"Mama, it's Coco!"

The even newer addition to the still-new Spectra clan turned heads, but are they and other Los Angeles residents dealing in alternative facts? Pivot with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you make a case with an unsanitary napkin? Did you want some marshmallows with your Coco? Did you have flashbacks 30 times over? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

Just like Taylor, Sheila, and Macy, I am back from the dead, Scoopers! I needed last week off to play Three's Company's Jack Tripper in a local production that recreated classic TV shows. Speaking of classic, is anyone else having a full-on geekgasm over B&B showing infamous scenes ramping up to its 30th anniversary? Stephanie! Sheila and Lauren! Brooke and "all you frickin' people!" Tissue, please.

But this week...I dunno. Not only are the Ridge/Quinn and Brooke/Bill push-pulls starting to feel stale, but in some ways, it's like B&B folks are taking a page from those fib-filled White House press conferences. Bill built Spencer Publications? Everyone now drinking the Quinn Kool-Aid? Spectra always ripped off Forrester? I'm about to pull a CNN and school y'all better than Betsy DeVos. Let's Scoop about it!

WEDDING OR NOT, HERE I COMEAt least Zencole is consistent: they came back from their honeymoon about as fast as they got engaged and married. Nice try, kiddies, but those Virgin Islands views with the corny Calypso music were so CGI'd. I still can't invest in this couple; their happy canoodling rings false to me. I don't need to see them back so soon, much less everybody taking time out of a business meeting to discuss them.

Maya said that's what happens "when you marry a Forrester." So I must address something I've seen a lot of buzz about -- is Zende a Forrester? Seems to me his childhood passport read "Zende Forrester-Dominguez," and that's how I've always referred to him in his character profile. Yet the credits dub him "Zende Dominguez." I'm confused. Though I'd rather debate that than get cavities from their sugary forcedness!

Wedding fever continued to dominate, as Liam and Steffy called a big meeting to announce their upcoming nuptials in Australia. Except Ivy already knew, 'cuz she suggested it to them, and Brooke and Ridge already knew, 'cuz Steffy suggested it to them. That left Bill, Eric, and Quinn as the news recipients. Totally worth a meeting. Of course, it was just to remind us that B&B is going Down Under next month.

And I'm down (under) with that; it's just the reminder that's contrived. The whole family together in a foreign land for a wedding? Wouldn't it be great to see bullets whizzing by like in Dynasty's notorious Moldavia Massacre? Who lives? Who dies? B&B won't do that, of course, so maybe Zende can get flagged at the airport as part of that current Muslim ban. He was born in Africa, after all! Can't get more topical than that.

COLD FEET, OR COLD SOMETHING ELSESo the Steam wedding anticipators can't stop gushing about Steffy and Brooke pulling a Brady Brides with a double wedding, but no one notices that Ridge is clearly not on board. By the way, I'm pretty well okay with Steffy letting go of her anti-Logan rants and embracing her former stepmother. Brooke did help raise Taylor's kids, and that vendetta was already old during the mask-boink.

But the way Ridge kept brushing off doing a walkabout down the aisle, Brooke's single tear should have made its way down her cheek from pure instinct. Instead, she saved it for Bill -- twice -- first by giving him a hot-air balloon "plant" filled with money for his birthday, then by listening to Bill declare his undying lust for her atop Spencer Publications. Will Bridge give each other copies of He's Just Not That Into You?

First off, I don't think Brill was ever actually together long enough to mark Bill's birthday. (And Bill, a Pisces? Seriously? Aries or Sagittarius, sure, but Pisces?) And don't give me that hot air about their Aspen balloon ride being fond and magical. They were there looking for Katie who had disappeared because of her postpartum depression! Yeah, nothing says sparks flying like tracking a borderline suicidal wife/sister.

Since Bill loves his phallic symbols, he announced from his skyscraper that he built his empire for himself. News flash, Dollah -- your daddy built Spencer Publications, not you! He then gave Brooke his sword necklace out of sheer devotion...meaningful, except Quinn made it for him. Now Brooke can tell R.J. to wear his and Steffy to take her blingy one out of mothballs, and they can all do some sword strutting together.

"I was at my best when I was with you," Bill's chest heaved. Dude, your first go-round was you cheating on your wife; for your second, you built a love nest in your office, hoping to cheat on your wife. You tricked Katie into signing over Spencer by taking her to bed in an attempt to clear the way for Brooke. Don't try to make this sound like some grand love. And why hire Emmy? What is her position? Professional stunt caster? Sorry, Sheryl.

DON'T SQUEEZE THE CHARMINInexplicably, Eric and Quinn had Brooke and Ridge over to celebrate the Australia wedding that Ridge never agreed to. Oh, and get this: after thirty years in that mansion, suddenly the door to the "powder room" gets stuck. Maybe there's a telegraph next to the toilet, not that you needed one to see where this was going. Knowing Charlie's nose for news, hopefully Eric busted out the Glade before Charlie busted him out.

At least Brooke got water to toast with, a nice nod to #DrunkBrooke. Can you believe she broke bubbly with the same woman who smacked her to the floor over Deacon two years ago? Meanwhile, Pam and the strangely underdressed Charlie catered this little affair while Brooke waxed poetic about how similar Ridge and Quinn are. Ridge has always been impish, but I don't recall him having a taste for danger before.

Guess Ridge also has a taste for replying to emails on the throne, because for some reason, he headed into the bathroom to do so, only to run into Quinn, who seems not to lock the door when she has to pee. Deciding they couldn't keep acting on their attraction, Ridge tried to head out of the head and found that -- surprise! -- the door was stuck. How come Quinn didn't get trapped in there by herself? Contrivance, meet kettle.

Too bad Sasha wasn't there to dip things into the john, because rather than simply call Eric or Brooke and tell them they'd been kidnapped by the Ty-D-Bol Man, Ridge and Quinn found an aphrodisiac in air fresher and mashed their lips together yet again. Charlie finally sprung them; though he missed the L'Oral on Ridge's lips, he did spy Quinn wiping it off and collected the napkin from the trash. Sasha would be proud.

I just can't see Ridge doing this to Brooke. I know Brooke has some similar karma coming to her for her own hormonal misdeeds over the years, but I really feel bad for her. Bridge is endgame, even without Ronn Moss; let's just get them together and get it over with. Though Beric still has chemistry to spare -- did you notice? It was as palpable as it was in those time capsule flashbacks they got. Quinn who?

STILL WON'T FLYThe napkin Charlie absconded with didn't have wings, but the perennially suspicious Pam went from maxi to mini when her boo tried to tell her about Quidge's boo-boo. She just would not believe Charlie saw Quinn wipe lipstick off Ridge's mouth. How can Pam be so dense? Too much lemon in her lemon bars? Ridge and Quinn weren't much better, again alone in a room after saying they needed to knock off the nuzzling.

Both Quidge and Brill spent Friday talking about the relationships they didn't have when those convos were clearly over on Thursday. And then, wouldn't you know, Eric walked in and caught his wife and son in a charged moment, just like Brooke did a month ago. Eric was nearly accusatory, just like Brooke. But Ridge must be taking deflecting lessons from the new administration, because Eric bought the bull. Just like Brooke.

Not only is this flirtation with Quinn making Ridge look very bad, it's really being dragged out. I usually tsk-tsk the show for moving too fast, but six weeks of this is enough. It's going nowhere. Katie's wary, Ivy's a witness, now Charlie's on the scent. And all the while, there's the potential of Ridge pushing Brooke back to Bill. It's just not grabbing me. Nor is everyone suddenly being Team Quinn. Let's move on already.

HOT COCOIn case you were wondering, this column's title comes from a line in an '80s commercial for Coco Chanel's perfume. And you may realize that, just as Macy was named for a department store, our newest Spectra is named after said famed designer. I like Coco. She's fresh and earnest, kinda like a pre-fame Debbie Gibson. But I wonder if she isn't being integrated into nuSpectra's story too fast -- not to mention diluting Sally's.

Coco's presence just shines a brighter spotlight on a question B&B really needs to answer -- how all these new people tie together. Okay, the original Sally has a sister who has two granddaughters. But then who are Sally and Coco's parents? How can they carry the name Spectra? That's Shirley's name; unless she didn't marry, her child would have a different last name. More so if Shirley had a daughter who married also.

Next, nuSally just breezed into town. But from where? The same unnamed place Shirley had her bakery? Where is everyone living now? Did they put sleeping bags in the Spectra office? How does Shirley know Saul 2.0? She just called him up one day. And how does Saul know Darlita? They seem to be friends; Saul reminded Coco how "Dar" gets over broken nails, despite the fact Coco and Darlita just met that day.

See, this is what I mean: B&B thrust this ready-made troupe at us but hasn't really laid the proper groundwork for them. I admit we never really knew Main Sally's background, either, like where she comes from or anything about her family. So you can wedge the nuSpectras in there, but somehow, Coco's arrival is making these plot holes more apparent to me. I need blanks filled, if only for the new character profiles I did up!

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYEThere was a paradigm shift at Spectra this week, as much as if there had been an earthquake in downtown Los Angeles. The goofy, almost blundering baker Shirley suddenly became aggressive and thisclose to sinister. Spectra was dead in the water because Jarrett had savaged Sally's line, so they needed to plant Coco at Forrester to steal their designs! And no nonsense, missy!

First off, doesn't Shirley remember that her sister always got snagged? And Spectra was not only known for knocking off Forrester: they produced very successful original collections by Clarke Garrison, Anthony Armando, Grant Chambers, Amber Moore. Even Thorne Forrester! B&B makes it sound like all Sally did was steal, which is a disservice to the character and, I would argue, Darlene Conley's memory.

It took R.J. to remind everyone that "in the end, our families got along." Why is he the only one to remember that? And how are all the young'uns, from R.J. to Zende and Nicole to even Liam and Steffy, aware of Spectra's history with Forrester? They were either in diapers or not even glints in their daddies' eyes when Sally pulled her biggest stunts. Is Forrester-Spectra relations a component of the company's intern training?

Wow, and Forrester doesn't even pay its interns; cold. Maybe that was part of Sally's back-and-forth about installing Coco there, because I'm not sure what else was. Stealing and copying was not rising to the occasion, Sally told Grams -- it was criminal! But then Sally decided it was time for li'l sis to "rob them blind." Huh? Her changes in tone were about as believable as this week's other "change in tone."

When Sally swooped onto the scene a month ago, she was all fire and music and unafraid to get her hands dirty to advance the Spectra cause. That she now doesn't want to stoop to spying might suggest she'd rather make it on her own merits and designs, and that would give her layers. But that never came out. She hesitated for no clear reason, then gave Coco the go-ahead with that month-ago gleam. Explain, please.

KOO-KOO FOR COCO PUFFSSeemed like Sally gave up awfully easy, too, because now everything depends on Coco, which seems to be stealing Sally's mojo. Isn't Sally plucky enough to dig herself out of her own hole? Coco was right: Sally got only one bad review, influential as it was. And if the fashion press has really written Spectra off already, why bother ripping off Forrester? Nothing Spectra produced would get the industry's attention in that case!

So, Coco Spectra, fresh off the plane or bus or however she got to L.A., lands an interview with Forrester Creations the same day she arrives because Sally pulls some strings with Thomas. Why did the show ignore Sally and Thomas' budding attraction all week and focus on Coco? Watching R.J.'s eyes pop open can't really beat the heat that his older brother's been generating with Sally 2.0.

R.J. strangely came into his own once Coco stepped into the room, and why shouldn't the kid get an adolescent shot at romance? His whole family does -- and they're adults getting adolescent shots at romance. Question: why isn't R.J. in class? He's high school age, and I don't see Brooke homeschooling him. For that matter, where did Coco study? This goes back to needing to know where she and her brood come from.

Coco wowed Thomas as well as R.J., so Thomas called Sally to let her know Junior Miss got the gig. Huh? Why didn't Thomas call Coco directly? Were the brothers Forrester given the authority to hire without approval? Because when Rick found out they'd added a Spectra to the not-payroll, he got as grizzly as if he still had his beard. No Spectra was gonna work there. They steal from Forrester! How can we trust them?

Rick can say that after he made off with designs and gave them to Jackie M to hurt Ridge? This would have been a great place for Rick to acknowledge that and show he's learned from that mistake. Our soap has the annoying habit of pretending past events didn't happen and expecting us to go along with it. Don't you think we're getting enough of that in real life these days, B&B?

SPIES LIKE USCoco knows she was sent to Forrester to spy, yet she promised the Forrester brothers and the unnecessary Zencole she wouldn't. Sally thinks Coco is too decent for espionage and has obvious misgivings but is going along with it anyway. Where can this go? Coco couldn't steal if she wanted to, with everyone watching her like a hawk. Is this just a ploy to start up a romance with Roco? Or is that Co-J?

Over at Spectra, the ascot-less C.J. (thank you; that wasn't a good look for him) told Sally that his mother would also say it wasn't worth rebooting Spectra. Ah, Alternative Facts Disease is alive and well: Sally specifically ordered her namesake to effect that very reboot! And why did nuSally beg C.J. to give her a few more days to turn things around? He already promised her six months, and it's only been one.

Yes, Scoopers, something felt very off this week. Characters forgot themselves and forgot history, and Sally lost a vital feistiness that had me excited about B&B again. The original Sally worked because she had a heart that was bigger than her hair. Sally 2017 was just starting to develop that, but her little sister stole her thunder in three episodes. I'm missing the Sally/Steffy cake clashes already! Or maybe I just miss cake.

Well, it's B&B's 30th anniversary month. What do you want to see happen in Australia? What old characters would you like to see pay a visit? What are your favorite memories from three decades of B&B? Boldly blab in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I like that B&B is going to bring some humor. I have always loved Patrika Darbo, so we will see where it goes..." -- Dean

"I think the idea of a Spectra re-entry to the show is good, but this writing is awful as is the over-the-top acting of nuSally... Darlita? The insulting Latina stereotype? How '80s...as for Thomas, so much for his son needing to have both parents. I bet he won't mention this kid again until he turns up as an angry pre-teen." -- Eileen

"Dj vu! All the Spectras assembled -- Sally Jr, Saul Jr, Darlita and Macy Jr...oops, I mean 'Coco'..." -- Ann

I think we have just enough room for some Points to Ponder!

Eric cut into his day to play golf with Julius. I thought when Papa J first met Papa F that Eric said he didn't hit the links... Why is intern Charlotte in on interviews for other interns? Especially after she had a highly contested romp with Thomas... Bill had an aversion to telling Brooke about his aversion to birthdays. Did we miss an opportunity to dig into some of the Dollah's childhood pain?

"We should have questioned that more," Charlie remarked regarding Ridge and Quinn's trip to Frisco. Ya think?... "I don't want a Spectra working here," Rick grumbled. Um, excuse me, former tyrannical CEO, you don't have enough pull to make hiring decisions anymore... Brooke wanted to give Bill time to "get used to the changes" in their relationship. The guy's had three months; he's been hanging around mopey Wyatt too long... Coco misheard R.J.'s name as "Reggie." I kind of like that better -- and it might be a cute nickname if the teens get together!

Well, I'm back next week, since Chanel did back-to-back columns, so until then, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

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