Don't let the door hit you, Ridge!

Did Jackie wake up and take her stupid pill before entertaining Eric at the penthouse? Is she NUTS? This whole fake marriage thing can only end one way.

haracter on this show that NEEDS to become a victim of the B&B Revolving Door of Evil, it's Ridge. Last week's show proves this. I know I have been own on ol' Ridge for years now, but this last week validated my notion that he is the most self-serving egomaniac in daytime TV. The gasping dialogue, the over the top shoulder shrugging and gesturing, the 'I know you want me Logan...everybody wants me' speeches...all of it designed to do one thing and on thing only - make me want to throw myself under a bus. But this week, amidst the blabbering lips and recycled pleas to Brooke, I began to see a faint glimmer of light at the end of the Ridge-infested tunnel of narcissism. Brooke said no.

Ok, well, she did let him kiss her and she shed buckets of guilty tears after he verbally pounded her with the only thing he had left...little Hope and RJ being fatherless. Dirty pool, truly dirty pool. However, she held firm and bounced the idiot right out of the house after reminding him that she has ALWAYS been second-fiddle to the other women in his life (Caroline, Taylor and even Mommy Dearest). She told him she has changed and he was no longer her top priority. She did not need him anymore and was not interested in being the consolation prize. Good for you, Brooke!! Oh...but wait...the fool is not giving up that easily.

Now Prince Valiant is coming back to storm Logan Castle with accusations for Nick and questions for Brooke about the nature of her sudden change in attitude towards him. Why, you ask? According to Ridge, he 'gets what he wants' and is not used to being told 'No'. He suspects Brooke has feelings for Nick and that's why she won't re-commit to him, now that he is conveniently ready for a life with his perpetual lady-in-waiting. We were all treated to the most chest-thumping, macho bunch of nonsense I have seen this guy muster in over a year. I was waiting to see who peed on Brooke first to mark their territory, Nick or Ridge. I believe Nick's intentions are less guided by ego and more by unrequited love. He has become a sad and emasculated character that literally has to have tragedy strike his child bride before he can entertain the notion of a life with the one woman he really loves. Bell is writing this in such a way that there is no chance of a Brooke-Nick union that will be untarnished. But the way Ridge is being written really takes the cake, so to speak.

Last week I wrote a little about the 'deconstruction' of Taylor's character at the hands of the misogynist producer and writing corps at B&B. Much can be said about how Ridge is being written now. Yes, his character has always been a scoundrel-type but my God! This latest foray into crazed and creepy personality shifts is hard to keep up with day to day. I almost choked on my tuna sandwich at lunch listening to the speech about Nick having two of his sisters counting on him. WHAT?????? With The Kiss not such a distant and warped memory, Bridget is clearly and in NO WAY related to him at all...so why call her his sister? What's up with this guy anyway? Has been on a different planet all this time?? How about all this crap about 'Don't you know the REAL reason I was in Europe over the holidays, Logan? I just couldn't be home because it wasn't right.' Ok, well all seemed to be 'ok' when he boinked the little missus after returning home from Europe. Nobody was there twisting his arm, huh? And how about all the OTHER times he had sex with Taylor...now we are to believe he was secretly lusting and longing for Brooke? Whatever. He's nuts and needs to go on another tour and QUICK. I am proclaiming the need for a 'Ridge Free Zone' for the foreseeable future!!!

I have to preface this next thought by saying that I find it amazing that after 3 years of penning this column every week, I am still a lightening rod of controversy throughout the land. What I am noticing is that when I try to be complimentary of the good things I see in Brooke's character lately, I am barbequed by the so-called Brooke Haters as being somehow sympathetic to the enemy. Then when I 'call out' Brooke for having a faulty moral compass, the Brooke Fans think I am the Devil. It's a great example of not being able to please all of the people all of the time. Can't happen and I'm glad I have never tried. Brooke will never be Switzerland...she can't be a neutral force on this show. You either love her or you hate her, plain and simple. And you all know how much I love rocking the boat so that will do just fine for me!

With all that being said, I was hopeful that she could come out on the other side of this Ridge disaster with her dignity intact but I have to say I am worried that she may yet succumb to his sleazy charms. The kiss last week really made my heart sink. She had been doing so well! I was even worried he would follow her upstairs after she told him to scram...but thankfully he slithered out of the mansion to nurse his wounded ego. Question...where does he go to do that? Is he still living at the house with Taylor or will he be shacking up in a hotel? All of the convenient flop houses are all taken now...the Malibu Beach House, the All-Purpose Guest House, etc. are all occupied. I suppose next week will clear this all up. Did Jackie wake up and take her 'Stupid Pill' before entertaining Eric at the penthouse? Is she NUTS? This whole 'Dying Wish Fake Marriage' thing can only end one way and I'm not talking about a death! They will rekindle the old flame (yuck!) And how sick do you have to be to tell someone "Hey, we'll get marry as soon as my daughter dies!"? EWWWWWW!!! If I hated this man before, it pales in comparison to how much I hate him now. I like Felicia, don't get me wrong, but she is a GROWN woman and knows these two are not in love anymore. Why would they agree to this KNOWING it is a sham? Another glaring example of grade school writing, I'm afraid. But poor Jackie is in for the biggest shock when all of this goes south. I like her character a lot and hate to see her be the newest victim of the woman-hating attitude on this show. She should be confident enough to tell Eric "Don't come around here sporting a ring until AFTER your alleged annulment.' Nothing wrong with that and it shows Eric he can't take her for granted. But NOOOOOOO! Here at B&B we want all our women to be co-dependent, crying, dying, and mindless.

I'm not a heartless person, though. I am 'big' enough to admit I was a blubbering mess during Friday's show. Feeling like I was right there in the room during the big Forrester family trip down Memory Lane was very moving and I can't say enough about Leslie Kay's performance these last few weeks. Top shelf all the way. If Brad had half of a handle on the pulse of this show, he would NOT let Felicia die. It would be so easy to keep her and plug her character into any number of stories with just a pinch of creativity. Oooops! Did I say that? And Nick!!! Oh geez. Is he a hypocrite for protecting Brooke from the Rigid One? Yeah I suppose you could make a pretty strong argument for that. I see it that he is stuck between his commitment to Bridget and the baby and his real feelings he has for Brooke and that he can't win either way. Screwed, he is (to quote Yoda...yes, can you tell I have a 5 year old son that loves Star Wars?). Brad has painted this pairing into a Hell of a corner and I don't see any easy ways to make them happen in the future without dooming the relationship in the eyes of everyone around them as Bridget is quickly becoming the Nu-Taylor in the perceived sainthood department. Now, the rumor mills are alive with a miscarriage buzz that could negatively impact her marriage to Nick and another rumor that little Dominick SHOULD have been named little Dante. Hmmm...very interesting possibilities here. If Bridget becomes barren and yet still commits to raise Felicia's baby after finding out about his true paternity, then Nick can hook back up with Brooke and possibly escape having a scarlet 'A' on her chest. But I am not holding my breath for what would be a truly creative way to put all this nonsense to bed once and for all. Unless I see an airline ticket in my mailbox to LA this week, I'm not sure I will be so lucky.

The results of the question of the week were overwhelming in favor of Stephanie as everyone's favorite person to meeting while in character. Now before everyone thinks it all warm and fuzzy, plenty of readers said they wanted to meet Stephanie to do nothing more than beat her senseless for all the torture she has inflicted on Brooke over the years. Those were very funny emails!

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Ok, my question this week? Will Nick and Brooke ever be a viable couple or are they forever tainted by a potential Malibu Miscarriage? Next week's column will post a little earlier than usual as I must prepare for my Steelers to do battle with those pesky upstart Birds from the Great Northwest. My last thought for the week....ONE FOR THE THUMB!!! GO STEELERS!!!

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