I only want you for Christmas

Thorne and Ridge sat on Santa's lap to ask for the same toy while Steffy learned a surprise may be coming down her chimney! Go ho-ho-ho with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you not get a storyline in your stocking? Was your marriage proposal two for the price of one? Did you get a special present from your Secret Santa? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Ready for Christmas, Scoopers -- or whatever you choose to celebrate or not celebrate? The naughty and nice lists have been made out for your fashionable residents of L.A., though clearly some are getting kick-ass technology gifts while others are getting coal even if that's not really a thing anymore. And Steffy may find out her baby will be born swilling whiskey and wearing a sword necklace! Let's Scoop about it!

HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD

Didn't take long, did it? Thorne's barely been back two weeks, and he and Ridge have already engaged in a shoving match. Thorne declared he would bring decency and morality back to the Forrester family. Step carefully, Number Two. Your attempt to steal Taylor from Ridge included drugging her, and you only had Aly 'cuz you got drunk and cheated on Macy with Darla. Santa remembers, and so does Thorne's character profile.

Brooke arrived and told her exes she wouldn't have these shenanigans in her house. Makes sense: she was horrified that Bill punched Liam, just as she was when Ridge clocked Rick for moving on Phoebe in Australia. Thorne reminded everyone that Ridge himself had moved on Quinn in Australia. We're back to Quidge consequences again, eh? They shared four kisses. What Steffy did with Bill was way worse.

Yet, there's an interesting bit of smirkiness and humor in Ridge and Thorne's manhandling. Ridge smiled while on the floor, and Thorne was willing to help him up. When Thorne groused that Ridge had been on his case since he started shaving, Ridge laughed that Thorne shaving was news to him. Then, after Thorne found his butt shoved to the couch, he seemed good-natured as Ridge said shoving did feel good. Fun!

BUT BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

Thorne made an astute point about Ridge when he told Brooke, "He just needs to win; as soon as he does, he loses interest." That's pretty consistent with Ridge's 30-year history. Likewise, Brooke conceded that she didn't like being alone, which explains her revolving door that would rival a New York skyscraper. But then Thorne decided to kiss Brooke, and Brooke decided to simper girlishly. And I've got issues, Scoopers. Issues.

More than once, Thorne waxed nostalgic about how his marriage to Brooke was wonderful and how he'd had some of the best times of his life with her. Don't let Evil Floating Darla Head hear you say that! Such an admission may also be enough to snap Macy out of the coma I'm willing to bet she's still in, since the original Sally pulled the plug on her off-screen.

I'm not buying that Thorne spent his final marriage to Macy and days as Darla's husband thinking about how great he had it with Brooke. Did he forget that Stephanie was felled by two strokes as a result of Throoke? Plus, Thorne left Brooke in the first place because he overheard her saying that Ridge would always be her soul mate. He came home with Ridge still in Brooke's orbit; Thorne can't really think that's changed.

Thorne claims his desire for Brooke comes from having reevaluated his life after Aly's death. But I'm really getting the feeling he's only jonesing on Brooke because she's the only woman from his past who isn't dead. Well, except Taylor, and let's not forget Thorne and Taylor's last dalliance ended off-screen without any real explanation. Does he really expect us to believe he's spent all this time wanting Brooke back?

Thorne suggested Brooke marry him instead of Ridge. Dude, you and Brooke haven't been a couple for 16 years. You don't just propose without reexamining the relationship first. And Thorne grumbled that Bridge always ends with Ridge cheating. Um, Taylor came back from the dead twice, Stephanie faked a heart attack, Ridge thought Brooke slept with Thomas, and Ridge dumped her for texting Deacon. "Cheating" is new. Just sayin'.

I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS

Meanwhile, over on the Island of Misfit Toys, forgotten characters got a little dusting off -- most notably poor Ivy. The only action she's getting these days is mock proposals from cute British intern boys who know too much about jewelry. Ivy is vital and alluring and has had nothing to do all 2017. Put her with the equally rudderless Carter! Have I said that already? I'll say it again. Or maybe Justin wants some Thunder from Down Under.

Then Maya got in on the act, flaming Quinn for wanting to name her new jewelry line after Steffy and figuring Steffy wouldn't want to be reminded that she lost her inspirational bracelet on the night she fought with Liam. Maya's right, but it's too bad she's also on the backburner right now. While there's no need to define Maya solely as transgender, we're sure losing the opportunity to tell some boffo stories on that theme in this current climate.

Finally, Nicole's in town, during the holidays, leaving hubby Zende alone in Paris. Isn't Sasha there, too? Hmm. Maya took a trip to South Africa with Rick when we weren't looking and couldn't wait to show Nicole the footage. True, Karla Mosley and Jacob Young made that jaunt, and Maya's clips were from that fan event. But Marcus, Dayzee, and Rosie live in South Africa. And they got no mention, despite Maya's history with Dayzee.

So Nicole decided she was thirsty, but not as thirsty as Thorne was for Brooke, whom Nicole spotted from afar. Nicole tip-toed back to Maya's room (didn't hurt to be reminded Maya and Rick live at Casa Brooke), where the sisters Avant proceeded to dish Bridge versus Throoke. Gah, it makes me bah humbug when unconnected characters yap about others' relationships. Can't they get their own storylines instead?

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

Eric told his returning son that there was plenty of room at the Forrester Inn, but Thorne pooh-poohed the invite, insisting Eric and Quinn were still in their honeymoon phase. Does that strike you as odd, since Queric has been married for over a year, or is it just me? Anyway, Thorne went right to work on Papa F, playing Ridge's Marone card and talking smack about his half-bro to the point that Eric essentially said to knock it off.

No one yet knows that Thorne found out about Quidge's kisses from Sheila. Why would Thorne trust a word that came out of her mouth? Granted, he wasn't there when Sheila tried to use his family for target practice, and he still doesn't know that Macy spiraled back into alcoholism in 1993 because Sheila spiked her orange juice. Still, Thorne is investing in Sheila's reveal like he's trying to win big in the stock market.

Thorne railed that Ridge's betrayal with Quinn had to be dealt with. News flash: it has been dealt with! Brooke and Eric forgave Ridge, but Thorne is trying to stir rhymes-with-it that dried up already. Now, why would that be? He's so obvious, even Eric added two and two and got Thorne hoping to party with Brooke like it's 2001. I didn't realize how glad I was Quidge was behind us until Thorne dug it back up.

Then Eric, who started the scene totally Team Bridge, admitted to Thorne, "you've kind of gotten into my head about all this." The Forrester patriarch now couldn't be sure Ridge was right for Brooke -- yet he correctly reminded Thorne that Brooke's choice of suitor wasn't "up to us." Thorne wasn't about that. He wanted to design beside Eric and wanted Ridge out. "Fire him, Dad!" Thorne insisted.

I don't get it. If Thorne created Aly Designs to do something on his own "away from the family," and it's doing so well, why would Thorne want to muscle his way into Forrester? If he's so anti-Ridge, why doesn't he have his fashion house compete against Forrester? Must not have occurred to him, since Thorne's jaw dropped hearing from Quinn that Ridge was probably proposing to Brooke as they spoke. In your face!

LAST CHRISTMAS, I GAVE YOU MY HEART

Wham!'s song fits, because this time last year, Ridge won Brooke's hand with a "previously on 'Bridge'" heart in the sand. For 2017, he tried a beautiful, sparkly diamond ring...made by the woman who helped cause the Bridge collapse in Australia. As even Ridge probably said in the '80s, "smooth move, Ex-Lax!" Does he really think Brooke is going to react well when she finds out her ring is a creation of her destiny's kissing buddy?

The man who once used olives to propose took a detour into salads and admitted that, while he could be like a child, he wanted to grow old with Brooke. La Logan was moved and noted that she didn't need an exotic location for a proposal. You mean like Stephanie's grave, where Ridge popped the question in 2016? At least Ridge doesn't give out strings for engagements anymore. Brooke took the bling and said sure thing!

Only thing about Brooke...either one of the waiters Ridge hired could have put a ring in front of her, and she'd have said yes. She's never quite stopped looking through the fairy tale lens of bygone days. Brooke opted not to wear the ring until her divorce from Bill was final (that's growth!), instead opting to make some sweet, sweet luv with Ridge and his bare chest. First he flashed it in the steam room, now this? Merry Christmas to me!

Thorne dissed Ridge for being "so attentive when [Brooke's] legally married to someone else" -- but isn't Thorne doing the exact same thing? And Brooke's never gotten two proposals while waiting for a divorce. Yeah, Bill and Deacon proposed to her within minutes of each other in 2014, but Brooke was single then. I wish Brooke would fly solo for a while and make us a follow-up to the BeLieF formula instead of triangling again.

THOUGH IT'S BEEN SAID MANY TIMES, MANY WAYS

I sit in the Seat of Scoopage again after two weeks, and what do I find? Not a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer, but Steffy still freaking out and Liam still praising Steffy and Bill to the skies. Whaaaaaa? As I said last column, I get the idea of creating a contrast between Liam being trusting and Still's secret sexing, but enough is enough already. It's just so repetitive, it's like a little girl's talking doll being stuck on repeat.

Here's another thing: why is Steffy acting like she was raped? Maybe that's a little inflammatory given current events, but I swear: she's trembling, crying at random, avoiding work...this seems out of character to me. This can hardly be the same girl who shamelessly busted moves on Bill while he was married to Katie, much less busted moves on Owen, Oliver, and Liam while they were with Bridget and Hope, respectively.

What, she got the real thing, and now she can't handle it? Not to mention, Steffy's not winning me over with the claim that she's not okay with secrets. She busted a cap in Sheila's arm and had no problem keeping mum there, much less about the tire iron no one knows was involved in her fatal confrontation with Aly. Why isn't Thorne going after Steffy for her part in his daughter's death, I wonder? Man, that would be cool.

We all saw Steffy waking up with a smile once she rode the Stallion. I think she's more horrified with herself over how much she enjoyed it than anything else. It's also not like Steffy to be so obvious she was a bad girl. Hard to believe Liam, who just spent months battling Bill over his schemes and lies, can't make the connection between his father and his wife both acting like they mugged Santa and stashed him behind a Dumpster.

Liam pendulum swung for a while, freaking Steffy out with all his Sherlock Holmsing about Steffy staying at the Forrester guesthouse and leaving her bracelet behind the night of their I-kissed-Sally fight. But then Liam bought Steffy walking back her lie about her whereabouts and managed to elicit a cha-cha-cha out of her. Okay, good continuity re: the 2011-2012 phase of Steam, but let's be careful not to overdo it.

I'LL HAVE A BLUE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU

Over at Spencer, Bill did his best Scrooge, barking at Justin, Liam, and Wyatt, who didn't know Steffy was his Ghost of Christmas Present. They all thought Bill was missing Brooke! Ha ha ha! The man who chased Brooke for four years forgot about her in a hot minute once Steffy cha-cha-chad her clothes off for him. Fickle much, Bill? Guess we all know where his heart is. Or lower, anyway. No, keep going. Lower still.

Justin and the Spencer boys didn't see Captain Obvious standing in the room, off-duty from Hotels.com and there to symbolize Bill's own telltale behavior. Bill's world record for lies ties with only one person, but he can't keep the mope off his face for boffing Steffy? You can't tell me Bill feels that bad about it. I even wish he had done it to get revenge on Liam for snagging his CEO seat; to me, it would have been a better story.

No, Bill was so bummed, Liam decided to stay behind and again rave about how wonderful Bill and Steffy are. Was anybody else ready to collapse another building on top of Liam? This is all Liam does anymore; I think we got the point of his doe-eyed trust the first couple of times he waxed lyrical about dad and wife. It's making me want Liam learning the truth about Still for Christmas more than I've been wanting Chris Pratt!

I hope all this foolery is just a detour that ends with Bill and Steffy actually getting together. We've seen their lovemaking via flashback several dozen times now, but it's "Still" hot watching them, which should tell you something. Steffy and Bill are not characters that should be spending weeks in deeply depressed states. Let's blow this thing open already, get Still officially together, and have some real love in the afternoon!

NO CRIB FOR A BED

Steffy ditched her gray and black mourning clothes for a maroonish bikini and sarong number, but her switch to fun-loving seemed too fast to me. And how is it she's the co-CEO of a major fashion house but never shows up to work? She and Liam, who is also down to "flexible" part-time hours at Bill's behest so Liam can play footsie with Steffy instead of Bill, ran down to the beach and surfed in perhaps too cool December water.

As it happened, Steffy was up for an annual checkup. Liam offered to go with her and read ancient magazines in the waiting room, which Steffy flashed back to despite us just seeing that exchange before the break. Steffy downplayed her stress level to the doctor; I'm surprised the machines weren't pegging, considering how Steffy had been acting until one soap day ago.

Steffy got poked and prodded; as she dressed, Liam burst in because "the nurse said it was okay." He got there just in time to find out he and Steffy were gonna need some swaddling clothes and a manger because they found the babe! Yep, almost five years after their miscarriage, Steam is in the family way. I guess the experimental procedure Steffy had in 2013 to reverse her infertility worked; I hope the show mentions it.

I wager Sally, wherever she is now, won't be too happy to learn her crush is about to have a dad bod. But Liam and Steffy weren't thinking about her; they were ecstatic they were finally going to have a child. Until Steffy's glee changed to absolute horror following a well-placed Still flashback. Loved it! That's right. Steffy could be cultivating some Stallion seed. Rut-ro, Steffy's prego! It's in there!"

How about it, Scoopers? Are you shipping Throoke or Bridge? Do you want Steffy's baby to be Bill's or Liam's? And do you find yourself asking Santa if other characters can have storylines? Stuff some stockings in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"Bridge are the only real B&B couple. They belong to each other. Forever and ever! Thorne should...go away and find his own destiny. Don't like what he is doing." -- "dny"

"Bad timing for a baby! Steam is barely healed! I love both Steam and Still, but when Liam messed up with Sally this time, I'm ready for Steffy to be with THE man who has always loved her the most, Big Bad Dollar Bill." -- MissGracie

"I hope Bridge marries and stays together for a long while. Not here for Thorne, who's not shown interest in Brooke in over a decade now wanting her. We watch soaps for compelling drama; Steffy's baby NEEDS to be Bill's. I would love for Steffy & Bill to have a chance at romance." -- Krystal

"Loved the Bridge proposal! Sure the buildup was rushed, but their chemistry is always palpable and Ridge's words came across as totally heartfelt & sincere! Thorne's meddling on the other hand is a turn-off and his sudden obsession with Brooke is so contrived." -- Alexandria

"New actor is the perfect time to give Thorne a storyline. NOT involving Brooke. She and Ridge should be together. As far as 'baby Spencer', of course it'll be Bill's. Loved the look on her face when she had this realization." -- "ItsMeShelly"

When next I Scoop, I'll be rolling with my B&B Best and Worst column for 2017. And you know that's a stocking I always stuff with goodies. [My new book "I, Samantha, Take This Mortal, Darrin", an imagined series finale for Bewitched), is also good at stuffing stockings.]

Bridge is engaged, Thorne is Grinching on Ridge, and Steffy's Christmas miracle might have a Dollah sign attached! The happiest of holidays to you all, and continued thank-yous for continuing to read my bold and beautiful blathering. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, grinch status, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

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