Whodunit? Whohidit? Whocares?! The dark side of Los Angeles explored

Murder. DNA tampering. Hate crimes. Brain tumors. No, it's not the latest true crime documentary on a streaming service, it's The Bold and the Beautiful! Is Bill's idea of a perfect family about to become a nightmare? Were the Il Giardino murders a family affair? Grab some popcorn and a magnifying glass and get ready for a little sleuthing.

AMJ and Chanel are both on their way to Monaco for the launch of Brooke's Bedroom, and someone had to stick around stateside to hold down the fort. So, for this week's Two Scoops for the The Bold and the Beautiful, you get a special guest appearance from me.

When I first learned that Will Spencer would be returning to the canvas, I immediately assumed that he'd be a third side of a love triangle with R.J. and Luna. After all, there are no other characters in his general age range -- and it's B&B, so a love triangle seems to be a pretty safe bet.

Of course, it completely slipped my mind that Luna is -- at least for now -- Will's half-sister.

I had the chance earlier in the week to talk to Crew Morrow about joining The Bold and the Beautiful. Though it's his first daytime role, he's at least tangentially been a part of daytime for his entire life thanks to DNA. (His dad is Joshua Morrow, who has played Nick Newman on The Young and the Restless for the past 30 years.) In my interview with Crew, he sort of previewed what story lies ahead for Will.

"It's weird. Essentially, it's these strangers in his home," Morrow said. "He's heard about them, but he's never seen them, he doesn't know anything about them. So, come on, his father suddenly has a whole new family?"

I like that Will is Team Katie. Someone needs to be. Will sees Bill as the person who broke up his family, and he's irked that Bill has moved on with some new family. I'd be willing to bet that Will isn't the most mad about Bill having a new boo. I think he's "big mad" that Luna is already calling Bill "Dad."

Would it be weird for Will to spend the next however long railing against his new family... only to find out that his half-sister isn't really his half-sister and find that he's attracted to her? As I typed out that sentence, I realized how incestuous and bizarre it sounded. But, c'mon folks, this is The Bold and the Beautiful. It wouldn't be the strangest thing that the show has ever done.

If we dial it back and take Will's maybe-maybe-not sibling out of the equation, what's left for him after he tries to evict the intruders from his home? I hope there is some sort of plan, because it seems like the show runs out of ideas way too quickly for characters that are not Brooke, Hope, Ridge, or Steffy.

If you want to read more of what Crew Morrow had to say about his new B&B role, his famous dad, and other topics, check out the interview here. After you're done reading this column, of course.

Is it wrong that I don't really care who killed Tom or Hollis? I mean, I do. I am just not confident that the murder mystery will pan out in the dramatic fashion that I want it to. Remember that big B&B murder mystery back in 2021? Of course, you don't, because it was the worst murder mystery in the history of ever.

Just to give you a refresher, Liam and Bill were driving along somewhere on Mulholland Drive when the car struck something. It turned out to be creepy drug dealer Vinny. Bill urged Liam to flee, Liam was eventually arrested and... Zzzzzzz. Sorry, I nodded off. Um, so Vinny threw himself in front of Liam's car, and there was no murder and no mystery.

I am cautiously optimistic that we will have a better mystery this time around. There was a gloved hand pouring an unknown substance into Tom's blue drink. Later, we got Hollis delivering the most cliched, yet somehow best, murder mystery line of, "What are you doing here?"

B&B even trotted out characters we haven't seen in ages: Jack Finnegan and Justin Barber. Obviously, one of them has the be the killer, right? Or are they just red herrings? Of the two, I see Jack as the more likely killer... but I don't think he dunit alone. I honestly think Jack killed Hollis, and his estranged wife, Li, killed Tom.

Something doesn't sit right with me about that home DNA test that Li administered. To be fair, the whole idea of a do-it-yourself DNA test that renders results in the length of a commercial break seems super sketchy. But something just seems off about the whole thing, and Li's behavior afterwards is also a bit, as the kids say, sus.

I think Li and Poppy are in cahoots. I have no idea why. Yes, I know that we have seen them have epic blowouts all over town, but maybe that's just for appearances. Or maybe the writers just want to change history. But if Li and Poppy are somehow working together, what better way to make a falsified DNA test look legit than by having a doctor administer it, a doctor that supposedly holds a grudge against the sister who wanted to conduct her own DNA test.

Mm hmm.

But why would Li want to potentially tank her career over all of this? People have done more for less reason. I mean, do you watch the news or those documentaries on the streaming services?! We really don't know that much about Li's background other than she's an adoptive mother, a Jill-of-all-trades physician, and a carbeque survivor. Li hates Sheila for nearly killing Finn. What better way to get back at her than to frame her for a murder (or murders) that will undoubtedly have Sheila looking like the prime suspect.

Certainly, Poppy looks guilty because of backpackgate, right? It was very quick, but Poppy did ask Luna where she'd gotten the backpack. Was she asking as a defense mechanism, or was Poppy really surprised because she had no idea that the backpack was in her apartment? Did someone plant the bag there? Is someone trying to frame Li? Maybe Li snatched it from the restaurant and hid it in Luna and Poppy's apartment because she knew no one was living there and that the building was slated for demolition.

Let me focus on Poppy for a minute. Tamilu, who writes the General Hospital and The Young and the Restless Two Scoops columns on alternating weeks, recently asked on social media if she was the only one who liked Poppy and Bill as a couple. I had a one-word reply: Yes.

Something about Poppy has always rubbed me the wrong way. It isn't that Li has branded Poppy a gold-digger. I honestly was able to overlook that. I think it started with the whole keeping Luna's paternity a secret and then claiming that Bill wasn't Luna's dad... when she knew that he really was. Her reasons never added up to me. That's why, as I said earlier in the column, I don't buy the DNA test results.

I have loved pretty much every on-screen relationship that Heather Tom's Katie has had. I liked Bill and Katie. I liked Wyatt and Katie. I liked Carter and Katie. Katie and Thorne? Nope. I understand that Katie will always have some sort of feelings for Bill because he's the father of her child. What I don't get is what exactly Katie wants. Does she feel some type of way that Bill has moved on and she hasn't? Is it more that Bill has a new instafamily, and she worries that the family she had with him will be forgotten? Is she truly worried that Poppy might try to harm Bill?

Side note: I wish we had been given some sort of hint that Poppy's previous relationships with rich men had ended under a cloud of suspicion. Perhaps they died under strange circumstances. Or maybe they developed weird medical maladies. If that had been teed up for us, it might make Katie's sense of urgency make a little more sense. Maybe that can still come out. That could also expose Poppy as the person who killed Tom and Hollis. Katie could walk in as Poppy was about to poison Bill, a struggle could ensue, and perhaps Katie ended up being the one who fell victim to the murderous ways of Poppy Nazawa.

I don't see Poppy as a long-term character, if for no other reason than the show seems to struggle with what to do with non-white characters. If Poppy lied about Bill being Luna's dad, then it seems like quite an easy way to get rid of Poppy. In that scenario, I could also see Bill wanting to remain a father figure to Luna, though I don't know if he would want to be her real dad. Unless, of course, he formally adopts her before the truth comes out.

Can you unadopt someone?

Another thing that doesn't quite make sense to me is that Hope is lusting after just about every man around her, yet, for whatever reason, she hasn't so much as looked in Carter's direction. When she and Carter were alone in the executive suite earlier in the week, I could almost hear that bomp-shicka-boom-boom music getting ready to play. But, no. Not only can poor Carter not seem to keep a relationship for more than a few months, but now he can't even land a woman who is practically throwing herself at every man in town.

Speaking of Hope, there's definitely something up with her. I am wondering if somehow the Hope mannequin has come to life and the Hope we all know is locked away in one of those big cages that Justin used. Or maybe one of the big see-through plastic ones that Joe uses on You. Then I remembered that a mannequin coming to life is more like something we'd have seen on Passions.

I suspect Hope has some sort of neurological condition, perhaps the old soap fave: the brain tumor. I hear Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, "Eet ees not uh to-muh!" The headaches. The weird behavior. This is a soap opera, so what else could it be? I suppose some sort of dissociative identity disorder. If there is an alternate Hope, I dub her Fope or Fauxpe (Fake Hope).

In things that are not fake, I like that when a character on The Bold and the Beautiful goes somewhere, they actually go there. Whether it's the beach or the Mediterranean Coast, B&B is the soap that is the most likely to hit the road for antics abroad. Sure, B&B has gone to Monaco before, but it's still a nice change of pace. I'm sure Brad Bell doesn't read the Two Scoops column, but just in case he does... I'd like to submit my name for future consideration, just in case the show needs an assistant on their next big trip.

And since I've got Mr. Bell's attention, I'd like to offer up a story idea that could give some of the show's underused characters some sort of story. A bunch of years back, B&B used to tackle a social issues in its storylines. It ended up winning the show a boatload of Emmys. They've drifted away from that and gone back to their traditional love triangle tales.

In this time of rising hate and intolerance, I think the show should take a bold step and tackle transphobia. Maya has long been off the canvas, and there is no indication that she'll be returning anytime soon, if ever. If Maya were the victim of a hate crime, it would open the door for an umbrella story. Let me be clear: I don't want something bad to happen to Maya, but unfortunately, this is currently the world we live in. B&B could seize this moment as a way to address it.

Nicole could return to Los Angeles, and we could learn why she and Zende split. This would finally give Zende some sort of purpose rather than being a designer and photographer. The Forresters could rally around Rick, who would be devastated that something tragic had befallen his wife. Or perhaps ex-wife, because there was a mention of a pending Maya/Rick divorce a bunch of years back. There's no reason Rick isn't on the canvas. Carter, who was once engaged to Maya, could also be given some meaningful story. This would give Carter something else to do other than waiting around to preside over someone else's wedding.

Murder. DNA tampering. Hate crimes. Brain tumors. I think I've run the gamut of things that can be discussed in the course of a single commentary column. In fact, in the past 30 years of presiding over Soap Central, I've discussed things I never expected to discuss. It has been an absolute pleasure to share a love of soaps with all of you. I don't know where my path will lead next, but I hope that once I figure that out, you'll join me there.

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