Howdy, partner

Nicole cried in her beer while Thomas and Sally rode into the sunset. Back at the ranch, Katie changed horses, and Ridge tried horsing around with Quinn! Say yes to the yee-haw with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you French fry your frolicking family? Did you ignore a friend request? Did you moonlight as a mattress tester? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

And here we are again, Scoopers! June is bustin' out all over, as the musical theatre song goes, but while B&B is bustin' a move in some ways, it's rather a bust in others. It's been nearly five months since Quidge left their whatevers in San Francisco, and we're still on this as if it's a major story. Yet my soapy dreams may be coming true in the form of Nicole's moody makeover! Let's Scoop about it!

TRY THE FLAMBÉ

Maya's obsessive micromanaging of Lizzy should come as a surprise, but, thinking back, it doesn't. Remember when Maya first came to town, ready to cut a bitch if Dayzee didn't give her back her daughter, who turned out to be "Jesse's girl" and not even her own? Imagine how suffocating Maya would be with her own biological child, which does not include Lizzy. Baby Forrester-Avant is probably glad mama's out of town!

Vivienne was mock hurt that Maya had asked Pam and Coco to sit for her granddaughter, but when Nicole took the phone, it was like "reach out and ice someone." The usually bubbly Nic froze France with her arctic tone to the point Maya couldn't help recalling how angry and threatening li'l sis had been when she arrived in L.A. Neat that we'd hearken back to Nicole's debut, but Introductory Nicole was all smiles by comparison.

Understandably upset over being told uterine scarring had quite possibly caused secondary infertility, Nicole stared at Lizzy, wondering, "Maybe Daddy was right; maybe I shouldn't have given her away." Yesssss! I think it's happening! So don't tell Nicole she could probably go to Steffy's doctor, who refertilized Steffy's barren wasteland in about the time it takes for Nicole to do her hair.

I know I keep saying it, and I know it's partially because Dynasty explored the first surrogacy storyline I'd ever seen. But that should have been B&B's story all along: Nicole's maternal urges. Instead, all we got was the foolishness of Nicole and Sasha fighting over Zende. If we had gotten Nicole into court back then, the stakes would have been much higher, with Zende and Sasha having to choose sides.

So I dearly hope I'm reading the signs correctly and that Nicole is finally going to sue for custody. Look how much Reign Edwards ruled that one phone call. And let's face it: Raya has still not properly paid for their tyranny while Rick was CEO. They got a marriage and a baby. Watching Nicole take Lizzy away from them would even the score in my eyes. Let's do this, B&B!

TEAM PLAYERS

At Forrester, Eric and Ridge were still shooting for turning out a collection in record time in the wake of Spectra's theft. Um, guys, that was six weeks ago! Y'all cranked out California Freedom in a couple of days, it seemed, and that's just one example. I can't believe they're still fartin' around with this. And I continue to be baffled by newbie Zende replacing Thomas, who practically got a red carpet rolled out to entice him to return.

Even Ridge, Mr. Billy Goat Gruff himself, told Thomas he'd helped make Forrester what it is. You know it's big if Ridge is apologizing. Steffy was so wonderfully understanding toward Thomas and his relationship with Sally, I half expected he'd jump back on the Forrester train. Instead, we jumped to the news that Thomas was hanging around the depot until he changed his mind. My heart should skip a beat, not the show.

And Saul...oh, Saul. As Jacqueline MacInnes Wood intoned in her song Girl You Knew, "come on out, playboy/have some pride." Are you buying Saul as lovelorn for Sally? At least he finally made a move and tried to kiss her, but I think he's got the hots for Thomas. Who wouldn't, but his overblown hostility toward Mr. Pecs makes me think the tailor doth protest too much. He cowers to Thomas like he's weak in the knees!

Looking to cancel out Thomas' involvement in Spectra, Saul offered to invest what he'd inherited from his infamous grandfather and be Sally's partner instead! Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis? To begin with, the elder Saul died in 1996. Did Junior Saul have this windfall in trust for 20 years? More importantly, if Saul had this money, where the hell was it when Sally was trying to keep the company afloat? That was just weird.

Though it was nice to see the Dumpster area of Spectra (where I recall the original Sally encountered the homeless, amnesiac Stephanie in 1991, even if that was a set and not today's practical location), Sally trashed Saul's proposal in favor of Thomas, who declared he was defecting to Spectra and taking his place as lead designer! It's Sally's company -- shouldn't she be numero uno?

At any rate, Thomas ditching Forrester seems like a natural step, and if it gives us more Tally, then I say hell yeah! But please, let's do something about Shirley. She couldn't say enough to turn Sally against "Bucko" when she masterminded ripping off Forrester, but now that the hunk dropped 100 G's into Spectra's coffers, she's all Team Thomas. Someone order a crate of Windex, because that's how transparent Grams is!

A STEAMING CUP OF HOT COCO

Thomas decided that, in addition to jazzing up Spectra, he'd step in as sister solver. I must admit that the scene between Thomas and the implacable Coco had some really nice moments. But I think I've heard most of Thomas and Sally's speeches about her mistake before, and while Bill was a rat bastard for trying to sink Spectra with his review, I get the feeling he's a bigger scapegoat here than he should be.

Hoping to be pardoned by Coco, Sally implored her, "think about everything we've been through." And it occurred to me, that's what's missing. Because the Spectra sibs experienced their history off-screen, everything about it is exposition and therefore hard to connect to, as we weren't witness to it. That's not really fixable, but Sally's high percentage of groveling should have been.

Coco's hard line felt a little forced, too. Yes, Coco looks up to Sally, and her older sis has been more like a mother, but even Sally had to remind Coco that she'd only betrayed her once. Anyway, Coco and her unfortunate mushroom blouse finally caved, albeit to a strangely serious music cue that didn't match the apparent tenderness of the moment. But back to that mushroom blouse. It's making me crave mushroom soup.

WE GOTTA GET RIGHT BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED FROM

Thomas also had some warm moments with grandpa Eric, who rightly asked what kind of partnership Thomas would have with Sally. Would Spectra just be riding Thomas' haute couture coattails? Somewhat satisfied with Tom's assurances, Eric advised him to "test yourself -- experience the things you think are missing." Now that's the Eric Forrester we know and love. Isn't John McCook wonderful?

Eric then made the topic of Thomas' defection part of his after-dinner chat, which didn't quite feel right. "Dad's gonna love this," Wyatt deadpanned, his post-Steffy snark still going strong. But then Ridge raged, "Thomas is a Forrester! He can't work for those ripoff artists!" I know soaps generally only reach back so far to keep newer viewers from getting confused, but there is one giant, redheaded elephant in this room. Gargantuan.

And that is: Thomas got his start working for Spectra in 2005. How nice would it be for him to mention that to nuSally, to become nostalgic looking around the walls of his former place of employment? Thomas has blanked out on it, and so has Ridge, who only challenged his son to a Forrester/Spectra design contest. Eric should remember this, too. Steffy can be forgiven; she was in boarding school. Or in a pre-SORAS state.

If you really want to get technical, Thorne, who is more of a Forrester than Ridge can ever hope to be, barring an undoing of that Marone retcon, also defected to Spectra and even had his own label over there. Hell, Ridge once bought Spectra and gave it to Brooke, feeling as underappreciated at Forrester then as Thomas does now! So don't try to pull that Forrester-and-Spectra-never-intersect wool over my eyes. Won't work.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER

For some reason, Thomas was spared having to tell Ridge he was saying hasta la vista to Forrester, but he made sure to have that convo with Steffy. Her "is it to get back at me?" response reminded me of when she used to whine about having to share Ridge with Hope and R.J. More surprisingly, Steffy got all teary-eyed when Thomas turned in his Forrester ID card, and I don't think it was because of allergies.

Steffy ran right to Sally, accusing her of stealing from Forrester again in the form of cheating the design house out of Thomas. "I could ask you why you're trying to hold him back," Sally calmly retorted, for which Steffy had no answer. Sally was also on point when she declared that Steffy liked her at least a little bit and was intrigued by "the woman from the other side of the tracks."

Sally insisted she and Steffy should go grab a burger and become BFFs. "Besties?" Steffy said, nearly doing that neck bob thing. "You've lost your damn mind." Sally's accommodating approach seemed in opposition to a couple of weeks ago, when she warned Steffy not to make her an enemy. Sally even invoked the name of La Forrester, asking if their joining forces would "put a smile on your late grandmother's face." Smooth!

Steffy couldn't seem to make up her mind if she liked Sally or not, which has been a common thread for her since before Australia. Eventually, Steffy promised she'd be watching, and if Thomas so much as needed a Band-Aid at Spectra, "you'll have to answer to me, bestie." I still say Steffy could use some kind of friend, as friendships are so rare on this show. Especially with Liam actually on the backburner for a change!

THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE OF US IN THIS HERE TOWN

Has Prince Omar replaced Katie with a double the way he stuffed a wax dummy of Taylor into her coffin? I swear, I am not recognizing the youngest Logan sister. Some have suggested that Katie is projecting her anger with Brooke and Bill onto Ridge and Quinn. Given all Katie's bitter "let's say I've learned from experience" declarations, that may not be too far off.

The girl who started out obsessing over her acne now pitches fits over her sudden jewelry designs getting rejected and basically threatens to expose others' wrongdoing if she doesn't get her way. Even stranger, Quinn is taking all this. "I'm really sick of all these veiled whatever" is as far as she went when Katie popped off on her. The real Quinn would have forged another giant sword months ago!

Yes, conversely, when we met Quinn, she was a wuss who shriveled up over Wyatt finding out Bill was his father. Then she was a borderline opportunist. Then she became a blood-licking schemer who quickly graduated to attempted murderess. Now she has no poker face and refuses to give in to Katie because "it's the principle." Wow. Since when has Quinn Fuller Sharpe Forrester given a flying Fig Newton about principle?

CALLING ALICIA SILVERSTONE...

Eric Forrester lived through decades of on-and-off wife Stephanie's machinations. And he learned the true meaning of deception at Sheila Carter's knee. This man should be sharp as a tack in sensing B.S. by now, yet he is completely clueless when it comes to Quinn and the ever-growing web of lies people are telling him to prevent his finding out about Quinn getting beard burn from Ridge. (Lucky girl.)

Katie dropped hints like she was providing breadcrumb GPS for Hansel and Gretel, and Eric still didn't ping. Katie admitting she's lonely did give more of an M.O. for her busybody behavior. "I want someone who's gonna stand up for me," she said wistfully, Eric clearly in her mind's eye. What about Jake? Thorne? Carter? First boyfriend Rocco? The long missing Drs. Meade and Hayden? The even longer-missing Connor?

Or, since it's always a family affair on B&B, why not have Katie groove with the equally lonely Wyatt? Or seduce Liam away from Steffy as revenge for Still? I know Katie needs a story, but her tenure as Stephanie Lite ain't cuttin' it. As for Eric, denial isn't a good look on him, either. Wish we could have seen him helping Quinn to keep her crazy in check. Instead, looks like the Quidge reveal will put him in the hospital again.

MIGHT LIKE YOU BETTER IF WE SLEPT TOGETHER

I could count the number of Quinn's kisses with Ridge on one hand, yet the secret of them has been dragged out for nearly half a year. This isn't Maya's gender identity, or Liam getting his memory back. It doesn't merit this kind of a drag-out. Some folks find Quidge's longing attractive, but I think it's the weakest link on the show right now. Throwing Katie's accessory accosting into the mix isn't strengthening it.

After months of not knowing where Ridge stashes all his black blazers and blue shirts, we finally learned he's bunking in the Forrester guesthouse, which, as Katie noted, puts him in close proximity with Quinn. Stepmommie Dearest burst in complaining to Ridge about Katie's blackmail. Ridge thought they should assign Katie her own jewelry line. Makes sense on paper, but would allowing that inch give Katie license to try for a mile?

As they have done millions of times before, Ridge and Quinn rehashed their relentless discussions about their not knowing why they even kissed in the first place or why they can't stop doing it; it was wrong, it would never happen again, if Eric found out there would be hell to pay. Even Quidge must have realized how monotonous they'd become, because they suddenly changed up their flow by rolling around on the bed, sucking face!

Quidge sprinted past first base, whipped past second, and were on their way to third when Quinn abruptly called, "You're out!" Realizing their kisses were no longer meaningless (ground I thought they'd covered in Sydney), Quinn left Ridge alone with his blue balls and tried to figure out how she'd face Eric, who came home acting like he knew about the affairlet, but really wanted to talk about Katie's jewelry. Interesting.

We really need to wrap up this whole Quidge/Queric thing. Like Quinn's assessment of Katie's bauble designs, it's gotten "boring." Personally, this is all very unlike Ridge, whose field-playing is legendary but has never carried on like this, as I recall, unless we count Ridge's lab lay with Brooke while she was married to Eric. The suspense over the secret is flat, and it's getting as stale as Pam's week-old lemon bars. Ain't feelin' it!

MY FAVORITE SHOES ARE FLIP-FLOPS

I still don't get Quinn, the woman who innocently ran around town for months after dumping Ivy into the River Seine, being unable to keep the guilt off her face over nearly shagging Ridge. Even Wyatt picked up on his mother's constipated look. I'm surprised Wyatt didn't pull his traditionally troublemaking mom aside and ask her what she'd done this time. "Seriously, Mom? Is that why Liam's gone? You locked him up again?"

Then there's Katie, who worked herself into such a froth about protecting the man who was there for her more than her own father (when was that, by the way?) that she channeled Brooke's tears. "Their affair is intimacy, sexual or not!" Katie cried. Very true. "Take it from me, there's all different kinds of ways to have an affair." Nice! As nice as Ivy remembering she'd also kissed the wrong man (Thomas). Love those deets!

Katie could no longer stand being complicit in keeping Quidge's liplocks from Eric. And then a funny thing happened. Eric agreed to put some of Katie's jewelry designs in an upcoming collection, so Katie took Quinn outside and thanked her! "I have no intention of saying anything to Eric," Katie assured. The hell? The truth only mattered to her until she got her own way? Dude, she flip-flopped as if she'd gotten a presidential spray tan.

Finally alone with Eric, Quinn asked to be held, so shaken that Eric wondered what was wrong. This only heightened Eric's cluelessness and Quinn's out-of-character mea culpa. What a mess this story is. I can't even figure out how to resolve it. Maybe it's time for Quinn to descend into madness under the strain of her failed attempt at goodness. Yet, anything that has Thorsten Kaye on a bed works for me. Yee-haw!

What stories/characters have you jumping in the saddle and which have you wanting to shoot up the floor so they can dance around the bullets? Pony up in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I appreciated that Ridge was saying that Brooke had grown up and realized 'romancing' every man she ran into was just 'over' while he still could not control himself...I think when Brooke is 'with' somebody she spends her time making 'that guy' happy...when it came down to it, I don't think any of her non-Ridge husbands actually wanted out...my scenario...is that Bill gets damaged at the...site of his new building and spends some time semi-paralyzed. And can't have sex. And Brooke is supportive but he doesn't believe it." -- "evave2"

"For pity's sake, can't Brooke just be single for 5 minutes? Why does she go from man to man? Who falls in 'love' that easily then out again?" -- Connie

"Brooke made the 100% best choice. But the wedding was disappointing to me, I wanted to see Monaco again!" -- Lily

One final note: doesn't it seem like somebody is saying "I get that" in almost every episode? Don't like that ten-second version of the opening theme, either; all models and no stars? Oy.

Anyway, those are my soap scrawlings this go-round -- thank you, as always, for reading my contribution to the delinquency of B&B viewers everywhere. Chanel's back next week, and I'll do it all again for you the following weekend. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity or orientation, we're all beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.