You can/can't go home again

Los Angeles U-Hauls were sold out as Ridge's power of attorney plot gave Quinn a new zip code and Ridge an old one. Meanwhile, Caroline brought Douglas home to a ready-made family, and Wyatt was glad Steffy moved back in until he got an unexpected housewarming present! Keep your address book straight with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Was your butt bruised from repeatedly getting thrown out on your keister? Did you just add water and stir your instant family? Were you Fuller sympathy for your mom? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant clan this week!

How do, Scoopers! Eric's still flat on his back in the hospital (though he woke up for a brief moment last week), but chosen kid and grandkid Ridge and Steffy tore through Quinn's world like a certain recent hurricane I could mention. Signatures and lack of signatures caused equal havoc, while Caroline returned and decided Thomas was a Spencer -- as in GH's Luke Spencer! Y'all ready? Let's Scoop about it!

LOVE MEANS HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY OVER AND OVER

Who's that girl that's suddenly in this wing of the hospital (which is dedicated to a Joseph Bevacqua -- someone tell me if you know who that is)? It's Brooke! I guess she managed to pull herself away from R.J.'s budding Oedipus complex (ask papa Ridge about that one) long enough to sit down with twice-hubby Eric and conjure up some bitchen Beric flashbacks dating all the way back to 1990! Bring 'em on, baby!

Yeah, Brooke really should have been around earlier to remind best pal Eric about already being married to a loony-tune (Sheila) and tell him sequels are rarely as good as the original, but at least Brooke brought some matriarchal goodness to the party. I love Brooke/Eric scenes, especially since Katherine Kelly Lang and John McCook are our final two remaining original actors. It should be Brooke's portrait up there!

I'm still watching those first episodes from 1987 on YouTube; it's really a trip to see Brooke only peripherally interacting with the Forresters and focusing on other characters. And Brooke thought Ridge was a jerk the first months of knowing him. We all know that turns into decades of "destiny," but this week's Beric flashbacks fit right in for me. Oh, I do miss the B&B of old. Though I certainly know time marches on.

Anyway, scripts were filled with continuity-pleasing details this week, from Rick telling the doctor that Eric has a history of heart problems (Rick was probably referring to the 2008 heart attack brought on by Pam poisoning Eric with a lemon bar, though Eric also had a smaller attack while in a hot tub with Sheila in 1993) to Zende telling Nicole about losing his parents and brother to AIDS.

"You never really see sick people in this country." Zende's observation subtly reminded us that he grew up surrounded by disease in Africa, which was a great touch. But Zende tearfully reiterating to Eric that he shouldn't have flaked on Eric's wedding started a cycle of family members boo-hooing about that exact same thing. As if we haven't already heard this cry-me-a-river routine from them all ever since Eric keeled over.

I know loved ones' reactions are pivotal in soap illness storylines, and I appreciate everyone's fine performances, but really, guys -- who needs Nytol when y'all are already helping me get my ZZZZZs? At least Rick got his own flashbacks. "You showed me how to be a better man," Rick cried to his papa. Yeah, and that watch you remember getting was when Eric was cosigning your crap, which included shooting up the building.

MARRIED TO THE MOB...OR NOT

In between Thomas and Pam adding their pathos to the proceedings, Quinn tried to get some information about the doctor's update. Only info I want is Dr. Anderson's phone number! That face, that hypnotic voice! But I digress. Despite one and all expressing regret over their nuptial no-shows, Brooke, Rick, etc., got bitchy with Quinn, which seemed like a bit of a one-eighty.

"Eric is not a possession," Brooke snapped at Quinn, "and if he were, he wouldn't belong to you!" Brooke also advised against Quinn's idea of bringing Eric home to recuperate. Maybe Brooke should think twice -- the last time she and Quinn were together like that, Quinn smacked #DrunkBrooke sober! Seemed Quinn's only ally was Wyatt, another one-eighty considering Wyatt was on Quinn's poop list for backing up the boycott.

Over at Forrester Creations, Liam was hanging out with Steffy instead of helping to run Spencer Publications. Anything to make points with her. Again, where was he in the crusade to keep Quinn away from Eric? "Everybody knows she's not capable of change," Liam sniffed. Can you really say that, "Adam?" And you know the only reason Steffy's this against Quinn is because Quinn slept with Liam. And he liked it.

Steffy suddenly remembered Eric waving around unsigned papers before his collapse, so the doting granddaughter ransacked his desk and found Eric and Quinn's marriage license, which had neither been signed nor filed. Isn't this paperwork handled as a part of finishing a wedding ceremony? Is it only on B&B that newlyweds delay taking care of this so marriages can be rendered invalid?

Because that's what happened: Steffy ran to Ridge, and they had attorney Carter (remember him?) determine that Eric's marriage to Quinn wasn't real in the eyes of the law. Both father and daughter were happier than pigs in you-know-what when they found out Quinn Fuller wasn't Quinn Forrester, and they happily and separately got up in Quinn's face to lord this knowledge over her.

Yep, Ridge got movers to haul Quinn's stuff out of the mansion (how would he or the movers know what was hers?), and Steffy showed Quinn the door at Forrester Creations. You know, I can understand why Steffy hates Quinn so much, as I've said, but what's Ridge's damage? Brain damage, which Quinn only indirectly caused? Why does Ridge hate Quinn so much?

It's classic Ridge, though, all the way back to 1987. Ridge has always been kind of a butt, no matter which actor has stood in his shoes. I can totally see Ronn Moss' Ridge delivering these same lines. I have been Team Forrester in this, but Ridge's self-righteousness is even starting to get on my nerves. Though it is kind of fun watching him be so horrible to Quinn! It's karma she's had coming forever.

I'VE GOT THE POWER

Carter finally got sick of working out at the Forrester Sky Lounge and put on actual clothes long enough to notice that another piece of paper connected to Queric's wedding was signed, sealed, and delivered -- delivered to Ridge, that is, who nearly fell down like Stephanie's portrait when he saw that Eric hadn't given him power of attorney as Ridge had assumed. Quinn now had that control!

I think Carter's going to be out of a job soon one way or the other, between Ridge being P.O.'d that Carter let Eric fill in his own blank on the power of attorney document and Eric's inevitable reaction when he wakes up and finds out Carter went along with Ridge's decision to hide the paper and let everyone think Ridge was in charge of Eric's affairs. Eric will be ordering the jumbo-size cans of Whoop-Ass in bulk!

Admittedly, it's one of Ridge's crueler moves, but Thorsten Kaye is getting across that Ridge honestly feels he's doing the right thing by the man who raised him. At least Ridge isn't pulling the plug on Eric, like he did in 2008 when it seemed Eric wasn't going to wake up from that coma. Ridge and Steffy made sure Quinn knew there was no way she could challenge them and practically high-fived in delight.

I've said over and over that I can't ship Queric because Quinn has only told us she's changed, not shown us. Wouldn't it be something if Quinn proved herself through her devotion to Eric? And Ridge and Steffy might want to watch out: to me, Quinn looks about ready to use her own special powers of persuasion on them, only this time for good, not evil. That would be one helluva twist!

WYATT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO CHANGE YOUR MIND

I'm not quite sure I get what's going on with Wyatt right now. I thought Quinn had pretty much written him off for siding with the Forresters in regard to Eric, but at the hospital, they were chatting away like they were besties again. Then after Wyatt found out Quinn was up a Creek of Caca because she had no legal rights, Wyatt yelled at his mom to forget trying to stay by Eric's side, since his in-laws held all the cards!

Would Wyatt have gone off that way if Steffy weren't in the room? Like half-bro Liam, it seemed like Wyatt was also into point-making with his wayward wife. Unfortunately, Wyatt went back to campaigning for his relationship with Steffy, the way he constantly campaigns to be with women who don't really want him. Hey, Wyatt, Donna's coming back -- maybe it's time to dump the girls and go cougar!

Yes, with his mama down on her downest luck, Wyatt picked that moment to remind Steffy that her moving out was only contingent on Quinn's continuing presence. "It's time for you to come home," Wyatt said as he smiled, and Steffy went along with it. Except for that constipated look she picked up from Liam that can only mean she really wants to be with someone else. It's a no-brainer figuring out who.

And get this foolishness: "My mother can't do anything to anyone," Wyatt assured his recently relocated bride. Dude, this woman went out of her way to make a giant sword just so she could pop your half-bro like a balloon. If the Forresters piss Quinn off enough, the possibilities of what she can do are pretty well endless. It might be worth it to see Quinn unleash the wrath of hell on them one by one, the way they're acting!

AND I DON'T EVEN NEED THE PILLS THIS TIME

How's this for novelty -- at Forrester, Thomas was the only one working, and Sasha was actually wearing a dress. But just as Sasha comforted the Stubbled One about his grandfather and her employer, in walked Caroline with "Little Dougie Boy!" Thomas was so stoked to see his son that he didn't notice the temperature drop in the room had nothing to do with the air conditioning. Caroline and Sasha were in full icicle mode!

Yeah, I had a feeling we were going there as soon as we suddenly saw Sasha with Thomas in the middle of all this. Hey, Sasha and Caroline are about evenly matched; Thomas got together with Sasha as fast as he did with Caroline the first time. I smell a triangle, Scoopers, but not one I'm going to be all that invested in. Although Caroline came back for Eric, she was clearly ordering the Babydaddy special with fries.

I know B&B broke up my beloved CaRidge to leave the door open for nuBridge, but there's something about Caroline now that's creeping me out. "I was able to reevaluate how great you've been through all this," Caroline said of her extended time in New York. "Douglas needs his father," she added twice, breathily telling her one-time boyfriend this was their chance to be together as a family.

I can see it now. "How was I born?" four-year-old Douglas asks. "Well, sweetie," Caroline begins, "your daddy and I loved each other while I was hopped up on wine and convenient antianxiety pills I stole out of Great-Great Aunt Pammie's purse. At first I thought daddy did something bad, but mommy decided it was all okay because it made you. Now hand me one of the designer Pull-Ups daddy created, will you?"

Thomas and Caroline's infamous hotel room boink was and remains controversial. While I'm still not sure I want to attach the word "rape" to it, it still wasn't cool for Thomas to make love to a woman who couldn't clearly say yes. It's even less cool the way the show backtracked on themselves and told us Thomas thought consent was given, when the story was Thomas not getting direct permission..

That's what makes Caroline mooning over Thomas now kind of disturbing. Are they supposed to be the new Luke and Laura from GH? Thomas didn't force Caroline on the floor of a disco, but they're being romanticized the same way. And did Caroline rattling on, refusing to hear Thomas' hesitation remind anyone else of the way Caroline blew off Rick's breakup attempt in 2013? I may have to be Team Sasha on this one!

ANYTHING YOU CAN WEAR, I CAN WEAR BETTER

Steffy's logic has been that once Quinn was out of her life, she'd move back in with Wyatt. Well, the solar-showering cutie got his wish when Steffy decided to restore Thomas' privacy, but Liam's right: Quinn is no less of a threat, and Steffy is only being spared a spearing because Quinn is taking Austin Powers' "Oh behave" command seriously. But that's where Liam's sense ended.

Nope, he is still begging Steffy to come back to him when he should be working. Just when I thought he couldn't be more pathetic, the un-Australian Ivy waltzed in, looking more like Steffy than ever, telling Liam that a new woman -- her -- would be good for him. Ask their annulment if she's new. "I am tired of being timid," Ivy declared. Because using a video of your BFF's death to become a model makes you a scaredy-cat.

Now, Ivy is right that Liam should stop humiliating himself waiting for Steffy. It's been six months of this ish. Enough already. But Ivy, how about not humiliating yourself trying to reunite with a man who is obviously emotionally unavailable? Liam practically humped Steffy's Aspen wedding dress. Wait -- Steffy had Forrester run up a dress in case she could ambush Liam into a wedding?

That's not the only bit of history that doesn't track. "I knew she was the one," Liam sighed, recalling his 2011 wedding to Steffy. Cow patties! Liam was hung up on Hope at the time! Then Ivy did the most character-assassinating thing she could possibly have done. She put on Steffy's wedding dress. Ivy is too smart, too sassy, and just too good to be partaking in this malarkey. Oh, I can't, Scoopers. I just can't!

PLAY BALL!

Steffy barely started unpacking her box of Lancme when Carter rushed in, not being able to stomach lying that Ridge had Eric's power of attorney, not Quinn. I thought Carter was going to cave. He didn't, but in true As the World Turns style, Wyatt arrived on the doorstep of the Snyder Farm -- I mean, his beach house, and heard Carter, Ridge, and Steffy discussing the whole thing!

After Ridge led Carter away on his leash, Wyatt did something I rarely see him do. He reached into his jeans and felt his huevos. That's right, Scoopers, he stopped sucking up to his wife and let Steffy have it for her deception! "Don't talk to me about legal after what I just heard!" Wyatt boomed in response to Steffy's justification that Quinn's marriage to Eric wasn't legal. Why can't we have this Wyatt all the time?

Wyatt even went Team Quinn and decided his mother needed to know about the control Eric had bestowed on her. Steffy tried to use Wyatt's weakness for her against him: "It keeps me here," Steffy purred in regard to the secret that locked Quinn out of her family. If Wyatt gives in, he will only prove there's a reason he got married on April Fool's Day. What do you think, Scoopers? Will Wyatt give in to his hormones or his mommy?

Drive your opinions home by expressing them in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

• "I despise Ivy's new accent, and her pathetic persona. They have made her so desperate that she's allowing the woman who pushed her into the Seine to change [her] whole identity. It's ridiculous. Bringing her back added no value." -- Danielle

• "I started watching B&B when AMC was cancelled. Liam and Hope. Liam and Steffy. Liam and Hope. Liam and Steffy. Brooke and Bill. Brooke and Ridge. Brooke and Bill. Liam and Ivy. Liam and Steffy.......ENOUGH already!! I want to see Eric happy for a while. I like him and Quinn together, at least for a little while. Why is it when someone in MY age group gets happy, it's gone in a flash? Let Eric be happy for once. What the hell??!" -- Carol

• "I don't like the story line of treating Eric like some damned fool... [it's] insulting all of us over the age of 50. If the acting weren't so fabulous I wouldn't be watching. I have an overwhelming desire to spank both Steffy and her father who are behaving like two-year-olds in Walmart when they are told they can't have a toy!!!" -- Shay

Let's wrap 'er up with a few quick Points to Ponder:

"You have experience with that," Quinn said as she reminded Brooke of the opposition she faced in her own marriage to Eric. How would Quinn know? Did Eric include his history with Brooke in his pillow talk?... "Thorne is over there with Kristen and Felicia," Ridge reported. Kristen, maybe, but Felicia? She flew back to Paris and came back already?... "If you can't find just the smallest bit of decency to show me," Quinn begged Ridge, "then you're not his son!" Well, actually...

"It's great to see you," Sasha said to Caroline. Have they even met?... How did Quinn get her exact same apartment back? And I LOL'd when she told an unconscious Eric "I've been on medical sites" -- she performed the same armchair diagnosis with an unconscious Liam... Eric's closed eye glistened as Brooke reaffirmed her love for him. Did John McCook get a little emotional there during their scene?

I'd better go before Ridge has me thrown out, too. Follow me on Twitter to keep up with my further adventures, and I'll sit down to Scoop for you again in two weeks. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

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