Wars, kisses, and bitches get stitches

From smacks to kisses, the week was delicious. The characters were on parade as we finally saw more of the cast. The Spencer boys smooched their exes. Katie declared family peace, and Quinn and Brooke declared family war. Can somebody please tell Brooke that Queen Stephanie is dead? Long live Queen Quinn on The Bold and the Beautiful.

It wasn't a week without Thomas, Hope, Liam, and Steffy, but thank the soaps gods that the Quad-angle wasn't the sole focus of the week. After Hope crammed Liam's duffel bag full of boxers and framed photos to cry over, the story moved on. It remains to be seen if the Lope breakup sticks, but in the meantime, we have other plots and characters to scoop on!

Liam didn't miss a beat when he went from talking about Hope to kissing Steffy, to getting dumped by Hope, to talking about Hope all over again. Steffy feels guilty for betraying Liam, as she should, but Thomas managed to drag her to the Dark Side. Will Steffy really subject herself to being second again? And what happened to her wanting the truth about Thomas to protect Hope, Douglas, and the family?

Liam isn't the only man in a relationship who can't keep his lips to himself. Flo, back from her weeks of soul-searching, had more luck than Steffy or Shauna had with their prince frogs. Flo swooped in and kissed Wyatt on her first day back. Wyatt is already ready to dump Sally, but who would leave a fiery redhead in lingerie for a frayed blonde in a frumpy sweater?

Brooke, possessed by Stephanie, marched her crazy self over to Eric to demand that he not only toss Shauna out of the guesthouse but that he also divorce Quinn for aiding and abetting Shauna in trying to steal Brooke's man. Oh, Brooke, you ain't getting the raven poltergeist out of the mansion that easily. Brooke might have learned to slap from Stephanie, but Brooke got her weak pancake stroke from her mama. Quinn had to deliver yet another ground-pounding slap to Brooke just to remind her once again of who the real matriarch is.

Kumbaya reigned at the house of Spencer in the form of forgiveness and acceptance of Flo, but the battle rages on at the Forrester mansion. Let's get two scoops deep into Brooke's demand that Eric leave Quinn, Wyatt's waffling on Sally when she's down, and Steffy's betrayal of Liam. We'll touch on Katie's insta-forgive party for Flo and why Brooke and Hope weren't invited this week on The Bold and the Beautiful.

"I kissed you back. I just wish she hadn't seen it."

What more can we say about Liam that scoffs and eye rolls don't already cover? I don't know anyone else who can kiss their ex and still try to come out looking like the victim in a breakup. That's exactly what happened when Steffy set Hope up to see Steffy and Liam kiss but wound up being Liam's consoler in chief once again as Hope left him -- once again.

From Malibu to Italy, we've seen it time and time again. Liam does something unacceptable with Steffy, Hope leaves him, and he runs to Steffy to get petted. Steffy usually obliges and takes second place until Hope decides that she wants her man back. What's different here so far is that Liam doesn't seem conflicted. It begs the question: why did he kiss Steffy back?

At this point, fans of the couples probably do not even care why Liam kissed Steffy back. If sex with her a few months back didn't revive Steam, how can a kiss? The flip-flop has endured for so long that many have stopped caring who Liam is with. Some fans are ready to see Steffy and Hope with new men.

With every flip Liam makes, he becomes more undesirable. Ironically, Wyatt is still paranoid that Sally wants his brother. Wait a minute. Liam is single. Sally is about to be single. Will it happen?

Hope wants Liam but won't let go of Douglas. Who would? In a choice between Liam and Douglas, Douglas wins without even showing up. Liam might have had more luck getting Hope to drop HFTF, but then again, I don't see any pigs flying yet. Hope wants it all, and maybe she can have it if she would just exorcise Thomas from her life.

No matter which woman Liam is with, Thomas will always be a factor in Liam's life. Thomas is Steffy's brother, and he pops by her house whenever he feels like it. He will be at every family event and holiday. Thomas is father to Douglas, Liam's second cousin and godson. Thomas might even wind up as Beth's stepfather if Liam isn't careful. Thomas is inescapable. Plus, Thomas threatened to kill Liam if he didn't do Steffy right.

Instead of giving Hope ultimatums, Liam needs to start learning how to deal with Thomas and help Hope to set boundaries. Liam needs to set some boundaries himself, though. After all, just like Liam has to put up with Thomas, who wants Hope, Hope has to deal with Steffy, who wants Liam. Liam needs to understand that Hope is tolerating Steffy, and he should tolerate Thomas in return -- to a degree.

Regardless of Liam's choices, Steffy needs to be checked for betraying Liam and her family for a shot at second place in Liam's heart. Liam is supposedly her friend. He trusts her. She's the last person who he'd think would scam him. She teamed up with him to get to the truth about her brother. She found the truth. Thomas is still after Hope. Thomas is still lying and manipulating everyone.

That means Hope and Douglas could still be in danger. It means that Thomas really needs help. Ridge desperately needs to learn the truth about his son. It could save his marriage, but Steffy chose to help Thomas scheme instead of getting Thomas the help he needs. I'm dumbfounded that, knowing how high the stakes are, Steffy chooses to betray Liam and her family to team up with Thomas instead of telling her torn family that Thomas hasn't gotten better at all.

"I missed you so much!" Not!

I think I growled when I saw Flo Fulton back on my screen in her signature pink. She exclaimed that she missed Wyatt so much. I surely didn't miss her. There she was, all remorseful and goody-goody. Like clockwork, there Wyatt was, swapping spit with her as if he doesn't have a poor fiance who is about to get fired and might be stricken with an illness. If the writers think I'm going to root for this deplorable couple as Sally loses her man and career -- again -- they have another thing coming.

While Wyatt whined to anyone who will listen to his one-inch violin about Sally calling him Liam, Sally faced some tough criticism about her line. "What is that?" said Ridge, staring at Sally's romper sketches in disgust. He and Steffy were not pleased by Sally's work. It looked like Spectra, not Forrester. They warned that they had to cut the line, and the warning sent Sally melting into a pool of nerves and tears about losing her career.

What is wrong with Sally? She isn't designing like herself or acting like herself. Steffy suspects that Sally lost confidence in herself. That wouldn't be a bad guess, considering Sally is with a man who will dump her every time she isn't perfect -- or isn't Flo.

Rumors have it that Sally could be sick. From her tremors and inability to hold a pencil steady, some viewers suspect Parkinson's disease. Others think it is something terminal. Until we learn more, Sally only suffers from one disease, in my opinion, and that's "Horrible Taste in Men" disease. It's only curable by making better life choices such as letting your ex stay your ex.

Zoe advised Sally to throw her passion for work into her relationship, but it's too late. Flo just made her last stop on her rehabilitation journey. To my chagrin, that stop was back into Wyatt's life instead of into the bowels of hell. Katie hand-delivered Wyatt his get-back-with-Flo-free card when she gathered her family together -- sans Hope, Liam, and Brooke -- to guilt them into forgiving Flo in front of Will. What other choice did they have in front of an innocent child who blurted out forgiveness first?

Flo is forgiven. Wyatt sees the light. He just can't get the vision of him, Flo, and baby nurseries out of his head. He went off to break it off with Sally, but Sally surprised him in lingerie. Great. That is just what Sally's self-esteem needs -- a man dumping her while she's half-naked.

Why weren't Hope, Liam, and Brooke invited to Katie's forgiveness shower for Flo? They are the ones who really need to heal from Flo's crimes. I think it was because it wasn't about forgiveness. It was about Katie feeling the need to give Flo something in return for the kidney. Flo gives Katie a kidney. Katie gives Flo a reunion with Wyatt.

Katie and her kidney buddy got all chummy over the last weeks. Flo probably moaned endlessly about Wyatt, and Katie threw the forgiveness party as an undercover hookup party for Flo and Wyatt. Having Hope and Brooke there to harp on the truth about Flo would ruin the romantic mood, so Katie left them out of it.

The forgiveness party worked well for Flo. Maybe Katie ought to throw one for Thomas. No? Too soon?

"Bitch, you should have learned it from me!"

Brooke has gone and done it now. She unleashed the blue-eyed dragon. Brooke, you're my girl and everything. It's been nice knowing you through the years. I always got your back, you know that. But this time -- it's gonna be way back, girl. Like a football-field-length back. I'm not even sure that's far enough. Quinn might still slap me even all the way back there. I can't risk that. Sorry, Brooke. You are on your own in this one.

Seriously, though, Brooke's anger toward Shauna is righteous. Brooke's heart was in the right place when she asked Eric not to let the romance-novel-reading heathen remain on the property if Ridge can't behave, but she should have asked Eric to evict Ridge instead. That way, she kills two birds with one stone. Ridge and Shauna separate, and Ridge probably returns home. Instead, Brooke dropped a boulder on her own head by not only ordering Eric to get Shauna out, but to divorce Quinn, too!

Brooke ought to already know -- if Quinn wouldn't let Pam get married at the mansion, Quinn sure as hell isn't going to let Brooke dictate who stays and who goes, especially where Quinn herself is concerned. When Brooke went up against Quinn, it seems that Brooke forgot a few things about Quinn. For one, Quinn is crazy. For two, Quinn is deadly. For three, Quinn doesn't give a damn. And for four, Quinn fought Sheila and won. If Sheila couldn't get Quinn out of that house, Brooke sure as heck can't do it.

I thought Quinn was actually kind of calm when she first heard what Brooke was up to. But Brooke pressed her luck when she channeled Stephanie and smacked Shauna upside the head. Brooke was proud. She learned that from Stephanie, who probably smacked Brooke a good two dozen times in her life.

"You learned how to slap from Stephanie? Bitch, you should have learned that from me!" Quinn exclaimed and smacked Brooke to the floor. Brooke went down, and I flashed back to Quinn smacking drunk Brooke to the floor during a fight about Deacon. Yeah, Brooke, you probably should have learned back then. No one can forget a hit like that, drunk or sober.

That did not deter Brooke. She kept arguing and fighting like a gnat you swat at but keep missing. Eric came home and sided with Brooke mostly. Quinn said that she was the matriarch and his wife, and he should be defending her.

Whoa. Hold up now, Quinn. There are a few things you need to know about being Eric's wife and the Forrester matriarch. Eric will not side with you. Eric will not defend you. You're lucky he hasn't even cheated on you. When you walk the road of the Forrester matriarch, you walk it alone. Eric isn't man enough to walk it with you. Just ask Stephanie's portrait the next time you see it. Brooke will probably tack it back up on the wall while you sleep.

Wait. Do lizards sleep?

Whose side are you on in the battle of the Forrester matriarchs? Quinn's or Brooke's? Until we scoop again, here's a little advice. Do not dish out the smackdown if you cannot take the beatdown, because the view from the floor is anything but bold and beautiful, baby!

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