Buckle your seatbelts

Days has lapsed in to some kind of twilight zone where the dialogue is repeated endlessly and the same scenarios are playing out for all the people on the show.

My apologies to anyone who was disappointed by my inability to post a column two weeks ago... I was quite ill with an intestinal ailment and not only did I not watch Days, I did not have time to write the column. I also wanted to post my "THANKS" to all of you who sent 'Get Well' emails. I really appreciate everyone's best wishes. I also received quite a bit of email from people who said that they missed my column. Me! Little ole me! Was missed! Awwwww. It was really nice to know that (what I consider) my quirky and ranting writing-style was actually missed. I often get emails praising my writing but I never really know if people are serious or are simply flattering me in the misguided thought that it will get their feedback posted in this column. But, it has been great to get the positive commentary about my work. When you write, edit, write, edit, write, edit a bit more, rewrite again, tear apart, move around, edit, tweak and write again...you begin to lose the flavor of what you are writing and whether it is any good so...THANKS for the validation, I appreciate all of you who took the time to type out a few words of encouragement and support.

So, though I did not post a column two weeks ago - by the looks of things (having furiously read the recaps for the week I missed) - I wouldn't have had much to say anyhow. Days has lapsed in to some kind of twilight zone where the dialogue is repeated endlessly and the same scenarios are playing out for all the people/couples on the show. No one is with the person they love, no one is happy and every one is trying to force themselves to be satisfied with less than what they want. The show is so darned depressing lately that I quite often find it painful to watch. There is no escapism here...no joy...no fun any more. What bothers me the most is the insanely annoying and lazy writing style that has become the norm for DOOL of late. I mean...Chelsea's whole 'fell-down-a-manhole-and-had-an-epiphany' drama was really dumb. First of all - who falls down a manhole? Most people watch where they're going! Second of all - how is that Bo, Billie AND the media arrived on the scene before the cops, EMTs or other type of rescue crew got there? Then, to make matters more unbelievable, the drama was immediately broadcast on satellite around the globe. That wouldn't happen. It's not like Chelsea is famous or something that would prompt a major news outlet to pick up the story. The situation would have probably been picked up by the local media and broadcast locally...anything larger-scale than that is unbelievable. [Saying the word unbelievable in relation to Days of our Lives is like saying the sky is blue (obvious) but yet...time and again I find myself thinking these exact thoughts.] Anyhow - so then Hope flicks on the TV while sailing out on the ocean and PRESTO she is able to watch the whole thing unfold 'live' before her eyes. How convenient. Oh, and then - after seeing Billie and Bo together, she jumps to the conclusion that Bo has moved on with Billie and therefore changes her mind about going home to work things out with Bo. SOOOO ridiculous and frustrating! Oh and another thing; A gas leak in the sewer? Why would the city workers have been trying to seal up a manhole where there was a gas leak? It seems as though the show just keeps on going from dumb to dumber.

What is with all the people (reporters, photographers and other Days characters) who are constantly making assumptions as to who people are coupled with? How many times has it happened to the Sami/Lucas/Austin/Carrie quadrangle? The scene where Shawn, Mimi, Philip, and Belle assumed that Carrie and Austin were engaged - instead of Carrie and Lucas - was totally asinine. Considering that all eight are related to each other in some shape or fashion, there should have been NO question as to 'who' was a couple. And if they weren't sure - they should have asked before they assumed. Running a close second to this issue in the annoyance factor, are all the people who continually interrupt other characters when they are trying to reveal something important. It's seriously enough to drive a loyal viewer totally batty! Philip is the worst offender but a lot of the other characters have suddenly developed the psychic ability to predict what someone else is thinking and/or about to say. Again - lazy writing. The writers can't dream up a good reason for their characters not to spill the beans so we have to sit through scene after scene where the characters are simply unable to tell the truth. Rather than making the character more sympathetic, the ploy only serves to make them look like total idiots because they couldn't manage to get a simple sentence out of their mouth. Recent case in point was the scenes of Chelsea wanting to come clean with Bo about how she has manipulated him and Hope. All of those scenes were completely and utterly pointless. I really wish I could get back the time it took to sit through that shite. Bo should have shut his mouth and let Chelsea talk. Much like Philip...Bo developed diarrhea of the mouth and just would not hear his daughter. Well, that's not exactly true. One time (and one only) he asked her just to tell him what was troubling her and she chickened out. She told him that she needed more time and he left with nary a suspicion in his head. Strange behavior for a seasoned police detective. Sigh... I so badly wanted to fast-forward through those scenes (and many others) because; having been burnt in the DOOL fire too many times, I knew how it would end. I knew the truth would not come out. But I didn't FF because I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss something important...and now I'm laughing at the thought... something important...yeah right; that would be the day...

So now that I've ranted and raved about the show itself for a fair amount of the page; let's start at the top with the stuff that I am enjoying. I like that Jennifer and Frankie took their relationship to the next level. Personally; though I think it's a smidge too early to be making love to another man...who's to say what one would do if they found themselves in the same position? Maybe the warmth of another body helps to fend off the crushing grief of losing a loved one? Who can say? All I know is that I can appreciate the fact that Jennifer is torn in two - she has lost the great love of her life and though she does not want to, she has decided that it's necessary for her to move on with Frankie; for both hers and her family's sake. The dialogue in this storyline, in contrast to the other stories, has been fairly refreshing. Unfortunately - as you may have heard, unless you live under a rock - Melissa Reeves (a.k.a Jennifer Deveraux) has decided not to renew her contract with DOOL. The 'official' reason is that she is moving to Nashville to be with her husband while he tries his luck on the country-singing-scene. But this viewer secretly wonders whether one of the contributing factors to her decision was the horrific mess that Days of our Lives has become. Well, whatever the reason - it is official and Melissa/Jennifer will be gone come the summer time. Good Bye Melissa Reeves! You and your wonderful character will be missed! Thanks for the laughs and the wonderful scenes with Jack, Abby and the rest of the Horton clan. How will Days write the character's exit? (I hope she won't disappear in to the black hole that swallowed Cassie and Nicole). What will happen to Frankie? Jack? Will they at least wrap up the story of Jack's "death" before she goes? What about Abby? It would be a shame to lose Ashley Benson - the talented young actress who plays the character of Abby Deveraux.

I am all ready bone dead tired of the Bo and Hope split saga. After pinching myself in a futile attempt to pay attention (repetitive dialogue) it occurred to me that every person - besides Bo and Hope themselves - have been urging these two to SPEAK to each other before running for a divorce. Bo and Hope, of course, will hear none of the words of wisdom because each of them are stuck in the mud of their mutual hurt, anger and despair. I just want Hope to get her butt off of that darn island and go home all ready. It is just so unbelievable that the Hope Brady we have come to know over the past 20 years would let her marriage and family just slip right through her fingers without doing something about it. Namely, fighting for the ones she loves. The Hope Brady I know is a feisty woman who would never step aside and let some skank steal her husband away from her - she would fight until her last breath. All she does is complain that Bo has moved on with his "other" family and does not love her anymore. What Ever! I have the same complaints about Bo. He has claimed that he doesn't know where Hope is - but he hasn't even attempted to find her! This is not the behavior of the Beauregard Brady that we all know. I'm so tired of the writers changing the characters to suit the storyline. I'm also sick of hearing people telling Bo and Hope that they "belong together". What is the point of repeating this dialogue over and over? Bo KNOWS that he and Hope belong together....Hope knows it too! We ALL know it! Hearing it repeated endlessly is rubbing the viewers the wrong way! We know! We know! Now get these two 'fated' lovers back together! Another thing that makes me scratch my head is Patrick's dogged determination to get Hope to take a stand and fight for Bo. He is not acting like any man I know! He's acting more like a girl's best friend. Most guys would have been sick of the encouragement shtick a few days ago and would have moved on to the "well, why don't you sleep with me and get your husband out of your system" shtick. (My apologies to all men out there who do not fall under that generalization - all three of you must be quite insulted. HA HA HA Kidding!!! ;-) Where was I? Oh yeah....Why doesn't Hope just go home all ready!!!! Did I say that all ready? The repetitive dialogue is rubbing off on me...now I'm repeating my rants! LOL. You know...I had hoped that Bo and Hope's separation wouldn't last much longer than the summer but with the introduction of a storyline for Patrick complete with a shady background and dead lover; I can see this story stretching in to bloated proportions and dragging on for the next year. Much like so many of the other stories on Days...

While I'm on the subject of Patrick...all of a sudden, he has been given a storyline...a pinch of 'dead lover', a smidge of 'dubious past' and a dash of 'serial-killer' all mixed together spells 'we-couldn't-think-of-anything-good-so-we-recycled-yet-another-storyline'. Way to field some originality there Reilly. So anyhow...it's just like Bo to jump to the conclusion that the suspected serial-killer simply must be Patrick Lockhart. It kills me that Bo hates the guy for no other reason than...he doesn't like the look of him. It's called jealousy Bo and it's coloring your vision dude. So, of course my first reaction was to laugh. What a joke! Patrick; a serial-killer? Not the Patrick that we've come to know. The guy has never been anything other than chivalrous, sympathetic, understanding and a straight-shooter. I smell a bit of the 'I-can't-make-up-my-mind-what-this-character-should-be' type of writing that we have come to know so well with the Alex North character. Patrick has been nothing short of the only male hero on the show for the last year or so and now TPTB invent this plot driven storyline to ruin his character. Even if TPTB write him as a bad guy now, the fact remains that he has saved Hope, Jen and Billie's life probably more than 10 times combined, delivered Jen's baby, and was the only one who was truthful to Hope when it counted. This is just one more example of the lazy writing-style that I have been complaining about. Here's another example. Patrick decided to leave the island on Friday (out of the blue because up to this point, he has never mentioned leaving) and Hope magically found some box in Alma's (Patrick's dead lover) garden (all these years and Patrick never saw it huh?) with a letter that explained the truth behind Alma's death (we don't know what that 'truth' is yet). How convenient! I know that the character of Patrick Lockhart has been suspicious since he first made his appearance in Salem, but he has never overtly done anything 'bad'. There was a time when he was speaking on the phone to some mysterious person and vowing NOT to do whatever it was he was ordered to do (I think that was around the time that Jack had escaped from Tony DiMera and was trying to reach Jennifer - only to be diverted by pseudo-Jen). That has been the extent of his "bad" behavior. Whatever the 'truth' turns out to be for Patrick; it's not starting out too promising.

The scenes of Kate trying her best to prevent Chelsea from spilling the beans made me ill. The woman is just so eeee-vil! She has no moral compass what so ever. She will use and manipulate any body she has to in order to get what she wants. Do the writers not see the blight that they have created? Every time Kate's face shows up on screen - especially when in conjunction with Chelsea - all I can think of is the comment that Reilly made in an interview about a year ago. He said that he planned to develop stories that would make the viewers so mad that they would be throwing things at their television. Well...congratulations Mr. Reilly...mission accomplished. My question is: Why? Does he really think that making the viewers mad will actually increase ratings? I wonder if Reilly has ever considered that viewers would get SO mad that they'd actually stop watching this mess of a show all together. Bears some thought.... So, Chelsea had an epiphany, after almost dying in the sewer (where she belongs, in my opinion) and has decided that, not only does she need to come clean with Bo (like we've never seen this happen with a character before) that she doesn't expect anyone to forgive her for her misdeeds and nor would she blame them. Who wants to lay bets on how long this personality switch will last? Something tells me that Chelsea will quickly fall back in to the evil-ness of her ways. Probably right around the time that Bo gets the divorce papers...she'll end up feeling SO guilty that she won't be able to come clean with Bo. Ho-hummmm

Alexandra Carver just does not have enough going on in her life right now! Dealing with her husband's impotency and inability to simply have a discussion about the situation...Cheating on her husband with a slimy, morally-questionable cop...covering up EvilAlex's dastardly plans for Marlena and assisting Sami to keep Carrie and Austin apart - all for fear of having her illicit love revealed (can you imagine being blackmailed by two different people over the same infidelity? How crazy is that?) ... and now...Cancer. I loved how Celeste was like "oh you found a lump in your breast?....that reminds me...we have a family history of breast cancer and in each case; they died". How nice! Talk about the power of positive thinking! And when I say "loved" I actually mean, I rolled my eyes and laughed at the absurdity of the scene. Anyhow...Lexie has now decided that she needs to come clean with Abe and get out from under the blackmailers. She has also decided to tell Carrie and John the truth about her cover ups for Sami and Alex. But you and I weren't born yesterday...were we my fellow viewers? We know the truth won't come out as easily as that. Celeste is getting a 'bad' vibe and has suggested there are 'complications'. This, in my mind spells one of two things: 1) PREGNANCY or 2) DEATH. You choose...either option sucks in my book. Although; If Lexie IS pregnant - at least there won't be a 'who's your Daddy?' scenario since she hasn't had sex with Abe since he lost his sight. Speaking of choosing...it brings to mind those old Choose Your Own Adventure books (remember those? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?) - if you've never read one...they provided the ability to choose your own course of action (eg; open the door to investigate the spooky sound or continue up the stairs) and you would flip to a different page and proceed with the story. I wish that DAYS was like that - what a neat concept that would be eh? Okay...moving on from La-La-Land...

Belle/Shawn/Mimi/Philip - YAWN. The character of Belle is getting on my nerves with a capital ANNOYING. Every time she looks at Shawn and Mimi with that wistful "it should be me" look on her face, I want to scream! Good lord girl, freakin suck it up! But noooooo...she has decided - for the twenty-fifth time - that she simply must tell Shawn the truth! She loves him and only him forever and ever, amen. Sigh... She then took it to the next level by telling Mimi that the only reason that Shawn married her was because he would not break up Belle and Phil's marriage. I kept waiting for a slap! If that were me, I would have told my now-ex-best friend to get out of my apartment and my life for good. Then I would have suggested to my husband that we move far, far away from the stalker-freak and her clueless husband across the hall. And another thing; I am so freaking sick of hearing these four talk about how "marriage is sacred" and "divorce is unacceptable"...blah blah blah. For one; these are just opinions - and just because it is your opinion; doesn't necessarily make it so. Conveniently...Shawn has allowed that divorce might be okay but only IF the couple was married under false pretenses. Note to JER - That was about as subtle as a brick to the head. We all see where this is going. Poor Mimi...I feel bad for her all ready. Back to Belle for one second - the idea that she would listen to even a fraction of the advice given to her by Sami is probably THE single most absurd thing to have happened last week. Who in their right mind would ever listen to SAMI of all people for relationship advice? That girl has had more relationship troubles any other person in Salem EVER. What a laugh. More of an uncomfortable 'I-can't-even-believe-this-for-a-second' type of laugh rather than a 'Gee-that's-actually-funny' type of laugh.

Did I call it or did I call it? When Carrie and Austin were talking on the roof - she told him that they couldn't have a family together. He said; why not? A very reasonable question, in my opinion. But, as predicted...she did not tell him WHY...she said "it just isn't meant to be". I'm like WHAT? Then she claimed to be in love with Lucas. What a laugh. Watching Carrie kiss Lucas and pretend that she's happy and in love was laughable. The discomfort on her face was so obvious. Honestly; this whole storyline is just too unbelievable...I have a hard time keeping focus when Carrie & Lucas are on. My mind tends to drift off and I have to rewind the tape to hear the dialogue...and then it always turns out that I didn't miss anything after all, as nothing new is ever said.

Sami and Austin are a bit of a different story. I swear that Allison Sweeney could have chemistry with a Mac Truck - it wouldn't matter who it was...she knows how to turn on the heat. That being said; I still find it totally wrong to see Sami with Austin. More and more, it appears that the only reason she's interested in Austin is because she knows that Lucas doesn't want her. The look on her face every time she sees Carrie and Lucas together says it all. Next question...what happened to taking it slow? Does taking it slow include hopping in to the sack at the first opportunity? Call me old-fashioned but bringing sex in to the mix before you've officially become a couple is a dangerous thing to do. Start by establishing that you are in a relationship. The one bright side in all this mess is Kate's horror at the realization that she prevented one son from marrying Sami only to propel her directly in to another son's arms. Ha ha! Kate is so freakin dumb at times. What better way to push Austin in to Sami's arms than to put him in a place where he has to defend her? If she were smart - she'd be trying to make friends with the enemy...what's that old saying? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?

Thank goodness I didn't have to sit through much of the Marlena and EvilAlex storyline this week. It's so stagnant that it's beginning to reek of something gone bad. Lexie found needle marks on Marlena's arm and Marlena repeated her boring, stale dialogue about Alex loving her and never hurting her...yada yada. Lexie - just to prove how stupid she is - told Alex that she was going to tell Abe the truth about Tek and tell John the truth about Alex. Duhhhh....what a great idea! Give the psychopath a heads up! As the immortal Homer Simpson would say "DOH". Alex - typically - has decided that he needs to a "new way" to deal with Lexie. This 'new way' involves fixing the test results of her biopsy so that they come back negative. Meaning...Lexie would not get treatment for her cancer (if she has cancer) and would therefore die. Interestingly; Alex has roped Sami in on the plan. But her involvement doesn't make sense to me. Hasn't Sami had her suspicions of Alex all along? Both John and Lexie have warned Sami about Alex's intentions toward Marlena but yet, Sami actually contemplated going along with Alex's evil plan? Samantha Gene Brady is many, many, MANY things but she is not a killer. Nor would she side with a psychopath just to get what she wants. Didn't she learn her lesson from her last entanglement with Tony? Come on TPTB!!!! We viewers want to see Sami grow up and stop playing these stupid games of hers!!! As reported by Soap Opera Digest...Drum Roll Please...Patch and Kayla are coming back!!! Can you hear my screams of happiness! I'm over the mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-n!! My secret wish has been fulfilled! Next to Bo and Hope; Patch and Kayla are my ALL-TIME favorite soap couple! I love both the actors and their characters. They will return to Days sometime in May or early June. I am so excited!! I can't wait! I'm literally on pins and needles waiting to see what story will evolve for them (though I fervently wish that anybody other for James E Reilly was writing the story for their return). The last time we saw Steve (Patch) he was thought to be dead. For those of who you don't know the characters; following is a very brief history. Steve (Patch) is the son of Earl "Duke" Johnson & his wife Jo. Earl was an abusive man, so Jo decided to put her two boys into an orphanage for their own protection. The younger boy was adopted by Harper Deveraux & his wife. We all know him as Jack. Steve was never adopted, and he eventually graduated from the orphan life and joined the Merchant marines. This is where he met up with Bo Brady of Salem. Oh and...Bo just happens to be the guy responsible for Steve's nick-name 'Patch'. Bo and Steve got in a fight while they were in the marines and Bo stabbed him in the eye (Bo was a hot-headed, bad-azz type of character when he was young). Ever since that fight, Steve has worn a patch over the eye; hence the nickname. Some time later...Patch was hired by Victor Kiriakis to terrorize Kayla Brady (Bo's sister), but eventually, he fell in love with her. After many years of drama, they married and had a daughter (Stephanie). It all ended when Patch was injured in a boat explosion meant for Bo. As he lay in the hospital, near death, but holding his own.....we saw hands injecting something into his IV. Shortly thereafter he was declared dead, and we saw the funeral. We also saw strange men come and switch coffins......taking away the one containing Patch. So! Where will Days go with the return of this hugely fan-favorite couple? And will Reilly be able to pull it off? History says "not in this lifetime" but...we'll just have to wait and see. This viewer is eagerly awaiting their return and is hoping like hell that Reilly does not mess up this couple like he has done with every other one in Salem.

Reader Feedback: Thanks to everyone who wrote in and provided their feedback! I truly look forward to reading your thoughts and opinions so keep them coming!

From Karen:"Kudos to Jade about her Mimi comments! I feel so sorry for Mimi, too. I wish she would open up, but doggone it, there are more people that know about this supposed paternity issue. I happen to LOVE Shawn and Mimi together and find the chemistry between Jason and Farah to be cute AND electrifying! I just wish they'd drop the other shoe and get on with it, but give Shimi more of the attention that new fans are clamoring for. It's amazing how a new couple can build up a fan-base that equals a couple who has been in existence for 6 years, but only in a few months! Anyway, let's cut Mimi some slack. The beginnings of Shimi were so cute and touching. Mimi was growing as a person, which many of us enjoyed seeing. We hate seeing this "backslide" of sorts, even though this is a much different situation than the Rex situation."

From Sabrina:"I an incensed about the insanity of DOOL. I watched this show for several years, but became bored with the storyline and pulled out for about 6 years. I just recently began watching again, and have just learned the characters. I sadly must admit that I am getting frustrated with the show's storyline again. I like the Mimi/ Shawn pairing, but am confused why anyone thinks that Mimi should bear the brunt of telling Shawn. Honestly, Mimi wasn't there, and can't know for a fact that Claire is his. Sure, it would appear that way, but why she is losing sleep over it I can't imagine. If he and Belle are so dumb that they don't know they slept together (that in and of itself is a mystery to me) then they will never figure this one out. All the side conversations between the mothers is irritating. Enough of this garbage. I think it would be amusing for her to just blurt it out: Lets go pick up our daughter today. Or....Honey, have you every wondered why Claire looks like you? Did you never wonder why you and Belle were found with no clothes on? Does any of this sound odd to you? Chances are that if he hasn't gotten it yet, he won't get it then. Oh, and what is the deal with Marlena? This has got to be the weakest minded psychiatric doctor I have ever seen. Does it not occur to the writers of this show that none of this garbage could ever happen? Please write something that we can at least buy into."

From Linda:"Just a thought about Carrie's predicament. Hasn't she heard of a second or even third opinion from a doctor when it would mean having Austin for good?"

From Terrell:"I think Victor should be more concerned about Claire's paternity. I mean, it's not Claire isn't his family either way. But he needs to make it known that Claire is his GREAT-GRANDDAUGHTER and not his granddaughter. And I promise that I'm a fan of John and Marlena, but he's acting kinda stalker-like. I know he's protective of his wife but at some point he should just stand back and let Marlena realize that she loves him on her own. She always gets her memory back when someone isn't trying to forcibly shove it down her throat. And when is Sami ever going to get it through her head that Austin has never wanted her. She's just getting on my nerves these days. And Carrie shouldn't give up on Austin just cuz they "have a similar genetic marker". She should empathetic towards adopting anyways. Look at her 2 uncles Frankie and Max. Just choose Austin."

From Keisha: "Lucas and Sami has a child together and Carrie decides to get together with Lucas (did I say the father of her sister child......Eeehhhwwww!) Have you you ever heard of ADOPTION!!!!!!!!! Kate is still badgering Sami about Lucas and Austin...did Sami ever think about pressing charges against Kate the druggist! With all of the heartache that Sami went through to get back together with Lucas and prove Kate set her up, wouldn't you think that she would have learned her lesson and let people be happy for once (her sister and Austin)? How right you are, Lexie is an Idiot!!!! Mimi should have said something to Shawn when she first found out instead of getting tangled up with Kate! Victor......I actually believe Shawn D. was around before Philip, hey I understand that he's your son, but DAMN... Shawn is your grandson...I thought if anyone could control and put Kate in her place it definitely would be YOU! And finally the whole Marlena memory loss (ENOUGH ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES IS SHE GOING TO LOSE HER MEMORY, GET BLOWN UP, DROWN, FALL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS, DIE! Die already or come back and invest in a single level home! tisk tisk tisk, what the WORLD has DOOL become! I actually have to take breaks from watching it just makes me mad! IT SEEM THAT THERE'S NO HAPPINESS FOR ANYONE IN THAT TOWN. Take a lead from Rex and move (everybody!)."

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