Divorced from reality

Thomas made a move on Hope only to get a wake-up call, and Ridge somehow annulled a five-year (in real time) marriage. But hold the phone -- literally! Donna may recover Douglas' removed voice samples, while Brooke finally started wising up to Thomas' misdeeds. Get a reality check with Two Scoops' Mike.

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you go on a maskless date that had nothing to do with COVID? Did you imply that blondes have more fun...with technology? Did you get friend zoned by the same person for the three billionth time? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Walton clan this week!

Apparently, reality bites, Scoopers! I don't know what universe our B&B boos are living in, but it ain't this one. Hope's still on Team Thomas, despite rebuffing his kiss and finding his mannequin two weeks ago. Ridge won't say why he wants an annulment...or how he can annul a marriage that's been super consummated. And Thomas...is Thomas. But the sisters Logan may be the undoing of Thomas' latest litany of lunacy! Y'all ready? Let's Scoop about it!

Extra credit points for you if you get the reference to the Jets' 1988 hit! But no extra credit points for B&B this week, whose reality was decidedly unreal, even for a soap. Now, I know I basically pick this show apart every two weeks. A paraphrase from a Madonna spoof/commentary I recently saw on YouTube says it best: "if [I] didn't care, [I] wouldn't care...[I] criticize [B&B] because [I] love [it]. [I] know how good [it] can be."

And that's the frustrating thing. B&B has been good, and even more so, plenty of times in its 35-year run -- otherwise it wouldn't still be here. But the writing is so lazy, and it really wouldn't take much to sharpen it up. Soaps always used to bring in new head writers when the stories got stale, and oh, how this soap would benefit from that. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your baby is let it go.

At any rate, the week started with Deacon treating Sheila to a private date...at Il Giardino? He had waited until after closing, locked everything up, and turned off the security cameras to keep Sheila from getting caught. Wait a minute. Turned off the security cameras?! Way to call attention to yourself; surely, whatever security company IG uses will know they're not getting a feed from the ristorante.

Not a bright move for a guy who spent years in jail. I'm also not sure why Deacon is suddenly romancing Sheila. Even she wondered what had caused him to have a change of heart after he spent weeks telling her she had to go. Hell, Sheila doesn't even know Deacon just tried to get Brooke to marry him two short weeks ago. Sheila danced in Deacon's arms and reveled in not having to wear her Lina mask, but could Deacon be wearing a mask of his own?

Perhaps Deacon is turning on the charm to set Sheila up for some kind of fall -- likely one that would get her out of his hair, one way or another. Because I can't imagine why else Deacon would get romantic with his nine-toed albatross. Man, I still can't believe he (and the show) blew his shot with Taylor. As for Sheila, she was on a high and said she had risen from the ashes before and would do so again.

This is in line with a similar vow Sheila made during her special Halloween stand-alone episode, but the woman who thought fast enough on her feet to mutilate her feet still doesn't have any definite plans for...well, much of anything. It's been three months since her supposed bear-mauling, and she's only been to Finn's place once. Gettin' sloppy, Sheila. Gettin' sloppy. And boring.

Let me backtrack to the Halloween episode for a second. We did indeed get the return of Lauren Fenmore! If I recall, it was her first B&B stint since 2000. Lauren joined in giving us classic Sheila flashbacks and told Eric that she was glad Sheila was dead. Ah, but which dead? Does Lauren know Sheila resurfaced in Los Angeles before she was "killed," or does Lauren still think she put a bullet in Sheila in Genoa City in 2007 when Sheila supposedly had Phyllis Summers' face?

Alas, the special ep did not make the distinction. One line was all I asked for. I guess it's something that Lauren at least thinks Sheila is dead. I actually miss the months where Sheila caused chaos by shooting Finn and Steffy and supplanted Li as the not-dead Finn's caretaker. Ever since Finn reunited with Steffy in Monte Carlo, the show's been pretty lackluster and riddled with one incredulity after another.

Case in point, the Stallion himself. (Making him neigh is painful. Make it stop.) Bill didn't have much horse sense; what was the point of having him declare his love to Katie in one breath and then go sniffing around Brooke the minute he heard that Ridge moved out on her? Indeed, he made his case to Brooke yet again, not absorbing that Brooke's heart remains with Ridge.

I'll get accused of being a "Logan lover" when I say this (trust me, I have no membership to either the Logan or Forrester clubs; I rag on and praise, when deserved, all characters equally), but Brooke is rather showing something new in her steadfast devotion to Ridge, who has done nothing but crap on her all year. Brooke could have easily played horsey with Bill, since she's essentially free and clear.

But she hasn't. She didn't even take Deacon up on his offers; Bill must be jealous of Freaky Deaky on some level, because Bill told Brooke he didn't want Deacon around her, either. Thankfully, Bill moved on to discussing "the dressmaker's crackpot kid" (gotta love Bill's put-downs!) and surmised that Hope didn't want to see that Thomas was being manipulative once again.

We've got Bill and Liam agreeing on that! Liam thought that Hope had purposely developed a blind spot to Thomas' machinations, as well, then he received a visit from Wyatt. I'm amazed Wyatt didn't ask his bro if he could crash on the couch -- where exactly is Wyatt living now that Taylor's purchase of Bill's beach house has rendered Wyatt homeless? Yet another detail the show is choosing not to address.

Over at the Forrester mansion, Douglas wished aloud that he could be tucked in by his parents every night. Question: why the hell hasn't Hope taken Douglas home? The kid's "visit" with Thomas has lasted since August. Hope should put her mommy pants on and tell Douglas he's coming home now, and if he doesn't like it, too damn bad. Let Thomas take her to court to get full custody! Let him!

You know why? Because then Hope could tell the court about how Thomas had registered to vote in Crazy Town. You think any judge would give full custody to a guy who let someone think he was dead and let the adoptive mother think her own child was dead? That would be much more entertaining than watching Hope simp around Thomas as if he has any power over her at all.

Hear that, "Logan lover" accusers? Hope is an idiot! There is no way in heaven or the other place that she should be giving Thomas any kind of benefit of the doubt, not after he's repeatedly told her she's the only woman for him...and the mannequin! Y'all know Thomas is still humping that thing behind closed doors, and Hope just shook its discovery off like she was Taylor Swift.

Hope openly told Thomas and his leather pants that she believed he had changed...only to have Thomas bust a move on her! Well, to her credit, she shut that down quickly. Not bad considering Hope then said she'd thought she and Thomas were on the same page! Maybe Bill and Liam were right that Hope has dug deep into denial. If only Thomas had stayed on the straight and narrow, I could see Hope's resoluteness.

Thomas walked back the kiss and twice told Hope she shouldn't tell anyone about their "misunderstanding." Alone, Thomas griped that he had been able to torpedo Bridge but misjudged his ability to get Hope for himself. Thomas really does need help -- and has for a long time...why else would he keep trying to bag his stepsister over and over?

Brooke and Ridge raised Thomas and Hope together when Taylor was presumed dead the second time. Eww! And we finally got past Thomas' obsession with Hope, only to fire the whole thing up again. Double eww! Here's a partial solution: have it come out that Douglas is Ridge's child, not Thomas'. It's very possible; Douglas' paternity was in question initially.

That gets Thomas and his bad influence away from Douglas, and Thomas wouldn't be able to use Hope's adoptive relationship with Douglas as a means to get her into bed anymore. The next day, Hope assured Liam that Thomas wouldn't be a problem and acknowledged that she needed to be cautious around Thomas. Of course, Liam would flip if Hope told him that Thomas had tried to kiss her again. About as much as I did.

At Forrester Creations, Brooke interrupted Ridge's memories of Brooke's lingerie-clad Brooke's Bedroom launch, saying she had come in to get a jump on press coverage relating to the previous night's showing of Hope for the Future. Hold up! PR is Katie's job! And what exactly has Brooke's job been at FC all these years? Remember what I said about B&B's growing lack of detail? Yeah, that.

Brooke and Ridge exchanged salty words over Thomas, but when Brooke again asked why Ridge had left her, Ridge deflected. Can I just slap him already? This is the stupidest way to handle a breakup I've ever seen -- let alone the stupidest rationale for switching wives. And Ridge is the guy who thought he had permission to knock up Morgan after reading a forged email from "Taylor."

If Ridge refusing to confront Brooke about calling Child Protective Services on Thomas is supposed to generate drama, it ain't. It's maddening, is what it is, watching Ridge clam up every time Brooke wants to know why he deserted her. Ridge felt bad that he was causing Brooke pain, which he conveyed to his kids afterwards. Steffy actually said, "We don't want Brooke to be hurt." Hahahaha! Steffy's a comedian now.

Ridge was about to cause Brooke more pain, because Carter swung by the Logan manse to deliver...annulment papers. ANNULMENT PAPERS?! I said this in my column two weeks ago -- there is no legal basis that I can find that would allow Ridge to annul his marriage to Brooke instead of divorcing her. There was no fraud when they got married, and they certainly consummated their marriage enough times.

Indeed, further investigation states that one can get an annulment within four years, even four years after the discovery of fraud. But only if the marriage is fraudulent, as I said, and Bridge is just a few months shy of being married five years, in real time. If there are any divorce lawyers in my readership, please enlighten me. Because Ridge trying to get an annulment from Brooke makes absolutely zero sense to me.

Ridge tried to play it off like Taylor and his children with her needed him, but Brooke rightly pointed out that Steffy and Thomas were adults who could take care of themselves. (Finally, someone said it.) Ridge still wouldn't divulge why he had tossed Brooke aside, but, at Brooke's consistent pressing, he finally cracked and admitted it was because Brooke had given up on "my boy."

Relieved that Ridge had clarified that Bill and Deacon had nothing to do with Ridge's desertion, Brooke jumped on the Thomas leak. But Ridge would only say that Brooke knew what it was and wondered if she had anything to tell him. So, Ridge just wants to keep testing Brooke instead of being a man and revealing her he'd heard "her" call to CPS? That's the same line he ran on her in Aspen. Come on, Ridge. Grow up already.

Well, Brooke got tired of Ridge going in circles, so she signed his damn annulment papers! I still wanna see how they're going to stand up in court. We did find out from the documents that Brooke's pad is in Holmby Hills, a ritzy area of the city of Los Angeles. We also saw that her zip is 90209. I'll take issue with that; the zip code of Holmby Hills is 90077. Maybe the show miszipped the address on purpose so y'all will get your letters to Brooke returned.

While Liam started to catch on that Thomas had everything to do with coming between Ridge and Brooke, the mannequin lover in question was with his mother and sister, gloating over Ridge's delivery of the annulment papers. Ridge subsequently told Taylor that his marriage to Brooke was "over." I hope Ridge doesn't think that Brooke signing the papers makes the dissolution instant. These days, I half think he does.

Strangely, Finn made a visit to Taylor, and together, they dished Bridge. I guess Finn doesn't have anything to do now that he's back from the dead; how delicious it would have been if Finn and Taylor had compared notes. Finn still has to "die" one more time to tie Taylor! How delicious, also, if Taylor and Finn ended up in bed somehow. Steffy's been such an insufferable brat, taking Finn's aliveness for granted, that I'd like to see someone stick it to her somehow.

Ridge went back to the Forrester compound with Thomas, and they walked in on Douglas playing with the all-important voice-sampling app. Ridge was curious about the software, but Thomas snatched the phone away from his son and tried to distract his father by suggesting that Ridge run to Taylor and tell her that Brooke had called CPS. Interestingly, we found out that only Ridge and Thomas knew about the call.

Douglas got his phone back and immediately used it to punk Donna into thinking Ridge was talking to her! Douglas and Donna giggled over it; then Douglas lamented to her that his app was glitchy and that some of his sampled recordings were gone. Hmm. Gone because the app has a hiccup, or gone because Thomas went in and deleted said recordings?

No matter -- Donna confidently said that she could help Douglas restore the files! For all my complaints, I'm liking how the show is giving Donna a brain these days. First, she was all that in her high school chess club, and now she's got computer savvy! The former waitress and nude model has repeatedly been cast as, like, a total ditz in Jennifer Gareis' personage, so it's nice to build Donna some layers with IQ in them.

But let's not miss the hint that Donna may be the one to expose Thomas and his faked Brooke call! Thomas must have caught it, too, because he saw Douglas with the phone again and not only threatened to cut off phone privileges permanently, but he also demanded that Douglas delete the app. Will Donna get to Douglas before he gets rid of Thomas' evidence? It's the one true measure of suspense we've got going on right now.

Meanwhile, across the 310, another Logan sister was in the process of waking up. She'd had time to reflect on Ridge linking her unfaith in Thomas to their split and told Hope that she was coming to the realization that Thomas had somehow tanked her marriage to Ridge. But Brooke's brain was the only one working -- Hope, who had just fended off Thomas' lips the night before, was defensive of Thomas!

Maybe, maybe I could see Hope cutting Thomas some slack before, because it's not like she knows about Thomas' work behind the scenes to throw Ridge at Taylor. But after the kiss attempt? And after...the mannequin? Hope had just told Liam she knew she needed to be cautious in regard to Thomas, and she turned right around and acted like there was simply no reason to cast Thomas in any bad light.

Hope even told Brooke that Brooke was risking pushing Ridge even further away by accusing Thomas of interfering with her marriage! Hope, honey! You need to join up with Donna's high school chess club, 'cause right now, the one with the space cadet rep is Mensa compared to you. Brooke was undeterred, thankfully. Brooke knew Thomas was involved in her annulment-that-should-be-a-divorce -- and vowed to find out how!

Go get 'im, Brooke! I just hope her new determination won't be like the whole New Year's debacle where she swore to find out why she drank that night but just sat around feeling sorry for herself for months instead. Brooke has never been one to lie down like a lamb (maybe just lie down) -- right or wrong, she's always had the courage of her convictions, whether going up against Stephanie or getting to the bottom of things. The instances are too many to count. Brooke's had her marriage blown up twice this year by interlopers; it's time Brooke stops playing victim and takes control!

How do you look at it, Scoopers? Should Brooke turn things around on Thomas? Do you think Donna will be the one to bust him? Do Hope and Ridge both need intelligence transplants, given her blindness to Thomas and his blowing off being direct about why he left Brooke? Can one really annul a marriage after five years? And is the show leaning too far into the realm of the implausible? Channel your realness into the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could end up in a future column! Like these!

"I think it's a real double standard, the way Steffy and Taylor will talk about all the men in Brooke's past, and meanwhile they both have quite a list themselves. Didn't Steffy mention Brooke being with Ridge, Thorne and Eric (two brothers and their father) as if it were terrible? Meanwhile she was with Liam, Wyatt and Bill, the same thing! Selective memory, or a 'that was different' excuse?" -- Lucia

"Hope has been married to Wyatt, then Liam. It's hereditary. Her line, Hope for the Future, was based on her being different from her mother, but she's not, just talks a good line. Right now, I'm agreeing that Liam and Brooke might hook up, as Brooke has no boundaries. Ask Bridget..." -- Rhonda

"Well, Taylor let everyone believe Thorne was Thomas's father when she was pregnant in 1997, plus she also shot Bill. So if you want to compare Brooke's past to Taylor's, I think you need to compare everything they did and not just certain parts. Yes I know a different actress is playing Taylor but that doesn't mean the character of Taylor gets a clean slate from her past..." -- Andrew

"I think a few people are missing the point about the columnists' job. It's to generate discussion. That they are doing well. B&B Two Scoops always gets lots of posts. Chanel has said before she's aware of Brooke's shortcomings and has come down hard on her too. You can do that without favouring one or the other. I think the big problem about Taylor is the erasing of her dubious past by the writing team. The characters are pretend people. They're fair game. As long as there's no misogyny, racism or homophobia in either the comments or the show. Everyone seems to be on the same page there." -- Eva

We certainly try, Eva! I can't speak for Chanel (though I read her columns on my off weeks), but I'm an equal opportunity basher. When the characters are idiots, I'll call them on it! It just so happens that right now, the much-hated Brooke isn't reverting to her slutty ways, and she is being victimized, for the second time in 2022.

You want a criticism of her? Brooke should tell Ridge to go to hell for being such a d**k to her and not move on with Bill or Deacon! How about someone new? Or someone old -- like Dave, the fianc she had when the show started in 1987? What great history that would be, and his portrayer, Stephen Shortridge, is quite the silver fox!

Speaking of Stephens, one with the surname Logan will be paying a visit soon, and his daughters might be on tap to burst Thomas' again-diabolical bubble. Both are worth sticking around for, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. See you in two weeks, my Scoopnesses!AMJ

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