This here town ain't big enough for the both of us

Woo doggies! Pam and Charlie is finally gittin' hitched! But Sheriff Ridge done had enough o' Bill and rustled up Deputy Thorne ta run Big Bad Dollar offa Brooke's ranch! Saddle up with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you learn your brother committed a crime and replied with a "Yee-haw"? Did you get a plate o' vittles that was a little extra crunchy? Did you not want your rival 'round these parts no more? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

Well, how do, Scoopers! It's me, gallopin' into town again to tell y'all about B&B as I see it. And someone musta been listenin', 'cuz Charlie finally proposed to Pam! I've been putting that out into the soap universe for years! Elsewhere, Bill was riding high, getting to see Will more often and dreaming about Brooke. But Ridge was ready to brave the badlands with Thorne and lasso that varmint Bill! Yippee ki-yay! Let's Scoop about it!

WELL, SHUCKS, MA'AM

Pam noticed that Charlie was acting weird, but it was weirder that Lady Lemon Bar made this observation while inexplicably serving lunch to Eric and Quinn. Who was manning the phones at Forrester, and who was keeping the design house secure? Pam then cooked up an extra course just for Quinn, throwing shade on Quinn's lack of kitchen skills and naming Stephanie the real family matriarch. Why the bitchiness?

Pam thought Stephanie's portrait should still hang above the fireplace; Eric agreed it had been there for "many, many years." These guys make it sound like Gangsta Granny's grim mug always had a place there, but a painting only ever went up as a tribute after Stephanie died in 2012. If Pam knows where it is and cherishes it so much, why doesn't Eric just let her have it?

Oh, because if he did, then the show would have to tell us where Pam actually lives. Interesting that she and Charlie have only assumed residences after all this time. You'd think they lived in the Forrester kitchen, because it was there Charlie presented Pam with a "greatest hits" collage of their photos on a tablet. What followed were the best flashbacks I've seen on the show in ages! Five years of Pam and Charlie!

Because these baking buddies are usually only around for family events and comic relief, it's easy to forget they first met in 2013. Their trip to Medieval Times was in 2014. Pam and Charlie are actually the longest-enduring couple on B&B! That's why it did my heart good when nervous Charlie stuffed something lumpy into Pam's lemon bars. Wait. That sounds more salacious than I intended!

What I'm saying is, Charlie did his own version of Ridge putting an engagement ring in a glass of Champagne! Of course, it had to have a Pam/Charlie twist -- agreeing with Charlie that the defective lemon bar shouldn't be wasted, Pam dutifully crammed it into Charlie's mouth! The poor boy seemed like he was choking...but then the bling emerged from between Charlie's teeth. And wasn't Pam surprised!

Pardon the pun, but that was seriously the sweetest proposal I may have ever seen on B&B. It managed to be romantic while keeping within the theme of these characters. Ordinarily I'd be the first to echo Quinn's distaste of Pam's overmentioned lemon bars, but this time, it fit the scene perfectly. Aww, Pammie's first proposal! And Charlie must have known that, because he proposed a second time in the next episode.

Dude, Pam already said yes. Kind of brings an As the World Turns quality to things, letting seniors get married; soap gods know Cham (Pharlie?) had a long enough courtship. Pam happily flashed her ring to Quinn and Eric, and recalled how, when she'd first moved to L.A. with Tiny, she may not have stayed on had it not been for Eric. Too bad we didn't get a flashback of that, too, but you can't have everything!

Eric asked if Pam and Charlie had discussed a location. They hadn't...but, naturally, Pam wanted to have her ceremony at the Forrester compound! Is there anywhere else to get married on this show? Okay, so Pam's tie to the home where her sister lived for years actually makes more sense than the rationale of the many others who have married there. But Quinn wasn't about it. She came up with every excuse to decline!

Now, I admit Quinn's suggestion that Charlie and Pam get married at their beloved Medieval Times was inspired. (I'd die to see Ridge dressed up as Sir Lancelot!) The show would only have to travel to Buena Park, just 35 miles from the studio. But really, what was Quinn's problem? She let Ridge and Brooke marry at the house, and Hope and Liam had two ceremonies there this year alone. Why fight Pam and Charlie?

If anything, Pam's beef with Quinn rings truer. Quinn only tried to befriend Pam to keep Charlie quiet about Wyatt "stealing" the Hope for the Future diamond. But Pam's resistance baffles me. It didn't matter, because Eric put Quinn on the spot and greenlit Pam's wedding for the both of them. Quinn did not look pleased. With Donna coming, is Quinn's unhappiness supposed to be the start of a conflict between her and Eric?

SMILE WHEN YOU SAY THAT, PARDNER

Bridge's battle over Ridge having illegally influenced a judge somehow became about Bill kissing Brooke being more important. "So, I made a bad mistake!" Brooke conceded, trying to explain that she hadn't kissed her ex-Stallion back. Given the thousands of times La Logan has attributed that word to her carnal capers, she should try checking out a thesaurus next time.

Brooke reasoned that she neglected to tell Ridge about visiting Bill at his office and making herself available for two kisses because "this is how you get." Wow, Brooke, trying to make Ridge the guilty party? Yes, Ridge is guilty in that he compromised Judge McMullen. At least Ridge finally admitted what he'd done was wrong, adding he'd done it to get the right result.

Ridge wondered if Brooke's support of Bill in the custody fight meant she still had feelings for Bill, and he told Brooke she was free to go! I don't know whether Ridge was being mature there, or if it was shades of Ridge dumping Brooke via text because she had messaged former flame Deacon about their daughter, Hope. But Brooke came back swinging, not at Ridge but for her marriage to him.

Brooke was astute enough to realize that perhaps she'd stuck up for Will because she'd grown up without a father and didn't want Will to likewise ask himself if it was his fault. Great link, but wasn't Brooke already in her teens by the time Stephen split? Anyway, Brooke countered finger-pointing regarding her secret with, "We kept secrets from each other." And Ridge relented. All Brooke had to do was keep Bill away from her!

DAD-NABBIT!

Will got a second visit with his father in one soap day, and we got Will's amusing lesson from Bill about imports/exports, not to mention the Dollah comparing himself and Katie to crude oil and refined oil. (I thought Spencer only published things, but what do I know.) Katie saw Bill with their son and remembered Brooke's words about Ridge influencing the judge, ultimately deciding to give Bill full access to Will.

The custody parameters surrounding Will get more and more confusing. Katie has said all along that she wasn't trying to take Will away from Bill by filing for sole custody; she just wanted more structure for the boy. Will could see Bill whenever he wanted. Since Will no longer seems to equate visiting his pop with eating Brussels sprouts, he's been with Bill almost every day. Bill just needs to confirm plans first. So, what's different?

Bill was happy that Katie was "no longer enforcing the custody agreement" -- but she is. No one said Bill couldn't see his son. So, I don't get how Katie's supposed to be having this big change of heart, which was Thorne's opinion. But didn't Thorne have an unexpected reaction when Katie spilled about Ridge jury-rigging the judge? "I can't believe he had it in him," Thorne marveled. "Good for him!"

Katie felt dirty, as if Ridge's stunt was something Bill would have done. Appropriately, Bill was at his office for yet another visit with Will, explaining the meaning of the Spencer sword necklaces. "My brothers used to have one, too," Will remarked. Ouch for Bill! Hell, Bill, maybe Will could have the one you had made for Steffy, which is probably sitting in a drawer somewhere. Or hanging on Kelly's mobile!

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH

Bill also got a visit from his oldest boy, Wyatt, who somehow picked that moment to tell Bill he was going back to work. Why did Bill think that meant Wyatt was coming back to SP? I seem to recall Wyatt got pink-slipped for finking on Bill and telling Liam that Bill was bribing him to make Liam think Steffy was still sleeping with their father! At least Wyatt threw in a "considering how things ended here." No, Wyatt was back at Forrester!

Bill was not thrilled about it, but in his ebullience over Will, Bill let it slide. Wyatt was glad, because "Steffy gave me an offer I couldn't refuse." Uh-oh. Wyatt had that same faraway look about Steffy that Bill has had about Brooke these days. I hope this doesn't mean Sally is going to get screwed over again like she got screwed over by Thomas! I don't know that I need to see a Sally/Wyatt/Steffy triangle.

Thankfully for Sally, Steffy was too busy moping about witnessing Bill and Brooke's buss to think about anything else. Hope noticed Steffy's preoccupation and had to be told twice it wasn't about her. Pregnancy hormones, indeed! The former/current rivals' discussion felt like mostly filler, with Hope not taking Steffy's word about the Brill kiss. "I saw it with my own eyes!" Steffy insisted.

You mean like the way Wyatt saw you and Bill in an embrace with his own eyes and thought you were still riding the Stallion? You'd think Steffy, of all people, having just been through this, would have been more willing to accept other explanations for finding Brooke with Bill. Hope quickly confronted Brooke about the transgression then even more quickly moved on to the issue of her baby's gender.

Yes, out of seemingly nowhere, Liam and Hope visited Dr. Robin Givens to find out if their baby was a boy or a girl. Or not, because Lope suddenly hedged on getting that info. Okay, sure, tell us, after all! Not very compelling. But the gender reveal became an inadvertent Friday cliffhanger because B&B hasn't yet caught up to being shoved over a day because of that preemption a few weeks ago.

I RECKON HE'S GOT A HANKERIN'

Having agreed to Ridge's request to not let Bill anywhere near her (and apparently having agreed off-screen to walk away or call Ridge if Bill showed up), Brooke went to Il Giardino for some kind of business meeting. Do any of you know exactly what Brooke does at Forrester? First, she worked in the lab and created BeLieF, then, she was CEO for many, many years. I don't know what her job description is now!

Well, after Brooke's meeting, who should she run into? No, not Sheila, who hasn't been seen since Ridge suggested the waitress kill Bill in March. It was Bill. Before you wonder why Brooke didn't just pick a restaurant they don't both go to, Brooke might as well have gone to Denny's, because Bill tracked her. Instead of wanting a Grand Slam, like usual, Bill wanted to thank Brooke for whatever she'd said to get Katie to back down.

And it was odd, because Bill heard Brooke say she hadn't said anything in particular, only to ask her a second time what she had said to Katie! Bill must have years' worth of ear wax stuck in his head, because he doesn't seem to listen well. Bill conceded that Brooke was off limits but still threw a little flirtation in with the dessert menu. Brooke made that a chilled dessert, again reminding Bill it was Ridge that she loved, and only Ridge.

You know, I think Brooke means it. She did tell Ridge earlier that he was the only man she'd ever loved. So, what did that make Deacon, Nick, and Bill, for that matter? I know some of you will argue otherwise, but I've always felt they were placeholders for Ridge. Even Brooke's eventual marriage to Bill was only because she thought Ridge had cheated on her with Quinn. Ridge has always been endgame for her.

Of course, now Brooke would have to tell Ridge about seeing Bill, or risk keeping the secrets she and Ridge said they wouldn't keep anymore. And Brooke actually told Ridge! "He came to the restaurant because he wants you!" Ridge roiled. Ridge probably isn't in the best place to fume about a man wanting another man's wife. Ridge himself got that ball rolling by bedding Thorne's wife, the original Caroline, in 1988.

Ridge has a thing for Carolines, too, because he kissed Rick's namesake wife in 2014, as some of you have remarked. Ridge also told Brooke that maybe Bill didn't intend to accuse him of shooting Bill in the back. "It should have been me," Ridge growled. Wow, Ridge, it's talk like that that got you arrested on that suspicion in the first place! Wonder how he'd feel if he knew his once-beloved Doc pulled the trigger?

Seriously, when is that ever going to come out? Next to Steffy, Ridge is the first person Taylor would confide that to. It's a major missed beat. To say nothing of how Ridge would react if he found out Bill blackmailed Steffy and was willing to send Taylor to jail if Steffy didn't marry him. That's a revelation I could see pushing Ridge over the edge. Or, maybe Ridge has residual brain damage from his helicopter dump.

I don't say that mockingly. Ridge did have actual brain damage he had to come back from as a result of hitting the water from that high up. Simply defending his daughter's honor may not be enough to have him influencing judges and declaring, "I want [Bill] out of our lives!" Like that's possible. Between Kelly being Bill's granddaughter (supposedly) and Brooke's nephew being Bill's son, Bill's kind of a permanent fixture.

THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS

I don't know how much plainer I can put this: Bill. Needs. To. Stop. Having. Flashbacks. Of. Brooke. Most of them are the same Aspen/Dubai clips over and over, but it's not doing anything to make Bill look less fixated. Which is something, considering not six months ago, Bill was fixated on Steffy. Steffy was the woman he really loved. Now it's Brooke. Speaking of brain damage...?

Hey, Bill lost a lot of blood to his living room floor after Taylor popped him. A living room floor Ridge and Thorne soon saw, since Ridge interrupted Pam's engagement bliss to have her track the Dollah down. Ridge bitched to Thorne about Bill kissing Brooke, to which Thorne replied, "So, what are we going to do about it? Let's pay a visit to Spencer together."

Now you know where all this posse imagery is coming from! Bill should probably know not to quaff drinks in his living room after what happened the last time we saw him alone in there, but where angels fear to tread and all that. Finding the brothers Forrester at his door, Bill proclaimed them "Needle and Thread," but couldn't decide who'd earned which name. You gotta admit, Bill gets all the best lines.

"You two fashion boys here to rough me up?" Bill scoffed. It did rather look that way, didn't it? Much as I liked the rare instance of Ridge and Thorne teaming up, they did seem to be there for a beatdown. Skipping past Ridge and Bill's made-up machismo, Thorne laid it out: all Bill had to do was not let Will down again and stay away from Brooke. Simple, right?

"What are you gonna do?" Bill spat to Ridge and Thorne. "Stitch me to death?" (Again, best lines.) No, Ridge vowed "I'll put a stop to it once and for all." What does Ridge think he can actually do to stop Bill? Punching him repeatedly hasn't worked, and if he elevates his violence, he's going to go to jail for a real crime against Bill this time. Ridge, hit Bill where it hurts: get controlling interest of his company from Karen!

Okay, Katie already did that, but it's the thought that counts. What'cher pleasure, Scoopers? Should Pam and Charlie marry somewhere else besides the mansion? Is Wyatt still carrying a torch for Steffy? Does Will's constantly changing custody arrangement make any sense? And who will be left standing after Ridge and Bill count to ten and yell, "Draw!"? Belly up to the bar in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I wish they wouldn't do Brill. It makes no sense. None. But fans are talking to a wall." -- Miss Gracie

"If Bill tampered with the paternity test results and is really Kelly's father, he would surely have used that information to reel in Steffy when she was constantly telling him to get lost because she only wanted to be a family with Kelly and Kelly's father. $Bill was pulling out all the stops to get Steffy and there's no way that he wouldn't have played his best card." -- "DaffySez"

Unless Bill was saving the news of actually being Kelly's father as his ultimate bargaining chip, only to back off of it after finally, officially losing his chance with Steffy. There had to be a reason Bill was skulking around that hospital the same time Steffy was having her test, and y'all know that on soaps, paternity test results are given with loopholes more often than not so the daddies can be changed up!

Looks like Ridge, Bill, and Thorne are going to give us a new reason why this season is called "fall," so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.