It's The Flo & Shauna Show!

Imagine you're a B&B viewer who's just tuning in after a break -- undoubtedly, you'd see Flo and Shauna on every day and think, "Who are these people?" Something you might be thinking as Two Scoops' Mike makes his Soap Central return after a month's absence!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you decide manipulation was the best way to get a mate? Did you suddenly become jealous of someone you were fine with before? Did you and your mom steal the thunder of all your new relatives? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Spectra-Avant-Buckingham clan this week!

The bitch is back, Scoopers! Yes, it's me, Mike, and my absence was no month-long April Fool's joke -- I took off a few weeks to visit my mother and half-brother in Florida plus do a little Bewitched book busking in Salem. Let's just say the trip had its own bold and beautiful overtones. But I've returned like a back-from-the-dead soap character, looking at B&B and saying, "What's going on?"

It was quite the transformative month on the show. And full disclosure, guys: I didn't actually watch any of it except this week's installments. But I did read the extensive B&B recaps here on Soap Central to get caught up. And the one thing I noticed, aside from the unusual attempts at coupling and recoupling, is that newcomers Flo and Shauna are everywhere! Is that a good thing? Let's Scoop about it!

DON'T KNOW WHY THERE'S NO SUN UP IN THE SKY

Los Angeles is notorious for its perpetual blue sky, but while I was gone, it had its share of stormy weather! (I like the Jeff Lynne version.) That's right, it turns out the ten-years-deceased Storm Logan had a daughter he never knew in Florence Fulton. I admit, I wasn't expecting him to be her pop; my money was on Deacon, and Bill certainly made sense. So now, Flo is a Logan. Or, as no one has said yet, Flogan!

There, got that out of the way. I guess I'll accept Storm's surreptitious siring, but I admit I do have some problems with it. Of course, Storm could have visited Vegas and had a one-nighter or fling with Shauna -- after all, Stephen Jr. was off the canvas for many, many years. I just don't think those send-in DNA tests are designed to tell you specifics like who your father is. They're more for regional genetic location.

We're also supposed to believe that Donna, while on her extended visit with Stephen in Dallas, whiled away the time by posting up some DNA info on their family. What, there's no good steak house to go to in Dallas? Bobby Ewing would be disappointed. Even letting that one slide, I would be far less apt to bank on 52% odds someone was my father than Flo's new cousins and aunts are.

I mean, for real! Assuming this online DNA site is even accurate, there's still a 48% chance Storm isn't Flo's father! Shouldn't Flo follow up by having a legit, local test done? Brooke, Katie, and Donna would be falling all over themselves, offering up a vein. It's better than Wyatt, who only used a necklace to determine his parentage, but there's still a wide enough gap that it's hard to buy the revelation entirely.

Flo should probably also be worried about what her helixes could compel her to do. The Logan sisters went on at length about how wonderful Storm was -- which I cosigned until Storm shot Stephanie and framed his own father for it then went on to stalk Ashley Abbott. (No wonder she went back to Genoa City.) That Storm shot himself and donated his heart to Katie doesn't quite make up for it.

However, maybe it explains Flo's unspoken duality. She came on like a girl with a skeevy side, and now her supposed integrity has her constantly wanting to 'fess all to Hope. Storm was basically a good guy, albeit a little hotheaded, before he did his guest role on Cops; Flo could have both traits, too. Though Zoe is right: Flo, honey -- you're an accomplice. No doe-eyed Bambi look is gonna change that!

DOUBTING THOMAS

Remember waaaaay back in my last column in March, I said I was on board with the new Thomas? I think I've changed my mind. Not that it has anything to do with Matthew Atkinson's performances; he's doing a great job. I just don't like this creepy turn the character has taken -- again. It was weird enough when Drew Tyler Bell's Thomas blew up Rick's car, and Adam Gregory's busted moves on Brooke and Hope.

Pierson Fod's charming but earnest performances sort of washed all that away, as Thomas went from mini-Ridge playboy to hopelessly devoted to Sally. Atkinson's Thomas maintains the earnestness, but the scripts are having him act like Adam Gregory's Thomas. Which fits, since it was Gregory's incarnation who had a thing for Hope. Now, suddenly, Atkinson's Thomas insists he's been in love with Hope all along.

Right, so Thomas was thinking of Hope the whole time he was nonconsensually procreating with Caroline and sweeping Sally off her feet in Australia? Come on. "We fell for each other once," Thomas told Hope as he tried to pull Hope away from Liam. No, they didn't! Hope barely gave Thomas a passing thought, and Thomas dissing Dayzee for Hope was more to help Steffy clear the way for Liam than anything else.

Now, Thomas is back to stunts like him and Steffy faking text messages to torpedo Bridge's 2009 wedding as he determines to break up Hope and Liam. Can you blow up an electric car? Liam better watch out! It's just a shame that the growth Thomas displayed in Fod's shoes is being systematically undone in Atkinson's. It doesn't make me root for him. He's probably been spending too much time with Taylor.

DON'T TAKE THE BATIE!

I know they weren't on this week outside of a brief she-dodged-that-bullet comment from Ridge, but let's just talk about Batie for a minute. What is it with these people suddenly deciding to get married without any actual relationship to support it? Okay, so Will melted some plastic, setting his parents up on dates -- never would have pegged him to be the matchmaker. Good twist! But not enough to justify a third go-round for Batie.

Katie must be affected by that Champagne she's not supposed to be drinking to even consider taking Bill back. Granted, she has already expressed such doubts, especially in the form of turning down Bill's out-of-nowhere proposal. But then, to get some feedback from her bubbly sisters and decide she wants to be Mrs. Spencer again, anyway? Katie, girl, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Does Katie really think anything would be different with Bill? He already cheated on Katie twice; the only "changed man" thing about him I buy is his increased devotion to Will. I was actually glad that Shauna inadvertently rock-blocked Katie's one-eighty (rock as in diamond, that is). Anyone else think Shauna would be a far better match for the Dollah? She's already matching him step for step in ruthlessness.

THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S GIRL SCOUT MEETING

Shauna certainly proved her slightly-beyond-legal mettle when she walked in on Zoe hovering over an unconscious Flo and whipped out a stun gun. It was almost enough to scare Zoe's British accent right back into her! Really, are they still on that? If B&B wanted to Americanize her and Xander, why not just bleach out their accents from the jump? I'm having a hard time taking any of the serious things Zoe's saying seriously.

Flo woke up quick, but Zoe became more woke when she found out Shauna was in on the baby-switching gag. "The more people you tell, the more dangerous it is!" Flo did have some enlightened moments in this newbie trio's scene. "What is [Reese] doing while we're stuck with this secret?" Flo demanded of Zoe before telling both Zoe and her mom that they didn't get a vote in what she chose to do with her life. Get 'em, Flo!

Zoe was right: if Flo and Shauna were smart, they'd get the hell out of L.A. and scramble back to Vegas as quickly as their dye jobs can carry them. Guess Flo will be giving the Bikini Bar her notice, though, as Hope interrupted Flo making a case to tell Hope the truth to offer Flo a job. Because of course Hope did. She can't seem to zip it long enough to let Flo say much of anything!

Well, this just gave Flo, Shauna, and Zoe something else to argue about. In fact, they spent no less than three episodes hashing things out with each other; I hope they at least sent out for pizza. Zoe had perhaps the most interesting arc, as she sided with Shauna over keeping Reese's secret but sided against Shauna over Flo taking the position at Forrester Creations.

Flo thought Zoe was full of crap when Zoe said she cared about Flo, to which Zoe had a surprising response. "I feel responsible for you in a way my father clearly did not," Zoe explained, because she hadn't forgotten "who poured gasoline over your life and lit a match." That's a really good line. And it does rather make Zoe less of a cartoon in all this.

Shauna felt her daughter should wipe away what happened and take her place as a Logan. Flo was aghast. "You think I should be rewarded for the pain that I've caused?" Shauna straddled a strange line as she simultaneously felt for Flo's dilemma yet clearly had dollar signs in her eyes. Have you noticed that no one "poor" on this show ever stays that way? Even the "working-class Logans" are rich as Croesus!

IT'S A WOMAN'S PREROGATIVE TO CHANGE HER MIND

Shauna and Zoe hid in the other room when Flo got a visitor in the form of Wyatt, but let's backtrack a bit. Sally saw a newly bespectacled Thomas working away, and the exes joked about competing on the Hope for the Future design gig. But when Thomas snarked about how unreliable Thorne was for splitting (odd considering Thorne usually had Thomas' back in family squabbles), Sally wasn't about it.

Sally very rightly hinted that Thomas was just as unreliable. That's right, baby! You bought the suit, you gonna wear it! Amazingly, Thomas owned his ish and apologized for the way he ended things with Sally. "I was trying to put Douglas' family back together," he admitted, adding that the romantic aspect of that failed because Thomas couldn't get over Caroline lying about dying. Glad B&B acknowledged that.

But suddenly, Thomas ranted about how he didn't want to be one of those men who "litter the world with children they proceed to ignore!" Not only that, but that was why things didn't work out between Thomas and Sally! Now, what sense does that make? It's not like Sally was begging Thomas for kids. Seems to me, Thomas is still bitter about Ridge having two families, though I thought Thomas was over feeling ignored.

As Sally listened to Thomas declaring he planned to take Hope away from Liam, Wyatt walked in and picked up on their charged exchange. Wyatt got all insecure and hoped Sally would tell him if anything was going on in regard to Thomas. Abrupt, but I could almost see it, given Thomas has hovered around Wyatt's baes before -- last time, it was Ivy. Sally reassured Wyatt, and they were good to go.

Or were they? The moment Wyatt suggested he and Sally sup with Flo, Sally's fur prickled up like my cat when she sees the neighbor's cat sniffing around my garden. In fact, Sally got so bent out of shape that she and Wyatt actually had their first (that I recall) full-fledged argument! Where did that come from? Sally was totally fine when Flo came over to her and Wyatt's crib the first time.

Is Sally on edge because Quinn's making noise about moving Flo into Wyatt's house in Sally's place? Maybe Sally should be worried -- no sooner did Wyatt walk out on Sally than he knocked on Flo's door, complaining that he'd really been pissed about Sally staying at Forrester rather than building a new design house through Spencer. Wyatt didn't tell Flo he was pissed that Tom-Tom had texted Sally about a secret.

Wyatt was glad he could help Flo find her father and admitted he'd been thinking a lot of his high school sweetheart, who planted a great big wet one on Wyatt's lips! Guess she wasn't as gone over Reese as she let on when she first came to town. But then Wyatt grabbed Flo and kissed her back! That's cold, Wyatt -- over one argument with your girlfriend? Wow, now we've got Thomas breaking up two relationships.

Catching Flo in the act, Shauna sashayed out of the other room and oozed about Wyatt -- guess Quinn really has an ally for the first time on the show. Wyatt invited Flo to dinner; Flo accepted, but we never saw the dinner. What we did see was Zoe and Shauna pulling at Flo like she was a tug-of-war rope. Finally, Shauna made Reese's ex and daughter kinda "pinky swear" that they'd keep their mouths shut about Beth.

ALL MUSIC, ALL THE TIME

Cut to a new day, with Shauna asking if her glittery frock was too much to wear to Flo's meeting with the Forresters. What does Shauna think this is, Flo's first day at kindergarten? You don't tag along on your daughter's prospective job interview, and Flo should have told her mama to stay home. Instead, Flo led Shauna into Forrester and let the woman talk over her every single chance she got.

"Me being in the fashion world myself," Shauna gushed. "Well, sort of." Yeah, hawking clothes in a casino boutique is being in the fashion world as much as if she were selling the Jaclyn Smith collection at K-Mart. But whatevs. Flo looked like she was going to throw up the entire time, and only Hope noticed. Okay, and Ridge, who uncharacteristically told Flo she could take more time to decide if she needed to.

Shauna had the audacity to accept Flo's job offer for her, and right in front of her, at that. Shades of portrayer Denise Richards' beauty pageant smother-mother in Drop Dead Gorgeous, perhaps? After a super dragged-out "cliffhanger" over whether or not Forrester would sign Flo's paychecks, Flo finally spoke up, going with Hope's summation that it would be hard to be around the baby she "gave up".

Flo wasn't sure she deserved the Forrester-Logans' generosity, or even that she should be in Los Angeles. Without any lines to read between, Flo said she thought of Phoebe more than she thought she would. Yet, for all that, Flo announced that Shauna was right -- Flo would be a fool to pass up such a golden opportunity. She was on board! But wait! Then it turned out to be Flo's birthday!

I was already starting to feel a sense of overkill this week, with Flo and Shauna nearly dominating every episode, but making it Flo's birthday on top of it certainly was the icing on that particular cake. This mother-daughter team is giving the show new energy, which I can appreciate, but I feel like I'm watching a spinoff, which Ridge, Brooke, Hope, etc., are simply paving the way for.

I think there might be a more subtle way of easing in new characters without training the cameras on them this much. And that's over and above the fact that I am still having serious issues with integrating Flo into the cast this much. Whether she got in over her head in Reese's plot or not, Flo is a criminal. She forged paperwork and helped sell a stolen baby.

Usually, this kind of character goes to jail after inevitably getting caught. Not Flo. She gets a mother, a father, an entire family, and now a cushy new job for her efforts -- on her birthday! What's next? It turns out she has controlling interest in Forrester? It'll be interesting to see what consequences Flo -- and, by extension, Shauna -- faces when the truth comes out, but she's right: she is being rewarded for her crime.

COUPLES' THERAPY

Xander, who's been a peripheral character at best, finally got real and pulled Zoe aside to ask her what's been wrong the past few months. Xander astutely figured it had something to do with Reese. Had he been gambling again?

Zoe didn't go into details but reminded Xander -- and us -- that she wasn't a saint, "especially after what I put you through when you broke up with me." Yeah, um, what was that again? It was only hinted that Zoe did some stalking and had been possessive, but we still don't know exactly what Zoe did last summer. Maybe that would help us understand why she has so readily protected her felonious father.

All Zoe has to do to quell Xander's concern -- and get him off her back -- is truthfully say that the problem is, in fact, Reese, yet it's nothing she can discuss, as it's between father and daughter. Xander knows enough about Doc Buck that he'd understand immediately, and Zoe would be off the hook about offering up further explanations. You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em, Zoe!

Meanwhile, en Paris, Liam was visiting "his" girls. Why are we still lumping Phoebeth in with Liam's brood? Even Brooke pointed out that Liam wasn't her father! Well, all right, we know he actually is. But they don't. Anyway, I digress. In France, at Hope's behest (and Thomas' deception), Liam was chatting amicably with his domestic, Amelia, when the wannabe Mary Poppins popped off about Steffy!

Usually, a spoonful of buttinski makes the job prospects go down! Can you believe Amelia was actually standing there, shipping Steam? "You should be here with those girls, not me." What business is that of Amelia's? Just change the diapers and mind your own beeswax! Makes you wonder if Steffy didn't slip Amelia more than a few francs to make her case for Liam.

Liam did admit he wasn't actually Phoebeth's dad, which led Amelia to say that he was in every way that matters. It was kind of up there with Brooke musing, in regard to Douglas, "how do you ever really replace a mother?" The double meaning, of course, was that Flo helped replace Beth's mother with Steffy. It's a balancing act, not making too many references to the truth, but this week had good examples.

That leaves Thomas, who, just weeks after Douglas lost his mother, used the tyke in his bid to nab Hope for himself. I've never known Thomas to be so callous. And his claim that he's better for Hope because Liam is so unreliable actually, if you can believe it, doesn't hold water for a change! Liam's been the most reliable he's ever been since Beth "died," choosing Hope over Steffy and "the girls" every single time.

And that's with Hope pushing Liam to ditch her and make a family with Steffy and her daughters. Thomas aided Hope in that push by manipulating her and Liam with an out-of-context video of Kelly babbling "dada," but Thomas wasn't done yet. Knowing Hope would visit Douglas sooner than later, Thomas got his son to draw Hope a literal hearts-and-flowers picture.

At least this time, Thomas didn't forge art in Douglas' name, like some knockoff Mona Lisa. Thomas then either lucked into Maya taking Douglas and Lizzie to the park, or orchestrated it. Do you realize we still don't know why Maya and Rick are divorcing/divorced? Just sayin'. Anyway, couldn't really concentrate on that because Thomas greeted Hope with a decided lack of shirt!

Because of course, he did. Pierson Fod's Thomas just naturally ran around without a shirt, but it's obvious Matthew Atkinson's did it so that Hope could inspect the merchandise. Seeing that Hope wasn't noticing his nipples, Thomas pulled out the perfectly timed photo he had Steffy take back in Paris of Steam and the babies doing their best Sears Portrait Studio, which he said Douglas wanted to see.

Knowing that had gotten to Hope, Thomas worked to close the sale by exhorting Hope to let Liam go and come be a family with him and Douglas. "There's life after Liam," Thomas beckoned as he moved in for a kiss. But woo-hoo! Hope pushed his ratchet ass away! She even seemed grossed out. Maybe she was remembering how stalkery he was in Cabo San Lucas. If she didn't remember, I did!

So, we have guys kissing married girls and kissing single girls even if the guys aren't single. And all the while, Flo and Shauna distract from any Phoebe-is-Beth reveal by hogging a lot of airtime. Do you think the Fulton women are a breath of fresh air, or do you need to take a breather from them? Would it make sense for Hope to gravitate toward Thomas, or is he just being icky? And do you really buy Storm as Flo's father? Broadcast your thoughts in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I adore Shauna. More scenes of her in Forrester gowns, and with a gun. She needs a job at Forrester as well. Why don't they open a cocktail lounge at Forrester -- nobody really seems to do any work anyway. Thomas is super weird. Keep it up, he might as well impregnate Hope like Caroline." -- "SoapGranny"

"I do not like the Thomas storyline. He needs to stop talking like the crazy side of Taylor. I'm not necessarily a Hope fan but give the girl a break and let her keep Liam. Steffy needs a better man than Liam the waffler. I like Shauna and Flo so far but no more Beth stuff." -- Sarah

"This Beth/Phoebe storyline is awful on so many levels. I love Flo but she needs to spill the truth already. And this new Thomas, just no." -- Lissy

"I love Shauna. Flo is boring and needy. Thomas is creepy." -- Sherry

I'm here the whole month of May, as Chanel was kind enough to cover for me the whole month of April, so I'll be back next week with more May sweepness! In the meantime, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember: no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

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