Let them eat cake

The kids are all right, but the parents have some growing up to do since the first valid Lope wedding has been Hope and Steffy for the future, and Bridge and Tridge are stuck in the past! Gauge the generation gap with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Was the seventh time the charm? Did all those cake-baking episodes on The Food Network come in handy? Did you think one minus one equaled two? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer clan this week!

And it's so tasty, too, Scoopers! Hope, Liam, and Steffy wanted original programming, but Brooke and Taylor did a pilot for a '90s reboot. Ridge just reran episodes from 2012. Meanwhile, we got returning Logans, a "funnymoon", and wedding guests who baked themselves unhappy. Plus, suddenly, Katie latched onto a custody suit that needed someone to take custody of it! Ready to make the case? Let's Scoop about it!

POP-IN FRESH DOUGH

Check it out -- it's Bridget, back for a visit after two years! She showed off pictures of her son, Logan, that we didn't see, but maybe that's good -- given how kids age in this joint, Logan is probably in college by now. And Donna...well, it's nice to see Ms. Honey Bear of 2008, but she only ever shows up for weddings anymore. Why can't these forgotten Logans come back for short-term story arcs instead?

I liked the warmth between Bridget and Hope, but when they went in for the hug, I kept expecting Bridget to say, "It's so good to see you, the living reminder of my husband cheating on me with my mom!" Of course, in the soap world, forgiveness comes faster and easier, but personally, I can still hear Brooke's office orgasm. I have to say, I miss Budge, and she didn't even get any brother/sister time with Rick.

But no need to worry that Rick, Maya, and Lizzy are reportedly over at Forrester International doing something or other (read: Jacob Young is touring and shooting a movie, and Karla Mosley just gave birth). I wonder if anyone will ever find out Maya had Nicole and Zende shipped over there? It would serve Maya right if Nicole started getting the mama feels for Lizzy again, given the close proximity.

Another thing I wonder is, will anyone ever find out Taylor shot Bill? Equally important, will we ever find out why the butter slipped off Taylor's noodle? It's proper having her back, but this is not the woman I watched from 1990 to 2002. She's never been right since escaping Prince Omar's escape room a second time. Maybe she suffered brain damage from losing so much blood via Sheila's accidental (yes, accidental!) bullet?

I mean, give me a reason. The Taylor I loved would never have become an alcoholic. Maybe she's drinking again; she certainly talks and acts like a drunk. Maybe she's having delayed PTSD from nearly burning her face off in 1997 (which would explain a few things), or from nearly dying of tuberculosis in 1999. Did Phoebe's death push her off the edge? Was James Warwick that bad in the sack? I need something.

Instead, Taylor got acquainted and reacquainted with her fellow wedding guests as if the gathering were on the Hallmark Channel. More like TMZ! "Hi, Eric and Thorne! Haven't seen you since I slept with you!" But, hey, if nothing else, we finally got Taylor and Thorsten Kaye's Ridge in a room together and interacting. I was beginning to think there was a reason TPTB were keeping them apart!

SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE

Help me understand. Steffy knows Taylor shoots holes in her opponents these days, yet she let her mom wander off while babbling about babysitters. Neither Brooke nor Ridge knows Taylor is now more like Sheila, but they both worry about Taylor making a scene at the wedding...yet neither of them followed Taylor when she went AWOL. Everyone senses Taylor doesn't roll like the pre-Internet days anymore. Why'd they let her loose?

Though it's been amazing that, this go-round anyway, Ridge hasn't badgered Liam about returning to Steffy, Taylor took up the slack by making a beeline for her sometime son-in-law. Fresh from Liam telling Wyatt, "You're not just my brother, you're my best friend" (well, except when they're fighting over a girl, but aww!), Waffle Boy got a face full of Taylor, who cried, "I don't care if [Steffy] said [sex with Bill] was consensual!"

Wow, really? Shouldn't whatever shrink Taylor is supposedly seeing be guiding her away from the fixation Ridge planted in her head that Steffy was violated? Especially when said fixation led Taylor to put a bullet in Bill? Clearly needing to up the mgs of her meds, Taylor went on, "This wedding wouldn't be happening if Hope wasn't pregnant!" Okay, there's truth in that, but Taylor, honey...let it go already.

After the 2010-2012 Leffy/Lope domination and this rebooted 2018 version, Liam, Hope, and Steffy finally want to put it behind them, and they have elevated so far, they want to coexist as a blended family. And all Taylor wants to do is keep this thing going! So, I'll keep saying it: hearing Brooke/Ridge and Brooke/Taylor argue about their daughters is so six years ago. Bet they're all still using the iPhone 4!

But the amazing thing is, Liam didn't waver. Let that sink in for a minute. Liam, the boy who gets that constipated look, trying to decide which brand of veggie burger to buy, held his ground and told the marauding Taylor that while he'd always love Steffy and Kelly and be a family with them, he was marrying Hope, so stick a fork in it, 'cuz it's done. Liam was walking awful funny with those bigger balls he finally got!

Brooke caught Taylor making a last cheer for Team Steffy and demanded she leave the field. When Taylor dug her cleats in, Brooke at least benched her for Steffy's sake, telling her longtime rival to sit down and shut up. Isn't it the height of irony that Taylor told Brooke she was living in the past and that the only ones who hadn't moved on were Brooke and Hope? Sorry, Tay-Tay. The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now!

SEVEN-LAYER CAKE

Hope and Liam's wedding was quite the affair, with smiling faces and Hollywood-style closing music and finery everywhere. I'm sorry, I just couldn't take it seriously. I thought Brooke held the record for most times standing at the altar, but Liam has done it so much that I was really desensitized to it. Besides, who can really invest in married couples on this show when most of their unions don't keep as long as my frozen pizza?

I'm afraid I found myself tuning out a bit when we had to go around the room and have everyone wax romantic about Lope and their latest union. And poor Carter...I swear he just stays in his suit and waits around until someone needs him to officiate a wedding. As for Thorne...I'm calling a time-out on him. Not gonna tell you again, dude: it's FOUR-ester! A few years in Europe and you can't say your own name right?

However, as jaded as I am about all these I-do duplications, I did chuckle when Carter asked for objections and Wyatt chimed in, "I'm good this time, I swear." I also liked Pam's "feed each other" metaphors. Question -- why don't Pam and Charlie get a wedding? They're the longest enduring couple on B&B, and early on, Pam lamented having never been a bride. What a ceremony Pharlie would be!

Hope kept Leffy/Lope's new enlightened tone on track, promising Liam she'd make their home a welcoming one for Kelly and Steffy. Liam concurred by thanking Steffy for putting an end to the conflicts. And Steffy lauded Hope, telling her, "To have the courage to acknowledge our connection to Liam and to each other shows how secure you are." They needed to "focus on our future...we all need to be that way." Hint, Taylor!

And with that, after seven attempts, Lope finally got their valid marriage with presumably no more "do-overs" -- though I would like to have watched them sign the papers with my own eyes just to be sure. Please, B&B, no hidden technicalities this time. Let's just put this on the runway and call it a showing. Of course, with this soap, asking for that is like adding the frosting before the cake is done. Oh, did I say cake?! We'll get to that.

YOU'RE OFF YOUR BETTY CROCKER

Everybody got a chance to bestow blatherings on the happy couple again, mostly so the actors could get a line or two here and there. Bridget and Donna took their moment to remind us of their existence, with Bridget beaming, "Dreams do come true." (If that were true, Budge, we'd at least have found out if you're still living in New York and how Jackie and Owen are doing.)

Ridge finally got the sourpuss look he'd been wearing the whole ceremony off his face, wishing the bride and groom well -- an unexpectedly warm moment. Yet everyone looked worried when Steffy wanted to say a few words. Why? Didn't she just sign off on Lope in front of everyone as their vows were taken? The one person everyone should have expected to pop off, but didn't, was Taylor, and she was rarin' to go.

Perhaps remembering how Taylor ruined her birthday in 2013 by squealing to Katie that Brooke was fooling around with Bill, Brooke went retro and asked someone -- anyone -- to pump up the volume while she got Taylor the hell out of the way. For some reason, they interrupted Pam and Charlie in the kitchen, who were still finishing a cake that should have been finished before the wedding. But what do I know?

Brooke told Taylor to say whatever she was going to say amid the guests to her, and did she ever! The wedding was a fluke, and it was wrong, and no one gave a damn but her. Taylor then went on such a vitriolic anti-Bill tirade, I was surprised she didn't whip a gun out of her purse. If Detective Sanchez hadn't inexplicably dropped the investigation into Bill's shooting, Brooke would have considered Taylor a suspect.

Taylor went on to channel Stephanie's ghost and deliver another tired diatribe about how Brooke had destroyed Taylor's family. I mean, yeah, Brooke sure as hell did her best to lure Ridge away from Taylor during the two Tridge marriages. But it was a plane crash and a bullet that tanked Tridge, not Brooke! The Slut from the Valley played a bigger role in taking Nick away from Taylor. Where is their son, Jack, anyway?

Although Brooke's 2012 playlist had been stuck on auto-repeat with her defenses of Lope, she finally caught up to the present and roared that none of this was about the past! "You can't stand to see me or anyone I care about happy!" Brooke correctly pointed out. "You're just a bitter, jealous woman." Oh -- did you hear those crickets? Because that was me not disagreeing with Brooke, as Team Taylor as I used to be.

Brooke must have hit Taylor where she lives, because Doc suddenly took a swipe out of Lope's wedding cake with her finger. "Yum! Buttercream with just a hint of lavender -- nice choice," she said, licking off the frosting. Oh, yeah -- that was funny. Then, Taylor decided she wanted to know if the cake itself was chocolate and jammed her fist into it like Regina ripping out a heart on Once Upon A Time! (Sorry, wrong show.)

"You really are crazy!" Brooke declared, open-mouthed. Now, isn't that just the thing? Where would Brooke be getting that? Because Steffy and Liam sure wouldn't have blabbed about Taylor spindling a dollar -- Dollar Bill, that is. Actually, Taylor taking the cake reminded me more of 2007, when the on-the-wagon alky bashed a glass full of wine against a partition after threatening to drink it.

Brooke decided to party like it was 2012 again, following Hope and Steffy's example and engaging in a cake fight with her nemesis! Only after Taylor started it by smooshing a heapin' helpin' into Brooke's face, but that was kind of the best move of the whole thing. Taylor didn't even get a chunk of cake in the kisser on-screen; her face had frosting on it later. Her "You ruined my blow-dry!" line, though? Classic. Seemed improvised, too!

THE CAKE WALK OF SHAME

Discoursing peaceably at the reception, Hope and Steffy suddenly realized their mothers had been alone in the kitchen a little too long. And lo and behold, weren't they treated to a sight when they checked in! The children became the parents as the once-battling stepsisters caught their mothers with more than egg on their faces. "I don't know what got into me," Taylor stammered.

"I don't know, either," Steffy retorted, looking like she was about to ground her mom. Hope wasn't going to let the incursion pass, either, and suggested that Brooke and Taylor do a "walk of shame" in front of the waiting guests. Steffy was all about it. Awright! Not only did Braylor deserve it, but seeing Liam's baby mamas on the same page like that was epic. It was like...icing on the new Leffy/Lope cake!

After the humiliation and apologies, Steffy took Taylor aside and said, "Mom, this isn't normal. I'm concerned about you." That's a bit of the doughnut calling the cake chocolate, considering Steffy had the same food fight with Hope six years ago, but Steffy's right: Taylor is not at all well. I wonder when we're finally going to get into what's driving the psychiatrist who undoubtedly treated many patients like herself over the years?

AIN'T GONNA FIND IT ON TRIVAGO

Once Brooke actually found that buttercream makes good conditioner, she talked to Ridge post-rinse-off and conceded that Steffy and Hope were "more mature than Taylor and I were at that age...," adding at Ridge's behest that their daughters were more mature than his wives were "right now." Touch, Speedo Survivor! Brooke was really proud of Hope and Steffy, and you know what, Scoopers? I am, too.

This may be the best resolution for Leffy/Lope that could have been dreamed up, if the show sticks with it, and it's especially satisfying after all the years of sitting through the infamous triangle. I suppose another answer would have been for Steffy and Hope to simply clone Liam so they could each have one for themselves. Hey, they did it with Reva on Guiding Light! (I just need them to clone Josh, but that's another story.)

Afterwards, as if we hadn't already seen Liam and Hope do the do the previous week, we got to watch them bump uglies as a married couple. We also had to sit through a flashback of the wedding we'd just seen, though it did offer a few new shots, such as Pam apparently salvaging the top of the wedding cake; maybe that's the part she and Charlie hadn't finished, which I hadn't listened to.

Gotta admit, though, the highlight of Lope's "staycation honeymoon" was Liam busting out French and Swedish (or was it German?) accents while he play-acted as room service and masseur for his bride. (Monsieur Liam, I would order from you any day.) It was a neat way for Scott Clifton to show another side of his repertoire! Lope said they and Steffy would be better parents than theirs had been. So far, so good!

WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE ISN'T A WAY

Over at Spencer Publications, Bill nearly cried in his Scotch as he bemoaned not being invited to Liam's wedding. It didn't mean he wouldn't ever be a part of Liam and Wyatt's lives again, he intimated to Justin. Oh, Bill, stick a sock in it. No one feels sorry for you. I personally don't need to see Spencer & Sons all kumbaya again. And yet, Bill's gratitude that Liam and Wyatt hadn't turned on each other was the truest thing Bill said.

With his lustful chase of Steffy over and needing a storyline, Bill decided he would start his progenitorial patching with Will. You know, we just saw the kid in June when he put the unintentional kibosh on Watie. Now he's taller, blonder, and brattier. He barely gave Bill the time of day last week, but here Bill was all jazzed because Will couldn't wait to see him. How much did Katie bribe Will in her talking-to?

Well, wouldn't you know, right when Bill was about to take off for his playdate, Justin announced the arrival of an important conglomerate Spencer had been keen to lock up for apparently forever. And Bill wanted to cancel this international meeting to play video games with Will! Hey, kudos to Bill for actually trying to put his kid first for a change, but isn't this too kneejerk a one-eighty?

Even Justin, who's abandoned his baldish look of late, surmised that Katie would understand the conflict because she had worked at Spencer herself. Hell, Katie was once its CEO, and that was when Will was in diapers. You think Will didn't cool out in day care while Katie wheeled and dealed? In reaction to Justin's suggestion, Bill yelped, "Tell her the truth?" Y'all know that wasn't the first thing to pop into Bill's mind.

But are you ready for this? Bill did! Tell Katie the truth, I mean. Unfortunately, our favorite heart patient didn't go for it. She tore Bill a new...nether region, and yelled to Thorne it was like Bill didn't give a damn. Girl, it's the middle of the day. Do you really expect Bill to drop everything at the office? I'm all for Bill being a real dad to Will finally, but I have to say I was on the Dollah's side on this one.

GUARDIANS OF THE PEANUT GALLERY

Thorne had the perfect solution. He sought counsel from the brother he came back from Paris to fight with and, upon getting agreement that Bill was the deadbeatest of deadbeat dads, Thorne decided that Katie should file for sole custody of Will. He'd spent a lot of time getting to know the boy. It was the best thing for him! Okay, did I miss something? All Thorne's done lately is draw dresses for the Forever 21 crowd.

What happened to his in-tribute Aly Designs, anyway? Maybe that explains why Thorne is gravitating toward Will; Thorne did lose a child. It's just that his relationship with Katie was already so instant, I have a hard time believing it's extended to loving her son this soon. Then Carter, who had some airtime left, swooped in to quickly ascertain that Katie would actually have quite a solid case for becoming Will's only guardian.

Thorne ran over to Katie's, all hot under the collar (as hot under the collar as you can get wearing a Henley), arriving to hear Bill's latest cancellation. It was time, Thorne thought. Katie had been Will's sole provider for months. Really? Because I can't imagine Bill not at least sending checks, though one could argue Katie's divorce settlement is pretty much the same thing.

Katie wasn't sure how she felt about suing Bill for custody, but Brooke knew how she felt in her discussion with Ridge. "To even suggest Bill lose his son -- how can anyone feel right about that?" Maybe Brooke was remembering when Bill tried to take Will away from Katie in 2016. Let's face it, with parents like Batie, this kid is screwed. Brooke claimed that she and Katie knew what it was like to grow up without a father.

True, that's part of B&B's origin story. Brooke thought Will should grow up with two parents in the house like Ridge did. Wait -- this after Brooke was okay with Kelly growing up with Steffy as a single mom? Oh, those family loyalties. Across town, Bill actually tried to speed up business with those "crazy rich Asians." (Hey, that's not a cultural slam -- just trying to be topical with a current box office smash!)

Bill showed up at Katie's, ready to pick up Will, but what he got was Thorne telling him Katie was suing for custody...before Katie even made up her mind about it! What the hell, Thorne? Eventually, both Katie and Thorne told Bill that Katie being Will's only legal guardian meant Katie could exert control over when Bill saw his son. "That makes no sense!" Bill growled. And he's right.

Doesn't Katie already have full discretion over how much time Bill spends with Will, especially with Bill being MIA so much of the time? You'd think Bill was hogging Will to himself and Katie was trying to equalize things. Methinks the show got this storyline backwards somehow. Am I missing something? Bill appealed to Katie, saying they still cared about each other. Could she really take his son away from him?

Do you think this "Will's custody" arc adds up? Can Leffy/Lope really stick to their blended family? And how long do you think it will be before Taylor loses her ish on someone again? Bake it up in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column!

See y'all in two weeks! Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

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