Breakin' the law

Hope wants revenge so bad she can just about taste Chelsea's blood. Not that she's wrong; she should want Chelsea's selfish, evil, spoiled butt strung from the nearest flagpole.

It must be so lovely to be a criminal in Salem. First your trial gets moved up, and then after you walk in the judge says "Psych! It's just an informal hearing today." Good God. Hope's statement was very touching, especially about it being Zack's birthday, but she was totally lying at the end about not wanting revenge. Hope wants revenge so bad she can just about taste Chelsea's blood. Not that she's wrong. She should want Chelsea's selfish, evil, spoiled butt strung from the nearest flagpole, but even Hope should realize that at this point it's really not going to make her feel any better. It's kind of looking like Hope and Bo are screwed no matter what happens now, thanks to Demon-Kate.

Bo is royally up a creek without a paddle unless he has the most airtight alibi ever, thanks to the above-referenced Roberts-Satan. Okay, here's a logistical question: If all Kate has been hissing about for the past 10 years is how Billie belongs with Bo and they should be happy together, why would she frame him for tampering with the evidence DVD so now he can potentially go to jail? Maybe she figures that Hope won't want to be with him if she thinks he erased the DVD for Chelsea and let's face it, no one goes to jail in Salem anyway.

Can I just say that I love, love, LOVE E.J. Wells? I liked James Scott on AMC a lot (I am a soap junkie. I watch 6 a day) but I like him more with Alison Sweeney's Sami more than I liked him with ANYONE on AMC. If E.J. turns out to not be intolerably shady (almost everyone on this show is just a little shady. Except Alice) I actually can't wait until Austin finds Sami out (again) and dumps her in spectacular fashion (again) because I would love to see Sami date someone who actually wants to be with her. What a thought. I would like to see someone chase Sami for a change.

What exactly is Lucas's major malfunction? Sami is good, but she how could she know that Carrie's wedding dress would be in that completely wrapped box that was accidentally delivered to her, and also that when she took it out of the box Carrie would a: do the knock and just open the door, don't wait for a response thing and b: pass the hell out. Please. The next time Lucas snatches Sami by the arm like she's an unruly nine year old, she should just go nuts and give him a karate jab in the eye. Just pinch up her little fingers and let him have it. And the best, best part was how Austin was so busy just fawning over Carrie that he barely noticed that everyone was completely eviscerating his fiancée. Here's to hoping Sami and Austin's engagement is short.

If Shawn is so up on the whole in-vitro process and is just a wellspring of information, why instead of sending his wife home to bed, (where she kinda needs to be) as he didn't want to emotionally overextend herself at the trial/non-trial, did he send her shopping with Belle?? I swear to God if this show ever made sense, I will probably burst into flames from the shock. It's was such a better idea to be walking around carrying bags than to be sitting in a nice temperature controlled courtroom. Right.

Speaking of Mimi, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!!! I was really rooting for Mimi. Now I just want someone to stick a large piece of duct tape over her mouth for a show or two. Now I remember why I stopped liking her during the whole Rex/abortion storyline. Because she won't shut the heck up. Fine, darling you have a secret, whatever. If you talk about it every freaking time we see you face on camera, with all these little not-so-clever Freudian slips, it makes us tired of you. God, can we please get a new plot device? Why do they make the characters do the same thing, time and time again? Not the same kind of thing, mind you, because I totally get when you have characters that run for years at a time they are going to have certainly traits and quirks and react similarly to situations, I mean the same damn thing. Last year she was about a baby, and now this year she's -- oh, surprise, surprise, she's lying about a baby again. And it would be 90% more tolerable if she didn't whine about it all the time. You know what they say, poo or get off the pot. Please make her tell him or make her shut up.

Someone else that just irks me is Jack. It did crack me up when he made that remark about "It's June, I must be dying again." Jack has more lives than my mom's two cats put together. This is another excellent example of using the same plot device. I was doing a little research and Jack has "died" or had some terminal illness NINE times. I'm serious, nine times. So I guess here is how the show is breaking down. Jack dies and comes back, Marlena gets kidnapped twice a year, Sami blackmails people and gets caught and Mimi lies about babies. Yawn.

I liked seeing Patch, even though it was mostly the back of his head. Jack is probably freaking out that his long thought dead brother is now giving him hospice care. Of course, Patch will deny it for a couple of weeks for no real reason and then have some fantastic excuse as to why he's been gone for like fifteen years.

Well that's about it except for the rumor that our illustrious head-writer may not be on the Days payroll anymore. Like my buddy Pam (Hi Pam!) who writes this column every other week, I too did an internal happy dance. Okay, I actually cackled, but just once. Look, I don't want anyone to lose their job, but he is also the head-writer and creator of Passions, which if I understand correctly, he is still on board with, so he won't exactly be eating ramen noodles and Pez just yet. I have honestly thought for at least for the past couple of years that he is stretched too thin and that basically Days and Passions are the same show with different actors. While I'm trying not get too much joy out of it, I can't wait for some new life to be breathed into this show. They were going somewhere really good at the beginning of the year and now ppffffbbbt. It just floated away somewhere with too many long, protracted, unbelievable and annoying storylines. But, I hope someone good out there can give this show something new.

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