Just like me, they long to be, custodian to you

Sally got custody of a new gig while Zoe hoped to take custody of Xander from Emma. But Katie and Bill's battle over Will looks poised to turn into one big umbrella story! Stay dry with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you pout over getting rid of an employee you didn't want in the first place? Did briefly modeling get you modeling briefs? Did you choose teams in a custody battle like it was fantasy football? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

Get your game on, Scoopers! Steffy and Hope's unique truce disintegrated in just two weeks as they clashed over HFTF/Intimates, Sally, and Xander, who's been more of a pig in a couple of months than Liam's been in eight years. And Will's wispy custody story, which on Monday seemed like an excuse for a new triangle, seemed to blow up into an umbrella story by Friday! Ready to run out in the rain? Let's Scoop about it!

THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND

Who'd've thunk it? The girl that Steffy was upset enough about Liam kissing that Steffy ended up in bed with Bill is now the girl Steffy wants designing her lingerie. That girl is none other than Sally Spectra (who's listed as "Sally Spencer" in the credits?), who now has to endure compliments from former rival Steffy instead of barbs. "You're a talented girl," the newly empowered Steffy told the explosion survivor. "Own it!"

I'm all for Sally catching a break after the Perils of Pauline year and a half she's had; it just seemed so quick. I mean, it took the original Sally and Stephanie fourteen years to become buddies, and their namesakes did it in less than two, without even a drunken haircut, at that. And nuSally got a job at Forrester in seventeen months, while the Grand Diva herself didn't end up on their payroll for seventeen years.

I don't see why Sally couldn't have come back to town and started a new Spectra Fashions somewhere else. Forrester Creations has absolutely no competition right now. And Bill never built "Sky," anyway, so what was the point? Sally and Steffy glossed over those details when they caught a glimpse of silky smooth Xander changing into his gym clothes in an unlocked office. Forrester doesn't have bathrooms?

One peek at Xander's Brit buns was all Steffy needed to offer him a modeling gig on the spot. At least he insisted he had no experience, which Steffy pooh-poohed; they'd train him. Hey, kinda like the many models who've been cast on soaps over the years, only a few of which actually had built-to-last acting chops. But I digress. Xander, the graphic designer hopeful who ventured into photography, will now be modeling with Zoe.

Like Xander needs an excuse to have Zoe grinding on him? He's worse than Liam was when fiancée Hope wouldn't give it up and Steffy happily offered to. Xander doesn't even think about kissing Zoe; he just does it. What would Emma think if she knew her new bae kissed his ex three times? Run, Emma -- Xander may have arranged a cabana for you, but you're not the girl he's pitching a tent for.

Speaking of Hope, she was nowhere near about it when she found out Steffy had filched Sally for Intimates. Why? As Steffy reminded her, Hope only hired Sally for HFTF because Eric pressured her to. And what was Sally doing for Hope over there, sharpening pencils? No, Hope's protest seems off to me. She claimed Steffy "stole" her funding and that Steffy was out to get her. "And we both know why!" Hope exclaimed.

I'm not gonna say on some level Steffy isn't trying to stick it to Hope for ending up with Liam, because Steffy clearly is. But Hope is coming across as paranoid. At least these girls aren't actually fighting over Liam, which is refreshing; it's just that I was enjoying their newfound friendship, and it sucks that we couldn't have it longer than a few weeks. I know a soap needs conflict; I didn't really want to see any more between these girls for a while.

I JUST WANT YOUR EXTRA TIME AND YOUR...KISS

What the hell, Bill? Don't give me that you kissed Brooke because she's the only one who understands you crap. Last year you sang that same song to Steffy. Has the Dollah simply become incapable of not planting one on someone who shows him sympathy? Hell, maybe his joke about marrying Justin wasn't that far off. After all, Spencer and Barber are better suited to each other than they are to any of their women!

I knew we were in trouble as soon as Bill started having flashbacks of Brooke. I wish he would flash back to staring down Brooke's cleavage, because that's actually where Brill started. I do not want Brill go-round number three, I do not want Brill in a tree. Why can't Brooke and Ridge just butt heads over customers and custody without adding in the possibility of someone coming between them?

Seriously, they ought to rename the show The Trite and the Triangles. I know that shape is B&B's stock in trade, but does it have to permeate every storyline? Thankfully, Brooke reminded Bill that she wears Ridge's ring now/again, but it scares me that Bill is saying everything went wrong for him when Brooke left. Bill told Steffy the same thing about her when he first started his attempt to sway Steffy from Liam.

Thorne, on the other hand, was so excited about proposing to Katie that his ring actually glowed...or, at least, the box did, after he removed the ring from it! What was it cut from, the glowing Hope for the Future diamond you never hear about anymore? We just needed the bell tree cue to go along with it. Quinn killed someone so Wyatt could have the thing. When will that get resolved? Justice for Ricardo Montemayor!

Four months ago, Katie wore Wyatt's ring. Now she's accepted Thorne's. Dang, Katie and Thorne move faster than Atlas Van Lines. I still say this couple was thrown together so quickly that it severely reduces their investment value, but when I saw that big honkin' rock, I told Katie, "Marry him, girl! His brother only gave you a string, but now you're gettin' actual bling!" Probably not the only thing of Thorne's that's harder than stone.

AND THEY TOLD TWO FRIENDS...AND THEY TOLD TWO FRIENDS...

Katie and Thorne were in the middle of some post-engagement not-ugly-bumping when Ridge decided to call his bro because Eric wanted to make sure Thorne was okay with the change in HFTF's status. In a scene that reminded me of Deacon taking Bridget's virginity via speakerphone, Ridge nearly made that possible for Thorne (minus Katie's virginity) and put the heaving hunk on for all in his office to hear.

Hey, why not pick that moment to tell everyone you're engaged? Everyone was happy about the news except Brooke, but we'll get to that later. Ridge reasoned that Katie and Thorne had known each other for 25 years. My ex doesn't call me Chronology Boy for nothing: even in real time, Katie met Thorne 31 years ago, and if you factor SORAS into Ridge's estimation, then Thorne and Katie have known each other at least 60!

Anyway, the next step was to tell Will, who went from "What about Dad?" to "It'll be fun" in the time it takes to send him back upstairs owing to child labor laws on movie and TV sets. But Bill, getting news of Katie's nuptials twice in one year, only with different potential grooms, didn't react to the idea of Thorne becoming Will's stepdad any better than he did the idea of Wyatt filling that role.

Bill accused Thorne of wanting an instant family, a motivation Thorne essentially confirmed when he smiled to Katie that he'd get to be a husband and a father again. It made the soap purist in me happy when Thorne mentioned Darla's death and Aly's, and how he'd tried and failed to find himself while living in Paris. (No nods to Taylor, but that's just as well.)

I think Thorne's heart is in the right place, which is generally consistent with his character, whether played by Norcross or Trachta or Harmon or Rademacher, but Bill wasn't completely off the mark when he labeled Thorne a "second-rate wannabe." I mean, Thorne is the guy who was relegated to the basement for decades, living under Ridge's shadow.

And Ridge would know, since he inexplicably went to Bill's office to gloat about Bill losing his son. "Come on, William," Ridge chided. I've never heard anyone call the Dollah "William" before, but in that sense, it seems more like a diss than a proper name. I don't even know why Ridge went over there. "Will is family!" Ridge proclaimed. What, because Will is the half-brother of his son-in-law? Seems a bit of a stretch to me. Oh, that's right; Will is Ridge's nephew by marriage. Oops. Given how much root rot these family trees have, it still feels like a stretch!

LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA

As the custody case surrounding Will gained traction, I found myself unable to fathom what the fuss or endgame was. From what I could see, it was only going to be a vehicle to unite Katie and Thorne while splitting Ridge and Brooke and having Bill waiting in the wings for her. But, starting with Thursday's episode, I detected a noticeable shift in the Force. More characters were getting pulled into this puppy.

I saw Wyatt and Liam talking about it and figured, "Well, of course we have to watch unrelated characters talk about the show's main storyline" -- a B&B device that has annoyed me for years. Then the brothers Spencer (love them when they get along!) revealed that they each had been subpoenaed to testify in the custody battle...on opposite sides. And I realized we were watching the birth of a new umbrella story.

The last tale to utilize virtually the entire cast was Bill's shooting back in March. Too bad that tanked after Taylor was revealed to be the gunslinger and Detective Sanchez let the case go cold. But I wonder if that could play into the current story somehow? Ridge is still on the narrative that Bill raped Steffy...imagine how he'd feel finding out Bill was threatening to have Taylor jailed if Steffy didn't marry Bill!

I'm intrigued by the idea of all these characters getting pulled into the custody story, but the rationale behind it still makes little sense. Yes, Bill ignored Will for months while chasing Steffy...he also spent weeks in a hospital bed, recovering from a gunshot wound, which once again, no one is taking into account. You think a judge isn't going to show Bill some leniency for being physically unable to see his kid?

Katie explained it a little better when she told Thorne that, under the current arrangement, Bill sees Will on Bill's terms and Bill's terms only; Thorne could offer Will commitment. But if Bill still has visitation, won't Bill still be able to see Will on his own terms? Or does he have to schedule visits with Katie? I'd think he was having to do that anyway. So, I'm not sure how Katie getting sole custody changes much of anything.

Let's also look at this case like a judge would. Yeah, Bill's been an absentee father, but I wish all his sins would come out. Never mind blackmailing one son (Wyatt) to steal the wife of another (Liam). What about locking heart patient Katie in a tower? What about bribing a warden to break Deacon out of jail to ruin Lope's Italy wedding? And endangering Liam's life in the Spectra explosion won't win Bill any father-of-the-year awards.

But Katie's no wide-eyed innocent, either. Never mind the postpartum depression and drinking that Bill promised he'd go to the judge with. What about pointing a gun at Quinn simply because Quinn pulled Katie off of jewelry design? Everyone knows Katie was engaged to her son's brother not long ago. And Katie once feared she wouldn't live long enough to raise Will -- what if Storm's heart actually gives out? Is that stability?

No, Katie seems the stable parent now, but in reality, Will would probably be safer being raised by Aunt Donna (who's coming back on contract in October!). At least Donna only gave up a kid for adoption. I also think the current Will is a brat. He was much cuter and more cherubic (and younger!) when Heather Tom's son was still playing him in June. And that boy in the role would have made this battle more heart-rending somehow.

JUDGE DREAD

Naturally, when Bill got his court date, he told Justin he wanted to pull out all the stops. And Justin picked that moment to worry about getting thrown in jail for trying to influence a judge. Justin thumbed his nose at breaking Deacon out of prison, throwing Ridge out of a helicopter, setting Spectra on fire -- but he draws the line at judges. Okay. Justin did a little background check on the case judge and called it a day.

Ridge, on the other hand, pulled a Bill and went straight to the judge, who happened to be an old friend! I sensed when the show prominently displayed the judge's name on the docket that it was going to be significant. Would it be like with Dr. Wolek, the physician who tried to bilk Ridge out of money over his vasectomy secret? I don't know yet, but I did see that the black-robed dude was a Lando. And I don't mean Calrissian!

Yep, Joe Lando, formerly of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, had been assigned to Will's case. Wouldn't it be hilarious if his Judge Craig McMullen had a fling with our Quinn? Yeah, ain't gonna happen, but it's a fun thought. (Casting Jane Seymour as a court clerk would be awesome, too.) Judge Sully -- I mean, McMullen -- thanked Ridge for lending him money for law school, which led him to the bench.

Ridge was like loan shark Sweet Daddy on Good Times: "When Sweet Daddy cast his bread on the waters, he expect it to come back with extra slices!" Yes, Ridge wanted his gavel buddy to swing the case in Katie's favor. How come Justin was worried Bill could do jail time for influencing a judge but Ridge never considered he could just as easily end up in stripes? Ridge wasn't asking Craig. He was telling him!

Ridge taking a page from Bill's book with the judge is a neat flip, and a layer that's making this story more interesting. As was Ridge having flashbacks of his Abu Dhabi dip and Bill punching him out before the shooting. Steffy's right: Ridge is after revenge on Bill. And the Dollah's no better, barking about Katie stealing his son and that he was going to win. Is the kid Bill's property? Poor Will's screwed either way!

BUILD ONE BRIDGE, BURN THE OTHER

Thorne, who maybe is still suffering the effects of mixing pills and alcohol together like when he shot Ridge in 1988, picked the most romantic setting he could to set a wedding date with Katie -- in front of Carter, because getting married before the hearing could help Katie's case. Dude, for real? First off, way to spill your game plan in front of your lawyer. And then, wouldn't a judge look at the date of their marriage and smell a rat?

Though Thorne assured Katie he didn't want to marry her because of the custody case, he sure came off that way. Katie was on board, wanting to show that Will had a "solid, stable family." Again, no judge is going to learn Katie and Thorne got married the day before the hearing and view that as a stable environment -- especially if/when it comes out that Will's new parents have only been seeing each other since June, on a rebound.

Katie rightly pointed out that Bill always blamed his mistakes on the women in his life, then turned around and said, "the feminist in me kinda cringes at the thought that having a husband would strengthen my case." Yeah, I mean, they're trying to ram this wedding through like it was a Supreme Court candidate! I'm not sure how I feel about the issue of Will's custody eclipsing every other story, but it's better than 24-7 Leffy/Lope.

I hope Thorne and Katie don't take marriage advice from their respective siblings, because after Ridge and Brooke hit an impasse trying to talk about their differing feelings regarding the HFTF/Intimates funding and Katie's custody case, the "destiny" couple decided to start keeping things on the DL. Something tells me this secret stuff isn't going to bode well for Bridge.

This couple has been through the wringer the past three decades, not to mention tons of other spouses and two Ridges! Finally getting married in February seemed like the endgame of endgames. Again, we have to have conflict, but the idea that all this could tear Bridge apart again is not working for me. And I'm not sure who's being the biggest butt with all this -- Ridge or Brooke.

I cannot believe Ridge is still on the idea Bill violated Steffy, especially in the time we're living in. Like Chanel said last week, Ridge's warped view of Still's night of passion made Taylor shoot Bill! Yet I can see how Ridge would hate Bill enough that he'd want to see Bill's son taken away. Dollar Bill never really has paid for any of his misdeeds; he went right back to misdeeding the second his gunshot wound healed.

Brooke is another story. I think she's been unusually bitchy about Ridge allocating money to Intimates instead of HFTF, and her siding with Bill has me squirming in my seat. Girl, walking out on Bill last year was the smartest thing you ever did besides creating BeLieF. Maybe thinking Katie is wrong for seeking sole custody of Will is a flip on Brooke keeping Bill from seeking sole custody two years ago.

But here we have Brooke slinking into clandestine meetings at Il Giardino (and never running into Sheila, who must be only serving breakfast now). Brooke tried twice to change Katie's mind, but Bill wanted his most recent Logan ex-wife to go for number three. Brooke claimed she was on both Bill and Katie's sides, but mostly Will's. I dunno, you guys. If Brooke ever talked about missing bio-son Jack Marone, I might believe it!

So, Bridge are lying to each other about running errands when they're really campaigning on opposing sides of Will's custody case. Wyatt and Liam (does he really have a therapist? Where was he/she during years of Liam's waffling?) are also inadvertently standing across enemy lines. All your B&B faves and unfaves are taking sides. Will the always-a-caterer-never-a-bride Pam find herself leaving Charlie over all this?

Where do you stand, Scoopers? Are you Team Thatie (Korne?) or Team Bill? Is the custody case worth risking Bridge's marriage over? And do you like more of the cast getting involved in the custody case? Render your judgment in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"HFTF 'is' a 'proven line' and Intimates is just starting up. Business-wise, this 'needed' decision is not very rational. At least to me. Plus Steffy IS co-CEO. She already has plenty on her plate." -- "evave2"

"Don't understand why they did not keep the previous Thorne and just pen a great story for him. I really liked the actor. Ingo belongs back on GH as the Aussie Jax!" -- Marlene

"I think not having Steffy as part of the custody story is horrible considering Katie's entire case rests on Steffy's relationship with Bill." -- Miss Gracie

It's gonna be fast and furious as both Thatie's (Korne's?) wedding happens next week and the custody battle starts right after. Wouldn't it be great if Taylor came forward and testified on Katie's behalf, sacrificing her freedom in the process? Or if Steffy exposed Bill trying to blackmail her into marriage at Taylor's expense?

B&B's been better about details and continuity lately (kudos!), so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

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