#Bold30: Diamonds are a girl's best friend

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but a kiss on another continent ushered in The Bold and the Beautiful's 30th anniversary. Give credits where credits are due with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you decide Australia needed a zip code? Did you get a new aquatic-themed cover for your smartphone? Did you celebrate 30 bold and beautiful years? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

It's all about the diamonds, Scoopers! "Time rolls on, and youth is gone, and you can't straighten up when you bend" -- that's from Marilyn Monroe's infamous song "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend", which is strangely fitting, in a way. Did you know diamonds are considered the traditional 30th anniversary gift? I knew 25 was silver and gold was 50, yet Thursday put one diamond on the screen I am still super stoked about.

But first, this Australia remote feels just like a B&B remote should. Somehow, Paris, Amsterdam, even Abu Dhabi didn't have the same impact to me. I know the show went Down Under for the 20th anniversary, too. But this go-round is simply sumptuous. And I have to be honest -- I got to go up those stairs to the Sydney Opera House myself in 2005, so I kind of felt a connection to our fictional families while they were out there.

Of course, this wasn't just any ol' remote, and I'm not talking about Steam's wedding or Brooke's own early wedding present. I don't recall feeling nearly this warm and fuzzy over the show's 20th ten years ago, and I can't remember if B&B even acknowledged their tenth in any way. This anniversary just felt more special to me. And I think the show itself was on that wavelength, too. Let's Scoop about it!

MISTY WATER-COLORED MEM'RIESOn March 23, 1987, when B&B aired its first episode, I was a senior in high school. I had only gotten hooked on my first soap, Dynasty (and, by extension, The Colbys) the year before. I paid no attention to the CBS lineup until the following spring, after graduation, when I sat down with my mom one day and happened to see The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful, As the World Turns, and Guiding Light. History was made. Mine, anyway.

I think I can recall when Ridge sneaked into bed with the original Caroline, and I have more vivid images of Ridge shooting Thorne "the hell in the head," as Ronn Moss once said was their in-joke. I only watched intermittently the next year or two; I saw Jake about to learn about his molestation, and, at the radio station where I worked, I switched away from the weather forecast I was supposed to take note of and caught Deveney trying to punk Thorne.

The real pull came in 1992. I got caught up in Michael Baldwin's crimes on Y&R, and there was this woman on B&B who seemed to be causing trouble. She was a nurse. By the time Eric was ready to marry Sheila, I was filing in a hospital, and I'll never forget sneaking down to the waiting room, joining the crowd around the TV with the visitors and nurses. Would Lauren stop the ceremony and tell Eric everything? Fully epic.

Back-from-the-dead Taylor wanting Ridge back mirrored me still pining for my own ex. Sheila's antics helped me deal with the anger I was still carrying from my childhood. At so many important milestones in my life, B&B was there. I think of a storyline and remember what I was experiencing at the time. Stephanie even died practically the same week as my friend Christopher, whom I'd hooked on the show in the '90s.

To me B&B is like that long-time friend you can't imagine your life without, even if sometimes you want to take that friend by the shoulders, shake him or her as hard as you can, and shriek, "What the hell are you doing? You are totally better than this!" I have sometimes had to force myself to watch because I had a column to write. And yet, I feel a loyalty that goes all the way back to 1988, when I was just barely an adult.

So when Eric and Brooke sat on that beach with their champagne glasses this week, saying these years have "been bold...and beautiful," I couldn't help but smile. People call soaps a dying art. But only a soap can stick with you through the decades in this way. That's why I'm glad B&B gave us all the time capsules and their own acknowledgements on Thursday. But enough sap. Let's talk some remotes!

BUT DE NILE DOESN'T FLOW THROUGH AUSTRALIAWhy did Brooke refuse to believe what Katie saw between Ridge and Quinn? Even across the International Date Line, La Logan told Katie to STFU and then tried to pivot by initiating sexy time with Ridge when she was supposed to be asking her destiny what Katie was smoking. Brooke Logan Forrester Forrester Chambers Forrester Forrester Jones Forrester Forrester Forrester Marone Forrester Forrester Forrester is not this nave.

"He's not that kind of man," Brooke insisted to her former acne-suffering sis. You know, Brooke's right -- that isn't how Ridge rolls, in either permutation. Yeah, he traded up wives faster than most of us trade up cell phones, but I don't remember Ridge fooling around with one woman while promised to another. Maybe once, when Ridge porked Alex Simpson the night before his first wedding to Caroline. Am I wrong?

THAT'S WHAT FRENEMIES ARE FOR"I've had so much fun," Ivy gushed to Steffy about wedding planning together. "Even more than when you electrocuted me." Well, maybe that's in a deleted scene. I just can't see these two bonding this much after all the blackmailing and trips to the hospital. Better late than never, I suppose; I wanted to see Steffy and Ivy bond over covering up the circumstances behind Aly's death instead of the silly vendetta that followed.

At least Ivy finally got to be the new Face of Forrester without having to hold a snuff video over Steffy's head. Why Forrester's co-CEO and co-jeweler were pulling a RuPaul for the cameras, I don't know. And who invited the public? All this fuss over the nuSpectras potentially stealing stuff when any John or Jane Aussie could snap a pic with their phone and post it right then and there. That made no sense to me.

TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT, TAKE A TRIP TO GET CLICKBAITAnother thing that didn't make sense was Shirley drooling over the thought of millions of likes if Sally accepted Thomas' roundabout wedding invitation and snapped some secret pix of the bride. Publicity for what, Shirley? Spectra's one mini-collection crashed before takeoff, and no one's working on anything new. And don't you already have a company-saving plan in the form of Coco being a human Facebook Live?

Even Sally asked, "Do you really think we should be making waves if we're stealing their designs?" I feel like B&B is just throwing things at the wall with the nuSpectras and seeing what sticks. The only thing that really shakes out is that Sally and Thomas are genuinely sweet together. I just wish we could put more effort into developing them as a couple. It's too early to fully root for them after just a few kisses.

Case in point: Sally told those frequent flyer folks that tortured Quinn on the way to Monte Carlo that she and Thomas hadn't even had a first date yet. Yet Sally knocked on the toweled Thomas' door, and they immediately made out. I'm thinking they must have bumped uglies because Sally apparently stayed in his hotel room overnight instead of consulting Trivago. Where's that first date again? Slow down, crazy, slow down.

TRY THE ZIPLOC BAGWell, I gotta give it to her: Steffy sure knows how to keep her marriage fresh before she even gets married. She zipped in the freshness by cruising in on a zip line, which I have to say was one helluva entrance. I'm pretty sure it was CGId and that Jacqueline MacInnes Wood didn't actually breeze in, but it looked good. You think the Sydney Opera House would let B&B attach a zip line to their iconic building?

Given how many times Steffy caused Ivy bodily injury, wouldn't it have been funny if Ivy offered to make the wedding plans only to sabotage the zip line? I half expected Steffy to fall off, either through that, or because she has habit of plunging from things on trips. Steffy's entrance was very musical theatre, though. If CEOing doesn't work out, Steffy might want to get Zende to do up some headshots for auditions.

So, the actual wedding. Bill started by talking about Liam's soul. Bill probably had to Google that, since he doesn't have a soul. Wasn't his speech awfully flowery and profound for someone who has no depth? Ridge got a little verklempt talking about his "little tomboy." Too bad there was no mention of Phoebe. And Steffy saying, "I'll always be your little girl"? This is your fourth wedding, chica, not your first.

And I know -- many of you are wondering where Taylor was. Of course, we haven't seen her since 2014. Don't forget, Taylor wasn't at Statt's wedding a year ago, either. Maybe it's just not that easy to fly a guest star all the way to Australia. You'll notice only contract people were in attendance. Though I do agree that, storyline-wise, not having Taylor there didn't ring true. She could have Skyped, like Hope did for Deacon's nups.

PROP ME UP BESIDE THE JUKEBOX IF I DIEBack in L.A., Wyatt got a cool new haircut -- and apparently a new personality. A one night pity party, or are we headed for #DrunkWyatt? "We got caught up in my mother's web," Wyatt boo-hooed to where-did-they-come-from besties Zencole. His own marriage to Steffy was "amazing." If by amazing he means she spent the whole time longing for Liam, then yeah, it was amazing. Have some cheese with that whine, Wyatt.

"We're here for you, Wyatt," Nicole assured, "even though you only kissed me to get info about my sister." Damn, that must have been in a deleted scene, too. She said she'd never trust him again, and here she was casting herself as Dear Abby. Would you take relationship advice from her and Zende? Their dynamic is "carry surrogate baby first, ask questions later." Not that I didn't feel bad for Wyatt. I did. Here's a hug, big guy.

A FORRESTER ABORIGINALFor a diamond anniversary, we unfortunately didn't get to see the diamond Liam put on Steffy's finger. Weird that they'd show his ring, but not hers. Maybe her tattoo removal left scarring. I did like Liam's "say it, say it, say it" anticipation as he and Steffy were pronounced man and wife. It sounded improvised and truly captured Liam's excitement. Then everyone changed and whizzed around Sydney Harbor on a boat.

The ride extended into the closing credits, which was a nice touch. But Steffy must have had a hair dryer and curlers in that boat, because she arrived for her reception on Manly Beach (which I have also been to!) with perfect, dry curls. I enjoyed the inclusion of the Aborigines and how they gave our travelers a taste of local color. I hope Ivy remembers to tell them about Tim Tams, an Australian chocolate biscuit I still dream about.

But let me get this straight. Steffy basically flew in above her wedding guests. She looked out lovingly at her attendees. She did the whole boat thing and then some kind of conga line with everyone, and through all that she never noticed Sally was there?! Steffy only finally saw Sally getting a drink with Thomas, and even then, all she really said was Sally wasn't welcome there. Talk about missing the drama!

There's no way Steffy could have not seen that tuft of red hair shining in the Australian sun. How 'bout she stops the ceremony and says Sally has to go, only to give in to Thomas and go through with exchanging vows in Sally's presence anyway? Something went very wrong with that story arc. If my heart missed that many beats, I would not be sitting here columnizing for you now!

YO, BRUTHA, GIMME SOME CREDITBut all is forgiven -- this time -- because Thursday's episode cut from Steffy dancing to a blast from the bold and beautiful past! Yes, B&B took their first credit sequence, which ran from 1987 to 2000, was it? -- and retooled it with current characters and a remixed original theme. I had an instant geekgasm, and I am still having multiple geekgasms. This flashback/flash-forward opening is giving me life. I can't stop watching it!

And I can't remember who on B&B's staff pointed it out, but look at the number on the bottom of the lens in the new credits' opening shot. It's 032387. The show's premiere date! That's the kind of attention to detail that hits my geeky sweet spot. Oh, if all our stories could be that layered! But hearing that theme, seeing the updated visuals with references to original poses...quicker than a ray of light, I felt like I just got home.

It's trippy, too, because I've had my head buried in the '90s, creating profiles for long-gone characters (to be posted soon!), and then I did my 30 Unsolved Mysteries of B&B column and purposely used the old logo in my picture, thinking of how I missed the old theme and look. And the next day, there it was! Cosmic! Did I mention how excited I am about the "new" opening? I'm really excited, and I'm happy too!

#BOLD30And then Eric and Brooke sat on the beach, watching the sun set and thinking about how far they'd come in 30 years. What can I say, I'm nostalgic: I can't get enough of watching John McCook and Katherine Kelly Lang together, I guess mostly because they're our last two original stars. They are B&B. Happy diamond anniversary to the two of you, and thank you for three decades of compelling work.

I did chuckle, though, when Brooke talked about how she and Ridge had a 30-year start on Eric and Quinn. Well, 29, actually. But since when do we mark things in real time? SORAS messes up that equation so thoroughly it is funny. Rick is clearly in his mid-30s, which would have him born before Bridge met, and Ridge was 30 in 1987, so he should be 60, when he definitely isn't. But it's all part of soaps' wink-wink-nod-nod.

B&B wound up its 30th anniversary episode by flashing back to Beric's honeymoon, Rick's birth, and Eric's first appearance (in the first episode!). We moved from Brooke's lab to Brooke's Bedroom. And we got Stephanie. I know the show couldn't reshoot Ronn Moss scenes with Thorsten Kaye, so we had to settle for Bridge's first scene with Thorsten from 2013. Still, the homage was touching and really well done.

I have to wonder, though...if Eric and Brooke find themselves without cuddle partners after Quinn and Ridge are exposed, might we be going for Beric #3? The first thing Eric flashed back to was their wedding. I guess we already got their first meeting in the time capsule clips (which I already miss), so the show decided not to repeat it. I always thought Bridge was endgame, but now I'm thinking it may just be Beric after all.

MADGE, I'M SOAKING IN IT!So both Thomas and Ivy sounded like before a movie starts at a theatre and you get that recording about turning off your cell phones and please no videos or photography. Yes, okay, private celebrity wedding; I'm hip. But if privacy was such an issue, why were there throngs of people wandering around behind them at the Opera House? Like one of them couldn't get a pic or video and sell it to a tabloid? You tried it, B&B. Tried it.

And Sally, who has the biggest, pinkest phone in any hemisphere, manages to take three pictures with no one noticing, not even Thomas, who could surely see the fuchsia movement in his peripheral vision. Then on the dock, Steffy demanded, "Where's the camera, Sally?" when it was right in her frickin' hand! Like Steffy didn't know their cake fights were caught on phones? I'm surprised she didn't grab it right out of Sally's hand.

I do like that Sally was conflicted over posting the shots because of Thomas, even lying to Shirley that she didn't get any. Too bad Steffy wasn't briefed, otherwise she might not have rejected Sally's offer of friendship. Steffy wanted Sally gone, and before long, her new ginger nemesis toppled into the Pacific, much like Great-Aunt Sally toppled into Italy's Lake Como.

I mean, I liked it, but all these exact parallels to the Spectra gang's original antics feel too convenient somehow. They happen too close together; it's far too coincidental. Steffy did seem to feel bad at first, but Sally didn't seem the least bit concerned that her precious phone was now trying to find Nemo and Dory. I also wish we had actually seen Thomas dive in after Sally, but they were hotter than the Australian sun. Me likey.

LIFE'S A BEACH AND THEN YOU DIEOur #Bold30 celebration was so powerful, Brooke and Eric toasted to the sunset and then reverted back to hours before in much fuller light, and so did everyone else. I hope that was sparkling cider Eric brought Brooke, or else the recovering alcoholic was gulping Champagne! Maybe she needed a stiff one, because what she was about to see might be enough to push her off the wagon.

I think the whole lot of them might need interventions. Talk about a boozy party; how much did Bill and Liam alone knock back? Good thing nobody lit a match, or Manly Beach would have erupted in flames. Ridge and Quinn were too far away to blow things up with the sparks they were apparently generating as they just happened to run into each other on the shore, which, of course, they would.

Quidge doesn't want anyone to find out they know what each other's saliva tastes like, yet they keep having conversations everywhere after getting caught in charged moments. Ridge and Quinn declared their kissy-poos were over -- again. "We'll always have the memory," Quinn swooned. "But your father is the first healthy relationship I've had, if you don't count that I was totally rebounding from Liam."

Rats, another deleted scene. You know the sand's about to fly because Eric and Brooke both talked about how happy they were, an overdone telegraph on soaps. Then Quinn basically said she'd also fallen in love with Ridge! But so sad, too bad, that couldn't be, so Ridge lapsed into cup-Quinn's-face mode and returned her cheek graze with some full-on tonsil hockey. And Brooke saw it!

Oh, no, not the misunderstood goodbye kiss. Macy spent over a year in a downward spiral because Thorne read more into her bye-bye buss with Jake, and Brooke herself had to watch Ridge propose to Taylor on the runway because of her innocent smackeroo with Grant. So does Brooke have any room to talk here? 'Cuz it looks like she's fixin' to give Quinn the Stephanie Forrester Double Bitch Slap! ™

What did you think of B&B's 30th anniversary celebration? What are your favorite B&B memories? When did you start watching? And what do you think of the rebooted opening? Wish B&B a happy anniversary in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"[My favorite B&B memories are Thorne and Macy's] Rotterdam concert. Sheila shoots Taylor & Brooke. Anthony shoots Sally. CJ & Becky marry." -- Ann

"The one storyline I'd love to see re-visited is that of Deveney Dixon (a.k.a. Angela Forrester). Her rivalry with Stephanie was so beyond incredible, and the connections and schemes she attempted while she was on the canvas were some of the most throat-punching I've seen on B&B!" -- Joel

"I disagree with you about Ridge and Quinn. I personally love them. They are the only reason I turn on to the show now. Even if Ronn Moss was still on the show, I would have to say it should be a wrap for Ridge and Brooke. How many times can they marry? How many times can they split? It's time for these characters to move on to others. Brooke and Bill have an explosive on-screen chemistry and so does Ridge and Quinn. These should be the new pairings. Ridge and Brooke are just plain boring at this point!" -- "vrj40"

"I am so pissed they are making Ridge betray Eric yet again -- Katie nauseates me she is sooo nosy -- GET A LIFE KATIE...I always thought Bridge was end game; my guess is Brill is." -- Lori

Yeah, Katie's getting to be more of a busybody than Stephanie and Taylor were, and that's saying something. If hunky Dr. Hayden isn't going to come back for her, then how about Clarke? Katie likes her bad boys, and Clarke could show nuSally and her team what Spectra-saving is all about. Let's get on it, B&B!

Well, my friends in Scoopness, this column went on extra long, and Points to Ponder have been preempted, but I couldn't help digging into #Bold30 with you. Chanel's back with you next week, and I'll zip line in April 4. If you're really gonna miss me in the meantime, don't forget to have a look at my special 30 Unsolved Mysteries of B&B column. Study the histories of yesterday and today's B&B faces with my character profiles. And if you like the way I write about TV, I do a little of that about Bewitched in print and eBook form. Happy #Bold30! Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

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