The nuclear option

Quinn survived Eric's pretend blast and Wyatt said Katie made him mushroom. But Bill planned to lay waste to Sally and considered Liam collateral damage! Fend the furious fire with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you change the numbers on your paint-by-numbers set? Did you want to boldly go where your half-brother had gone before? Did you leave a skyscraper's head in your son's bed? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Spectra clan this week!

Now, don't finger-wag, Scoopers. I know I'm making light of some very serious times in our real world. But I've gotten through a lot of crap by laughing at it, so I hope you'll indulge me. (The title is a United States Senate procedure, anyway). At least Wyatt and Katie are laughing, though Sheila wasn't when Eric and Quinn got back together. And Bill doubled over guffawing at his sinister plan until he went Godfather on his "ovo-lacto-vegetarian" son! Let's Scoop about it!

SMILE! YOU'RE ON "CANDID DIVORCE"

At the Forrester manse, we picked back up on Day Two of Quinn pleading and begging not to have to sign her name Fuller again. It's just that B&B's relationship-on-the-edge convos all sound the same. "I made a mistake/We had it all/Give me another chance." Maybe there aren't a lot of ways to vary such a soap staple, but I was really wishing someone would come up with one. Ho-hum.

And, as I said in my previous column, Eric himself has done far worse, sleeping with Lauren after proposing to Stephanie. Even then, it was "I made a mistake/We had it all/Give me another chance." I think Eric is projecting his still unreleased feelings about Ridge messing up his marriage to Brooke onto Quinn, whose few "foolish kisses" seem almost innocent by comparison. Eric can't feel this betrayed otherwise.

Soon Carter arrived for his bimonthly "Here's a legal paper" scene. The guy ain't had no luv since Maya dumped him four years ago. How about a date with Ivy, who may be the only single lady left at Forrester? Or bring sassy Sasha back for him. The only thing Carter got to caress was Eric's divorce papers, which not only left Quinn zero dinero, but replaced her job with a restraining order. Oh, Eric, Stephanie would be proud!

"No money?" Quinn asked this question twice -- yet maintained she wasn't with Eric for his financial standing. There's some math to do there. Plus, Quinn fretted about being out of work. What the hell happened to Quinn Artisan Jewelers? This is a business she had Wyatt's entire life, and she never talks about it anymore. They were hanging in there fine before their association with Forrester. Maybe Bill can build over QAJ instead!

Eric demanded that Quinn prove her devotion by letting him go. So Quinn signed his divorce papers and walked out with only her purse. Was she going to take over his old motel room next to Sheila and have Wyatt pack for her? Behind her, Quinn heard a "riiiiipppp" that wasn't from Eric having had too much chili. He'd only been testing her. She'd passed his test. The divorce papers were ready for the recycle bin!

Given all the hoopla over Quinn's overblown betrayal, I was actually kind of relieved to see Queric reunite. Could have done without the full day of "I love you/No, I love you" makeups, though. I did like Eric playing their apparent theme on the piano. But here's what I don't get -- Eric forgave Quinn, but not Ridge. Methinks his projecting Bridge onto Quinn isn't too far off, after all.

GRACE KELLY, HARLOW JEAN, PICTURE OF A BEAUTY QUEEN

The way the incense was burning and visitor Beatrice was channeling, I thought Sheila was seeing a psychic. Maybe that's what we were supposed to think. But Sheila knew it didn't take Miss Cleo to see that Charlie should have long exited, stage right. He didn't even want to be there when Sheila inexplicably summoned him. So why did he hang around so long, asking Sheila questions? Dude, seriously. You're no Mike Guthrie.

It seems Charlie just wanted to be sure Sheila wouldn't tell anyone he played a part in exposing Quidge. "I figured it out on my own," Sheila said with a laugh, and I was glad she finally said that. Charlie did nothing but sputter so much that Sheila read between the lines. But Charlie has been blackmailed by Sheila (which he still hasn't paid) and had his life threatened by her. So what was up with his "We have similar skills" observation?

Charlie was troubled to see Sheila was not sitting for a psychic, but an artist. As Matt Hanvey pointed out on Twitter (shout out, Matt!), Beatrice was drawing a picture of Sheila from around 2005. Maybe Beatrice is psychic, after all! Charlie must dabble in clairvoyance, too, because from Beatrice's modest sketch, he was able to deduce that Sheila wanted a portrait of hers to usurp Quinn's on the Forrester wall.

That portrait again? Man, I'm glad that wasn't a thing before Stephanie died, or even her former maid Maria would have wanted one. Sheila declared the sketch was simply for a vision board. Uh-oh. Aly had one of those, too, except it had Magic Marker scratching out her visions. Turns out Pam has a vision board, as well, covered with clippings of wedding gowns. Ha!

Why not? Pam and Charlie are the longest-lasting couple on the show, having gotten together Thanksgiving 2013, and they're not married. Maybe they'll tie the knot after Pam forgives Charlie for blabbing to Sheila. Pam better -- she deemed Sheila a wack job, and she's no better for trying to get a bear to eat Donna, even if Pam had a brain tumor to blame it on at the time.

So Sheila heard Pam's call to Charlie, who, as a security guard, was somehow not missed around Forrester, and realized the jig was up -- Eric had gone back to Quinn. Sheila shed some tears but soon raised an eyebrow and declared her portrait would hang on Eric's wall, and if Charlie interfered, he'd be hanging, too. Whoa! Way to tip Sheila's rehabilitation hand, B&B! So disappointing.

I'm sorry, I still say Sheila becoming a true functioning member of society would be far more interesting. And I don't care what the show says -- I need the Y&R Pheila question answered. Have Lauren visit for an episode: "I shot you!" "No, that was Sugar." Because the smell of that particular elephant in the room is getting a little rancid, as is the second pachyderm that wants to know if Sheila really went to prison.

I'm intrigued by two things: James arriving soon and the idea that Sheila might use Quinn's past against her. "There is so much hidden there," Sheila sneered, "and I'm gonna find it!" Hell, go talk to Liam! I need to watch Quinn making swords and Sheila boiling up poison while they battle each other. Forget Eric, and forget Quinn being a wuss. I wanna see a genuine Sheila/Quinn throwdown! Admit it -- you do, too.

MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

"Ridge Forrester, a celibate." Steffy couldn't believe her Gucci earringed ears. Yeah, kinda hard to believe Ridge is only humping pillows these days, but it's kind of refreshing. "All I've been doing is chasing women," he admitted, though he probably cooled out that year he lived in Paris, too. Ridge self-headshrinking? Maybe he's been talking to...hmm, who else lives in Paris? Oh, I know. Taylor!

And the only reason I know is because I saw a bonus scene in which Ridge said he's been talking to Taylor a lot, saying he gets a discount because he's an ex-husband. I hope he was joking, since Taylor professionally treating the ex she once hallucinated about would be a serious conflict of interest. It's too bad B&B didn't leave that scene in, not only for the Taylor mention, but because it was an intriguing layer!

DECIDING ON SOME WATIE MATTERS

Okay. Can I just say, I can't stand Watie. I really can't. I like Kyatt much better! Psyche! Learned something from Eric and his divorce papers, didn't I? Watie is a dumb smoosh name, or whatever you call it. Makes me think of the word that comes up when I see myself in a mirror from the side. Give me some Kyatt, all day, every day. Yeah, they're totally rushed. Yeah, they come with problems. Yeah, they're totally hot!

Wyatt hasn't been this sexy since he emerged from his solar shower, and Katie hasn't got none since she dumped the booze. Like Wyatt said, they're both adults, they're both single, so do it up! Yet I hear a lot of you reaching for the barf bag. "Katie was Wyatt's stepmother! Katie's son is Wyatt's brother! Gross! Eww!" Well, all right, we can't avoid those facts. At least Katie addressed the stepmother part, which Wyatt pshawed.

I admit I don't understand why the show isn't having Katie bring up Will herself. "Hi, sweetie -- your half-brother is now your stepdaddy!" Awkward at family reunions for sure. Here's how you fix it. Make Wyatt not a Spencer! I see y'all shaking your head over there, but it's totally easy. Liam had a DNA test done that proved he was Bill's son. Wyatt did not. How simple is that? Kyatt solved! Let the kissing go on.

My issues are, how is Wyatt okay playing tonsil hockey with someone who just two months ago aimed a gun at his mother, and, why does Kyatt have to move so fast? We're getting into a cycle already: Katie raises doubts, Wyatt kisses her. Katie raises more doubts, Wyatt kisses her again. Katie's overanalytical nature certainly does balance out Wyatt's impulsiveness, as he pointed out, though Katie wasn't always anal.

Maybe 30 years can take you from an insecure, zitty teenager to a Type A killjoy, but I don't know. Katie resisted her primal urges and tried to fix Wyatt up with the OMG-could-she-be-more-obvious Charlotte. How is Charlotte still an intern? She was unpaid two years ago when she signed on with Nicole and Zende and hit the sheets with Thomas. Do only family members get promotions at that company?

Thankfully, Wyatt realized he'd already been in so many triangles that he stopped this one from forming when there wasn't even a relationship yet. Like Katie, I'm wondering exactly what Kyatt is. Fun? Friends with bennies? Wyatt could barely walk from wanting to take things further, because all they do is kiss. Over and over. Hey -- how about taking Katie on a date? And somewhere besides Il Giardino, please.

Steffy took note of Wyatt's familiar "I'm'a git some" look, and Brooke was glad to see that Katie's glow wasn't coming from a bottle. "I think with everything going on in the world today, wherever you can find happiness, it can't be wrong." Subtle nudge to reality. Nice. For now, Kyatt is deciding to keep their whatever it is a secret, despite the fact the only place they make out is the office, where anyone can walk in any minute.

Case in point: Quinn, who finally got something to do besides moon over Eric. Wyatt thought it would be hilarious if his mom found out he was swapping spit with Annie Oakley -- I mean Katie, which brings up an interesting point. What will Quinn think of the pairing? Will Bill freak out seeing his ex-wife moving on with anybody? Will Liam be relieved Wyatt is finally pursuing someone he wasn't with first?

BIG APPLES COME WITH BIG WORMS

So, Team We'll-Never-Have-Our-Own-Stories, also known as Shirley, Saul, and Darlita, were all freaking out because Thomas had taken off to New York for some hang time with his son. "But we need him to design!" Saul wailed. Twice. Yeah, but what is that on Sally's business card? "Designer." She was coming up with her own stuff when Saul was still playing with his tape measure somewhere.

I also feel like Sally's underlings only like Thomas when he's doing something for them. Hey -- they've adapted to L.A. already. They don't seem to have any more faith than Bill or Steffy do, since they were convinced Spectra would tank if Sally designed everything herself. Hello, even the snobby Jarrett liked Sally's initial work, raw as it was; it only crashed before takeoff because of Bill and his stupid, stupid building.

And let's not forget, Spectra's swimwear spectacular in Monaco didn't come from Thomas alone. Maybe working with Thomas has inspired Sally to refine her own creations. It may not matter, since Bill declared himself the winner of the fashion challenge. Hmm, and then putting his name on a building and being willing to justify anything to boot? I've heard of someone like that, though I can't imagine who...

Are Thomas, Caroline, and Douglas in the same house with Karen and Danielle? What's supposed to happen when Thomas expresses sympathy to Karen, who is only Caroline's mother, and finds out Karen is completely in the dark about her daughter's death sentence? Shades of the original Caroline, maybe? I think I need Karen to be involved in this story. Imagine how big a can of Whoop-Ass she'd open on brother Bill.

INTERVIEW WITH THE GLAMPIRE

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't know what Liam's title is now, but I do remember at one point he was vice president of Spencer Publications. So what the actual hell is he doing interviewing Sally Spectra, or anybody, for that matter? That's the kind of stuff he did when he just found out he was Bill's son, and he was getting his feet wet at the company. This puts him on the same level as Jarrett. Jarrett!

While Liam chatted Sally up about Bill taking the challengers out of the fashion challenge, Ms. Spectra got a call from Thomas, who was struggling with Caroline's final days, but not so much that Thomas didn't rattle on about it in front of his kid. Good thing the only word Douglas can utter is "Daddy," usually pre-recorded. Liam asked about Sally's boo-boo face and became perplexed when she started talking to him in riddles.

It was kind of a cool twist that Sally thought Liam already knew Caroline was "dying," and Liam borrowed Brooke's one tear for the reveal. He was understandably shaken. So he went to Wyatt, posing leading questions about Katie's lipstick -- I mean the state of their mutual cousin. Wyatt thought Caroline was fine and figured she'd spent most of her last trip with Bill. From that one statement, Liam's wheels started turning.

THE SKY-WRITING IS ON THE WALL

Dollar Bill Spencer is one of those guys who, if you caught him playing with himself, he'd do it more just because he had an audience. That's the impression I was left with when Justin walked in to find Bill feeling up his building again, which he has now named "Sky." So not only has this thing gotten as annoying as Pam's never-ending lemon bars (thanks, Charlotte, for the mention), it doesn't even get an original moniker.

Justin was ready to have Bill fitted for a straitjacket until the Dollah explained he had gotten Thomas back together with the "dying" Caroline so he could bulldoze Spectra. Even the also perennially single Mr. Barber (hey, Carter's available) was horrified, and he's done most of Bill's dirty work. But Justin wasn't so horrified that he didn't toast his boss' cleverness with a shot of whiskey. I'm glad Donna dumped him!

Steffy couldn't resist sashaying into Spectra to deliver her not-friend-not-enemy strategically placed backhanded compliments. Sally held her own in Monaco, Steffy thought, but Spectra was over without Thomas. Steffy's radar pinged when Sally seemed chill about Thomas being gone and didn't take the bait about Caroline's extended presence. Steffy gave her French manicure a workout scratching her head.

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU AN OFFER YOU SHOULD REFUSE

At first I was torqued when Liam immediately jumped to the conclusion that Thomas' reunion with Caroline had something to do with Bill. I mean, he had next to zip to go on. But then I started thinking, maybe Liam's seen so much B.S. from B.S. that it was a foregone conclusion. Look at how Bill orchestrated things to make Liam think Steffy could die from a blood clot in her brain. (Props to Steffy; she thought so, too, as Saila and "Team Steffy" corrected me. Thanks, guys!)

Liam strapped on his six-shooter and sauntered into Bill's office for a shootout at the S.P. Corral, badgering his pop so much that Bill finally admitted Caroline wasn't taking a dirt nap anytime soon. Bill wanted Thomas there for Douglas, saying, "Do you think it's a healthy environment for that boy to grow up in a house full of women?" Bill seemed like he had accepted Karen as LGBT, but that statement makes me wonder.

"You have three sons; how many of their mothers are you living with?" Liam retorted. Bazinga! The Bill/Liam showdown had some really snappy lines. When Liam wanted to know what was supposed to happen when Caroline didn't beef it, Bill proclaimed "Miracle cure!" and practically did a happy dance that all his obstacles were removed. Except that Liam had better not become one.

"What, are you gonna have me whacked?" Liam wanted to know. "Make Justin push me out of a helicopter?" Oh, yeah, that's how you do continuity! No, Bill just promised to strip Liam of the Spencer life and name. He must have been using Eric's divorce papers as a template. "You gonna take your DNA back, too?" Liam spat. "You don't have enough of my DNA!" Bill yelled. He apologized, but now we know how he really feels.

I keep thinking Bill has threatened to cut Liam off before, but not like this. "You don't want to become my enemy," Bill warned. All this over a building? That might be intriguing -- Bill and Liam at war. Could Liam stand up under Bill's doubtless media attacks, or might Liam outfox the Dollah from knowing his playbook? It could all be a moot point, because Caroline herself came back and said she wasn't playing anymore.

True to his word, Liam ran to Steffy, whom Bill claimed would have to support Liam after Bill emptied Liam's piggy bank. Liam told his wife that there was dirty work at the crossroads and that they had to tell Thomas that Caroline wasn't dying. Steffy's look was pure "wait a minute, let's not be hasty." Liam was aghast! Will he soon find himself without a dad, a bank, and a wife? Hey, Carter's available...

Are you warming up to Kyatt? Do you feel you need more answers about Sheila? And do you think Bill has gone too far this time? Talk to us in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"The Sheila story line is pathetic! Get her off the show! Bill is an @sshole! How could Brooke get involved with that jerk after what he did to Hope?" -- TRH

"All for Katie/Wyatt getting together. Maybe he could kiss her and keep her occupied long enough to keep her from spying on everyone." -- Donna

"Sally needs Wyatt. But Sally/Thomas will be the new Thorne/Macy." -- Sheri

Mike's "I Get It" Meter: 2. (Better than last count, which was six; at least the show backed off from that line a little this week!)

Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.