The specter of Spectra, or, let them eat cake

Bill and Zende ate crow, but nuSally ate up the chance to frost Steffy. Does the old recipe work on 21st century B&B? Bake someone happy with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you try to play horse away from the basketball court? Did you want to go down under before the honeymoon? Did you "batter" up for an epic reboot? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

To quote someone who's getting too much press lately, no fair! Sad! B&B pulls off its biggest surprise since "You're my brother Myron," and it happens on Chanel's week. I just figured Eric had mentioned Sally as a quick homage to Darlene Conley -- I had no idea it heralded what feels like an all-new show. So much to say about the nuSpectras! Oh, yeah, and other stuff happened, too. Let's Scoop about it!

Love that classic KC and the Sunshine Band song, but did not love Zende acting like he still had a chance with Nicole, especially since they've been off-screen since before 2016 ended. Wish Zencole had died along with those dozens of celebrities, but B&B seems determined to prop them up in the name of romance. Nicole was so strong to kick Zende to the curb. Why make her regress?

Look, Zende's a nice guy. And I appreciated Maya taking responsibility for her and Rick playing a part in messing up Nicole's relationship by asking her for babies. But it was Zende's choice -- and Zende's choice alone -- to sleep with Sasha. Okay, the first time, he had already broken up with Nicole. But the second? He got drunk, got on a plane, and got on Sasha. I'm sorry, but Zende had his chance and blew it. Twice.

Yeah, yeah, Maya, forgiveness. But what message does it send viewers that Nicole would finally succumb to Zende's umpteen marriage proposals after he betrayed her twice just because he rolled up in a horse-drawn carriage and said one line in a British accent? I was about as thrilled as that driver seemed to be. Only Rick had a clue when he advised that you can simply hurt someone too much.

So, Zende gained a fiance, and Nicole lost her self-respect. Worse yet, Rick, Maya, and R.J. were all rooting for them. Why wasn't R.J. in school? Probably for the same reason Liam is never at work. Five'll get you ten Zende does Nicole wrong again. The only cool thing is maybe we might get a visit from Kristen and Tony out of this. But when a relationship is dead, it's dead. Not gonna support the third go-round of Zencole.

Our show, best known for triangles, appears to be developing something rare in its history: a sextet. Or is that sextangle? I don't mean an X-rated game of Twister -- I mean the current entanglements of Bill/Brooke/Ridge/Quinn/Eric/Katie. It's a geometry teacher's wet dream. Maybe Bill is teaching rhomboids and dodecahedrons these days, because his dreams of all consistencies are focused solely on Brooke.

And it's so not Bill. The original barracuda, the consummate womanizer, the Dollah himself, pining over the same woman for four years? This is a man who is used to females throwing themselves at him, and he probably wouldn't turn down the occasional guy for the right amount of worship. I can't stand Bill's constant "Ridge will screw this up, and I will be there for you" rhetoric. It's just demeaning to the character.

When Wyatt demonstrates growth and splits from Forrester to get space from Steffy, you know they're handing out parkas in the netherworld. Bill should take more than a few lessons from Instakid Number Two. Bill is too sexy, too vital, and too ornery to sit around waiting for crumbs from anybody. Besides, Brill is too tainted from nearly half a decade of skeeviness. Move on, Dollah, and buy some stock in Self-Esteem already!

Brooke surprised Bill -- and me -- by admitting that she'd gone to see the scooter-riding, "more mature" Hope (are we being set up for a recast?) to get away and clear her head. Hmm. Brooke also went to Milan for that reason in late 2014. Of course, that time, she came back from reflecting and jumped right into being #DrunkBrooke. "In the past, I followed my heart at the expense of other people," Brooke conceded.

I appreciate her owning that tendency, though she's owned it before and immediately reverted. La Logan channeled Liam's constipated look as Bill lamented ditching her at the altar and got so emotional over Bill's confessions that her legendary one tear was joined by a second. If Brooke returned clearheaded and determined to marry Ridge, why is she trembling over Bill? Well, outside of his body under that tight shirt.

Maybe Brooke had trouble forgetting hearing Ridge and Quinn insist that a secret be kept from her, despite buying Ridge's claim that he and his former enemy were designing a special necklace for Bridge's wedding day. Come on, Brooke, you've gone from the Valley to Beverly Hills long enough to know it doesn't snow in either place, despite the snow job you got. She was overly suspicious then dropped it like it was hot.

For their part, I don't know that I like where Ridge and Quinn are going, either. I still have trouble with Queric, even if Quinn has behaved the last six months, and even with Thorsten Kaye in the role, I still think Bridge is the show's endgame. I'd rather not see either tanked by Ridge betraying both Eric and Brooke. Yes, there's a strange warmth in Quidge's (Rinn's?) newfound friendship. But it should stop there.

I liked that Ridge told Quinn to believe and trust in herself, and to let go of the self-fulfilling prophecy of turd-touching everything (props to my friends Ann and John for that term), because these are behaviors I am trying to adopt myself these days. But if Ridge and Quinn want to forgo giving in to further temptation, then stop hanging out! As I've said, Quinn has had Deacon, Liam, and Eric in short order. Let's not add Ridge.

While I thought it was insightful of Quinn to tell Eric she was afraid of sabotaging their marriage, you know the undercurrent was because of her guilt feelings over getting beard-burned by Ridge. (Lucky girl.) This look in the mirror would be so much more effective if Quinn was actually seeing a therapist to really work on herself. All right, I'll finally allow that she's growing, but you can't come back that far on your own.

Case in point: Brooke and Katie, who seem to be pals again and are sober despite never going to A.A. meetings, dished Eric plus Katie's feelings toward the Forrester patriarch. Katie told Brooke she only thought of him as a friend despite flashing back to grazing his grizzled cheek. I'll agree Eric's more engaging than he's been in years, but Katie better stick to Will's teddy bear and forget about Quinn's.

Brooke no more believes that Quinn has changed than Katie does. So, what does Brooke do? She runs straight to Eric and like, oohmigod, totally tells him that her little sister is like fully crushing on him. As we also used to say in the '80s, "smooth move, Ex-Lax." Brooke did look around for Quinn first but had to know it wasn't safe to pop off like that. Plus, why would Brooke risk her restored sisterhood with Katie by ratting Katie out?

Naturally, Quinn was lurking by the door. Happy to hear Eric declaring his devotion but unhappy to hear Brooke tattling about Katie's crush, Quinn looked about ready for a #DrunkBrooke bitch slap rematch as she got in Brooke's face and told her to tell Katie she'd be watching! Of course, no one knows yet that Quinn's favorite stadium is Candlestick Park.

Man, I really want to see Quinn struggle with her crazy. "What would I do before I ever let that happen?" Quinn queried while telling Eric she didn't want anything to come between them. See, that's what made Sheila's arc so delicious from 1995-1998: she tried so hard to rise above her baser instincts and just couldn't quite pull it off. I need to see the same from Quinn. None of this instant "I'm better" stuff. Let's go, Quinn.

At least Ivy's got her accent back, but I still wonder what she's doing here. She hopped up and down like a kangaroo about Liam and Steffy's upcoming third-time's-the-charm wedding. This from the gal who only months ago donned Steffy's wedding dress, trying to get Liam back? As they say in Australia, oy! But faster than hanging up on its prime minster, Ivy had a great idea. Steam should tie the knot Down Under!

Well, of course, you know where this is going, since it was announced that B&B is doing a remote in Australia to commemorate its 30th anniversary. And I'm cool with that, even if they already took that trip for their 20th anniversary in 2007. I've been to Sydney (though I liked Melbourne better), and this remote is at least gonna look glorious. What says Aussie more than the famous opera house or the Sydney Harbor Bridge?

And wouldn't you know, that's where Ivy suggested that "Bridge" retie their decades-old knot. Hey, just add Steam, she said, and it could be a double wedding! That could be novel. B&B's never done a double as far as I recall. Interesting we'd be planting these seeds a month in advance, but since things usually happen too fast on this show, I'll take the buildup. Though we do have some Speedy Gonzalez moments to talk about.

But first, Thomas, you dress fine and are fine, and I'm sure you're a fine designer. But would you shut the hell up about being passed over for CEO? Not only am I sick to death over watching everyone jockeying for that chair, but the only right thing you said in relation to it is that Steffy's not qualified to sit there. And guess what? You're not, either. So, please, B&B, enough about this CEO thing already. Seriously. Enough.

Thomas was fed up and ready to start his own fashion house just like Sally Spectra. Steffy looked as confused by his comment as she must be over her ever-changing hair colors. Sally Spectra? That's right, Thomas reiterated. The infamous grand diva of all time, Sally Spectra, had a namesake grandniece who was ready to take on the fashion world and Forrester Creations. Sally Spectra!

As you've heard me admit before, I usually binge-watch in preparation for columns. But when I heard Thomas was encountering Sally Spectra in a restaurant, I ran right to my DVR. Was B&B recasting the unrecastable Darlene Conley? Was nuSally an impostor? Well, imagine my surprise when I saw this spunky flame-haired 20-something dressed in funky finery that would make Amber Moore's wardrobe look like Queen Elizabeth's!

And suddenly, folks were tweeting and messaging me to let me know there was a whole influx of new Spectras on the way. Sally 2.0 was followed by Aunt "Patrika Darbo" Shirley! A new Saul! And still to come, a new...Darlita? Before I could process my shock, I found myself nearly shedding a wistful tear as nuSally and Shirley ventured into Spectra Fashions, which looked the same except for the rack and ruin.

And there was C.J.! Holy sequins, had our soap taken my "If I Wrote B&B" column to heart? Well, close. I guess you don't need the recap, but C.J. was determined to bring in Miley Cyrus and her wrecking ball until nuSally convinced him to give her six months to restore Spectra to its one-time near-glory. And this on the command of the original Sally Spectra, who called from some sunny tropical isle!

I have said repeatedly over the years that Sally should be killed off out of respect for Darlene Conley and sent off with a wave of kick-ass flashbacks. Well, we got the flashbacks! And I have to say, against my better judgment, it was kind of a thrill to see "Sally," even if it was from behind, for obvious reasons, and with a different actress putting words in Sally's inimitable mouth. It was a fairly close match.

And let's face it: nuSally is a hoot and a half. Enough to ease me over my slight discomfort that the O.S. (Original Sally) would have a sister she never talked about, despite this sister seeming close enough to the O.S. to know about her escapades and business practices. I mean, bringing on Sally's ex-husband Adam Alexander in 1998 was one thing. I just don't recall Sally ever mentioning having other family.

So, the family connection we didn't experience takes away from this resurgence a bit. I can live with Shirley having a granddaughter named after the O.S. -- even if it begs the question, who is nuSally's mother/Shirley's daughter? Or is that Shirley's son, if nuSally bears the name Spectra? For sheer soapiness, I'll buy that said grandniece somehow acts and talks just like her namesake. Because she's so much fun.

Well, this reboot of Spectra wasn't going to happen without a tailor. Enter Saul Feinberg, the grandson of the original Saul! I'm on board with Saul having a grandson who took after him. But walking in with a tape measure around his neck? I dunno. Good thing I liked this gawky, clumsy grandkid. Could he finally give B&B its first dedicated, full-time gay character? Since I couldn't have Team Tholiver, can I have Team Thaul?

Yet the mystery remains: where is Clarke in all of this? He was last seen working for the defunct Jackie M. Though he started out as a rake, he helped save Spectra more than once. Wouldn't "Bucky" get in on reviving his old stomping grounds? Plus, he's an experienced designer at this point, which would only lend clout to nuSally and her brood. Dude, it would be awesome to see Dan McVicar again.

So, we've got four new "Spectras" on the show. As if what I've been saying in seven years of Scoops isn't still true: B&B has too. Many. Characters. They bring people on and then let them languish on the backburner. Carter, anyone? Even Maya has no story. I don't wish anyone out of a job, but if we're going for Spectra 2017 then maybe it's time to cut the cast. Or tell story in telenovela format so everyone gets a shot.

That brings us to the present week. Thomas learned that the ginger dynamo he'd been flirting with was Sally Spectra. Her remark that tragedy follows Forrester/Spectra combos wasn't off the mark (Darla and Aly's deaths, Macy's one-time presumed death), but while she was right that Macy was once married to Thorne, she was married to Deacon when that chandelier fell on her. (By the way, I think Macy is still alive.)

Sally Jr. also had a huge chip on her shoulder regarding the clashes between the ritzy-titsy Forresters and the workaday Spectras. Did nuSally miss the memo that Sally and Stephanie had become best buds in the later years and that all misdeeds had been forgiven? And let's not forget that Sally gave Thomas his very first design job -- Thomas wouldn't be a designer at all if it wasn't for her! Peep my character profiles, nuSally.

Then she shocked me by tipping her hand to Thomas about reviving Spectra. Is she that impulsive, or did she not know it would be better to wait to reveal that until after she had a showing ready? Thomas seemed unimpressed by Sally's designs, but you could tell he was totally into it. They are so going to sketch together. Guess Team Thaul ain't happenin'. Oh, well. It was nice while it lasted.

Meanwhile, Bill was visited -- by C.J.! There's a duo I never expected to see together. And Bill was gratefully back to his old barracuda self, blasting C.J. for going back on their deal. The scarf/ascot-wearing son of Spectra (when did he go frou-frou?) promised the Dollah that Spectra's revival wouldn't take and that the building would be Bill's. Are they going to work together to sabotage nuSally? That could be interesting.

After a press conference where Sally Jr. botched the reintroduction of Spectra's logo (which would never be carried live, but Courtney Hope is super charming when Sally's klutziness supersedes her heightened confidence), she decided the key to getting into the public eye was to tailgate on Steffy somehow. You know, because suddenly Steffy farts and gets a million likes.

Well, Sally did indeed take a page from her great-aunt's playbook, with a 21st century twist: she punked Pam into revealing Steffy's luncheon destination and hightailed it over there, asking Shirley to start filming on her phone when things got interesting. Imagine if the O.S. had access to that technology. And yes, things got interesting: Bitchy Steffy came back from the dead, and I couldn't have been happier.

Back in 2010, I bemoaned that Steffy was not only a nasty woman but an insufferable one. But with all the Liam hoo-ha, she'd kind of lost her bite. Not at Il Giardino, where Steffy's claws grew back the second nuSally "accidentally" chucked cake at her. Sally's "attempt" at "cleaning" Steffy's haute couture quickly accelerated into a full-on cake fight, and I couldn't have been happier! Wait, I already said that!

What an introduction to what could potentially be the best adversarial pairing B&B has seen in years. Steffy was never that fierce with Hope, even during their similar "chocolate fight." "Thank God there's not another of that thing!" Steffy growled when Sally screamed about her Spectra original being ruined. Ah, shades of Krystle and Alexis on Dynasty. I could get to like this. Real fast.

Well, before Sally could completely get the tiramisu out of her ears, nuSaul decided their flailing business needed a receptionist and brought in his friend Darlita. "I'm no Einstein," she bubbled (nudge nudge, wink wink), but she'd do a good job. I barely heard her because I was still stuck on "Darlita." Darlita? Is that a real name, even in Latina culture? Wouldn't a more fitting homage be to call her Darlene, after Ms. Conley?

Darlita hadn't gotten her W-9 filled out by the time she started mangling phrases, filing her nails, and ignoring the phone. I know she was created in the spirit of Darla, which is a better tribute than Floating Darla Basketball Head was. But it's too much, too fast. This was all in the scope of one episode; she's so obvious. How about giving Darlita a chance to carve out that place over the course of a few weeks? Dunno 'bout Darlita.

Fresh from laughing at Steffy's cake walk and backtracking on whether he'd hit on Sally (Pierson Fod really has an unexpected and welcome flair for comedy), Thomas went back to his first place of employment without mentioning it was his first place of employment. Telling insta-ditz Darlita to allow Thomas entry, nuSally bickered with him over the quality of her designs. At least she does design; the O.S. didn't display that talent.

Thomas and Sally Jr. continued their wonderful Moonlighting-inspired horn-locking, with Thomas grudgingly admitting he liked Sally's designs. But before you could say "Nicole" or "Charlotte" or "Sasha," Thomas planted a kiss on her! Whoa, already? What's the hurry? Yes, where there's smoke, there's fire, but couldn't we have enjoyed leading up to it another month or so? The buss wasn't a letdown, just the timing. Sad! Whaddaya think, Scoopers? Will Thomas repeat history and defect to Spectra? Is Nicole a twit for taking Zende back? Are you looking forward to the Australia remote? And does the typical triangling of Ridge & Co. pale next to the new life the Spectras are breathing into the show? Throw me some cake (chocolate, please) in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "I absolutely HATE Quinn. First they make her a psycho now they are trying to make us believe she's Snow White. Sorry, not falling for it. Hate her even more and Ridge has gone down the tubes with her." - "Delores321"

• "I can see it coming a mile away. A stalker on social media is going to come after Steffy because of the Sexy CEO campaign...Steffy's going to shut down after the trauma of being stalked and decide she's not ready to marry Liam; and Charlie's going to save the day by finding the stalker." -- Cindy

• "I'm very happy they're reviving Spectra. It will give some spark to B&B since it's become predictable and boring at times...maybe now we'll see the Forresters actually 'work' on the job...I predict Thomas (and maybe Rick) will get onboard with Spectra. Maybe Thorne will go back to them, too." -- Karen

• "I do not need or want to start up that Spectra stuff all over again. [B&B brings] too many new actors on at once and I hate that." -- Roxanne

• "This new storyline with the new Sally Spectra is stupid and it stinks. The gal playing Sally is way overboard trying to imitate the original Sally Spectra...you can't beat a dead horse or bring one back from the grave! Give it up. I hate this storyline!" -- Joyce

• "I think the Spectra resurrection, though wildly improbable, will be a lot of fun to watch and will move the show to a whole lot of new relationships. The writers seem to be very lively and knowledgeable about past events, and the casting is excellent." -- Maurine

I'm running super long this week (again), so no Points to Ponder (again), except to say that nuSally is already getting a sister, Coco. Well, why not; Macy was named after the famed department store. Coco can be named after Chanel (my Two Scooper in crime will like that; she'll have to let you know next week). But isn't it too soon for even more Spectras? We've barely had a chance to adjust to the new ones yet!

Still, they've got me truly excited about B&B for the first time in ages, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.