Oh say can you CEO

By the dawn's early light, Steffy finally got the world revolving around her. But is Quinn about to run herself up the flagpole? Offer a salute to them -- and Massimo -- with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you want to swear allegiance to your husband with a blood oath? Did you sample every flavor of Kool-Aid? Did you decide a power chair wasn't just for seniors? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

Ho ho ho, Scoopers! Well, it's officially my last column for 2016, and I got a surprisingly juicy week to end on. Potential new alliances, Quinn battling her Dark Side, and how can you resist Eric giving 'em hell? I do question his motives, though, and Wyatt is one puppy dog that needs a rolled-up newspaper, "Statt." Will Katie be everyone's undoing with her jaunty little iPhone? Let's Scoop about it!

I AM YOUR FATHER, LUKEFirst, I must pay my respects to Joseph Mascolo. Some of you may know I did extra work on the soaps in the '90s, trying to break into acting. During one of my twelve stints on DAYS, I found myself in conversation with Mr. Mascolo; I wish I could remember about what. But here I was, the lowest rung on the show biz totem pole, and Stefano DiMera himself made time to talk to me. I always thought of him fondly after that.

Now he's gone, and with him the chance to correct what I've considered a long-time B&B gaffe: making Ridge a Marone. I never stopped hoping that Massimo would come back and say he lied, trying to win Stephanie back, or at least that he honestly believed Ridge was his son but was wrong. Of course, Ridge being a Forrester the whole time makes the Ridge/Bridget flirtation of '03 especially gross, but work with me.

I think B&B should kill Massimo off and mention it on-screen. Of course, ten years after Darlene Conley's death, Sally Spectra is supposedly still sunning herself with cabana boys. I'd have loved a two-day celebration with Clarke and C.J. and characters having flashbacks galore. Might be nice if Nick came back to announce Massimo's passing, especially since Jack Wagner has never had a scene with Thorsten Kaye's Ridge.

SEEMS TO ME YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WINDSpeaking of death, Katie seemed to have met hers, lying in the Forrester foyer with Logan life pooling around her on the floor! Quinn, who was wearing the same damn blouse I left her in two weeks ago, recoiled in horror, probably wondering how much Mop & Glo she'd need to sop up the blood before Eric came down. But surprise, everything you saw was a lie!

Or at least a very well done, extremely cinematic fantasy sequence. Gotta admit -- Quinn has the best ones. From being the belle of Hope's baby shower to seeing her face on Hope's newborn, Quinn's breaks from reality never cease to entertain. Funnily enough, B&B could use more scenes like this. I didn't want to see Katie dead (yes, some of you did), but what a stylish way to murder a major character.

I told you a few columns back it wouldn't be long before Quinn cracked. Realizing that she hadn't actually clocked Katie with a candlestick (how's that for alliteration?), did Quinn make nicey-nice with the youngest Logan sister? No! She exhibited the same paranoia and menacing tone she did in her daydream, only without the murder part. Effective way to convince everyone you've changed, new Forrester matriarch.

Seriously! Quinn flipped over Katie kissing Eric on the cheek and kept harping on it even after Katie conceded she'd been inappropriate and apologized. "I'm trying to behave myself," Quinn admitted, betraying all her claims that she's already a good girl. Referencing her rep as "Crazy Quinn," she added, "If I ever have those urges again, I know how to handle them." Which is confirmation she still has them!

That scene alone proved to me that Quinn hasn't changed. For those who remember Sheila, at least naughty Nurse Carter went to jail, got therapy, and made a concerted effort to better herself. What did Quinn do except come back from stashing Liam in the woods and tell everybody she was a new woman. Quinn seeing a psychiatrist would have been a cool arc and a way to put her money where her mouth is.

The only thing I'll give Quinn is that this is the first time she's really acted up in the months since she got involved with Eric, but it's not enough. Katie certainly knew how "perfectly clear" Quinn had made herself, and so did I. Liam said it: Quinn will snap someday soon. Wonder who will bear the brunt of that, and how severely? Man, I'd love to see Sheila come back from the not-dead and stop her!

ONCE IS NOT ENOUGHKatie wasn't the only one getting bludgeoned this week. B&B spent all five episodes doing what it does best -- if not for the best -- and centered solely on one story, in this case, the prospect of Steffy becoming CEO. We were on this when I wrapped up my column two weeks ago! Top it off with everyone having to talk about it. Anyone get flashbacks of Hope's virginity or Steffy and Liam's annulment? Ugh!

No, it's not the best way to craft a soap story, in my opinion. Brooke went straight to Eric and campaigned for Rick to lead Forrester Creations. "Rick has been a great CEO," Mama Logan crowed. Well, yeah, to a point, but Rick also has turning Forrester into a police state and using Ridge and Caroline for target practice on his rsum. Not exactly the argument I would have used.

Though I smiled at Eric recalling he once had to answer to Brooke (she was CEO from 1993-2003, unlike now where we get a new CEO every couple of months), our beloved patriarch started showing a side that is markedly different from his easygoing demeanor: he shut Brooke down and said he'd made his choice. Ridge and Rick are right that Eric just does what Quinn wants him to. It's scary. More to come on that front.

Nicole (also wearing her same lacy number from two weeks ago) as confidante for Rick? They vibed back when Rick and Maya wanted to extend their lease on Nicole's uterus; wonder if the show's testing the waters for a Nicole/Rick hookup? Then Bill conferenced with both his sons about Steffy's appointment. Why not just put it in the L.A. Times already?

DUCK DUCK GOOSE

On a bright, shiny California morning, Liam got dolled up in his suit and then made a smoothie for Steffy, also hoping to mash up whatever ideas Steffy had about accepting Eric's CEO offer. Liam even offered to have Bill sell Steffy his stock (for whatever good that would have done) or bring Steffy to Spencer to start up their own fashion house.

I know a lot of you cried foul because Wyatt wanted to do the same thing with Ivy last year. I don't recall if Liam ever knew about that. But even so, how can a media conglomerate go into fashion design? It didn't matter, because Steffy blew off Liam's protestations and headed to Forrester. I also know a lot of you are annoyed that Liam is dictating to Steffy, but I have to say, I understand why he's issuing warnings.

In between the unprecedented tracking shots through Forrester (great new perspective; more please), Pam displayed lemon bars (what else) as everyone amassed to meet Eric, who said he didn't want to go into the office anymore but instead went into the office. Eric must have learned his "no pressure" approach from the way Rick and Maya badgered Nicole to be their surrogate, because Eric was badgering big time.

You know it's a cold day in a warm place when Ridge and Rick are in agreement about Steffy not being CEO and offering to be co-CEOs together. Didn't work, though. Eric lowered the boom: Wyatt would be head of PR while Ridge and Rick would share the role of vice president...under Quinn as president! Whoa, Nelly! Isn't Wyatt a big-shot exec at Spencer? The hell Bill will let Wyatt ditch him to work with the Dressmaker.

And Eric really disappointed me, claiming he wasn't punishing his sons with the demotion when he was clearly doing exactly that, proclaiming he couldn't trust Ridge and Rick. I'm surprised Eric didn't jump on Twitter and talk about how unfairly he was being treated, ahem ahem. Eric knows his kids are entitled brats, but he should also realize they saw him ride the crazy train with Sheila and were only trying to help.

Then a strange thing happened. Steffy asked what would happen if she refused the CEO chair. Eric said Quinn would remain in it. So Steffy accepted. Isn't that pretty transparent? Now even the janitor knows the real reason Steffy stepped up. You'd think if she became CEO to keep Quinn in line and out of power, Steffy would have been less obvious about it. Maybe Steffy should just electrocute Quinn and get it over with!

SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOUAnother factor sponsored by Captain Obvious was that everyone knew putting Steffy in the CEO's seat was only a ploy to reunite her with Wyatt. And I mean everyone knew. Rick. Bill. Everyone...except Wyatt. I just can't even with this guy. He gets more pathetic with each passing week. Does he need to be clocked with a candlestick before he realizes Steffy isn't in love with him and probably never was? Hell, I'll volunteer.

I spent a decade and a half with a man I knew deep down wasn't really in love with me. So I know where Wyatt is with this. But he did this same simpering with Hope and Ivy, and it's not his best look. Never mind the fact that Wyatt hasn't been with a woman who wasn't a Liam leftover in three-and-a-half years on the show. No, Nicole doesn't count. I know they were suddenly working together this week, but let's not go there again.

Wyatt only sweet-talked Nicole to get information out of her about Maya; after Bill publicly outed Maya as transgender, Nicole swore she'd never trust Wyatt again. If she falls for any BS with him now, she'll be as foolish as she was when she took Zende back, or Katie when she married Bill a second time. Girlfriend, Carter and his milk chocolate self continues cuddling only with pillows. Go git dat boy!

Wyatt no less than three times held up Steffy's finger with the nearly-removed tattoo ring and said, "It's faded, it's not gone." Dude! Get a self-esteem and stop chasing! How about just work with your estranged wife and let her come to you if she's interested. You know, "if you love someone, set them free?" Gotta get him that Sting album for Christmas. Expedited shipping.

And nothing about the efforts to reunite Wyatt and Steffy make any sense. Quinn, I understand, because, as Liam complained, whatever Wyatt wants, Quinn gets. But Eric? He actually sent Steffy's tattoo removal doctor away and agreed that Wyatt was better for her than Liam. Isn't that Steffy's choice? Eric, haven't you seen with your own eyes that Steffy doesn't love Wyatt? How could you want that for your granddaughter?

OH, YEAH!No, Quinn must be serving up some designer Kool-Aid by the gallon, because it's true: Eric doesn't seem capable of independent thought anymore. Even Steffy's gotten a sip -- the most anti-Quinn Forrester of them all is now thinking stepgrams ain't so bad. It's like they're rejecting everything that makes common sense, despite the overwhelming evidence laid out before them. There's a lot of that going around these days.

Eric actually admitted he demoted the outraged Rick and Ridge just to outrage them more. His sons were devious and untrustworthy, but Wyatt, who stole a diamond and lied about rescuing it just to impress Hope was completely loyal. Yeah. Is the indication that Eric is drinking orange Kool-Aid? This is not the Eric Forrester I have watched for three decades. And I don't like it. John McCook, though, I can't get enough of.

Then something happened that even the preview couldn't prepare me for. I'm amazed, overjoyed, and horrified by it all at the same time. Liam stormed over to Eric's, forcibly keeping Papa F from closing the door on him and accusing the Forrester founder of matchmaking for Steffy on Wyatt's behalf. Liam is somehow sexiest when he's angry; I need to find a way to piss him off full-time.

"Have you been acting like yourself?" Liam raged. "No one thinks so!" While Eric rightfully demanded respect in his own home, Liam implored him to double-check his meds and not fall for Quinn talking about her traumatic childhood. Eric wouldn't let Liam defame his wife. "Who was my wife first," Liam retorted. "Isn't that right -- Eve?" Pow and double pow! Call the L.A. fire department. Liam was blazing!

Despite still insisting that Quinn kept him from marrying Steffy (sorry, catching her near-naked snoozing with Wyatt did that, and I'm not forgetting), Liam reminded Eric he had been in his shoes. "You have to remember your real life and you have to want it back!" Liam begged. Of course, Liam was amnesiac when Quinn absconded with him, as opposed to Eric, who knew exactly who he was when first "shacking up" with her.

"Please do not listen to this woman who kidnapped me -- who tried to kill me!" Can you picture me dancing around like Snoopy as the Easter Beagle? B&B finally brought that up! But you know, great as this conversation was, Liam should have had it with Eric three months ago, at this level of detail, before the marriage to Quinn. Liam was conspicuously absent then, and he could have stopped all of it.

I thought maybe Eric might finally start to see that he might have been too quick to brush off Quinn's more than multiple sins. Instead, he took the biggest gulp of Kool-Aid he could and popped off with "Your opinion of Quinn can't be trusted -- it's biased." Dafuq? Eric didn't want someone as flaky as Liam with his granddaughter. At this point even I had to admit that Kool-Aid tasted pretty good.

Eric decried Liam's "dismal history" with relationships: "The only time you have any kind of commitment to Steffy is when Hope is out of town! Let alone stringing Ivy along." Well, Liam looked like he'd been clocked with a candlestick instead, because Eric wasn't wrong. About that, anyway -- he then said Wyatt didn't waver (in that he's like a dog with a bone, okay) and declared that Steffy's future was without Liam!

I guess, living in that mansion all these years, Eric's finally absorbed Stephanie's behavior by osmosis! I really felt bad for Liam. Now even Eric is actively campaigning against him, promising to move Steffy in with him and Wyatt. Dang, how many times has Steffy already moved this year? If they have frequent mover miles at U-Haul, Steffy must have the highest level of membership!

TWISTERS BEFORE SISTERSNext door, Katie inexplicably took Brooke on a tour of her admittedly cool new digs. Given the animosity Katie had built up toward Brooke, didn't that strike you as strange? Katie wasn't even peeved that Brooke broke up her marriage to Bill only to end up with Ridge. Nope, Katie was happy to move on. Hmm. Maybe Katie realized her marriage to Bill was as toxic as she told Eric it was and now feels Brooke did her a favor?

The sisters Logan had perhaps their first conversation in 2016 that wasn't about Bill (not bad with only two weeks left), turning the topic to Quinn. Ah, #DrunkBrooke knew a few things about that. By the way, why aren't these girls in A.A.? And wasn't Katie vice president of Spencer? I don't recall her quitting. But I digress. Katie gushed about Eric so much that Brooke's Bedroom Sense was tingling. Was sis crushing on ex-hubby?

I don't honestly think Katie has feelings for Eric, though I admit his recent revitalization was attractive until he started taking on Quinn's attributes. To that end, Katie told Brooke that Quinn had been "ready to strike," so Brooke advised her sibling to tell Eric what she had observed. That may not work -- Eric was unmoved when Donna reported Quinn getting up in her face and calling her a slut, and that was three years ago.

THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS...AND TEN THREATSAfter Eric went upstairs and checked to see if he could still see his image in a mirror, Liam got booted out by Quinn. Surely not missing the little subtle smirk of satisfaction on her face when Eric fully shipped Statt, Liam let loose on his one-time pretend wife. "I should have had you locked up when I had the chance," Liam seethed. Of course, if you'd done that as soon as she tried to shish-kebab ya...

I liked that Liam and Quinn finally had a detailed conversation about having been Adam and Eve for the first time since Liam dropped the charges. As Quinn has before, she swore that "Adam's" love had prepared her for what she now has with Eric. But Liam wasn't buying it. Sorry, I wasn't, either. I still think Eric is a rebound from Liam because Quinn wasn't anywhere near over the Spencer scion when Eric happened along.

Quinn reiterated that her relationship with Eric was healthy compared to Bill or Deacon. Yo, Liam, if you're getting back on the battling Quinn bandwagon, go find Sir Sharpe! Maybe you can more decisively make your case with the seaweed Deacon has from getting pushed off the cliff by Quinn. In the meantime, Katie ventured over to chat with Eric solo, since Brooke begged off over an "emergency" with R.J. SORAS, maybe?

Katie stumbled upon Liam and Quinn mid-argument. You know, Liam's rationale that Quinn will go after Steffy once failing to jumpstart Statt makes sense. As chinks appeared in Quinn's armor, Katie whipped out her smartphone. Hey, Katie likes hidden cameras; she rigged a gang of them to film Brill back in 2013. Or maybe she caught Ivy's snuff film tutorial on YouTube!

With the pixels rolling, Quinn told Liam to enjoy Steffy -- because "these days are gonna be your last!" Whoo! Is Quinn finally giving herself away? Did Katie get the goods? Or is what Quinn said open to interpretation? I don't know if Quinn actually threatened Liam's life (again), but I do think Quinn's boiler is about to burst. And that Quinn's dominating too much story. And that this whole CEO angle is older than old already. Old!

What stories, romances, etc. would be on your Christmas list? New couplings? New faces? A wider variety of tales told? Tell Santa in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "Wow, Eric is one to talk about going from woman to woman. Look at his past since the show began." -- Sam

• "I hope somebody will point out to Bill he could have been married to a ready and willing Brooke weeks ago if he hadn't decided to throw a tantrum because Ridge had shown up. Brooke did ask Ridge to leave and pleaded with Bill to continue with their ceremony. Bill fell over his own ego and now he needs to live with it." -- Anwenn

• "I love the new Bridge! Bridge is end game...bye bye $Bill...please let Wyatt be with Ivy, bring in a new Hope for Liam, and let Still happen." -- Lori

I appreciate y'all flagging those "I made $9K from home" spam comments that crop up down below; there were a lot less of them thanks to you guys. Keep at it!

Well, next week Chanel brings you the first in our Best & Worst of 2016 series, and I will hit you up New Year's weekend with my own thoughts on the year in B&B. Come follow me on Twitter, and if you like my approach to soaps then you just might like my approach to Bewitched. Not to mention, if you're nice (or naughty), maybe I'll make another video and show you how I write a Best & Worst column.

However you celebrate this holiday, make it excellent, and as always: keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. Because no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.