell Lucas the truth before his psychotic, shrivelled up, bitter mother does it for you. Was it just me or was the whole awards ceremony thing just a little bit much? I totally understand how proud Roman is of Sami, especially given her track record, but geez, that was a little over the top. Don't get me wrong, I really liked that Sami was in a room full of people that weren't getting ready to throw rotten fruit at her. And when did they decide to change her middle name? Her name is Samantha Gene not Samantha Jean. Every time Roman called her "Sami J." it kept taking me out of the scene. Oh well, I guess it's just like Elvis Aron now being Elvis Jr.

My best friend mentioned something to me about Days this time last year that crossed my mind again. I think it was last February that she said, "Isn't Victor supposed to be evil? When did he go from gangster to girl scout?" Well, if anyone was looking for an evil Victor, he's back. He has been hiding Phil from everyone and has now paid off everyone who will take a bribe to make sure that Claire stays with her "dad." What I don't understand is why Vic and Phil are so hot to keep Claire, who isn't even his real daughter, while the bio-baby he accidentally conceived with Mimi is left out there to twist in the wind. I think Philip's main motivation is either to get back with Belle or to simply get Belle back for loving Shawn even though she was married to him. I'm not doubting he loves Claire, but I think there is much more to the story and it involves his feelings for Belle somehow. And P.S., who knew that Victor would ever go so far out of his way to piss Caroline off, especially with all the things they went through and all the time they spent together in the DiMera castle? I hope he ends up with Kate, they deserve each other. Then I hope they move to East Timor.

A couple of random thoughts:

Stephanie's going-away, especially her scenes with Steve were really touching. I would have liked it better, however, if she wasn't trying so hard to get her parents to procreate. Why is everyone asking Kayla about having another baby? She just got her husband back after 16 years. Let them enjoy each other for a minute before throwing them on the baby wagon.

When exactly are Bonnie and Conner leaving? I love Judi Evans but man am I tired of Bonnie. And Conner does nothing for the show.

We all know that last week was a sad week for soaps (if you don't like spoilers, even for other shows, please skip to the next paragraph. First, Passions was cancelled. I was a faithful watcher of Passions from day one up until this past October, when the "tabloid reveal" was revealed to be just yet another JER trick. I have watched sporadically since then, but had to stop again when it became "Rape-fest '07." I think that the cancellation is a shame and will hopefully turn into a wake-up call for other soaps that don't seem to pay off for their fans. I am, unfortunately, sincerely glad that Corday jumped off the JER train-wreck when he did. I would hate to see NBC go to one soap because that does not bode well for Days. I hope the talented actors on Passions go on to find other work in Daytime, or wherever they feel is best for them.

The soap community also lost a legend with the death of Darlene Conley. I remember watching Y & R with my grandmother, being about 5 years old and seeing her come on the screen. I was like "Who is that!?!" I thought she was beautiful. She was one of the first "plus-size" actresses I had ever seen on tv and she wasn't some background character sitting in the corner. She was front and center, sassy, brash and funny. Being a plus-size girl myself, she helped me realize that the only thing that holds you back is you. It doesn't matter if you are a size 6 or a 16, you can be beautiful and sexy no matter what. So let me say, thank you Ms. Conley from a whole generation of girls that looked up to you.

One more thing, and I will get off my soapbox (SPOILER WARNING: AMC). What in the heck were TPTB at AMC thinking by killing off Dixie? I have only watched AMC for about a year and a half now (I watch five soaps a day if you were wondering) and it's like they are killing off every vet that the show has. Dixie's return was a mess and now her exit will be a mess with almost no payoff. What a waste of Cady McClain's talent. But hey, our beloved head writer, Hogan Sheffer worked with her on ATWT and apparently really likes her, so how about a girlfriend for poor celibate Roman??

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