Hope's (im)perfect wedding

Hope likely sensed her rushed wedding day was old and borrowed, but she wasn't the only one feeling blue, since the day ended with rival Steffy going into labor! Breathe through it with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you pull a truth bomb at a wedding instead of a photo bomb? Did you get so many dressings-down you were amazed your clothes were still on? Did you celebrate Labor Day three months early? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Oh, baby, Scoopers! Nothing like a wedding to bring out joy and harmony, except when you're part of the crew that exists on B&B. Wannabe material boy Wyatt finally made like Spike Lee and did the right thing, and as a result, Bill isn't going to need much space on his desk for Father's Day cards this year. But our girl Steffy be trippin', which could have baby Kelly born under an unplanned astrological sign! Let's Scoop about it!

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO...STAND AROUND AND TALK

Donna Logan needs to stop shedding tears at weddings and start shedding them about the fact she only ever gets to show up at weddings. This girl is a legacy character that made her first appearance in the show's 1987 premiere, and she can't get a storyline to save her life. And, of course, all rudderless family and friends had to hang out with nothing to do but wonder why Liam's wedding hit a snag.

I know; I bitch about this practically every column, and it's highly unlikely we're ever going to get most of the canvas in rotation again like the old days. How hard can it be for a half-hour show to tell story for everyone? Do it like Port Charles used to in 13-week installments if need be. At least then we'll know certain things will wrap up, and everyone's favorites will get their time in the spotlight.

Instead, everyone got a moment to query why Wyatt slammed the brakes on the ceremony. Carter made a joke about not getting to deliver the speech he wrote. (How about asking Donna out on a date?) Thorne had to keep all his sexiness to himself while probably considering getting a refund on his tux. And Quinn...what the hell was that? Did I see Hope being nice to her and sharing concern?

Maybe Hope sent her one-time monster-in-law Liam's forgiveness roses, because outside of that, there's no way Hope should be giving Quinn the time of day, much less accepting Quinn's reassurance. Why did Hope leave town in 2014? Because Hope fell down the stairs and miscarried Wyatt's baby after fending off the ultimate helicopter mom, divorcing Wyatt over Quinn's part in it. Ain't no Hallmark card gonna patch that up.

Maya had to stop Rick from charging into Liam and Wyatt's mid-ceremony seminar twice (I think he forgot he already wanted to do that last Friday), while Hope and Katie texted their baes as if they were going to get an answer in that moment. Meanwhile, Ridge barked that Bill was once again playing his own boys. Okay, Ridge was right, but where did he get that? He didn't have a single shred of proof. Billgate, anyone?

I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED AT PLANNING THE BACHELOR PARTY, BUT...

Upstairs, Liam couldn't believe that Bill had had Justin stage a seduction scene so Wyatt would think Steffy was still carrying on with Bill. Why couldn't Liam believe it? Next to burning down the Spectra building then blowing it up with Liam inside, a pretend affair was child's play. But it finally sank in, most pleasingly so when Liam snagged Wyatt for taking bribes in the whole scenario! "Wyatt, what the hell, man! You Judas!"

I have to say, not much on our show can quite hit my soapy spot like the Spencer bros getting through stuff together. Wyatt always does the right thing eventually (like admitting he "stole" the Hope for the Future diamond; whatever happened to that?), even if he takes enough detours getting there that I think he must be a malfunctioning GPS. Rerouting! Rerouting!

Wyatt felt genuinely bad about letting himself be conned by Bill and for being swayed by his father's claims of favorite son affection, and Liam's "I know you're sorry" eased the fraternal friction. Perhaps it was realizing Wyatt was right that he was "about to lose everything". Who didn't love Katie later saying that she had plenty of Bill's money and could take care of Wyatt? Is that poetic justice, or what?

"I bought into what Dad said about you and Hope," Wyatt admitted, which is actually an interesting piece of motivation. Despite Wyatt never mentioning the child he lost with Hope, Wyatt knew Lope was the thing when he first showed up in his solar shower five years ago this month. They're the dictionary definition of "star-crossed"; I can see Wyatt feeling his half-brother and ex-wife should finally get a chance at marital bliss.

Hope stole Rick's idea and barged into this unofficial Spencer summit, shipping Wyatt back downstairs to explain himself to her rattled guests. Knowing Hope wanted an explanation, Liam fumbled to find the words until he was able to tell his almost-wife that Bill had been at it again, only in reverse this time. Hope proved she was Brooke's daughter by executing a flawless single tear like TV mama Katherine Kelly Lang!

"Steffy tried to tell me; I wouldn't listen," Liam confided to Hope. "Why?" Hope beat me to the punch by replying, "That is a question you may want to give some thought to." Of course, Hope could have meant that, because of Steffy's original one-nighter with Bill, it was easy for Liam to believe the Still shenanigans were still going on. But it also struck me as a call for Liam to do some self-examination, which his waffling usually prevents.

Remember six years ago when Hope got back from her Italian nuptials with Liam and refused to finalize it because Liam had kissed Steffy? Hope wanted a "do-over wedding," and in that time, she created her Hope's Perfect Wedding line, which couldn't have been a big seller because we never hear about it anymore. Hope gets as carried away by the idea of exchanging vows as Brooke does, and that's saying something.

So, imagine my surprise when Hope hitched up her train, looked Liam in the eye, and dropped some real talk about his proposal: "My answer is still yes...but not today." Damn, girl! She even faced the room full of restless revelers and announced, "Out of respect to [Steffy] and ourselves," she was postponing the wedding "until we can all celebrate together with no mixed feelings." It was her decision. Go, Hope!

I know a lot of you feel Hope's brain has the wattage of a pen light, and there have been many times I've agreed with that assessment. But her response to this retread aborted wedding was actually quite mature, and I would go so far as to say she wasn't the only one who put on some grown-up pants this week. We'll get to that later. Meanwhile, Hope was right to shelve a marriage she shouldn't have jumped into in the first place.

BIG DOGS MAKE BIG POOPIES

Over at Spencer Publications, Bill wanted Lope wedding info in real time, telling Justin to call ex-wife Donna for updates! Not waiting for Liam to be safely married to Hope, the Dollah envisioned house renovations for Steffy and started making calls to effect them! Surprisingly aghast, usual yes-man Justin sneered, "Do you really think someone at that wedding is thinking about you?" Oh, yes, Bill crowed. He was the big dog! Ruff!

First the whinny and now the barking. Does anyone else cringe when B&B characters make animal sounds? Though Bill's 2-for-1 with Pam, who only ever assailed me with her wince-inducing cat dance. At least Pam has bipolar disorder and a previous brain mass to account for her barnyard antics. I'm beginning to think Bill might have lost more blood from his shooting than originally thought, because he don't seem right in the head.

I just about died when Justin countered with a weak arf that sounded like something uttered by an ailing miniature schnauzer. Methinks Justin is going to find himself out of a job soon; I hope he finds himself in something, since Aaron D. Spears is on contract now, and his alter ego never leaves Bill's office. But if you think Justin was nipping at Bill's heels, Wyatt came snarling in like he'd come down with a bad case of rabies.

And rightly so! Wyatt should have known better, and he should never have let himself be seduced by a set of good tires and an expensive paint-by-numbers job, but he made up for it by cutting Bill to the quick. "I've shown more loyalty to this family than you ever have!" Wyatt raged. "I wanted the Spencer name to mean something!" Hmm, didn't Liam make that speech during his brief tenure as CEO last year?

Predictably, Bill declared himself stabbed in the back because Wyatt ratted him out, proceeding to take away all Wyatt's goodies. Wyatt chucked his precious Ferrari's keys at the wall and scoffed, "You call me weak? You should look in a mirror." Them's some cojones, Wyatt! Bill coldly told his son he was done with him, which Wyatt countered by getting the last word: "I'm done with you."

I hope Wyatt means it this time. After all, Wyatt's written Bill off before. Personally, if Liam and Wyatt really want to show Bill they mean business, they should go back to using the names they had before meeting him -- Cooper and Fuller, respectively. That thought occurred to me when Liam said he wished he had Hope's dignity and grace, and she replied that she wished she had his name. Which shouldn't be Spencer anymore.

But Big Dog Bill wasn't done getting his nose swatted with a newspaper. Liam laid into his poisonous progenitor, as well, echoing Wyatt's summation that Bill was sick. "You know what's sick?" Bill growled back. "The way you play Steffy and Hope against each other. The second there's any doubt, you disappear!" Bill is on my ishest of ish lists right now, but I just can't come up with an argument for those statements.

Bill was convinced he was the better man for Steffy, who deserved better than Liam. True, she does, but Bill is basing his entire obsession with Steffy on one night of passion; her milkshake must have some extra special ingredients in it. Bill has zero reason to believe Steffy wants him; I used to think Steffy was in denial, but I'm not seeing any lingering desire now. Steffy looks like she wants to kick Bill in the nuts!

Maybe that's what's turning Bill on. Seeing it was futile to reason with Bill's fixation, Liam asked, "Was it [Brooke] leaving you? Is that what pushed you over the edge? So you started obsessing over your skyscraper, and when that wasn't fulfilling enough, you turned to my wife?" Oh, if only Liam could look at his own behavior through such a lens! You'd think Bill would have mellowed after getting shot; weirdly, he's only gotten worse.

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

As I mentioned before, Hope wasn't the only one who showed some refreshingly adult conduct this week. After Ridge pushed Steffy on Liam (because of course he did), the much-married waffler put up a yield sign when Steffy wanted Liam to come home. "This doesn't automatically mean I know what to do about it!" he said of his latest war of the wives. Really, Steffy, the guy nearly married Hope that day. And you want him back now?

Thankfully, Steffy's amniotic fluid upped her IQ a few notches. Learning that Lope Wedding 6.0 had only been postponed, Steffy advised Liam not to rush into another ceremony and suggested he shouldn't live in Hope's vicinity while he figured things out. Thank you, Joyce Brothers! These guys are all poster children for dysfunction; it's nice to see them sending healthier messages to viewers on occasion.

The characters with more mileage on them didn't get as good as their kids gave, however. Ridge wouldn't stop pushing Steffy and Liam to reunite, and Brooke couldn't accept that Hope's wedding wasn't happening, even blaming the truth-telling Wyatt for interrupting it. Bridge needs to seriously fall back with all this. And I'll add again that I don't enjoy watching perfectly story-worthy folks fencing over their daughters' love lives.

Clearly not hearing Hope giving Liam time to sort things out, Brooke sensed Steffy on the horizon and told Hope she should elope with Liam like right now! Brooke is famous for such stunts, and Hope would get her perfect wedding, after all, but these Logan ladies are way off base even considering this. And Ridge proved equally deaf in his readiness to take Liam, Steffy, and their unborn child to Sears Portrait Studio.

Hope and Steffy fell somewhere in the middle of the maturity scale as they faced each other post not-wedding. Steffy insisted Liam would complete her family; Hope insisted she was still marrying him. (Hope may be ahead -- Liam did tell Ridge he's in love with her.) Hope reminded Steffy of all the shady shizz she'd pulled to snag Liam for herself, asking, "How's it feel to be stuck in the gondola?"

Oh, snap and double snap! This scene really made me believe it was Annika Noelle's Hope, and not Kim Matula's, trapped above the slopes of Aspen! And Hope also had a point when she said now she and Steffy were both Bill's victims. It took seven years to come to that particular full circle. Hopefully this won't go on another seven! I'd like to see this Leffy/Lope revisit wrap up like so much been-there-done-that.

KELLY GREEN

Earlier in the day, Liam and Steffy marveled that Kelly was kicking. I love that Steffy wants to name her child after Liam's deceased mother, but hold the phone! Steffy designated the baby as the namesake of Kelly Hopkins. Someone pulled a reboot there, or just forgot, because Liam's mom is Kelly Cooper. You know, that's why Liam came on the show as Liam Cooper? Just settin' that one right.

Having already been through a day that would suck the ingredients out of anyone's pre-natal vitamins (isn't it amazing Steffy hasn't miscarried, given her previous history and the never-ending stress she's been under since conceiving?), Steffy turned around to find Bill standing in her house. How the hell is he still getting in? I thought Steffy was going to change the locks when she took ownership!

There was a time when a man's persistent pursuit of a woman, in spite of her rejections, was considered romantic. This is no longer that time. Steffy tells Bill to leave, but he stays. I'm glad she finally threatened to call the police on him! The Dollah wanted to explain his latest scheme, but Steffy fired back with, "You're a psychopath -- explanation done!" Now this is the spunky Steffy that would make Gangsta Granny proud!

"You disgust me!" Steffy exclaimed. "No, I thrill you," Bill leered. Have to admit, he wasn't wrong that Hope has always been Liam's first choice and that Liam's heart has always been divided. "If that's all he's willing to offer me," Steffy swore, "I'll put an end to it!" Just goes back to that newfound maturity; these girls really need to let Liam take a world cruise or something and find himself so he can truly know his heart.

Bill finally agreed to accept Steffy and Liam back together if that's what Steffy believed, but Steffy called B.S, and not Bill Spencer. She knew Bill was full of crap and ordered him out, seething, "You messed with the wrong woman!" But I only had a millisecond to revel in her triumph, because Steffy messed with the wrong carpet, tripping on I-don't-know-what and doing a full faceplant in her foyer! She clutched her belly in fright!

Wow, a Friday cliffhanger on a Thursday! And just in time to close out May Sweeps, at that. Steffy's water had broken and she had gotten a car to take her to the hospital (hope the Uber driver had some Formula 409 on hand for that back seat); Liam rushed to meet her there. Robin Givens proved she was head of the class (see what I did there? That was her '80s sitcom) and promptly taught a lesson on healthy childbirth.

But the doc determined that Steffy was in labor, and that umbilical cord pressure was causing Kelly's heart rate to decelerate. Steffy was going to have to deliver now! Let's see, she conceived in November...all right, that makes seven months, which is realistic and justifies the baby being premature. I'm still wowed that Steffy's prior fertility issues (the botched D&C and resulting reparative surgery) has never been discussed in any detail.

With Ridge outside (the nurse said she'd alert Steffy to his presence, then bolted), Steffy looked to finally be giving birth to her first child! We won't know 'til Monday because the scene ended on Steffy's grunting face; guess we'll learn then whether Liam and Steffy's baby survived. Anyone else also surprised the subject of motorcycles never came up all this time when that's how Steffy miscarried the last time she was pregnant?

Will Bill need support meetings to break his addiction to Steffy? Will Wyatt reboot Quinn Artisan Jewelers so he can earn a decent living without handouts from Katie? Will Liam and Steffy really become parents this time? And will Detective Sanchez ever come back to conclude his case and find out Taylor blew a hole in Bill? Deliver your thoughts in the Comments section below or on the soapcentral.com message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"Bill's obsession is incredibly disturbing to me given everything going on nowadays in the #MeToo movement. There's nothing romantic about a man denying a woman agency in her love life & life in general; there's nothing sexy about a man insisting that she doesn't know her own mind." -- "Insincerely Yours"

"I don't see Bill being obsessed, I see it that Steffy used him and he wanted more from Steffy. He is hurt, Bill deserves love like everyone else does on this show. It's Steffy's loss!" -- "Bill Spencer Fans"

"I miss the stories that held drama versus the shock and awe. Case in point...Deacon showing up to 'save' Quinn, then he's off to the tank never to be seen again. Instead they bring in Sheila for a peeping Tom story at best. Would prefer to have Deacon still around...maybe trying to keep Hope from marrying Liam provoking Brooke while becoming an out of character [ally] with Ridge...maybe Sally could be a triangle with Thorne (the good) and Deacon (the bad)...the girl could have it all. [And] where did the good Dr. Warwick go now that Taylor is back?" -- Barb

"Taylor has just as much of a sordid past as Brooke...neither woman has room to talk. And whatever happened to baby Jack? Neither Taylor nor Brooke ever mention him. Steffy & Hope are following in their footsteps with the Spencers. Hope just needs to have a one night with Bill & they will be even." -- Jazzy

We'll do this all again in two weeks! Thanks for following my column, and it's like I always say: keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, orientation, or nationality, we're all beautiful.

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