Pregnant (un)pause: Carnal miscalculations

There was only one reason Zoe didn't want Paris to get acquainted with a job offer. But Liam, Steffy, and Hope won't let old acquaintance be forgot as we start 2021 going through another round of baby shenanigans! Check the diaper with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your New Year been bold and beautiful? Did you nix your sis's job offer because of the perk she was going to get? Did you get treated normally now that your bad guy mode is switched to "off"? Did you dust off your Britney Spears greatest hits to tell your woman "oops, I did it again"? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Walton-Buckingham clan this week!

A new year is upon us, Scoopers! I know -- so far 2021 feels like 2020 on acid. I prefer to think of this year as a flight that starts out bumpy on takeoff, gets a bit turbulent in the ascent, but steadies to a smoother trip once we're above the clouds. So, hang on, and pretty soon, the snacks will be rolling down the aisle and the seat belt sign will blink out!

As for our denizens of B&B, Zoe's making Paris' flight bumpy for an obvious but unwarranted reason. And do we even with Leffy/Lope? I think someone in the writing room got the "1" and "2" backwards on the scripts, because apparently, we're going with it being 2012, not 2021. Liam's New Year's resolution should be to keep it in his pants! Are you ready for "everything old is new again"? Let's Scoop about it!

SISTERS ARE DOIN' IT FOR THEMSELVES

First, I just gotta say again, B&B's new fashion consultant, Erica Pelosini Leeman, is crushin' it. I've heard some complaints about our characters' new wardrobe choices, but let's face it -- these folks are in fashion. And for too long, they were running around in "civilian" clothes. I would so wear Liam's spiffy brown coat, and Zoe's polka-dotted frock screamed, "I am a lead model." Too bad I can't scream at Zoe for her weirdness toward Paris!

Zoe was dead set against Paris taking a job with the Forrester Foundation. Can I back up a minute? Because in 34 years, I don't remember there ever being a mention of any Forrester Foundation. It must be important, since Zende reported it "does crucial work at a global scale." So, it couldn't have just been created in light of recent world events or just so Paris could be offered a job there.

And what exactly does this foundation do if Paris, who's barely out of college, is so qualified to work with it? I have to say, when we came back from the shutdown and the show promised we were going to dive into social issues, I was glad -- but I've been disappointed by getting only subtle mentions of whatever message HFTF is delivering and not really digging into the meat of any issue, like BLM, for example.

I'm glad to see the number of actors of color increasing on the show and that they're having this much exposure in their own storyline, but it all turns on one very shaky axle: for some reason, Zoe wants Zende, even though she's engaged to Carter, and doesn't want Paris to have Zende. I would understand this if there was some hot, smoldering undercurrent between Zoe and Zende...

...but there isn't. Every time these two even get close to facing their so-called attraction, they both look like they want to barf. Zooming in on Zende as he tip-toed up to the subject did nothing to sell it. That's why I am not here for Zoe keeping her sister from an apparently kick-ass position because she doesn't want Paris near a guy whom Zoe doesn't really seem all that interested in, anyway.

Of course, different combinations of characters talked about Paris' job offer this week. The only thing I really got out of any of this foolery was the barest taste of the backstory between the Buckingham sisters. Zoe reminded Paris that, as a high-schooler, Paris used to move in on Zoe's friends. Paris stated that Zoe had always been controlling and jealous and wanted to keep Paris down.

When Zoe snarked that Paris was zeroing in on Zende, Paris quipped, "Are you projecting?" Smart girl! Paris stuck to her guns and declared that where she worked and where she lived wasn't up to Zoe. Until it was. After Zoe commanded that Paris call Ridge and turn down the job, Paris got all hand-wringy and decided to turn it down! I've never actually watched a spine fall out that fast on TV before.

Seriously, what could Zoe possibly do to Paris if Paris displayed a single finger and took the job? Pout some more? Or is there more about the siblings' history we don't know? After all, when Zoe first showed up, she was stalking Xander, tormenting Emma, and cyberbullying Hope while setting Sally up to take the fall. Will Zoe go psycho on Paris? Maybe dig up her dead dog Harry and have him bite Paris' ankle?

That's the thing -- there's no bite to this story. Zoe whined to Carter that she didn't want her sister at Forrester but gave him some BS reason when Carter directly asked her why. It just sounds like Zoe wants Carter but also to be able to flirt with Zende. Except Zoe and Zende don't flirt. There's rather little chemistry between them, and I detect no bubbling desire with the duo that should be present for a "conflict" like this.

If anything, Zende seems 100% Team Paris! Did you see him bolt upright when Paris said she was leaving? Though why she acted like she was leaving Los Angeles after simply jettisoning a job offer, I don't know. Zende became very animated and told Paris he wasn't just going to let her walk away. She was taking the job! Now, see the difference? Don't try to tell me Zende is harboring any longings for Zoe.

In fact, when Zende learned from Carter that Paris had pulled an Elvis and left the building, Zende ran after her! Zende was so passionate about Paris staying and accepting the job that she rushed to him and kissed him! Well, his mannequin, anyway, but work with me. A quadrangle can't work if the relationship lines are clearly drawn. Zoe's being a brat, and I'm no longer shipping Zarter. Carter deserves more.

AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH

Again, much as I appreciate the show's costume upgrades, Thomas, as he lounged on Brooke's couch as if she'd never (accidentally) pushed him off a cliff for hunting her daughter, looked like he was either getting ready to go skiing or to front a Vanilla Ice tribute band. (Too soon for Vanilla Ice jokes?) I guess the tuque (what they call ski hats here in Canada) helped to keep Thomas' brain in after his surgery, but still.

Hope was worried because Liam had taken off after an urgent call from Steffy, and she told Thomas all about it. What, her stalker is her confidant now? They talked for three episodes about various and sundry, and all I could think was, "Is Thomas supposed to be normal now?" He said he wasn't "that person" anymore and cringed when Hope said Liam had seen Thomas kissing the mannequin.

I just wanna say, "Not buyin' it!" Not because I don't necessarily believe Thomas could reform but because there are too many blanks that haven't been filled here. Okay, Thomas had a subdural hematoma that put pressure on his brain and made him believe the Hope mannequin was the real deal. That explains the last few months. But what about the whole year between Thomas' return and his Hope obsession being exposed at his wedding to Zoe?

Could Thomas really have survived that long with a brain bleed? Highly doubtful. We still don't know what made Thomas forge a letter from Caroline, spike Liam's drink, torment his son with a CGI ghost, pretend he was dead after falling into a vat...the list goes on. And for that reason, I have a lot of problems with him chatting with Hope, the object of his delusions, as if they were talking about the weather.

Another thing the show better not be doing is paving the way for Thomas and Hope to have an actual relationship. Putting victim and victimizer together may have worked for GH's Luke and Laura in 1981, but that was a different time. More than once, Thomas told Hope she deserved someone who was committed to only her. Sorry, but I still know how telegraphs work!

If Hope and Liam truly, permanently split because of Liam's tequila-soaked ugly bumping with Steffy (and when, really, has Lope ever been permanently split?), are we really supposed to accept Hope turning to Thomas? Even when he got the hots for her in 2012, it was gross; they're stepsiblings. That might fly on Pornhub, but it ain't flyin' with me.

Then add all the stuff Thomas did to and in the name of Hope in 2019 and 2020. I'm not at all opposed to him finding love again someday if he really walks the mental straight and narrow, but please...anybody but Hope. Any possibility of Thope was ruined the second he kept Beth's existence from Hope. I don't care how hot the guy looks in a mountain-climbing outfit. No. Just no.

DO THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME

B&B's first words of 2021 were, "You're pregnant?" Indeed, Steffy was, and what followed was a three-episode discussion containing some of the most clich and repetitive dialogue I've heard on the show, and that's saying something. "You're with Finn!" Liam exclaimed. "You're with Hope!" Steffy bewailed. No, for real -- you just noticed? We know who's with who. Your reminders are called "exposition," Leffy.

I actually lost count after Steffy insisted her baby had to be Finn's for the fifth time. She and Liam just kept going on and on about how they couldn't believe it, how Liam wanted to come clean, how Steffy didn't want him to, et cetera, et cetera. I have to admit, my brain kind of shut off for a lot of their elongated scene. Although I have developed a theory as to why we might be getting this.

B&B had become a bastion of repetitive dialogue long before the shutdown. And "I get it," as their characters are fond of saying -- not everyone tunes in every day, so you want to keep viewers current. But that Steam scene...I'm wondering...are they just writing sequences with repeated dialogue to make it easier for the actors to memorize so they can get their scenes shot and get the hell off the set?

COVID is still very much among us, after all. And I could easily excuse the repetition if it was part of keeping our actors safe. If it's not that, then I find that kind of writing sloppy. To say nothing of stirring up another round of Leffy/Lope, which was already old in 2011, let alone 2021. Does anybody really want to see this triangle again, especially now with Finn in the picture?

One thing I will give Liam, who's never found a romantic problem he couldn't solve with his penis, is that he's been taking actual responsibility for whipping it out. "It's my fault," he cried to Steffy. "I did this." Yeah, you did, Waffle Boy. Liam again insisted, as he's been doing since I wrote my last regular column four weeks ago, that Hope had to know the truth.

But Steffy wanted to wait, at least until she confirmed her three home pregnancy tests with her doctor and found out who planted the seed in her belly. (Not bad for a girl who was once deemed barren.) She was sure the gardener had to be Finn. But why would Finn and Steffy not be using protection? They haven't been together long. Plus, Finn is a doctor, who would be more cognizant of the risks, I should think.

In my mind, that makes the odds that the baby is Liam's even greater, because he and Steffy were drunk, and, one would gather, enough so that they weren't thinking about condoms. Don't get me wrong -- I don't want the baby to be Liam's. I'm just saying it's less likely to be Finn's. Steffy almost had me convinced that she and Liam should keep quiet until they had more definitive answers.

But I kept thinking about another pregnancy Steffy tried to keep secret -- Kelly. After the ordeal Steffy went through not knowing whether Liam or Bill had fathered Kelly, I can't see Steffy wanting to treat an identical situation the same way. Has she learned nothing in three years? Personally, I still think Kelly is Bill's; we did see Bill lurking around the hospital the day Steffy got her paternity test. But I digress.

After Steffy commented that Finn could be a first-time father (how does she know? If she and Finn talked about whether or not he already has kids, we should have been privy to it), she finally relented, agreeing with Liam that Hope and Finn deserved to know what their beloveds had done. That was fast. Then came the patented Tummy Rub! You know, in case you forgot already that Steffy is pregnant.

WON'TCHA PLAY ANOTHER SOMEBODY DONE SOMEBODY WRONG SONG

Steffy changed into lavender sweats for some reason, and liberty bibberty! Finn done walked up out of the ocean like Daniel Craig in his first James Bond movie. Well, figuratively, anyway. I believe that was Finn's first shirtless scene! And it reminded me that Steffy had moved on from Liam and got me even more pissed that we've already ruined Sinn when they just barely got started.

Finn was fully relaxed after his dip in the Pacific and slipped that he liked that he got to come home to Steffy. Except they both had their own places, natch. Finn just had been thinking a lot about what things could be like with Steffy, about what a family with her would be like; being there felt like home. Finn wanted to spend the rest of his life with Steffy. (Does he attend the Carter Walton School of Rushed Relationships?)

Steffy was strangely calm, considering the secret she was sitting on; she smiled a lot and didn't even break a sweat. Nor did she interrupt Finn's waxing poetic with any indication a bomb was about to drop. She just said she wanted to talk but let Finn do most of it. To the idea of a family with Finn, her only words were, "I think that's a real possibility." She's not gonna tell him! She's not gonna tell him! You know she's not!

On the grounds of Casa Logan, Liam returned home and stared at all the displayed photos of him, Hope, Douglas, et al, as one does just before telling your wife that you Jos Cuervoed your way into your ex's bed. (Hey! Two classic country references in one section!) Hope came back from the main house, and Liam went into his pre-admission song and dance about how he loved her and all that.

I know such dialogue is designed to build up the suspense, but it's been done so often over the decades that it just doesn't hit like it used to. When Hope said, "Stop -- please just tell me," I couldn't stop uttering "amens." Tears in his eyes, Liam lamented that he had made a "mistake." Dang, Liam, did you get advice from Brooke before leading with that? "Mistake" is her word for carnal miscalculations!

Liam whipped himself for not rushing in and breaking up what he thought was the kiss between Hope and Thomas, and that was another thing he got right this week. "I would have known it was a damn doll," Liam groaned, and I couldn't help sniggering a little. He told Hope about his emotional state afterwards, but as soon as he said, "I drove back to Steffy's," Hope's expression said it all.

Hope knew before another word came out of Liam's mouth, without uttering any of her own, and I thought that was a nice touch. Has Hope not been through this before and before and before? Finally 86ing his hemming and hawing, she blurted out, "Where did you sleep?" His non-answer was the answer. And she began drowning in a torrent of tears, knowing Liam had indeed circled back to Steffy and her cha-cha-cha.

Annnnndddd...here we go again. If any of you guys can't wait to see another Leffy/Lope merry-go-round, let me know. Last week, Chanel said she'd like B&B to "ditch the romantic triangles and focus on character driven plots with fulfilling endings...mysteries, tragedies, and adventures..." I couldn't agree more, Chanel! I couldn't agree more!

And I have been saying that for years. B&B has a killer cast that's up for anything and viewers who would love to see something fresh. Let's make Finn the father of Steffy's baby and move on. Or, dare I say, she also has a choice not to have the baby. Or maybe Finn moves on with Hope after all this! That would be different. What would you like to see on B&B in 2021? Make a date with the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I'm sick of the show bringing in new characters when they don't use the great characters they already have that end up being wasted or thrown away like Taylor, Katie, Bill, Donna, Justin (still no justice for his niece Emma), Rick, Bridget, etc." -- "Dorinda's Pajamas"

"I am completely disgusted that Steffy slept with Liam. I was really hoping she'd tell him to go kick rocks when he rushed over there after leaving 'Hope' at the mercy of Thomas and his obsession. If Hope leaves Liam over this, let Liam spend a year or two alone, and hopefully Finn will forgive Steffy. I do not want to see the Steffy/Liam/Hope triangle played in any form ever again. It's old, it's tired, and it's unbelievable that two smart women like Hope and Steffy would give that clown Liam the time of day after he has hurt them both so many times." -- "DaffySez"

Perhaps our desire for something new will be satisfied starting this coming week when Wyatt and Flo make a trip to Genoa City to...visit Sally?? Better yet, the following week, Summer Newman will cross over from Y&R to get dirt on Sally! Not exactly the crackling Sheila/Lauren crossovers of old, but I'll take it. Hey! Maybe Wyatt can lose Flo in Wisconsin! So, sue me, Scoopers. It's a thought.

Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. Remember: democracy and protecting yourselves and others from a virus are always beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.